Magolor's Coffeehouse
by spucubed
Summary: Greetings! I am Magolor, and I am here to review Fanfiction. I usually review Kirby stories, but there will be exceptions. With the help of all my friends, you are sure to have a fun time! (Inspired by Nostalgia Critic, Keldeo the Critic, and Kirby H) (Rated K to M, depending on the contents of the story being reviewed)
1. Roll's Night Out

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning: The following review is rated M for non-explicit suggestive adult themes. It is not recommended for children under the age of 16. If you do not wish to read ahead, please consider skipping to another review.**

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 01: Roll's Night Out by SnowCalico**

**TinyURL: yxv5anln**

Magolor sat at his favorite spot at the Kirby Café, taking a sip of his coffee before starting his review. "Greetings, dear viewer," he said at last. "My name is Magolor, and welcome to Magolor's Coffeehouse."

He set his cup of coffee down and picked up a book from the table.

"This is a little show where I review Fanfiction. And since this is my first review, I figure it only seems right that I review a first for : a little story called _Roll's Night Out!_"

* * *

**_Roll's Night Out_**

_By: SnowCalico_

_Mega Man's sister, Roll, decides to go out to the bar for a drink. Unfortunately, its a singles bar jam packed with retired Wiley robots._

* * *

"I'm not a big fan of the Mega Man franchise, but this story really caught my attention. It's a short story, so I could crank out a review of it really quickly. Plus, the clichéd 'girl walks into a bar' scenario is made even weirder with the use of the Robot Masters. With their unique abilities and equally unique personalities, there's plenty of potential for this story. Also, like I said earlier, it's the first Mega Man Fanfiction to be uploaded onto ."

"So let's get this review started, shall we?" Magolor beamed. "This is _Roll's __Night Out!_"

"We start this literary journey with a bit of introduction…"

* * *

_Roll (Mega Man's sister, a maid robot) decided she needed a break from all the stress of keeping up after Dr. Light's labratory. As of late the Doctor had been trying to jazz up his life, and for 3 weeks had created nothing but Slut Bots out of the remains of the Spice Girls and Cameron Diaz. She approached the "Bolt Club", hoping they had Super Unleaded on the rocks._

* * *

"Woah, wait, back up!" Magolor shouted in confusion. "'the remains of the Spice Girls and Cameron Diaz?' Is that supposed to mean he made these robotic blow-up dolls out of dead corpses?! That's disgusting, and that's coming from _me!_"

* * *

_Inside the club, Dr. Wiley's retired bots sat getting drunk on Bloody Texacos and Getty Dacquiris just like every night since they'd been fired. Recalling how they "almost" defeated the "little blue asshole" and how it was always someone elses fault. Just then, Bubble Man (an outcast due to his obvious wussiness) saw a rare thing approaching the club... a FEMALE robot! _

_"Hey look guys! It's Mega Man's hot sister!" he screeched, a few bubbles exploding from his face_

_"Shut up Bubblebutt." the crowd snorted, as they always did. Nobody listened to Bubble Man._

* * *

Magolor tried his hardest to think of something to say, but all he could come up with was a weak and emotionless "Ouch."

"So as you might have guessed, the Robot Masters all start hitting on our poor Roll. Bubble Man has the unfortunate luck of going first."

* * *

_"Pardon ME miss." Bubble Man cleared his voice synthesizer "I'd like to buy you a drink!"_

_"You're Bubble Man aren't you?" she asked_

_"Um... yeah!" _

_"Ew! Get lost! Wuss!" Roll hissed, blasting Bubble Man through the ceiling with her arm cannon._

* * *

Magolor was about to say something, until he heard a voice coming from somewhere else in the café:

"Excuse me!" it exclaimed. "If I could say something real quick…"

The voice revealed itself to be a girl wearing the kind of clothes that a witch from some anime would wear. Her hair was only on the front of her head, coming down her forehead in a singular tuft. Needless to say, she looked like an onion.

"Roll is not supposed to have a buster," she continued, taking a seat next to Magolor, " or an 'arm cannon,' as you so drolly put it. She was not built for the same tasks as Mega Man. She is a maid robot, and nothing else!"

"Gryll, what are you doing here?!" Magolor screamed, getting out of his chair. Realizing the need for introductions, he turned to the camera and said, "Uh, viewers, this is my buddy, Gryll."

"Hello!" Gryll said, waving to the camera.

With that out of the way, he turned back to Gryll and said again, in a much calmer tone, "So, what are you doing here?"

"I heard you were reviewing a Mega Man story, so I thought I would help you out."

"So… I take it you are a Mega Man fan?"

"Oh, yeah! I'm a _huge_ fan!"

Magolor leaned back and stroked his chin, thinking about the situation for a moment. "Alright, cool," he said at last. "It'd be nice to hear this story from the perspective of a fan of the franchise."

"Great! Now let's continue the review!" Gryll said with a giddy smile on her face. "So after Bubble Man's epic fail to sweep Roll of her feet, Snake Man decides to try his luck.

* * *

_"Sssssay baby, howssss about you and me go ssssomewhere quiet and play with my tail." he boldly suggested_

_Roll turned around and her eyes bulged out "AAHH! SNAKE! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!" with that she took out her broom and beat Snake Man to death. Once she was sure he was dead and not a threat to her, she ordered her drink._

* * *

"FATALITY!" Magolor boomed in his announcer voice.

"All jokes aside, though," Gryll chimed in, "if I were Roll in this situation, Iwould probably do the same thing."

"Same here," Magolor added. "I mean, walking up to a girl out of nowhere andasking her to play with your 'tail?' You just don't do that."

"Bill Cosby would," Gryll suggested.

"Yeah, but not before putting roofies in the girl's drink."

"Anyway," Magolor began, clearing his throat, "next we catch up with Wood Man and Hard Man. Boy, do those names get you in the mood."

* * *

_"Well, I say we bombard her with MILLIONS of leaves!" Wood Man smiled_

_"Thats what you always say retard." Hard Man huffed "You're the reason we got thrown out of Friendly's."_

* * *

"Ah, yes," Magolor started, with a huge smile plastered on his face, "the good ol' Noodle Incident. It's always fun to guess what actually happened instead of them telling you. That just makes it even more funny." With that, Magolor's face of positivity was quickly replaced with one of contempt. "Well, guess what? You don't see _me _laughing, do you?! That's because some people actually want you to tell them what happened!" YOU DON'T JUST THROW US SOMETHING FROM OUT OF NOWHERE AND NEVER EXPLAIN IT! THAT'S _LAZY!_"

There was a long stretch of awkwardness as Magolor breathed heavily, trying to calm himself down, and Gryll staring at him uncomfortably. "I gotta get some air," he said at last, getting up from his chair and walking off-screen. "You continue the review while I'm gone."

"Okay…" Gryll muttered after several seconds of silence. "I guess we'll just move on, then."

"So after a brief encounter with Metal Man—trust me, it's not important—Pharaoh Man comes by to woo over Roll with his charm."

* * *

_"Bonjour, mon cherie!" Pharoah man crooned "May I... offer you a dance?"_

_Roll scoffed "You're Egyptian... why are you speaking in a French accent?"_

_Pharoah blinked twice and said "Konnichiwa Roll-chan-"_

_"Now you're speaking Japanese."_

_"Hola-"_

_"Spanish."_

_"Ello-hay"_

_"PIG LATIN! Are you really even Egyptian?"_

_"No... actually I'm Canadian." Pharoah man weakly replied _

_"Ok. Get away from me now." Roll replied_

_Pharoah Man ran away crying like a little girl with his Labbat Blue in hand._

* * *

"As funny as this fail was, I have to ask: Has this guy ever played a Mega Man game before? Sure, I get it, this is supposed to be a crack fic, that's fine, but anyone who played Mega Man 4 would know that Pharaoh Man is technically Russian, having been built by Dr. Cossack, an obviously Russian name. Could you at least let us know if you understand the source material, please?"

"Well, now that my rant is over, let's get back into it. So now we see Fire Man getting in on the action…"

* * *

_At the bar two stools down, Guts Man (after chugging down his SlimFast, he'd had to gain 200 pounds for his job and had been desperatley trying to lose it ever since) was prodding Fire Man to try his luck. It was agreed his was the handsomest of the old timers. Fire Man just laughed nervously and looked longinly over at Heat Man. They'd been lovers for years, but nobody ever guessed they were flaming homosexuals._

* * *

Gryll's happy demeanor quickly vanished. "Okay, I'm not having fun anymore. Please stop."

* * *

_As Guts Man continued to poke, Fire Man got more and more pissed off. Finally he jumped up onto the counter and screamed "I'M GAY! I'M IN LOVE WITH HEAT MAN... AND I'M PROUD!"_

_Heat Man began to cry tears of joy "Oh Firey... I'm so HAPPY!"_

_Fire Man leaped from the counter and pulled the ring off of Ring Man's head (causing him to die). With that Fire Man picked up Heat Man and whisked him away to a night of binary passion._

* * *

"Hey, Gryll," Magolor started, returning from his cooldown, "I'm back! How's the review going—" Before he got to say anything else, he was stopped by the sight of Gryll slouched back in her chair, her eyes glazed over, as if all of her life force had been drained from her body.

"Gryll… are you okay?" he asked, slowly approaching her. He passed his hand over Gryll's face a few times to see if he could get a reaction. Suddenly, she slammed her head onto the table, buried her face in her arms, and began sobbing.

"Why are we still here?" she said through intermittent sobs. "Just to suffer? Every night, I can feel my leg... And my arm... even my fingers... The body I've lost... the comrades I've lost... won't stop hurting... It's like they're all still there." Gryll looked up toward Magolor with a pleading look in her eyes. "You feel it, too, don't you?"

Magolor had a confused, almost concerned look on his face. He shifted his eyes back and forth, checking if anyone was looking. He wanted to say something comforting, but he ended up saying "Gryll, you're not making any sense."

"Well, neither is this story!" Gryll shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the book.

"Oh, come on," Magolor uttered assuredly, "it can't be _that_ bad."

Gryll handed him the book, and he flipped through the pages to where the bookmark is placed. He read a small portion of what was on the page before turning white and dropping the book onto the floor.

"Sweet Nova, it _is _that bad."

* * *

_Roll was starting to feel that coming here was a bad idea,_—

* * *

"Oh, really?" Magolor blurted. "What gave you that idea?"

* * *

—_when Sting Chameleon showed up and started talking about how great oral sex was and flexing his tongue._

_"I'm not into beastiality." Roll informed him_

_With that comment, Spark Mandrill, Chill Penguin and Storm Eagle all left, looking very dissapointed._

* * *

"I'm just gonna go ahead and ask the obvious question here," Magolor deadpanned, moving his gaze over to his friend, still hunched over the table:

"Gryll, who are they?"

"Oh! Uh, they're Mavericks," she answered.

Magolor twirled his hand, which Gryll took to mean that he needed her to elaborate.

"They're, uh, characters from the Mega Man X games," she explained.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, which I'm certain that I am not, but aren't the X games different from the regular games?"

"Yes."

For a few seconds, no one said anything, until Magolor asked what everyone was thinking: "So why are they here?"

"Because _some_ people don't know to do research," Gryll replied with a note of irritation in her voice.

"Anyway," Magolor began, not wanting to go too off-task, "Roll has finally had enough for one night and decides to just go home."

* * *

_Then all the bots did something they hadn't done in years, they got off their lazy asses and used their powers to try and stop Roll. Wind Man turned on his his fans, Magnet Man tried to keep a grip on her, Ice Man tried to freeze her and Skull Man tried to make her vomit by looking at his face._

* * *

"Woah, an action sequence?" Gryll said, back to sitting up straight, a glimmer of hope flashing in her eyes. "Maybe there is some hope for this story."

* * *

_To no avail however, seeing as the bots were morons. Wind Man blew everyone into the bathroom, Magnet Man had 2 tons of silverware and pacemakers stuck to his head, Ice Man wasn't wearing his glasses and froze a dish of flan, and Skull Man started having his visions of being the bastard child of Skeletor. Roll did a double back flip over the mess and escaped._

* * *

"Ugh, this story is _awful!_" Gryll exclaimed, covering her face with her hands in exhaustion and disappointment. "Please tell me it's over soon."

"Don't worry," assured Magolor. "We're almost there."

"So, as Roll is heading home, she stops and notices something…"

* * *

_As she came closer to home, Roll heard a familar and plesant sound. The whirr of a vacuum cleaner! It was then she saw Dust Man, who due to an obsessive complusive disorder, felt the need to irradicate dust completely. She fell in love, someone who was as anal retentive about house cleaning as she!_

* * *

"You see, Gryll," Magolor began, "that's what you should learn from a story like this: that no matter how horrible or disappointing or just plain stupid something is, something good can always be taken from it. Every dark cloud in the sky has a glimmer of light shining on it. Remember that, and the world can be a great and wonderful—"

* * *

_The two fell madly in love, but were run over by Dr. Light's car a few minutes later, and recycled into "Big Tits Man."_

_The End_

* * *

"Yeah, never mind. The world is awful, no matter how you look at it."

"I am incredibly disappointed in whoever made this," Gryll began. "Not only does it desecrate the Mega Man name, it has the nerve to label itself as a joke! The story was barely researched, if not researched at all. I can't believe I let myself waste my time reading this stinker!"

Magolor, acting strangely quiet, finally chimed in: "I kinda liked it." Gryll, feeling like her best friend had betrayed her, lunged forward and tried to throttle him. However, Magolor used his magic to pin Gryll to her chair. "Just hear me out," he told her.

"While I agree that the story has many errors, and its faithfulness to the source material is questionable, it still follows the cardinal rule of Fanfiction: it must entertain. I say it passed in that aspect; it has a decently written story, an incredible amount of jokes, and it kept me interested in what was going on until the very end. That's the beauty of crack fics, in my opinion. They may be clunky and stupid overall, but when you get down to it, they're usually some of the best Fanfictions out there. Even if you aren't a fan of the Mega Man series, you're sure to get a kick out of this story."

"Well," said Magolor, clapping his hands together, "that's all for today. I'll see you next time on Magolor's Coffeehouse!" He turned off his camera, ending his review.

"So, now that we're done here, wanna go bother Adeleine a bit?" he asked Gryll.

Gryll thought for a moment and replied, "Sure, why not?"

**The End**

Performed by Magolor and Gryll

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Capcom

Kojima Productions

Konami

HAL Laboratory

* * *

Quote of the Week: "Shut up, Bubblebutt."

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._


	2. Kirby High School (Part 1)

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning:**** The following review is rated T for occasional coarse language.  
**

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 02: Kirby High School by Wario the TableMan**

**TinyURL: y25xhdcx**

"Hello, my friends!" Magolor began, putting on the happiest face that he could make. "I am Magolor, and welcome to Magolor's Coffeehouse! Boy, are you guys in for a treat today!"

"Stop!" someone yelled from somewhere in the café. The camera zoomed out to reveal a boy, dressed in a strange outfit, sitting to the right of Magolor. His body was entirely purple, and he wore a jester's hat, one side was blue, and the other side was red. He also had a red bow tie, which complimented his goofy look. "Just, stop, please," he continued. "It was fine at the beginning, but now you're acting as sappy as a forest in Vermont."

"Well, what do you _want_ me to say, Marx?" Magolor piped up.

"I want you to say what you actually feel."

"Alright," Magolor declared, turning back to the camera. "Well everyone, get ready to watch me suffer."

* * *

_**Kirby High School**_

_By: Wario The TableMan__Dedede becomes a teen again and has to go back to school or else lose his throne. In the meantime, he meets new friends and foes and ultimately ends up face-to-face with one of the deadliest mysteries to ever shake Dreamland!_

* * *

"For anyone who hasn't read any of Wario's stories yet, allow me to tell you a little bit about his work. He mostly writes troll fics, and is the writer of such wonderful works as _Meta Knight is Bad at Making Doughnuts_ and _Marx and Magolor Get Mo Bamba_. So you can see how this story is probably going to be awful."

"I think you mean that this story _will_ be awful," replied Marx.

"_You_ probably mean that, but I have a little bit of hope for this fic. I mean, it has more than one chapter, which means that he is at least putting _some_ effort into making a good story."

"I'm not holding my breath," Marx remarked, rolling his eyes.

"So let's get right down to business. With the help of my buddy, Marx, I will give you all my semi-subjective review of _Kirby High School!_

* * *

_"Oh no!" she cried as she fumbled her belongings into the backpack and rushed down the stairs. "I'm going to be late for school again!" Her name was Fumu Ebrum, but her friends just can called her "Tiff". Her alarm had gone off at the wrong time for the third time that month. When this happened, she could only blame her lousy stupid brother Bun and his pranking life._

_When she finally grabbed all of her stuff and got outside to the bus stop outside there, she was panting and her good-for-nothing brother was laughing at her like a blind hyena with too much hair._

* * *

"Okay, problem number one:" Magolor began, "your portrayal of Tuff makes him look like an insensitive jerk. Sure, I agree that he was a bit of a troublemaker in the anime, but that same anime showed us that he was a good-hearted boy and a great friend to Kirby. You could at least go a little lighter with this, but it's not my job to tell you how you should write a story, only to criticize what was already written."

* * *

_At the bus stop were all the kids going to Kirby High School. Tiff, her brother, Dedede, Lololo, and Lalala. The high school used to be owned by the wretched King Dedede, but Kirby had swallowed a teaching stick that had transformed him into a smart intellectual. Kirby was now the principal of the school._

_In the process, Dedede had accidentally turned himself into a teenager again and was now supposed to go to Kirby High School by law._

* * *

Magolor looked like he was about to go into full-on rant mode, but he suddenly took a few deep breaths and sat up straight in his chair. "Be sure to look for Principal Kirby and all of his other new abilities in the new game, _Kirby's Basics in Education and Learning_, available only on the Nintendo Switch," he joked, speaking in a Nintendo Direct dub voice.

Marx just sat there staring at his friend. "What?" Magolor asked, noticing Marx's confused expression. "You thought I was going to complain about the lack of explanation for Dedede's transformation?"

Marx nodded.

"Yeah, so did I, but then I decided that it wasn't worth it," Magolor explained.

"Not worth it?" Marx hooted. "_Not worth it?! _It's the entire premise of the story and it's barely explained, and all you can say about this sin is that it's 'not worth it?!' I'll tell you what's 'not worth it:' SITTING HERE AND READING THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE!"

"I understand your anger, Marx, but I've learned to expect this sort of thing in Fanfiction. What I'm really interested in, though, is the plot of the story and how the author represents the franchise's characters.

"Anyway," Magolor continued, "Dedede's first class is history, and things go just how you'd imagine…"

* * *

_Dedede failed to pay attention and fell asleep in class. He was awakened at the end of class with a measuring stick slapped him on the top of his head like that!_

* * *

"Like what?"

* * *

_"Dedede, you must stay awake in order to pass this class," said Tiff with an annoyed tone, eyes was angry._

_"I think he should slack off, because that's just how he was when he was a king anyway," said Tuff with a laugh at the end of the sentence.__"I hate you! You're always picking on me! You have no idea how hard being high schooling is!" yelled Dedede angrily as tears fell in huge circles from his eyes._

* * *

"Okay, first off," Magolor started, with all the composure of a professional critic, "Wario, find a beta reader. Second, yes, Dedede, they _do_ know how hard 'being high schooling' is! Do you not see them in the same class as you? Well, maybe not, since he's still the same inconsiderate buffoon he was in the anime. Or maybe this is the game universe, seeing as how _Prince Fluff and I are a part of the story now!_"

"Don't believe me? Read for yourself:"

* * *

_"Where do you think Dedede is?" said Prince Fluff._

_"I bet he's making a mondo surprise for the next class!" said Magolor. "Pranking is what Dedede is best at. He's even better than that stupid Ebrum kid!"_

* * *

"Pick one or the other, Wario! You can't have both!"

"Anyway, um," Magolor stammered, skimming through the story to find out what should be addressed next, "gym class… Rick the Australian hamster is the gym teacher.. Ah! Here we go! Knuckle Joe volunteers to look for Dedede…"

* * *

_Knuckle Joe checked all the classrooms and found out from the janitor that Dedede was still in the bathroom crying while listening to "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry._

* * *

Magolor and Marx performed a simultaneous facepalm… or at least they _would have _if Marx had hands.

* * *

_"I'm so ashamed! Everyone just bullies me here at Kirby High School!" cried Dedede into the toilet paper walls._

_"I know you are a woos, but you need to stop acting so concerned. High School is supposed to be the greatest endeavour of our lives and your wasting your chance! Don't you feel lucky to have the opportunity to do it a second time?"__Dedede wiped his tears like his eyes were a window. "I never told anyone this, but I have a secret. I never even told Escargoon!"__Knuckles Joe opened up his ears wider._

* * *

Magolor and Marx simultaneously leaned forward, eager to hear the secret.

* * *

_"I never went to high school before," revealed Dedede._

* * *

Magolor and Marx sat there and didn't say a word until Magolor said, "That's not really a secret. I mean, we all figured that he never did, mostly because school doesn't exist in the Kirby universe."

"So after Knuckle Joe helps out Dedede and gets him to join a club— it's not that important, so don't worry about it— Dedede goes home and we catch a glimpse of his life at home with Escargoon.

* * *

_"well, sire, did you learn how to be an adult today?" Escargoon teased. "Because I'm guessing not since you're still pretty short and stupid!" Escargoon laughed and Dedede began to cry._

* * *

"Now, I understand that we're supposed to feel sorry for Dedede here," Marx said, "but I have to give some respect to Escargoon here. If I were working for that dumb penguin, I would beat him up _way_ sooner than he would."

"Moving on, then," Magolor took over, "After Escargoon leaves the room, we meet a very familiar character…"

* * *

_Dedede saw him and gasped and fell on the Floor. "Who are you and why have you invaded my castle?" he said._

_"It won't be your castle for long, Dedede!" said the figure.__"You know about the charter?" said Deddde stunned.__"Yes, my name is Marx. I'm just your average every day dogooder and I want to help you get your life back, okay?"_

* * *

"Oh yes," Marx beamed in a fake good boy voice. "I'm just your typical all-American boy next-door who totally didn't try to take over the world and everyone in it. Let me help you out of your unfortunate predicament!"

"Anyways," he continued, "Dedede agrees to my offer— because who wouldn't?— and we cut ahead to lunchtime the next day."

* * *

_"I'm feeling good today, guys!" said Dedede happily. "Last night, an older kid told me he'd watch over me and make sure I'll be able to get back to my old life again!"_

_Knuckle Joe smiled and thought about the therapy from yesterday and how it must have saved Dedede's life. He was probably going to get some major props for his duty to the young King. Mayne a castle?__Magolor laughed at the claim though. "Deeds, everyone knows that whenever an older kid says those kinds of things, it means they're just trying to catch you off guard and make fun of you later! It happens on television programs all the time!"_

* * *

"But _that's_ just stuff on television," Marx sarcastically commented. "This is a star-shaped planet populated by things like egg wizards and bald penguins. You know, real life!"

* * *

_Dedede make a scowl at his friend. "This guy met me personally and I could tell in his eyes that he was honest!"_

* * *

"Well, I _am_ pretty good at pretending…" Marx smugly replied.

"So anyways," Magolor chimed in, "Dedede's response gets my character mad… for some reason, and we get into a fight."

* * *

_Just then, Mr. Rick barged through the doors and saw the took boys brawling. He grabbed them and bringed them to the principal's office._

_"You idiots shouldn't fight like that!" roared Mr. Rick. "You're lucky I didn't join in and give you the what's for!"_

* * *

"Honestly," Magolor began, Rick should've said it like _this_:"

**Rick:** Crikey! Rack off, ya hoons! Tinny of yous I didn't decide to give ya a gobful!

"So we go to the principal's office to find out that… Kirby's Stephen Hawking?"

* * *

_Principal Kirby spun around in his chair and faced Dedede and Magolor. He adjusted his glasses and sighed. He typed words into his computer using his keyboard and the special program spoke for him. _I see you are fighting again like a bunch of ruffians… I'm gonna have to give you more detention like last week,_ said Kirby's program._

* * *

"Anyway, just to speed this review up, the two 'ruffians' start fighting again, Rick knocks the two of them out like a badass, and Dedede wakes up at home to learn that he's been expelled."

* * *

_Escargoon was their waiting for him to wake up, finally being nice for once. "Oh sire… You were tossed on the curb due to fighting in the principal's office. You and Magolor got expelled from Kirby High School!"_

_Dedede was about to cry, but then he saw Marx emerge behind Escargoon. "But don't worry Dedede, I got you back in," said the jester-like guy._

* * *

"You did?" Magolor inquired, turning to his friend, who was sporting a mischievous grin.

* * *

_"You did?" said Dedede happily._

_"Yes, I told the principal that Magolor started it and also was involved in crime. He was trying to trick you into being a criminal like him and you were just protecting yourself from tainted morals!" told Marx about his lie._

* * *

"'Tainted morals?'" Marx repeated. "_That's_ a new one. I'll have to use that one sometime."

"Well, it looks like Dedede gets to stay in school. Hurray, I guess. But what exactly is the impact of _me_ being expelled?"

* * *

_Tiff was sitting on the bus and crying. She was dating Magolor and he had been expelled from Kirby High School twice. It was bad for two reasons: 1 because she loved Magolor, and 2 because the prom was coming up!_

* * *

Magolor just sat in his chair, staring at the words that laid before him. "I can't do this," he muttered, rising from his chair and moving straight towards the exit.

"Mags, where are you going?" Marx inquired.

"Look, I just— I gotta leave, okay?" Magolor replied, halfway out the door.

"But we're over halfway done. We can— "

"Listen, listen, there's a lot to see in this life. I'm not wasting it here." With that, he turned and left the café.

_**To be continued...**_


	3. Easter Insanity

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning:**** The following review is rated T for occasional cursing (and by occasional, I mean, like, one time, and that's it).**

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Special Easter 2019 Episode: Easter Insanity by Destiny Willowleaf**

** TinyURL: yxndke92**

Our favorite blue-robed Halcandran sat at his usual spot at the Kirby Café. This would normally mean nothing, but this time, he is wearing a headband with rabbit ears over his hood.

"Hello again, dear reader!" Magolor began. "My name is Magolor, and welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse!"

Strangely, he sat in his chair and said nothing for a few moments, shifting his eyes from left to right.

"Oh yeah, and happy Easter," he said at last.

"So, in the spirit of the Easter holiday, I've decided to read a Kirby Easter Fanfiction!"

"But there's just one problem: I can only review one story."

* * *

_**Easter Insanity **_

_By: Destiny Willowleaf _

_Easter's rolled around to Dreamland, and our unfortunate wizard friend is put into the role of the Easter Bunny. Fun? No. But, maybe one of his friends can show him the day's not to bad after all._

* * *

"This was the _only _Easter-themed Kirby Fanfiction I could find on the Internet. I even checked Wattpad _and_ Archive of our Own. Though I must admit, I ought to be happy that I found this one."

"What I found interesting about this story right from the get-go was the fact that I'm the one who will be the Easter Bunny. Now, you may call be a narcissist, but let's be honest: anything I'm in is probably good."

"Oh, and also," Magolor jumped back, "while it's still in my mind, the second part of my _Kirby High School_ review _will_ come out next week. You just have to trust me."

"Anyway, let's get down to business. This is _Easter Insanity!_"

* * *

_**MAGOLOR POV**_

_Easter: my new least favorite holiday. It used to be tolerable, until I was told that since no rabbits exist in Dreamland, I was going to fill the role of the Easter bunny. There's just one problem: I have NEVER celebrated Easter. Probably because it changes every year, but still. Halcandra was never really a green planet. There's technology and lava everywhere, and the few surviving plants and only there to house stars. I can't believe that they'd chose me of all people. Why not pick someone who knows ANYTHING about the holiday?_

* * *

"Well, apparently you _do_ know about it, so why do you gotta be such a wuss about it?"

"Also, why do I have such a big problem with Easter in this fic? I mean, it's not my cup of coffee, but I can at least _tolerate_ it. The only unpleasant experience _I_ ever had with Easter was _this_: ** TinyURL: yyyex7ga**

* * *

_But no. The mayor said that I HAD to be the Easter bunny._

_Marx knew about this, of course, and put me in white bunny ears and a tail._

* * *

"Always happy to help a friend out!" Marx happily crowed, popping up from underneath the table.

"Don't you have to be annoying somewhere else?" Magolor groaned, giving Marx a disapproving look.

"Not until 4," the jester boy smiled.

"Whatever. Just try not to ruin the review."

"I can't promise that."

* * *

_I knew that my life was going to be hellish as soon as I stepped out of the door of the Lor Starcutter._

_The entirety of Pupu Village was standing there. EVERYONE._

_"What are you doing?" I asked._

_"EASTER BUNNY POYO!" Kirby exclaimed, tackle-hugging me._

* * *

"Poyo!" shouted someone from the left end of the cafe. Before Magolor had a fleeting chance of seeing who it was who uttered the shout, he was immediately knocked out of his chair by a pink blur. The blur in question was obviously Kirby, who was tackle-hugging him just like in the story.

"Kirby?! How did you even get in here?!" Magolor exclaimed after taking a moment to get his bearings.

"How do you think _I_ got in here?" Marx chimed in. "You didn't even bother to close the door. It's wide open!"

Magolor turned to the door and noticed that Marx was correct. He dashed to the entrance and swiftly slammed it shut. "If anyone else comes in, could you _please_ let me know?" he said to his two friends.

"Poyo!" Kirby replied, giving him a salute.

"Sure thing," Marx answered, barely giving Magolor any eye contact.

* * *

_"Not so fast, Mags," a different voice told me. "There's someone who want to see you."_

_Reluctantly, I turned around to see who was talking to me. Adeleine was standing there, as if she was waiting for something._

_"Oh, hi Adeleine," I said. "What do you want?"_

_"Only to see my favorite wizard. I heard from around town that you were being forced to be the Easter bunny. I think it suits you!" she explained with a smile._

_"R-Really?" I replied. "Marx did it."_

* * *

"So yeah, I guess I have a thing for Adeleine in this story," Magolor stated, back in his chair. "Not that I have anything against her; she's super nice and easy to get along with. I just never realized that this was a thing, that people ship me and Adeleine together."

* * *

_"Um, Adeleine?" I asked. I'm not good with most girls, so just saying that was difficult._

_"Yeah?" She turned back around to face me._

_"I-I-I," I had no idea what to say! "I hope you have a happy Easter and do you want to go out later?" Instantly, I slapped my hands over my mouth. I hadn't meant to say that!_

_"Thanks," Adeleine laughed. "And don't worry. It's fine."_

_I slowly put down my hands, but felt my face going red. "Bye!" I said before rushing off._

* * *

"..."

**Rob Thomas:** _Man, it's a hot one._

* * *

_I hid behind a rock, and summoned a variety of plastic eggs. Some contained money, others had candy, and one had a weekend pass to stay on the Lor. Carefully, I hid the hundred eggs around the town and surrounding area, as well as a few free Easter baskets for those who couldn't carry their loot._

_I teleported back to the crowd._

_"Alright everyone, here's the deal. I have hidden one hundred eggs around the town, as well as other areas nearby. These eggs contain money, candy, and one egg has a weekend pass to stay in the Lor Startcutter and get a royal treatment. I hope you have a way to hold these eggs, as you may find many. The only rules for this game are no asking me for hints, no going into the castle or my ship, and ABSOLUTELY no eating any of the prizes until you have collected all of the eggs and we have tallied up all of the scores. You may team up, but you must tell me if you are teamed up with someone else, as then I will mark you with a colored ribbon. Begin!" I instructed._

* * *

"You know," Magolor said with a sigh, "for a guy who allegedly knows nothing about Easter, he sure has the Easter Bunny shtick down."

"Poyo," Kirby nodded, apparently agreeing with his wizard buddy.

"So everyone runs off, either in search of eggs or to sign up as teams."

* * *

_The process continued, until I had made it through all of the teams. Kirby and Ribbon, Sword and Fumu, Blade and Bun, Silica and Knuckle Joe(who hadn't resolved the whole interrupted proposal thing), Galactic Knight and Dark Meta Knight, Ado and Adeleine, Iroo and Honey, and Marx and Grill. Meta Knight, Sir Arthur, Sir Dragato, Sir Nonsurat, Sir Falspar, Drawcia, Paintra, Dedede, Queen Mary, Taranza, Prince Fluff, Hohhe, Salt, Pepper, Sugar, Escargon, Waddle Doo, and the adults all ran off without teammates._

* * *

"Okay," Magolor began, visibly irritated, "I'm willing to excuse the author's use of all these characters I've never heard of, since they're probably from the anime. I can also understand Ado and Adeleine being separate characters here, because it's never explicitly stated what their relationship with each other is so, as they say, better safe than sorry."

"What I will _not_ excuse, though, is the inclusion of Galacta Knight. I mean, seriously, Destiny? Have you _played_ any of the games? Galacta Knight is a _menace!_ He was _sealed away in an impenetrable crystal in the infinite void of space_, he's so powerful! And you think it's fine to just plop him into this story and expect him to get along fine with everyone else? _This sin shall not be forgiven!"_

Marx, noticing Magolor's outburst and subsequent heavy breathing, decided to help out. "Do you want Kirby and I to take over while you cool of?" he asked.

Magolor grunted and motioned to the two of them, supposedly agreeing to his friend's offer. He got up and exited the café, looking awfully disgruntled.

* * *

_Glad to be at peace, I flopped down onto the ground._

_**('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')('.')**_

* * *

"Hey, Destiny," Marx whispered. "There's this thing called a 'horizontal line.'

You may not have heard of it, but here's how it works:" 

* * *

"Cool, right? Well, maybe you should use _that_ instead of this string of random-ass marks."

* * *

_By the end of the day, surprisingly, Escargon won the hunt with 64 eggs, but Adeleine and Ado found the weekend pass._

* * *

"'Surprisingly'?" Marx puzzled, his face quickly lighting up. "Oh, I get it. It's because he's a snail. You little weasel, you."

**Jeremy Scott of CinemaSins:** That's racist.

"So now we-" he started, but quickly paused as soon as he saw Magolor returning to his chair. "Hey buddy," Magolor said. "Where are we at?"

"We are at Dedede's castle later that day."

"Oh yes!" Magolor exclaimed. "So now we see Magolor at a party hosted by the king later that night…"

* * *

_Later that night, there was a small party hosted at the castle. At one point, Dedede started a forced karaoke contest, and I ended up on stage._

_Sighing, I went with one of the only songs I knew: Down by Jason Walker._

"I don't know where I'm at.

I'm standing out the back,

And I'm tired of waiting.

Waiting here in in line,

Hoping that I'll find

What I've been chasing

I shot for the sky

I'm stuck on the ground

So why do I try?

I know I'm gonna fall down.

I thought I could fly,

So why did I drown?

You never know why

It's coming down, down, down."

_After the song was over, almost everyone was applauding._

* * *

"Well, okay," Magolor deadpanned, a little disappointed. "That song is good, I will admit, but it has _no_ reason to be in here. It doesn't make sense, and it doesn't relate to my character at all. Honestly, you could've made this scene four times better if I sang— oh, I don't know— a David Bowie song, or something."

Suddenly, _Starman_ by David Bowie began playing, but it wasn't the original song. Instead, it was _Star Road - Super Mario World_, the high-quality rip uploaded by SiIvagunner that mashes up the advertised song with _Starman_. Magolor began to sing along with the mashup, quite beautifully, in fact.

_There's a starman waiting in the sky_

_He'd like to come and meet us_

_But he thinks he'd blow our minds_

_There's a starman waiting in the sky_

_He's told us not to blow it_

_Cause he knows it's all worthwhile_

_He told me:_

_Let the children lose it_

_Let the children use it_

_Let all the children boogie_

* * *

_So, why did I say I hated Easter? It all boils down to the night. Dedede kept calling me Mr. Bunny, Kirby routinely tackle-hugged me, and everyone else continued to ask if I had a professional singing career._

* * *

"Wait," Magolor stated, looking noticeably peeved. "_That's _why you hate Easter? Dude, that's not a horrible day. That sounds like the best goshdarn day ever!"

* * *

_Also, Adeleine and I have planned a day for just the two of us this weekend. So embarrassing myself worked! I just hope that Marx doesn't find out._

* * *

"Oh, don't worry," Marx mused. "I'll find out. I _always_ find out."

* * *

_**NORMAL POV**_

_Smiling, Magolor clicked on the post button on his blog. The post went to the top of the list._

_"Just another day in my life," he sighed. "Tortured by Marx, insulted by Dedede, and Adelewine troubles."_

_On the other side of the room, the said painter was sleeping with her sister. The twins had chosen to use the pass before they forgot to use it, but Magolor let them stay for two days instead of the weekend the pass had said._

_With a smile, he closed his laptop._

_"The End."_

* * *

"Well, my work is done here," Magolor blurted, quickly leaving his spot and heading out the door.

"Wait, Magolor!" Marx called out to him. "You still didn't give your final thoughts— meh, why do I even waste my breath?"

**Happy Easter**

Performed by Magolor, Marx, and Kirby

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

SpongeBob SquarePants

_Smooth_ by Santana ft. Rob Thomas

CinemaSins

_Starman_ by David Bowie

SiIvagunner

HAL Laboratory

* * *

_Magolor doesn't know how to end reviews ^m^ !1!_ _\- Marx_

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._


	4. Kirby High School (Part 2)

**_Originally Published: April 24, 2019_**

**_Last Update: September 25, 2019_**

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning:**** The following review is rated T for talks about death. But don't worry about it. Death is just a punchline, anyways.**

A short walk from Cappy Town in Dream Land lay the Lor Starcutter, a spacefaring ship currently under the possession of our dear friend Magolor. He had locked the entrance a few seconds ago, leaving his buddy Marx outside, forcefully pounding at the door with his head.

"Come on, man!" Marx cried out. "You need to get back to the review!"

"Oh, yeah?" the wizard croaked. "And why should I?"

"Well, haven't you heard of the Sunk Cost Fallacy? It states that if you've invested in something, you're gonna see it through to the end."

"Well then I must not have invested in anything, have I?"

"You're being ridiculous," Marx replied, trying to reason with Magolor. "The story isn't _that_ bad."

"Oh, come on. You only like it because you're in it."

"That couldn't be any more true," the jester admitted.

"So why are you trying to convince me to continue reading such _rubbish?_"

"Well, you wanted to make the world a better place, right?" Marx said gently.

"Right?" Magolor hesitated.

"Then here's your chance! Show us how to make awful writing like this better!"

After a second or so of silence, the sound of unlocking can be heard, followed by the main entrance of the Lor opening up. Magolor slowly shambled down onto the grassy floor, a determined look in his eyes.

"Let's do this."

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 02: Kirby High School by Wario the Tableman**

** TinyURL: y25xhdcx**

Back at the cafe, the two friends sat at their table, ready to continue destroying the story that lay before them.

"So Tiff's brother asks Dedede to help cheer her up because…" Magolor stopped, remembering how the fact that Tiff was dating him made him storm out earlier, "well, you know why."

* * *

_Tiff was sitting on the bus and crying. She was dating Magolor and he had been expelled from Kirby High School twice. It was bad for two reasons: 1 because she loved Magolor, and 2 because the prom was coming up!_

_Tuff was sad for his sister. "Hey, Deedde, we need to cheer my sister up," said Tuff to Dedede.__"I don't want to! Magolor was a bad influence on her!" whined Dedede in a serious way._

* * *

Magolor leaned back, with a puzzled expression, staying silent until finally uttering "How?"

"We never see how much of a bad influence my character is, and Tiff seems like the smartest character in this story so far, so how could I be a bad influence on her? If I was as bad as you say I was, then she would've broken up with me, wouldn't you agree?"

* * *

_Meanwhile, Knuckle Joe and Fluff were hanging out in the alleyway, ditching school like cads, but they was a good reason thoug._

* * *

"Boy," Marx lit up, smirking, "I'd like to hear _this_."

* * *

_They found Magolor sitting in a dumpster singing into his harmonica. "Well, he is a great blues player…" said Knuckle Joe._

* * *

Magolor and Marx performed another double facepalm, which was again ruined by Marx's lack of hands.

* * *

_Magolor was mad and threw his harmonica at the wall and it shattered into many, many pieces. "I was expelled twice which means my parents have to sell the Lor Starcutter! I got expelled from school and then my home! Dededork is gonna pay!"_

* * *

"Whoa, hold up!" Marx said in bewilderment, turning to Magolor. "Your _parents_ own the Lor? Does that mean Landia is your _mom _or something?"

"Of course not!" Magolor shot back. "Don't you _dare_ get those sick thoughts in your head!"

* * *

_Fluff and Knuckle Joe deeply felt all of magolor's hatred. "We know, but we heard that happened because you do serious crimes in the city!" they said at the same time like the delightful children from down the lane._

_"I don't do stinking crimes!" said Magolor astounded by the news. "I can't believe the idiots at Kirby High School are spreading that kind of crud!"__"What should we do then?" asked Fluff.__"I'll tell you what we will do!" said magolor with sinister eyes. "Us three are gonna to do a true real crime and it starts with expelling Dedede for good!"_

* * *

"Alright, I'll bite," Marx said blankly. "What sort of crime are you going to commit?"

"Sorry, Marx," Magolor started with mock enthusiasm, "but that's gonna have to wait! We need to introduce a new character first!"

* * *

_Dedede was running down the hall with a huge batch of papers for the Surprise Club. When he turned the corner, he smashed into another student. He apologized and they gathered all the papers back together. "I know you from the Lunchroom, but I don't think we have any official classes together?" asked Dedede to her._

_"I'm Adeleine. I remember you from one of the parent-teacher conferences. Your dad sure is weird-looker compared to you. Do you take after your mother?" she asked him.__Dedede then realised the thoughts she had. "Oh, that guy wasn't my dad. That was Escargoon and I technically own him more than he owns me. You see, I'm the king of Dream Land actually, but I accidentally got turned back into a kid again!"__"That's crazy! What are you doing here?" asked Adeleine.__"It's stupid because I have to go to school since I'm a teenager again. I'm actually part of the Surprise Club and I was on my way there with all these papers."__"What's happening?"__"It's a secret, but it has to do with my friend's sister. She got dumped and we're trying to cheer her up."__"That's nice of you. You're way nicer than my club members in the Art Club."__"Oh, I saw those snobs a few days ago."__"They certainly is snobs, they locked me out of the room the other day and stole my art supplies. I really hate it there."__Dedede then got an idea. "Why don't you join our club, Adeleine? We do art stuff regularly and sometimes eat yogurt. So come here for better atmosphere," invited Dedede.__So Adeleine listed and came to the Surprise Club and they all working on saving Tiff's lovelife. Tuff was really proud that they were doing the right thing._

* * *

"Okay," Magolor smiled, "now we can answer your question."

* * *

_Meanwhile, Magolor and his gang had arrived on the roof of the school with some fireworks. "If we make these go off, then the police will arrest the principal for lethargy. He will not have paid enough attention to the dangers of lose fireworks!" said Magolor evilly._

* * *

"Interesting idea," Marx began, "but how exactly is Dedede gonna be affected by this?"

* * *

_"How does this even target Dedede?" asked Fluff curiously._

* * *

"That's what I'm asking!" Marx blurted.

* * *

_Magolor made an angry face and told them both to shut up. He then lit the fireworks and they went off. The Dream Land police already saw the danger and pulled up to the office area. The officer ran in and yelled at Principal Kirby. Magolor gave him high fives to his friends._

_Kirby then walked out of the door and into the parking lot. He was no longer Principal Kirby, but now Police Kirby. Magolor and the others gasped because Kirby had eaten the police officer whole!'_

* * *

"Oh, don't act so surprised," Magolor scoffed, doing a hand wave. "It was bound to happen at some point. Kirby can't be principal forever. After all, the position was a formality, anyways."

"So now that Kirby is out of the picture, Dedede goes to Meta Knight, of all people, to help him out."

* * *

_Meta Knight entered the room and listened to the youngsters problem. He gasped when he suddenly noticed Dedede's teenager form. "This is serious!" he cried. "With Kirby gone, Dedede can't be the king again. Even though I can't stand him, no offence, I'd much rather he be leading us than that dumb snail!"_

_Dedede laughed because Meta Knight was right about how stupid Escargoon was__"But alas, I can't be a part of the school, never mind the whole principal!" cried Meta Knight again._

* * *

"He says that he's going on a business trip with his fellow Star Warriors," Magolor explains, "again adding no continuity to how this universe works, but he says that he may know someone who can be the new principal."

* * *

_Then Meta Knight had an idea. "I can grant you one opportunity to save Kirby High School!" He dialed up someone on his iphone._

_"Hello?" said the other end. "This is Susanna Haltmann, can I help you?"__Meta Knight sighed. "Hey… it's me. Do you think you can do one more favour for me, Susie?"_

* * *

"While I do think the inclusion of Susie is interesting and opens a whole slew of possibilities for this story," Magolor began, "I have to ask: what _favors_ did Susie do for Meta Knight?"

"That's classified information," replied an unknown feminine voice. The duo turned to see Susie herself standing at the entrance of the café.

"Okay, I gotta remember to close that door when I come in," Magolor muttered, sinking into his chair.

"Hi, Susie!" Marx called out to her, putting on a cheery face. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I saw Magolor storming off to his ship not too long ago," she answered, "and I wanted to make sure he was okay."

"Don't worry, Susie," Magolor responded. "I'm fine." He sat in his chair, deep in thought about something. After a few moments, his face lit up with an idea. "Hey, Susie! Do you want to help us out and review this story with us?"

"Sure, I suppose so," she shrugged, walking over to the table that the boys were sitting at and sat down beside them.

"So Susie becomes principal," Magolor continued, "only to be completely forgotten about shortly after."

* * *

_Susie Became the new principal to lead Kirby High School. They didn't change the name because it was too authentic. Instead she was just the principal until the other teachers could find out what happened to Kirby._

* * *

"You know, I totally forgot why I'm supposed to like anything, anywhere," Magolor quickly remarked.

* * *

_Dedede read messages on his cell phone and was mad at the one Knuckle Joe sent him. "Knuckle Joe and the rest of the troublemakers want to socialise with me tomorrow, but I'm afraid I'll get in trouble too."_

_"You probably will, ditch them!" said Tuff. Tuff was kind of uncaring about the real issues in the world._

* * *

"He's probably the smartest guy in the room," Susie scoffed.

"Okay, so…" Magolor began, panning through the pages of the story. "Prom stuff— boring— skip that— aha! Here we go! A murder mystery! That's gotta be exciting."

* * *

_"He was found dead at the scene of the crime," said the police officer. He looked down at the body and wept alongside the onlookers._

_Dedede rushed into the group of people crowded around the body. "What happened?" he cried.__Knuckle Joe turned to deded and gave him a tearful hug. "Prince Fluff is dead!" cried knuckle Joe._

* * *

Magolor blinked and said, "Well, gee, that came out of nowhere."

* * *

_Dedede gasped and looked down at the body and saw that Prince Fluff was indeed dead. He had blood leaking out of his body and his eyes were closed._

* * *

"He's _bleeding?" _Magolor asked in confusion and shock. "How could he bleed— _he's made of yarn, gosh darn it!_ He's not even _supposed_ to have blood. Why do you have to be so blind to the obvious, Wario?!"

* * *

_Knuckle Joe took back his tears and tried to explain. "I think there's fishing stuff going around Kirby High School, Dedede. I think the murderer is among us!"_

* * *

"Okay, you caught me," Magolor replied calmly, reaching under the table and revealing a fishing pole and a tackle box. "Here's the fishing stuff."

* * *

_Dedede gasped again. "I need to preserve the evidence in case they come back like lions!" He went to the police and told them his idea. They agreed with Dedede and gave him Prince Fluff's body for safekeeping. When Dedede got home with Knuckle Joe, they stored Fluff in the freezer at home._

* * *

"Finally!" Magolor jumped in excitement. "An excuse for me to make a _SpongeBob _reference!"

**Mr. Krabs:** _Now listen, SpongeBob, when we get to the Krusty Krab I want you to take that _[winks, says angrily]shovel_ and bring it around to the back entrance and stuff...er... I mean, _stow_ it in the freezer. Un-der-stand?_

**SpongeBob:** _I understand, Mr. Krabs, but what do you want me to do with the bo... _[is about to say "body"]

**Mr. Krabs:** [grabs SpongeBob's lips] _...ttles of soda! Bottles of soda, Same thing, put 'em in the freezer._

"So anyway," Susie took over, "Dedede and Joe decide to ask Magolor to help them figure out who killed Fluff."

* * *

_"Who do you think killed Fluff?" asked Dedede._

_"I don't know, but my best guess is that dorky painter you like so much," said Magolor with a grouchy expression.__"How dare you!" dedede could not believe what he was hearing from Magolor. "You can't just pick on Adeleine like that. She's a very nice person!"__"And the perfect suspect. She's trying to trick you into spending more time with her. That's why she killed Fluff. She wanted to make sure you're not hanging out with your old friends."_

* * *

"Okay, Wario," Magolor said, trying his best to hold back his anger, "since I am an official character in the _Kirby_ franchise, I can tell you with the utmost confidence that Adeleine, an outgoing, upbeat personality who would never willingly hurt someone, would never go as far as committing cold-blooded murder. That is about as far away from her character as you can get. Surely, you couldn't be so blind and brainless as to actually have her be the culprit of Fluff's death, right? _Right?_"

* * *

_Then Magolor gasped and pointed at the light in the courtyard. All of a sudden, Adeleine stepped into view and Dedede could not believe his eyes now._

* * *

Magolor looked as if he had seen a ghost, but he kept his cool as best as he could. "Uh huh, yeah, I— I love it," he stammered. "It's amazing— absolutely astounding! I— it's great, I love everything about it."

His breathing became uneven, and his eye started twitching, but he still acted as if nothing was wrong. "It's wonderful, I love it so much. It's great, it's beautiful, it really touches my heart and— "

Suddenly, he used his magic summoned Deadly Needles, which shot up from the ground and broke the table. Marx and Susie jumped backwards out of shock and fear.

"What is the matter with you?!" Magolor shouted. "You had one job, Wario! _One job!_ Why couldn't you look up Adeleine on the Kirby Wiki or play the games, like a normal person would? What is your major malfunction, you unfaithful swine?!"

"Hey, buddy," Marx chimed in, "I think you need some help."

"_It's this author who needs help!_" Magolor screamed, louder this time. "Only a heartless monster would be this inconsiderate and unfaithful! And he must pay for his crimes! _He must pay! _I'm going to find this guy, and when I do, I'm going to break his thumbs! _You hear me, Wario?! BREAK YOUR THUMBS!_" With that, he stormed out of the café, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

_**To be continued… some time in the future**_

Performed by Magolor, Marx, and Susanna P. Haltmann

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Nostalgia Critic — The Spirit

Nostalgia Critic — Stephen King's IT

JonTron — Bootleg Pokémon Games

JonTron — Workplace Safety

Nostalgia Critic - Foodfight!

Nostalgia Critic - Woody Woodpecker (2017)

SpongeBob SquarePants — Nasty Patty

HAL Laboratory

WiKirby

Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._


	5. Magolor's Store

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**The following review is rated K+ for some rude humor.**

A bright blue background appeared, and Dream Friend Magolor from _Kirby Star Allies_ began to play. With this, a silhouette of Magolor appeared with the words "Magolor May," written in traditional _Kirby_ font, appeared below the silhouette. 

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 03: Magolor's Store by SuperSmasher123**

**TinyURL: y2tt5d3x**

"Hello, everybody!," Magolor said in a chipper tone. "Welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse! Luckily for you, you've shown up just in time. Today is the start of Magolor May!"

"This month, it's all about me, me, _me! _Every story that I'm going to review this month features me in some capacity. But that's not all: all of my friends are here to celebrate this wonderful month of me!"

"And don't worry!" declared the woman sitting next to Magolor. She was wearing a witch hat and a purple cloak. For those who wouldn't know, she is Drawcia, the main antagonist of _Kirby: Canvas Curse._ "I'll make sure that we have fun. That's why I'm here, after all."

"Right you are!" the egg wizard that was Magolor replied. "So let's start talking about today's story."

* * *

_Magolor's Store_

_By: SuperSmasher123_

_AU. Magolor opens a store in Dreamland! Along side his little and very hyper sister named Maggie, Marx, Drawcia, Prince Fluff, Galacta Knight, Gooey, Taranza, and many more of your favorite Kirby characters, many things can happen! Watch as the randomness unfolds!_

* * *

"Did somebody say 'random?!'" said Marx, appearing seemingly out of nowhere right next to Magolor.

"How did you even get in here?" Magolor asked, bewildered. "I actually locked the door for once."

"I am the interstellar enigma," Marx began, with a blank, vacant stare. "I have no reason to do anything. Life is all for naught, and we will all be forgotten soon enough."

Silence was the only thing that the trio's ears beheld for several seconds. Marx made the ambient air reach an all-time highest amount of awkwardness.

"I like this guy," Drawcia said finally.

"Okay," Magolor quickly spoke up, "let's just get started with the review before I have to see a therapist. This is _Magolor's Store._"

* * *

_It was a beautiful day in Dreamland. Magolor decided to move to Dreamland and started a business._

* * *

"Not to be confused with my shoppe in _Team Kirby Clash Deluxe_, in case you were wondering."

* * *

_Marx and Drawcia (who are now good) saw Magolor putting the finishing touches on his new store._

* * *

Magolor was about to say something, but Drawcia interrupted him.

"Don't bother questioning it," she said. "It would just make you hate the story more than you should."

* * *

_"Why are you starting a business again?" said Marx. "I'm trying to get some money here." replied Magolor "Why don't you two work here? I could use the extra help." "Okay, I could use some extra money." said Marx. "Maybe I could let you sell some of my paintings." said Drawcia._

* * *

"I'd never let you sell my paintings," Drawcia commented dryly. "They're all national treasures, and I'd never give them to someone who may ruin them."

"Anyway," Magolor took over, a little weirded out, "Magolor calls his _sister_ to meet his friends… yeah, I got a sister in this story… I guess I'm alright with it, as long as she has her own personality and is not just a palette-swap of me."

* * *

_Magolor's sister, Maggie walked or should I say floated into the scene. She looked a lot like Magolor, but she wore pink instead of blue. Her eyes were purple and her hat was yellow with black tips and there were puff balls on the ends. Her clothes had similar designs to Magolor's but she had somewhat of a skirt on the bottom half. She also had a similar cape to Magolor and was about the same age as Marx. "Yay! New friends!" she said in a hyper tone "I'm Magoria, but you can call me Maggie!"_

* * *

"Not bad," said Magolor, deep in thought. "Different personality, different looks, the only pet peeve I have with this character is the fact that her name is too similar to mine. If I was writing this story, I probably would've given her a name that hinted at a connection to mine without it being obvious, like Lorelei."

Marx and Drawcia stared blankly at Magolor, looking at him as if he had mushrooms growing out of his head. "What?" he asked them. "A man can dream."

* * *

_Marx liked her already. He seemed instantly in love with her. "I'm Drawcia." said Drawcia, who was happy to have a new friend. "I'm Marx!" Marx said excitedly, having a new (and first) love interest._

* * *

"I don't love her!" Marx blurted. The other two jerked their heads toward Marx, and the awkwardness quickly returned. "I mean, she seems nice and all, but she oughta get annoying after a while. So all of you reading at home, don't get any ideas."

"Anyway," Magolor said, wanting to get back on task, "the shop opens for business and Prince Fluff is the first customer."

* * *

_It was around 10:00 a.m. and Magolor was ready for his fist day in business. Suddenly, Prince Fluff entered the store. "Hi, Fluffy! Nice to see you again!" said Maggie. "Hey, Maggie! Long time, no see!" replied Fluff. "Wait, you two know each other?" said Magolor. "Yeah, we do!" they both said. "We met when she came to Patch Land. She helped me clean up the place since the Yin-Yarn accident." said Prince Fluff. "Fluffy here gave me a magic yarn thing for my trouble!" said Maggie. "So, what do you want? You do know this is a store right?" said Magolor. (Apparently, Magolor and Prince Fluff know each other.) "This is a store? I mean I would like to buy a ball of yarn, a chocolate bar, a sword, a jet engine, fairy dust, and a copy of Super Paper Mario." said Fluff. "Here you go!" said Magolor while handing Fluff the goods and getting a sack of money in return. "I hope I made a satisfied customer out of you!" said Magolor as he waved goodbye to Fluff while Maggie was tossing confetti in the air for whatever reason. As soon as Fluff left, Maggie cleaned of the mess by spinning so fast that she became a mini tornado or something. "That was random, I think." said Magolor wondering what Fluff will do the things he bought before hearing a rocket launch and an explosion soon after._

* * *

"Yeah, I'm wondering why he bought all that stuff too," Magolor admitted. "What are your thoughts, guys?"

"Well, the ball of yarn may be to make up for the phony Magic Yarn that he gave Maggie," Drawcia suggested.

"And the sword and jet engine could be so you're not armed, and therefore, not hostile to the population," Marx chimed in.

"The chocolate bar could just be for a snack…"

"He'd go home and play that copy of _Super Paper Mario_, because that game rocks!"

"And the fairy dust… well, he bought that just to be random."

"Speaking of random," Magolor butted in, "the next chapter in this story is all about the most random thing you can think of: time travel."

* * *

_It was another beautiful day in Dreamland. Magolor and Marx just entered the store and saw Kirby on the floor. All the food was gone too. "Kirby! Why did you eat all the food!" shouted Marx. "I'm sorry! I was sleep-eating again!" said Kirby when he walked out. Maggie then popped out of a food pile. "I tried to stop him, but he was too strong…" she said before passing out. "I knew something like this would happen. Good thing I bought this time machine." said Magolor as he took out the time machine. "Where'd you get that?" said Marx. Suddenly, Galacta Knight showed up holding Metal General. "I gave it to him. It was a housewarming gift." said Galacta Knight. "And I built it!" said Metal General. "No one cares!" said Galacta as he kicked Metal General out of the store._

* * *

"Really?" Magolor asked, slightly peeved, "you're throwing Galacta Knight and Metal General into this melting pot of random now? Well, I gotta hand it to the writer. They seem to keep finding new and exciting ways to explore weird."

* * *

_"Hey, let me see that!" said Marx as he grabbed the time machine and teleported to the past and back. "Stop playing with that!" said Magolor as he grabbed the time machine from Marx. "Let's go traveling through time!" said Magolor before Maggie interrupted him. "Did someone say time travel?!" said Maggie as she crazily jumped up and down. "That's my girl." said Marx._

* * *

Marx inhaled and sighed in pleasure. "I love the smell of chaos in the morning…" he said dreamily."

* * *

_"Let's go already!" said Galacta Knight as he pressed some random buttons._

_Magolor, Marx, Maggie, and Galacta Knight disappeared in the blink of an eye as they headed to the past. They soon saw a nursery room. Baby Magolor was in a crib with Baby Galacta Knight. Baby Magolor was in a smaller, less elaborate suit than his adult counterpart and wore a gear pattern bib. He also had a baby blue blanket around his neck. Baby Galacta had no mask, revealing his true white eye color. He also had a lance-shaped rattle and shield-shaped pillow. "Brings back memories, right Galacta?" said Magolor. "Sure does, pal." said Galacta Knight. "You guys were so cute!" said Maggie as she tried to hug the babies. "No!" said Marx, Magolor, and Galacta Knight as they restrained Maggie. "Do not alter anything in the past. It could change the future in a bad way. Do you understand?" said Galacta Knight slowly._

* * *

"Yeah," Drawcia remarked. "Haven't you seen _Star Trek IV_, _Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure_, _Back to the Future's 1, 2, _and _3_, _Doctor Who_, or that one episode of _SpongeBob_."

* * *

_"Can we just go back to the future?" said Marx. Magolor pressed some buttons and the group disappeared._

_They soon saw a battlefield. Kirby was chasing down Zero while a war between good and evil toke place._

* * *

"Welp, thanks for spoiling the events of the next _Kirby _game, you jerk." Marx commented jokingly.

"So anyways, they finally return to the present day— all's awful that ends awful— and we cut to a different day at a different time."

* * *

_It had been a while since anything interesting has happened at the shop. Business was slow. On the bright side it gave Magolor, Marx, Maggie, Galacta, and Drawcia time to lay back and goof off. Magolor was telling a story about his time at wizard school. "And when the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing and the doctor was never heard from again. Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license." said Magolor._

* * *

Magolor was incredibly confused at this. "Wait, I was a doctor— you know what, I'm too exhausted from the randomness to care."

* * *

_"Hey guys, we got cameos in the 100% cutscence again. Hey, I think I saw Meta Knight in one of the rows." he said while watching the cutscence as he just got 100%. "We know. We were there at the actual preformance." said Magolor. "I was at the past two." said Marx._

* * *

"And I'm _still_ mad at HAL for not including me in _Planet Robobot_!" Marx shouted."

"You made a cameo as a Sticker," Drawcia replied.

"Doesn't count," the purple jester boy pouted.

* * *

_Maggie, looking out a window, saw two strangers playing with their pet dragon Landia._

_One of the strangers kind of looked like Magolor but had six hands and a spider styled outfit. The other was like a younger, happy-go-lucky version of Drawcia. "Maybe we can get directions here." said the spider wizard. The two then headed for the store. "Um... hello. Do any of you know where... Magolor?!" the wizard said as he and the little witch floated in. "Taranza?!" replied Magolor. "You two know each other?" said Marx. "Yeah, we were friends in magic school." said Taranza. The little witch, like everyone else, was surprised, that is, she was until she saw Drawcia. "Drawcy?!" she said before glomping Drawcia. "Paintra?!" Drawcia said in shock. "I missed you too, big sis!" Paintra said as she continued to hug her older sister despite not having arms._

* * *

"Wow," Magolor said half-heartedly, "the author actually included something canon. I honestly didn't think they'd get to that. Don't worry though, because that's quickly ruined by something dumb."

* * *

_It was after hours at Magolor's store. Business has been booming since the release of Smash Bros and amiibo. Magolor, Marx, Drawcia; realizing how much they had in common back when they were evil beings possessed by incredible power lust; decided to start a club to talk about what it was like and how they can convince everyone that they are now law-abiding citizens of Dream Land. Apparently, despite starting a business, there are still people who don't trust them. "Welcome to the first official meeting of The Four Lost Souls." said Magolor. "Question?" said Marx. "Yes, Marx?" said Magolor. "Why'd you name the club The Four Lost Souls if there's only three of us?" asked Marx. "Good question. It's four instead of three since we already have a new member. May I introduce Queen Sectonia." said Magolor. The former queen then buzzed in. "Um hello." she said shyly._

_The others, as in Maggie; Paintra; Taranza; and Galacta Knight, were also there. Taranza was very surprised to see Sectonia again, especially after he saw her blow up at the hands of Kirby. "My queen!" screamed Taranza as he fearfully bowed in front of Sectonia. "Please forgive me for siding with Kirby! Have mercy on me!" he begged. Sectonia was a bit bewildered by this, but she then smiled. "I don't know what you're talking about nor do I know you. I am Queen Sectonia, and you are?" she said kindly. "You don't remember me, your highness?" said Taranza. "Buddy, Sectonia doesn't remember anything before she found that cursed mirror. She's not the queen you knew." said Magolor._

* * *

"That doesn't make any sense!" Magolor exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "Even after Sectonia went all Brainwashed and Crazy, she still knew who Taranza was. Heck, she even calls him_ by name._"

**Sectonia:** Pitiful, Taranza... I have no use for a fool who cannot follow orders.  
_(Reminder: Actual quote from _Kirby: Triple Deluxe_)_

"Do your research, Super Smasher. It always helps out in the long run."

"So, the other characters just spend the rest of the day talking about things we should already know until…"

* * *

_The phone then started ringing. Magolor went to pick it up. "Hello? Hello? Hello?" he said to the receiving end. He then handed the phone to Drawcia. "It's for you." he said. "Hello?" said Drawcia. "Yes? Oh really. You're moving here?! In two months?! Wow that is good news! Alright, see you soon, mother." said Drawcia on the phone. "So?" asked Taranza. "Paintra's and my mother and grandmother are moving here to Dream Land to open an art gallery!" said Drawcia. "Wait, Mama Elline and Grandma Claycia are moving here?!" yelled Paintra in excitement._

* * *

Drawcia was scribbling away on a whiteboard that was in the coffeehouse specifically for this joke. She drew herself, Paintra, Elline, and Claycia, along with arrows in all sorts of directions pointing to all different characters before completely giving up and drawing a giant "X" over everything. _"How is this even supposed to make sense!"_ she shouted.

"I have one idea," Magolor said. "Maybe in the author's headcanon, Claycia created Elline out of loneliness, thereby making Claycia her mother in a metaphorical sense. Afterwards, Elline may have painted Drawcia and Paintra, which would make her their mother. Basically, the familial bonds are simply spiritual. If it was actually biological… then it would make "Mistakes Into Miracles" seem canon by comparison."

"I suppose," Drawcia shrugged, slumped in her chair.

* * *

"Well, that was _Magolor's Store." _Magolor continued. "While I do like some parts of it, there are other parts that are just too random to understand. A lot of the character interactions in the story are based off headcanons that don't make a lot of sense unless you really stop to think about them. I'm even willing to excuse Sectonia's loss of memories regarding Taranza, since it is possible that those memories were blown out of her head after her fight in _Kirby: Triple Deluxe,_ and the other characters just didn't know. All in all, I had a lot of fun reading this. While it is unlikely that this story will ever be continued, seeing as how it wasn't updated in _3 years,_ I'd be more than happy to read whatever _SuperSmasher123_ has _in store_ for us next."

"I'm Magolor, and Magolor May has just begun," he said, getting up from his chair and exiting to the left. Marx and Drawcia got up and followed suit. 

**The End**

Performed by Magolor, Marx, and Drawcia

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Super Paper Mario

_Apocalypse Now_

_Star Trek IV_

_Back to the Future_

_Doctor Who_

SpongeBob SquarePants — Back to the Past

_Kirby: Triple Deluxe_

Mistakes Into Miracles

HAL Laboratory

TV Tropes

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: _**TinyURL: y3cmmjjg**


	6. Commercial 1

**Warning: The following commercial is rated T for cursing and stuff.**

(Stock footage of Wal-Mart stores began to play, and would continue to play for the rest of the commercial.)

Forget you, Dedede!

If you're dumb enough to go shopping this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to come to Magolor's Shoppe!

Bad deals! Crap that doesn't work! Thieves!

If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Magolors, you can kiss my butt!

It's our belief that you're such a stupid dummy, you'll fall for this bullcrap! Guaranteed!

If you find a better deal, cram it down your ugly throat! You heard us right, cram it down your ugly throat!

Bring your trade! Bring your title! Bring your wife! We'll kill her! That's right, we'll kill your wife!

Because at Magolor's Shoppe, you're screwed 6 ways from Sunday!

Take a hike, to Magolor's Shoppe! Home of Challenge Pissing! That's right, Challenge Pissing! How does it work? If you can piss 6 feet in the air straight up, and not get wet, you get no down payment!

Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't mess with us! Or we'll rip your face off! Only at Magolor's Shoppe, the only dealer that tells you to shut up!

Hurry up, peabrain! This event ends the minute after you write us a check, and it better not bounce or you're a dead man! Magolor's Shoppe, Dream Land's filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest nut jobs on Planet Popstar!

Guaranteed!


	7. Editorial 1

**_Originally Published: May 08, 2019_**

**_Last Update: September 25, 2019_**

**Warning: SPOILERS for _Kirby Star Allies_ and the _Kirby_ series as a whole. Do not look ahead if you do not wish to be spoiled. By the way, Ant-Man does not beat Thanos in _Endgame_ (He plugged up his butt with Flex Tape).**

A bright blue background appeared, and Dream Friend Magolor from Kirby Star Allies began to play. With this, a silhouette of Magolor appeared with the words "Magolor May," written in traditional Kirby font, appeared below the silhouette.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Editorial 01: Is _Kirby_ About to Enter a New Era?**

Magolor, instead of sitting at his table at the Kirby Café, was sitting at his seat in front of the control panel of the Lor Starcutter.

He smiled and said, "Greetings! I am Magolor, and welcome back to Magolor May! Since Kirby just celebrated his 27th anniversary not too long ago, I figured I would not only talk about a subject that not only relates to me, but to the entire _Kirby _series in general."

"You see," he continued, adjusting himself, "I heard some people online say that _Kirby Star Allies_ is the last game in the current eraof the _Kirby_ franchise, and that HAL Laboratory is going to give the series a fresh start in the next game. Now, I know this is most likely not true, since I couldn't find a reliable source for this claim, and you can't trust everything you see on the Internet, but it got me thinking: _could _this be true? Is _Kirby_ about to enter a new era?"

"To start, we need to look at the facts. What did _Kirby Star Allies_ bring to the series that makes people think that it is starting over?"

"Well, the main plot of the story is that a group of cultists are attempting to revive a dark god known as Void Termina. Once you finally get to fight this "destroyer of worlds," you realize that there's much more to him than what meets the eye. He sports eyes all around his body that resemble Dark Nebula's from _Squeak Squad, _he sprouts wings that resemble Zero-Two's from _Kirby 64,_ as well as using a replica of the Master Crown to shoot lasers. And that's just for the _first few phases_ of the fight. All of this information alone would suggest that Void Termina is the true Big Bad of the series, and many people agree."

"But there's more to the story." Magolor paused, shaking his head and letting out a small chuckle. "_So much more._"

"For the last phase of the fight, you enter Void Termina's body to fight its core. This leads to one of the most shocking reveals in _Kirby_ history: … that Void Termina was Dark Star the whole time." As he says this, the floor of the area you fight the core is shown side-by-side with the floor of Dark Star, showing that they both have the same hexagonal, cell-like design.

"Of course!" he shouted, banging his fist on the control panel. "How could I have not seen that coming?"

"Actually, the big reveal comes in the form of the core itself. While it may look like a re-skin of Drawcia Soul from _Canvas Curse_, take a look at its face, and you'll see three holes that resemble a familiar character. That's right! The villain of this game is also Kirby, the hero of this game… well, indirectly, anyways."

"This reveal has made several online theorists, including the famous-infamous _Game Theory_ YouTube series, to believe that Kirby is a reincarnation of this destroyer of worlds. Not only does the game imply this, it almost straight-up _confirms_ it. The connection is only made stronger by the fact that the sound clips of Void's core are slowed down sound clips of Kirby. Also, the pause screen flavor text, a common place to look for in-game lore for this series, for the True Arena version of this fight says _this:_"

* * *

_No telling if it's true, but according to the ancient scrolls, Void Termina may rise again in other forms depending on whether positive or negative energy is gathered. It seems this being of darkness will wander the galaxy until one day he is reborn into a new existence. When he returns, hopefully it will be as...a friend._

* * *

"This seems to imply that not only is Kirby a version of Void Termina that has been given positive energy, but that a new Kirby will eventually come around. This idea is further supported by another boss fight that was added in a later update."

"For version 4.0.0, after completing the new game mode 'Heroes in Another Dimension,' you unlock Soul Melter EX, an even harder difficulty of The Ultimate Choice. With this new difficulty comes an even harder version of Void Termina's core, simply named Void. Not only does he still have Kirby's face, but he also bears a color scheme that matches Zero, the leader of Dark Matter. The pause screen flavor text for this fight is as follows:"

* * *

_The final battle at hand, Void takes his first steps toward a new age. In place of tyrannical rage, will he find... naptime? Gentle breezes? Treats? He may even dream again... a dream of friends reunited!_

* * *

"If that doesn't sound like the Kirby we know and love, I don't know what does."

"Once you beat Void, instead of giving a look of pain, he _smiles_…" Magolor pauses at this point to shudder, "... and stars begin to pour out of him. This probably means that he has finally been purified, paving the way for a new Kirby to take over."

"So that's what the main story has to offer. Let's take a look at everything else that appears in _Kirby Star Allies_."

"Although the game was released one year late, _Kirby Star Allies_ was meant to be a celebration of Kirby's 25th anniversary. As such, the game attempted to reference as many things from as many games as they could. Many characters from past games— Marx, Gooey, Adeleine, Daroach, Susie, _me_— make an appearance as allies in this game. Even more references, such as Ripple Star and Dyna Blade, make appearances in the level hubs. Even Two-Face, an enemy that hasn't shown up since _Kirby's Dream Land_, the _first game in the series_, returns as an enemy here."

"So what does this have to do with the _Kirby_ series starting over?" Magolor asked. "Well, these Easter eggs help to make some nice bookends for the franchise."

"First off, the plot of the first world is that King Dedede and his army have stolen all the food in Dream Land. If you've played the first game in the series, this should sound very familiar. Also, the last bonus level in the game features a recreation of the first level of _Kirby's Dream Land,_ with monochrome graphics and the original 8-bit version of Green Greens playing in the background. Plus, in order to play Soul Melter EX, you need to select regular Soul Melter, then input the same button combination needed to begin Extra Mode in _Kirby's Dream Land._"

"But it gets even deeper than that. I didn't even mention the Celebration Pictures yet."

"Celebration Pictures, or Memorial Illustrations in Japan, are pieces of artwork that you get from collecting puzzle pieces. However, you get three special pictures to complete for beating Heroes in Another Dimension. The first one is titled "Let Them Know We're Happy," which features the Three-Mage Sisters at the beach, having finally found peace. The second picture, titled "Bad Boss Brothers," showcases every final boss of the _Kirby _series to date. But the last picture— oh, that last picture— is perhaps the thing that will tie this whole theory together… "A Farewell to Kirby."

"The name should say it all, but allow me to explain this image in greater detail. Kirby is walking on the same field from the intro cutscene of Green Greens, the first level of _Kirby's Dream Land._ The butterfly, a staple of the _Kirby _series, both then and now, is in the scene as well. Kirby is carrying a traveler's sack, and is waving farewell, a tear leaving his eye. All the while, a music box rendition of the _Kirby Star Allies _main menu theme plays in the background, before slowing down and eventually reaching a full stop."

"So what does this picture mean?" Magolor glumly asked. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious: Kirby is leaving us. The series is moving on. Void will eventually be reborn into a force of good rather than evil, and will take over for the little puffball. The past 25 years have certainly been a ride, and HAL Laboratory will be sure to keep us here for the next 25 as the second era of _Kirby _begins."

"But, of course, this is just speculation. While it is likely that Kirby is gone and Void will be his replacement, there is truly no way of knowing this until HAL releases their next game. Until then, take this editorial with a grain of salt because, like I said before, this is just a theory. A _Game Theory!_ Thanks for reading."

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Game Theory: Kirby…Dream Land's Biggest THREAT! pt 1

WiKirby

Kirby Wiki

HAL Laboratory

TV Tropes

* * *

By the way, here's the photo that inspired me to write this editorial: **TinyURL: y4j45zo7**


	8. One Wrong Turn

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning: The following review is rated T for some instances of cursing.**

A bright blue background appeared, and Dream Friend Magolor from _Kirby Star Allies_ began to play. With this, a silhouette of Magolor appeared with the words "Magolor May," written in traditional _Kirby_ font, appeared below the silhouette.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 04: One Wrong Turn by RippleRed**

**TinyURL: y5e6ujlz**

"Welcome back to Magolor May, everyone!" Magolor began. "You already know who I am and what my deal is, so let's right down to business."

"As you probably know by now, after I reformed and integrated into Dream Land's society, I've met many interesting characters. Of course, there's Kirby, who I've helped out on a few occasions. There's also Susie, who I've met years back on Halcandra. I even have an on-off rivalry with Taranza. But there's no one I know that I've hung out with more that Marx."

"When you think about it, this really makes sense. We both like to cause trouble, although _one of us does it more than the other._ We both know about artifacts that grant awesome power, and then we both betrayed Kirby in order to get that awesome power. And yeah, the games love to portray the two of us together. So of course, we need a story about the two of us having an adventure for Magolor May!"

"Marx!" he called off to the side. "The book, please!"

Just then, Marx walked over to the table, balancing a book on his head.

"Thank you, mi amigo." Magolor said, taking the book. Marx climbed up to the seat next to him and sat down.

* * *

**One Wrong Turn**

_By: RippleRed_

_After attending one of Kirby's crazy parties, Magolor sets out to go home. Unfortunately for him, Marx is taking him._

* * *

"I honestly believe that Kirby doesn't have the ability to throw _any _kind of party," Magolor remarked.

"Usually Dedede's the one who throws the party," Marx added, "then Kirby shows up and ruins everything."

"Anyway, let's not focus on the trivial stuff. We've got a review to do. This is _One Wrong Turn_."

* * *

_Once again, for the _twelfth_ time, Kirby was throwing a huge party. Nobody really knows why Kirby throws them, nor does anyone really know why he also invited people who particularly dislike him. Nevertheless, most that are invited go anyway, expecting that this would just be some cutesy little party Kirby threw together... at least, it _started_ like that._

_The first party started out just as cutesy as everyone expected it, maybe even a little worse. The only thing that was significantly great about it was the food, which was probably the reason why people even bothered to show up to Kirby's second, third, and fourth parties. The fifth party however, was when things took the turn from cutesy to crazy, when a certain onion witch decided to switch Kirby's music with dubstep. This now being the twelfth party, it was probably the most craziest one yet, as the music and flashing colorful lights could probably be seen from more than mile away. It's quite surprising that Tiff hasn't taken drastic measures to stop the wild parties yet._

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait," Marx interrupted, shaking his head (or his entire body, since he is just a Walking Head), "Gryll likes _dubstep_? I wouldn't expect that out of her."

"I know," Magolor commented. "She always struck me as more punk rock."

"So I end up deciding that I've had enough of this party, and I start heading home…"

* * *

_He kept going, only until he heard a familiar voice calling him. A sort of squeaky, but loud, familiar voice._

_"HEY MAGS! WHERE YA GOING!?"_

_"Home." Magolor groaned at the sound of Marx's voice. He knew it would probably be the source of his upcoming headache, even though he admits his own voice is squeakier than Marx's._

_"But the fun just started!" The jester caught up to him. "Why are you leaving!? They're going to have a watermelon eating contest in there and it's _Meta Knight versus Kirby!_"_

_"Meta Knight?" Magolor doubted. How they got Meta Knight to go against Kirby in a watermelon eating contest, let alone even into the party is beyond him._

* * *

"I agree," Magolor said. "Meta Knight would never be willing to do such a thing. Does he really have nothing better to do?"

Marx shrugged. "I don't care. I'd totally watch it."

"Same here."

"Well, since I'm so invested in going home," Magolor continued, "Marx gets an idea, which usually doesn't bode well."

* * *

_"You got a camera right?"_

_Magolor looks at Marx again, who now has a mischievous grin on his face.__"Yeah?" Magolor said questioning him. "It's in the Lor."_

_"Well lets go get you home then!" Marx said cheerfully. "We can get that camera of yours and film the party so you wouldn't have to stay to see all the fun! Plus, that once in a lifetime opportunity would be caught on camera if we hurry!"_

_As much as that seemed like a good idea, the part about Marx taking him home was not. The last time Magolor let Marx into the Lor, he had to go through the trouble of saving his beloved ship from quicksand, scarfys, and complete madness._

* * *

"Yep, that sounds like Marx, alright," Magolor joked.

"I'm right here, you know." Marx replied, a hint of anger in his voice.

"I thought you didn't care about what others say about you."

Marx opened his mouth to make a rebuttal, but he suddenly said, "Okay, you called my bluff."

* * *

_Magolor had just about enough of Marx's shenanigans. It's been an hour since they left that party and Marx had been going _his own_ way to the Lor since. Magolor had been telling him that he was going the wrong way, but of course, due to stubbornness,(and maybe stupidity in Magolor's opinion) Marx was taking a very unclear, long shortcut._

_"Marx come on," Magolor shouted after him. "The party is probably over by now!"_

* * *

"You know what I just realized?" Magolor asked. "Whenever there's a Fanfiction of the two of us doing something, I end up getting stuck as the straight man. You know, the guy who always has to be the voice of reason, even when the other character won't listen to reason."

"I know," Marx replied. "It's like they think I can't be reasonable. I can be reasonable… when I _want to_, anyways."

* * *

_"Are you kidding me Magolor? Kirby's parties don't really stop. They're more of aftershocks of the first wild party, only better." Marx said, not stoping. "Where had you been for the last seven parties!?"_

_"I was at the Lor, which is where we would have already been at by now if we hadn't took this 'shortcut' of yours." Magolor said taking a good look at his surroundings. " I don't think we're even close."_

_"Will you just relax!" Marx had stopped, turned around, and looked at Magolor's obviously tired looking face. "I'm sure we'll get to your ship in no time, you just gotta trust me!"_

* * *

"Honestly," Marx remarked, "with all of the things I've done, I don't think _anyone_ can trust me."

"I agree with you," Magolor commented, " because right after you say that, you go missing. I'm not even joking. That's what happens."

* * *

_"Look Marx..." Magolor started, but he then realized that Marx wasn't even there any more._

_"Marx?"__Magolor looked around for him, but he was nowhere insight._…

_"Great, just great!"_

He asks me to trust him and he ditches me._ He stood in the silence waiting for Marx to show up again. He hoped Marx was just joking around and trying to scare him, but at the same time grew worried for the guy._

_About five minutes walking around and calling out for Marx, Magolor's worries ended when he heard Marx again near a rather large tree._

_"Magolor! Hey! A little help?"_

_"What? Where are you?" Magolor looked around._

_"Look up!"_

_When Magolor looked up, he saw vines, and Marx, _of course_, STUCK, in those vines._

_"..."__"Hello?" Marx said. "Are ya still there?"_

_"How did you get stuck in those vines..."_

_"I dunno beats me. I thought I saw your ship, I ran up ahead-"_

_"Which you should really stop doing." Magolor interrupted._

_Marx rolled his eyes and continued. "...I ran up ahead, and next thing ya know, I'm seeing the moon! Then I was all of a sudden, I'm stuck in this tree."_

* * *

The two sat in silence for a moment, and then Marx piped up: "Actually, that's pretty believable."

* * *

_Magolor flew up to where Marx was in the tree, and tried to pull the vines off of him._

_"OUCH! Magolor be careful! I'm stuck bad and these vines aren't very comfortable to be in."_

_"Well maybe you shouldn't have went off ahead! No,better yet, maybe you shouldn't have tried to even lead me home! You have a terrible sense of direction!"_

_Magolor wasn't really in the mood for this._

_"OW!OW! Okay! Okay! I getcha! I getcha! We'll head back as soon as you get me down!"_

_"Good."__Magolor however, though he sounded calmer than he was a couple of seconds ago, he was still getting quite angry. No matter how hard Magolor tried to pull the vines off of him, they would only just make Marx more uncomfortable._

_"DAMNIT!" Magolor finally yelled out._

_"What? Did you get any off?"_

_"What does it look like to you!"_

_"I dunno I can't really see very many vines in my view so I'm just guessing. Geez Mags, why are you so snappy?"_

_"You led us far off from the Lor, I'm exhausted and at any moment I feel like I'm going to pass out, and now YOUR STUCK IN THIS TREE!"_

_"Okay, so you_ are _ticked."_

_Magolor scowls._

_"Look to make it any easier for you I'll try using my wings." Marx said trying to get in a better position._

_"YOU MEAN YOU COULD'VE DONE THAT INSTEAD!?"_

* * *

"Well, if I had done that earlier, then half of this chapter wouldn't exist, would it?" Marx said with a smirk.

"So anyway, I use my wings to break off some of the vines, but a few of them are still on me. So Magolor tries to get them off, but due to a classic SpongeBob routine…

**Squidward:** Shut your half-wit pieholes! _[grabs a stalk beside the one holding up the "Clubhouse" and pulls it while the other one is going down]_ I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club! _[gets to the floor but the stalk snaps and the stalk holding up the "Clubhouse" flings back very fast and the "Clubhouse" flies off it. He starts screaming]_

"... the two of us are sent plummeting into a hole."

* * *

_Magolor looked up to see where they fallen from. The hole, from where they stood, looked like a tiny little dot. Magolor was surprised they hadn't died from the long fall, however, they_ did _both survive the_ wrath of Kirby_._

_"Well then... lets get out of here and find our way to the Lor." He calmly said dusting himself off._

* * *

"Luckily, the two of us discover a pathway that leads to another part of the cave," Magolor explained. "We trek ahead to find out that we've landed in… The Great Cave Offensive?"

* * *

_As Magolor expected he found Marx in some sort of trouble. What he didn't expect was to enter a jungle inside a cave that was complete with living creatures and birds flying in the "sky"._

* * *

"Hey, nice reference!" Marx said enthusiastically, giving a "thumbs-up." " Honestly, I thought everyone forgot about that game."

* * *

_Apparently, Marx had managed to anger Knuckle Joe and got himself into a fight with him._

_Wait.  
_

**Knuckle Joe!?**

* * *

"My inner thoughts exactly."

* * *

_"_Knuckle Joe!? _Marx! What the he-"_

_"He's crazy Mags! HE'S CRAZY!"_

**_"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"_**

* * *

"Geez, that escalated quickly!" Magolor said, taken aback.

**French Narrator:** _Five minutes later..._

* * *

_"So what your saying is that you've been stuck here for the past month? That's terrible!" Magolor said._

_Magolor, Marx, and Knuckle Joe were all sitting in a circle,and in the middle of that circle was a camp fire. Both Marx and Knuckle Joe have red marks on their faces that shown that they both been slapped by a certain Halcandran…_

_"Yeah," Knuckle Joe rubbed his invisible nose. "So, nobody ever went looking for me?"_

_"Well...everyone was too busy having an awesome time at Kirby's party I'm guessing nobody noticed." Marx plainly stated as he watched the fire."Magolor I'm guessing it's is gonna be the same for us."_

* * *

"No, it won't!" Marx blurted. "Unlike Knuckle Joe, a character that people only remember from the anime, Magolor and I are the most popular characters in the fandom. No one will ever forget about us!"

"Don't be saying things like that," Magolor told his friend. "You don't want to jinx it."

"Anyway, um," the Halcandran continued, flipping through the pages of the story, "blah blah blah, something about holes and breaking body parts— okay, here we go."

* * *

_It didn't take much time for Marx to catch up to Magolor, as he stopped in the middle of a clearing in the odd cave jungle. Knuckle Joe, however, was nowhere to be seen._

_"Mags! Hey Mags what happened? Where's Joe?" Marx had called out to Magolor as he approached. "Magolor?"_

_"He… Disappeared," Magolor whimpered, suddenly raised his hand, pointing the only remaining sign of Knuckle Joe, his headband. It was on the ground as if it was discarded carelessly. The look on Magolor's face was confused, and quite fearful._

_"Disappeared?"_

_"He was still running… then he screamed and I don't know what happened! He just disappeared from my sight!"_

* * *

"Well, if we're running on _Kirby Star Allies_ logic," Magolor thought out loud, "then Knuckle Joe turned into a headband because Kirby unfriended him." He suddenly went wide-eyed, realizing something. "Sweet Nova… MatPat, if you find this, use it as evidence in Part 2 of your Kirby theory."

"He's not gonna find it," Marx shook his head.

"I said _if he finds it!_"

* * *

_Magolor held his head, already feeling the stress headache coming on. The headache came quicker, however, when Marx decided to walk into the clearing to get the hair accessory._

_"Marx, please don't," Magolor agonizingly groaned._

_"Don't what?"__Marx was snickering. The headband was already on his jester hat, making it weirdly divided like Knuckle Joe's hair was._

_"I was going to say, 'Don't touch that Marx it might be dangerous out in that clearing,' but now I'm saying don't with whatever the hell you're doing," Magolor facepalmed in disbelief._

* * *

"Wait. My hat is already divided. Why would that headband make any difference," Marx questioned.

"Anyway," he continued, "we end up getting attacked by other creatures in the cave— because we just have the most rotten luck."

* * *

_Theses attacks lead to the two to rush into a nearby hidden small cave. Magolor took extra, but important measures of picking up big leaves and sticks and covering the entrance to their hiding spot._

_They hid there in silence for a few scary, long minutes. Even after the coast seemed clear they resumed hiding. They were a muddy, anxious mess._

_Clearly they were unwanted newcomers in a wild and dangerous new world. Or was it new?_

_To Marx, something about this place felt strangely familiar. The Grizzos? The crazy Waddle Dees? It all felt so familiar. It was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't make out exactly why. This was troubling, because if he knew he been at a place, then he probably caused a lot of trouble there._

* * *

"Looks like the writer didn't forget about that game either," Marx mused. "That's good to hear."

* * *

_Before Marx can blurt out another hope of his, Magolor quietly shushed him and pointed to the entrance. There was a shadow of someone from behind their leaf covered opening._

_The two watched the figure carefully, trying to see what it was. It was a round and bouncy type of character. For a moment, the two were nearly convinced it was another puffball like Kirby. They were shocked to find this bouncy figure speak._

_"Hello? Hello!" the figure yelled out. "I don't mean to intrude on you two, but I can possibly be a help to you! I saw you guys wandering into trouble!"_

_The voice was just as squeaky, adorable, and non threatening sounding as theirs. The Halcandran and the jester looked at each other with mutual suspicions and nodded in silent agreement. They_ know _from each other and from experiences with Kirby, if the person adorable and friendly_ not _to trust them._

* * *

"Once again, the author got something right," Magolor said, clapping his hands.

* * *

_The figure turned out to be a noddy with a red hat. She smiled happily to once she saw the faces of the newcomers._

_"Hello! My name is Apple!" she giggled. "I'm here to help you guys!"_

* * *

"'_Apple!?'"_ Magolor guffawed. "Who names their kid 'Apple?'"

"The same people who name their kid 'false paradise,'" Marx answered.

Magolor gave his friend a glare of pure malice.

"What?" Marx asked, still smiling.

* * *

_"_This is way worse than what I expected,"_ Marx thought. He didn't think to hide his facial expression, which made Apple confused to the negative look._

_"What's wrong? Haven't you seen a Noddy before?"_

_"Well, not one that's as wide awake as you," Magolor managed to find his voice. "Most of the Noddies I've seen usually have their eyes closed."_

_"Oh that's a….rather long story to tell," she said sheepishly. "The main point is that I have a sleeping disorder and can't really go to sleep as often as other noddies."_

* * *

"So…" Magolor began, twirling his hand, trying to find the right words to say, "... she has reverse narcolepsy? I'm sorry, that's the only explanation I can think of. But anyways, she takes the two of us over to her village…"

* * *

_They soon found themselves looking at a small but rather pretty enclosure. It was also tiny village upon closer inspection. There was waterfalls and colorful plants everywhere which made it hard to find the buildings due to camouflage._

_The Halcandran and the Jester stared at the village in awe. It looked so peaceful and relaxing that they can already feel themselves drifting off to a peaceful sleep._

_"Are you guys still behind me?" Apple broke their silence. It seems that she wasn't lying when she said she didn't easily fall asleep like normal noddies._

_"Uh! Yes, we are" Magolor answered back after shaking himself out of his near daydream._

_"Yeah, yeah, Apple," Marx yawned and grumbled. "Also what gives with the atmosphere here? I feel like about to pass out and die over here!"_

_"What atmosphere?" she tilted her head in confusion right until she realized what he meant. "Oh, the _atmosphere."

* * *

"So they go on and on about how the village came to be and how there's a fountain at the center of the village. I'm not going to present it all to you; you can read it in the actual story if you want. I'm just going to skip to the end of it here.

* * *

_Magolor cautiously floated over to the scale, looking at the details of the scale with interest. He could really feel it's sleepiness power have an effect on him, but he continued to study it._

_His eyes widened from realization on what exactly it was. He flew over to Marx and began shaking him with absolute excitement._

_"HOLY GAMBLE GALAXY! MARX, WE'RE LOOKING AT A SCALE OF THE DREAMIDIA DRAGON!"_

* * *

Both Magolor and Marx sat in confusion, glancing at each other, then back at the story. They struggled to say a word, but then Marx piped up.

"Uh… the _what?_"

* * *

_"You don't understand! While I was doing research on Landia, I happened to come across data on Dreamidia! That dragon is one of the most sought after legends _ever_. It has a huge hoard of treasure, most of which contains unspeakable amounts of power!"_

* * *

"Okay, I've seen a lot of strange headcanons in my day," Magolor said, breaking out of his confused stupor, "but this has to be one of the strangest. Not that it's bad or anything, I mean, if you were to write a story based on just the dragon, I would totally read it. It's just that it comes straight out of left field and it ties to almost nothing."

"So after some more conversations that don't matter, nighttime rolls around, and we find a place to sleep.

* * *

_Once they were absolutely sure they were alone, they began discussing their situation._

_"So…." Marx started. "Do you trust her? I don't. At all."_

_"Well no, not particularly," Magolor was twiddling his thumbs. "She seems okay, but there's an off feeling I have about all of this, Marx."_

_"Exactly why I don't trust her. All of this is super convenient. She happened to bknow exactly where we were hiding, and that she's a noddy living in a village where everyone but her, sleeps."_

* * *

"Sure, that seems strange," Marx commented, "but this is a Fanfiction. She was obviously just playing the role of Deus ex Machina."

* * *

_A particularly loud snore comes from the sleeping dreamer in the other bed. Both Marx and Magolor stared at them. An intense curiosity took over the two._

_Magolor, not caring that this was particularly rude, went over and quickly removed the covers to see who was sleeping in it._

_Revealed to them, a familiar face was sleeping in the bed, much to their surprise._

* * *

"The identity of whom shall be revealed in the next chapter!..." Magolor announced. "... whenever the author decides to write it."

"I enjoyed this story; it even got a few laughs out of me at certain points. The plot was engaging enough to keep me wanting to know what happens next, even though it tends to drone on sometimes. The only problems I really have with this fic is the pacing and its grammatical errors. The story wasn't _too_ bad; but it could've been better."

"Well, now that the review is over," Marx chimed in, "what do we do now?"

"Psst!" went a voice from over at entrance of the café. They turned to see Gryll waving at them.

**The End**

Performed by Magolor, Marx, and Gryll

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

SpongeBob SquarePants — Club SpongeBob

Game Theory: Kirby…Dream Land's Biggest THREAT! pt 1

Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

HAL Laboratory

TV Tropes

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: **TinyURL: y3cmmjjg**_

_Oh! I also have a poll on my profile. I encourage you to go there and vote._


	9. Gryll Reviews: Detective Pikachu

**Magical Friends Media Presents…**

**Gryll's Reviews and Rants**

**Episode 01: Detective Pikachu**

* * *

Gryll waved to the nonexistent audience and said, "Hello, everyone! I'm Gryll, and this my review of _Pokémon: Detective Pikachu!"_

"But before we begin," she continued, sounding a little more serious, "I'd like to talk about the controversial history of movie adaptations for video games."

"So, in the 1990's, Hollywood was losing steam. They needed some fresh ideas, and _fast._ The moronic bigwigs that make up the film industry saw that the video game industry was booming, and they decided that making a movie out of a video game would be a great idea. So, in 1993, we were blessed with the release of _Super Mario Bros,_ the movie."

"That is to say, it was disgraceful," Gryll frowned.

"The movie had little to no bearing on the existing canon; if anything, it just made the canon even worse. Plus, the design, writing, and overall representation of the characters were almost entirely off par. Also, I'm sure you can recall at least _one _hilariously stupid quote from the movie:

**King Koopa _(played by Dennis Hopper)_:** Bob-Omb!

**Luigi _(played by John Leguizamo)_:** [Mario's] been my mother my whole life!

**King Koopa:** Monkey!

**King Koopa:** Prepare for destiny! Where's my pizza?

**Luigi:** It's "Mario Mario" and "Luigi Mario."

Gryll stared awkwardly and said, "Yeah, not a very good movie, to say the least."

"And it only got worse from there. _Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Wing Commander, Lara Croft —Tomb Raider— _the list goes on. It has become increasingly obvious that Hollywood is more interested in making video game movies in order to profit off them than making video game movies that are actually good."

"Luckily," she said, her face lightening up, "The Pokémon Company is _not_ a part of Hollywood. Therefore, they actually put effort and thought into their films. Case in point: _Detective Pikachu,_ our topic for today."

"Let's start with the positives. The movie actually did a decent job sticking to the original source material. Sure, I may have never played the game myself, but I at least read the story for the game on Bulbapedia, so you can trust me with this. In fact, I'd say the this movie expanded on some parts of the story in order to make it even _better._ I won't spoil too much of the plot, so those of you who haven't seen it will be able to enjoy this review. But I will say that I give this story an 18 out of 25.

"As for the visuals, I have one thing to say: they were _fantastic._ The scenery and the design of the city was stunning. The Pokémon designs were just fabulous. All of the effects and hidden easter eggs were so awesome that it makes you want to watch the movie again and analyze every single entire movie was just eye candy— the kind that gives you a sugar rush and leaves you bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day. I give the visuals a 22 out of 25."

"And finally, the characters. The movie did a great job portraying the characters from the game in a real-life environment. Justice Smith played a pretty good Tim Goodman, and of course, Ryan Reynolds just stole the show as Detective Pikachu. The Pokémon were portrayed pretty darn accurately, except maybe for Jigglypuff—"

"Look, I tried to ignore it," Gryll sighed, "but I feel like I've got to address it. Why did you think it would be a good idea to give Jigglypuff fur? It's the _Balloon Pokémon! _It's not supposed to have fur. Why… just why?"

"Personal preferences aside, though, the characters were played excellently, and I give that a 19 out of 25."

"And now, the negatives. The story was good, but I found a lot of it predictable. In fact, I literally correctly guessed who the twist villain was a half-hour before they were revealed. The visuals were beautiful, but like I addressed before, a few of the Pokémon designs were questionable or just plain dumb. I liked the characters, but when I said Ryan Reynolds stole the show, I actually meant it. He's such a screen hog. At least in Deadpool it was justifiable, since it was a part of his character, but here, it's as if Deadpool transformed into a Pikachu. That just took away from the performance for me."

"Overall, though, I'd say that _Pokémon: Detective Pikachu_ was the best video game movie I've ever seen , and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who loves the Pokémon Pokemon franchise."

Gryll walked over to an electronic board and said, "Now, let's see this movie's final score:"

* * *

**Plot: 18/25**

**Visuals/Effects: 22/25**

**Characters and Acting: 19/25**

**Mr. Mime-iness: 21/25**

**Total Score: 80/100**

* * *

"Well, there you have it. I'm Gryll, this was my review of _Detective Pikachu,_ and I hope you hated it."

Gryll tipped her hat and walked off to the left.

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

_Illusion Fox Reviews_ by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Brain Dump by hotdiggetydemon

HAL Laboratory


	10. Magolor's Guide to Dreamland

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**The following review is rated K+.**

A bright blue background appeared, and Dream Friend Magolor from _Kirby Star Allies_ began to play. With this, a silhouette of Magolor appeared with the words "Magolor May," written in traditional _Kirby_ font, appeared below the silhouette.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 05: Magolor's Guide to Dreamland by neomeo**

** TinyURL: y5kaogv7**

Magolor straightened himself and said, "Hello everyone, and welcome back to Magolor May!"

"So, the month of May is just about over," he continued, ears drooping. "And you know, it feels I haven't done anything extravagant for this holiday. I almost feel like I've failed myself."

"But don't worry!" he perked up. "Today, I'm doing something I haven't done yet! I'm reading a story from Wattpad!"

Just then, booing began from an unknown location in the café. Magolor ducked for cover when saw a tomato being flung straight towards him.

_Who bring tomatoes to a café?_ he thought, but he quickly threw that question out the window, realizing that he had bigger fish to fry. Once the booing finally stopped, he rose back up to his seat, a serious look in his eyes.

"Look," he began, I'll admit that Wattpad has a bit of a reputation for having… _interesting_ stories, and I really shouldn't be advertising another fanfiction website, but I wanted a nice, laidback story to end this month, and Wattpad is where I found it.

* * *

**_Magolor's Guide to Dream Land_**

**_By: neomeo_**

_Are you new to Kirby or just looking for a friendly little ol' fandom to join? Tired of hearing Author Lady here drone on and on about the Kirby crew? Wanting some Kirby-related laughs? Well, look no further! I'm Magolor, and today I'll be writing about Dreamland and its inhabitants. What?! No Author Lady, at all?! [shocking]_

_Well that's right folks! Just me, myself, and I!_

_Magolor + Education = FUN!_

_*Author Lady's note: I'm hoping Magolor will put himself to good use for once, plus I thought this would be a nice way to end the year off. Hopefully this was a good idea; Magolor, I'm counting on you.*_

_Disclaimer: All Kirby characters belong to their respective owners, i.e. Nintendo and HAL Labs. The Kirby franchise belongs to their respective owners, i.e. Nintendo and HAL Labs. All OCs belong to their respective owners._

_*THERE MAY BE A FEW SPOILERS IN THE INHABITANT HISTORIES AND STUFF. READ AT OWN RISK.*_

_[I'll also probably be editing some stuff that Magolor left out here and there. Basically saying that this is a work-in-progress.]_

* * *

"So this story is essentially an encyclopedia containing everything there is to know about Dream Land, as told by me, of course. Not much to this one, but it sounds like it should be a lot of fun to read, so let's get started."

"We begin with a little foreword written by yours truly…"

* * *

_Heyo! This is your favorite Halcandran, Magolor, writing everything here on this page today._

_YES_

**_I AM WRITING_**

**_I LOVE THIS POWER SO MUCH_**

* * *

"I know," Magolor said, feeling extraordinarily giddy. "I love it too. Gives you goosebumps, doesn't it?"

* * *

_Well, I'm just scribbling everything out. Author Lady's typing it up for me 'cause my glove-finger thingies don't work well for typing. I try hitting one key and then end up hitting five other different letters. :/ Typical._

_So, what's this book thingie I'm writing here? WELLLL, it's gonna be a little Dreamland almanac, of all the Dreamland inhabitants and places and important stuff. And I'LL BE WRITING ALL OF IT MUAHAHAHAHA_

_SO MUCH POWER_

* * *

"Enjoy it while you can, buddy," Magolor chuckled, shaking his head. "I betcha Author Lady's going to censor you out and write her own thing, just like CNN." He sat there in silence for a moment before commenting, "Yeah, that's right. I'm making political commentary now."

"Anyway, next chapter marks the actual start of the guide, and we begin the only way possible— by talking about Kirby."

* * *

_Name: Kirby_

_[a.k.a. Kirbs, Kaabi, Warrior of the Stars, Kirby of the Stars]_

_Gender: Male_

_Appearance: Pink, round ball of kindness with these big magenta feet that he can somehow run and skip with without falling flat on his face. Quite impressive._

* * *

"Setting aside the obvious inaccuracy that his feet are red instead of magenta, I have to agree: I don't understand how Kirby is able to walk with those feet. In fact, how can _anyone_ walk in _Kirby _games? Apart from Adeleine, no one has legs, just feet. How is that supposed to work? MatPat, start taking notes!"

* * *

_Personality: He has to be the kindest dude I know. Like, he's still my friend even though, err, I MIGHT have betrayed him?_

_... Yeah, still working out the details._

* * *

"You don't have to lie, man. It's been almost ten years. Just about everyone knows what you've done by now."

* * *

_Powers: He can inhale any creature or object, copy its abilities, and then use those abilities to his advantage. I'm told the creature/ object usually stays unharmed unless if he wishes to harm the creature._

_You have to watch him in action, though. VERY cool. Much applause._

_He also knows a few moves of his own, and has this really cool Warp Star majingie that he travels and surfs the world on. I'm hoping to get one for my birthday some day, but I heard only Star Warriors have Warp Stars._

_[Star Warrior: A soldier that waged war against Nightmare, the big baddie of the galaxy. They also fought against Nightmare's minions. All of them died in the war except for Meta Knight, and Kirby came after the war happened, so thus, the two known Star Warriors alive. Very sad, I know.]_

_History: It's not certain. All we know is that he crashed down on Dreamland in a star ship from space, previously in hyper sleep. It's all very confusing. Then he started battling the monsters that were sent after him by King Dedede, and by extension, Nightmare. Yup, kinda complicated, but I'm sure things will straighten out later, when I describe the fabulous tyrant we all love: King Dedede._

* * *

"Why do people always combine the game canon with the anime canon and act like they're the same?" Magolor asked. "I don't have a problem with it, it's just that they're so obviously different. If you're gonna mix the two together, I'd like at least _some_ kind of disclaimer, please."

* * *

_My Opinion on Kirby:_

_KIRBY IS LIKE_

_#1 PUFF_

_BEST PUFF I HAVE MET TO DATE_

_He's a pretty cool friend to have, and he's practically like family to me. We were once enemies, but now we're close pals; that's how kind Kirby is._

* * *

"But that's also because he'll beat me up if I don't be nice to him. That's not a big problem, though, so things are usually pretty chill between us."

* * *

_I personally think Meta Knight should be more like him._

_[DID'YA HEAR THAT, METY?!]_

**_Author Lady's note: Please ignore the above sentence, Meta. Magolor's simply being himself. Also try not to anger Meta Knight and his fangirls, Mags. I don't think you'd want a mob of people chasing after you._**

* * *

"Don't worry, Author Lady," Magolor smugly replied. "I'm used to it."

"So with that smooth transition, we move on to the next chapter, which is about Meta Knight."

* * *

_Name: Meta Knight_

_[a.k.a. Mety, Mety Not, Mety Knot, Meta, Mexican Vampire, Knight of the Galaxy, the Strongest Warrior, the Lone Soldier]_

_Gender: Male_

_[and in my opinion, a cranky one :/ ]_

**_Author Lady's note: Magolor, if you can't write Meta Knight without coming off as extremely biased, I'm taking your pencil away for this chapter._**

_[Okay, okay, fine. He's not that cranky. He's mainly just cranky and grumpy and stuff to me.]_

* * *

"Oh, come now," Magolor said. "It's not like you don't deserve it."

* * *

_Appearance: Round, blue puffball with fuchsia-magenta feet that he usually covers up with purple armor and black socks. He typically wears a silver metal mask and shoulder shield thingies that are dark gray, presumably for protection, though, honestly he _could_ do away with the mask. I'm not sure why he always keeps it on, even when he's sleeping._

_He also wears white gloves and a Dimensional cape that can morph into wings, and wields the all-powerful sword, Galaxia._

_[Galaxia: A powerful sword crafted by the ruler of the fire people, and can only be held by the chosen warrior(s).]_

_Not to mention that heavily accented voice of his._

**_AHAHAHA how could one forget? ^^^_**

* * *

"Hey!" Magolor shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. "Don't make fun of Meta Knight's accent! It's the best part of the _Kirby_ anime, and if you disagree, then you have no soul!"

* * *

_Personality: Uh, what personality? I see none._

**_Author Lady's note: MAGOLOR._**

_Hey, I'm speaking the truth! He's always a big pain in the neck when I talk to him!_

* * *

"Again, you brought that on yourself. Stop acting like you did nothing wrong."

* * *

**_Author Lady's note: :/ Fine, then I'll describe him. Meta Knight's your typical knight: chivalrous, honorable, and fearless. He's also quite observant, intelligent, and clever, as well as stealthy and knowledgeable, probably due to his overflowing experience in the army. He's made many girls swoon, I'm sure, with his noble actions and epicness-_**

_Like that isn't biased. You're basically one of his fangirls._

**_I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear that. Meta Knight is very protective of the people he loves and cares for, though he doesn't tend to show it too often. He tries to retain a stoic, nonchalant demeanor and doesn't show his emotions externally save for his eyes when he's wearing his mask. His eyes will turn different colors with his mask on, depending on what mood he's in. He's also quite wise and can detect most things easily, like lies or underlying motives._**

* * *

"Well, he didn't seem to notice my evil plan," Magolor commented. "Or maybe he did, and just decided to see where it goes. It's hard to tell with that guy."

* * *

_Powers: Oh, gosh, he has a lot of powers._

_That's probably how he got banned from Smash for being so OP._

**_Mags... -_-_**

_Hey, I'm just stating the facts here._

* * *

"Why does that warrant an 'smh' moment from the Author Lady? If anything, that was a _compliment_."

* * *

_My Opinion on Meta Knight:_

_Honestly, even though we have a bit of hatred going on, he's a pretty cool guy. I get why he's always suspicious of me and stuff, I guess._

_Author Lady, some input?_

**_Well, I think Meta Knight is pretty epic, and a really cool puffball to be around. I'd love to hug him one day, but I don't think he'd be happy with that. He's a great puff once you get to know him, and I hope he and Mags actually get along one day. It'd be nice to have them talk to each other like civilized puffballs without trying to shred the other to pieces._**

_Tough luck. That's _never_ going to happen._

* * *

"I have to agree here. Meta Knight has a thing for holding grudges…"

"Whatever. Next chapter!"

* * *

_Name: [King] Dedede_

_[a.k.a. Fatso, Dedede, the king, the blue penguin, tyrant]_

_Gender: Male_

_[He's quite the selfish, greedy king, though he still has some good inside of him.]_

**_"Some good."_**

* * *

"What's that supposed to mean?" Magolor asked. "Are you saying he can't be nice? Have you played the games? He's done some good things!"

* * *

_King Dedede is basically a blue, chubby penguin with red and yellow clothes. He has this big fluffy red robe, and some pajama-esque tan clothing-_

**_Magolor…_**

_Hey, I'm tellin' the truth like it is!_

* * *

"What's your problem, Author Lady? I don't see any problems here."

* * *

_He also has this red beanie-hat thing with a white pom on the top and golden stuff lining the bottom, and wields a big, scary hammer used to knock "dat dere Kirbeh" out into space._

**_Wow, such amazing spelling._**

_Hey, I'm not wrong, am I?_

* * *

"He's right, you know. You can't talk about Dedede without bringing up his voice from the anime.

**Anime!Dedede:** I'LL KICK DAT KIRBEH TO DA KIRB!

* * *

_Personality: Let's be real; Dedede's probably more of a glutton than Meta Knight is._

**_*sigh.* Magolor…_**

_It's true! Haven't you seen his kitchen and all the dishes he's served daily? It's incredible!_

* * *

"Besides, it wouldn't be true if there weren't…" he paused, counting on his fingers, "_four_ games that showcased it."

* * *

_He's also kind of a tsundere…_

* * *

Magolor was flabbergasted for a brief moment, trying to stifle a laugh, until he said, "Bro, you did _not _go there. You didn't. I refuse to believe that you did."

* * *

_I mean, he does care about Dreamland and "Kirbeh," although he tries to hide it by fighting Kirby all the time with his hammer and a bunch of monsters from N.M.E. So he's a tsundere: cold on the outside, but caring on the inside!_

* * *

"That…" he began, ready to off on a frustration-induced tangent, until suddenly calming down and saying, "...that actually makes sense."

* * *

_Hmm... but... despite his many flaws, Triple D DID help me find the Lor Starcutter, so…_

_[And uh, I might have betrayed him and he might have forgiven me...]_

_So I guess he is a decent penguin after all. A selfish, jerk-y, decent penguin._

* * *

"Which means we don't have to talk about him anymore," Magolor quickly said. "Next!"

* * *

_Name: Escargoon [the Snail]_

_[a.k.a. escargot, stuck-up lil shotzo, Dedede's Right-Hand Man]_

_Gender: Male_

_[literally the most stuck-up, arrogant, insufferable snail you will EVER meet]_

**_Magolor, uh, let's try to stay unbiased, shall we?_**

* * *

"Again, I'm a little ticked off that we're mixing in things from the anime, but whatever, let's see where this goes."

* * *

_Appearance: Light purple-ish icky snail body, weird facial hair (how do snails even have facial hair?), teal eyes, green snail shell that's more like a teal mixture of green than it is REAL green, y'know, but-_

**_Magolor, don't go off topic on me AGAIN. "Real" green?_**

_Okay, but REAL green. REALLLL-_

**_Alright, we're moving onto the next trait._**

_HEY_

* * *

"What even _is _'Real Green?'" Magolor thought out loud. "Is it the green I wore when I was a shopkeeper that one time? Because if it is, then I could imagine that looking pretty good on him."

* * *

_Personality: A smarter version of King Dedede? Yeah, way smarter. He has his good moments, but far, far more bad moments, lemme tell ya', always meddlesome and sticking his stuck-up nose into other matters and acting all high and almighty icantstandit-_

**_Objectivity, Mags._**

_AM I WRONG_

_I mean, I guess he's OKAY. He does suck up to Dedede a lot (though that's his job) and is pretty witty with his insults. I like his insults._

**_That_**

**_okay._**

* * *

"I agree."

* * *

_Ehhh, I guess he's alright. Pretty smart, too. A different color shell would really liven up his skin a bit though-_

**…**

_No, like really! REAL green works wonders, hon. You wouldn't know because Escargoon here doesn't have REAL green on his shell._

**_..._**

* * *

"Yeah, that's pretty much it for this story," Magolor said. "It's not awful, but it's not awesome or cool or anything like that. I guess it's just one of those stories you would read when you're bored. I suggest you go on Wattpad and check out this story for yourself. I don't see any harm in it."

"I'm Magolor, and this is officially the end of Magolor May!" He got up from his seat and headed off to the right.

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Game Theory

HAL Laboratory

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: **TinyURL: y3cmmjjg**_

_Oh! I also have a poll on my profile. I encourage you to go there and vote._


	11. Mario Is Missing (Part 1)

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning: The following review is rated T because there's cursing and drugs and stuff.**

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 06: Mario is Missing by Sky's Penname**

** TinyURL: yy4bt8ws**

_The rain outside pitter-pattered on the windows, creating a soothing effect in __the Kirby Café. It was Wednesday, which only meant one thing to me: it was time once again to review a story for the Internet's enjoyment. Unfortunately for me, today's story promises to be a doozy, so I need all of the calm I can get. The rain, the warm lights, and the incense I brought from home created an aura of soothing feelings that was so strong that nothing could break it._

_Well… _almost_ nothing…_

Marx walked into the café, cheery as ever. "Hey, hey, hey!" he exclaimed. "Are you ready to review this… thing…"

His train of thought was cut short once he saw how Magolor was dressed on this particular day. He spent a few moments analyzing his wardrobe, letting it sink into his mind. Then, without warning, he burst into a giant fit of laughter, howling and guffawing like a rabid hyena. Magolor was unable to say anything, only being able to scowl at his friend and his buffoonery. After nearly a full minute of laughing, Marx was finally able to calm himself down.

"What are you _wearing?_" Marx said at last.

_Indeed, I had changed from my usual garb into a more fashionable design. __My robes now looked more like a suit, and I replaced my hood with a wide-brimmed hat which split in half at the top, making it end in two pronounced points. I had a scarf wrapped around my nonexistent neck, and my hands were wrapped in tan-colored gloves._ **[1]**

_What can I say? I like this dapper look._

"It's my _detective look_," Magolor boldly stated.

"You look like Lucky Luciano sent straight from Gangsta's Paradise," Marx remarked, fighting back tears from his laughing fit.

"Hey, you may not like it," the Halcandran said, striking a pose, "but this is the _cutting-edge _of fashion."

"Yeah, any more cutting-edge, and you'll need a _straight razor_. Why do look like that, anyway?"

"_Because!_ After Magolor May, I'm feeling Kirby'd out. So I started looking into other franchises, and found what may be the best _Mario_ mystery _ever!_"

* * *

**_Mario is Missing_**

**_By: Sky's Penname_**

_New Donk City. A tough place to live, and an even tougher place to do the right thing. Plumbing, detectiving... you still find yourself cleaning up other people's messes, and if you're not careful you end up in crap. It's all the same in the end. Without my brother around, things have only gotten worse. I need to find him._

* * *

"So by the looks of it," Magolor continued, "Luigi finally gets to put on his big boy pants and search for his missing brother. Goombella and Toadette make appearances, too, so that should be fun. Anyway, enough of this intro, let's get down to business!"

"Don't tell me you're gonna be wearing_ that_ the whole time," Marx groaned.

"I am," Magolor said dramatically, "and may I remind you that you don't have to be here."

"Great. I'm out."

Magolor yelled out to Marx, but by the time he began to speak, he was already out the door.

_Well, fine by me. I don't need him. The best detectives work alone, anyway._

"So we begin this story with Luigi essentially giving his version of a detective's inner monologue."

* * *

_Neon lights flashed through my window from a mushroom sign speckled with white and red. The red jumped out at me. It bled out into the carpet, it told me dark stories I didn't want to hear._

_New Donk City was quiet tonight or as quiet as it could be with the pouring rain, the endless traffic outside, and the noisy Shy Guys next door. For a people with 'Shy' in the name, they seemed awfully loud when to themselves._

_But the Shy Guys weren't the problem tonight. There were a lot of problems. A lot of problems everywhere, always! The microwave never worked, for one, no matter how many times I complained to Pete, our Pianta landlord. Why would Piantas even want to live in New Donk? They clearly hate it here! It's always damp, dark, and awful, but at least it's not as bad as that humid sunny island they seem to love so much._

* * *

"Three paragraphs in, and I've already fallen in love with this story. Each sentence is eloquently phrased and full of detail, but not full of so much detail that it make you want to completely skip over them. It all blends together in such a beautiful way, and it feels like every _word_ comes together to make the story an amazing experience overall."

"But enough confessing my love for this fic. Let's continue, shall we?"

* * *

_I stared out into the rainy window and let out a sigh. This whole city was full of problems. This world was a scary place, but none of it seemed to matter anymore. There was only one thing on my mind, one thing repeating over and over._

_Mario is missing. _

_I shouldn't think like that, I know I shouldn't! I'm sure he's just out working a case, getting too deep into it. It wouldn't be the first time! Mario takes his private eye job very seriously. Everybody knows about the famous Detective Mario! Whenever there's a robbery or a mystery or a… er, um, well I hate to write it but, _murder_, Mario is almost always the first to get the call!_

* * *

"Well," Magolor said, "looks like we can add 'detective' to Mario's constantly growing resume." He paused for a moment, and then said, "You know what, I don't care. What is this game and where can I buy it?"

* * *

_The chief of New Donk's police force seems to be quite fond of him, too. The 'Princess' they call her, though she's anything but spoiled royalty. She's overworked and understaffed, bless her, but she's always trying to rid the city of its crimes the best she can._

_I'm not a gossipy person by any means, but _I_ think she gets the nickname because she's the old Chief Toadstool's daughter. The old chief was a Toad! They say she's his legitimate daughter, but, well, I have my doubts. I just don't say them out loud._

* * *

"Hold up. You're saying that Princess Peach is the _chief of police?_ Is this supposed to be like in _Dr. Mario_, where she was a nurse, or in _NES Open Tournament Golf_, where she was Mario's caddy?" He went completely stiff once he realized what he had just said. Feeling upset, he raised his fists and shouted, _"Curse you, Gryll! Your five-hour-long gaming sessions have turned me into a nerd!"_

* * *

_That's it. I should just call her! I should call Princess Peach and ask her if she's spoken to my brother! That's all! It won't be too hard, she won't be mad! Sure, we've only spoken maybe once or twice over the years, but she… she likes me, right? She wouldn't hate Mario's brother, right? Even if I am just a worthless plumber who couldn't solve a mystery to save my life._

_Oh no. Oh, she must think that, doesn't she? Everyone surely does. We're the Mario Bros. Detective Agency, but everyone _must_ know that I never help. I'm never out there with Mario!_

_No! No, no, this is bigger than you, Luigi! Come on, you can do it! You can call her!_

_I reached for the phone and already I noticed my trembling fingers. Why must I be like this?! I lifted the phone off the receiver and I heard that dreaded dial tone buzzing, demanding I do something with it._

_Call her! Call her, come on_

_I put in six digits. Only one more number. Just press this number and you'll be calling the chief of police's emergency personal line! That's all! No big deal. Just press it, Luigi, come on! Mario wouldn't hesitate to call if you were missing!_

* * *

Magolor rubbed his temples and said, "Look, Luigi, I love you, man. _Everyone_ loves you. We all went nuts when you died in the Belmonts' Super _Smash Bros. Ultimate_ reveal, but seriously, you need to grow a pair. Stop acting like you can't do anything! Remember King Boo? Mario didn't stand a chance against him, but _you_ beat him! _Twice!_ Probably even _three times_ by the end of this year! You're capable of _so much_! Why can't you just embrace it?

_As I continued to berate Luigi and his unrealistic levels of cowardice, I heard the entrance to the café open up. That's when I saw him walk in._

_ He wore one of those deerstalker hats (the kind Sherlock Holmes wore), and he carried a magnifying glass. Why an unstoppable Star Warrior would need a magnifying glass, I'll never know._

"Poyo!" Kirby exclaimed, his usual, jolly Kirby self, and walked on up to Magolor.

Magolor, seeing the pink puffball looking like this, could only think of one thing:

"Marx told you about my review and my outfit, didn't he?"

"Poyo!" Kirby nodded.

"I see…"

"…"

"So you're here to help me review this story and not to make fun of my getup, right?"

Kirby nodded.

"Okay, then. Let's continue."

* * *

Bang bang bang bang!

_Someone knocked at our door, the sudden noise causing the phone to slip out of my gloves with a jolt. I suppressed the urge to scream because the Shy Guys next door kept complaining about that, and then Pete would show up knocking and ask what the ruckus was all about and-_

Knockknockknockknock!

_"W-we're-a closed!" I mumbled, cursing my awkward stutter. This was why I didn't like talking!_

* * *

"Was Luigi this much of a coward during those Smash tournaments you keep talking about?" Magolor asked Kirby.

"Poyo," Kirby replied.

"Oh… okay. So I can't pin the blame on the author, huh?"

* * *

_The door went quiet for a moment, as if contemplating if it wanted to keep being knocked on. It then said, '_Yeah actually, I still wanna be knocked on._'_

* * *

"Oh, great," Magolor chuckled. "This story suddenly turned into _Undertale._"

**_*Ahh, what a beautiful knock… !_**

**_*Maybe if I don't answer, I'll hear it again._**

**_*Ahh, my patience rewards me._**

"Actually, that doesn't surprise me, seeing how this author mostly writes _Undertale_ stories."

* * *

_"Stop being weird and open up already!"_

_No! I'm never opening up! Leave me alone!_

_"Okey dokey," I said. Why do I do this._

_Despite my brain's insistence on keeping the door locked, despite wanting to be left alone right now, I found my legs moving towards the source of the horrid yelling. With an extremely _un_satisfying click, I unlocked the door. Immediately it swung open, practically throwing me back against Mario's desk._

_"Finally!" the woman shouted with a huff. "I expected better service from the famous Mario Brothers!" Her bright blue eyes scanned over our office wildly, as if she were looking for some kind of hidden treasure. "Kind of a dump. You live here?"_

_Her legs were tanned and fit, probably from years of sports and other strenuous activities. I felt the strangest urge to categorize the height of said legs. I don't know why. Maybe it was the fact she was wearing very short shorts on a rainy day? I felt her piercing gaze land on me and quickly averted my eyes. Her brown hair was short and stylish. Clearly someone with a lot of time and money on her hands._

* * *

"Let me guess…" Magolor began. "It's Daisy."

"Poyo," Kirby said to Magolor.

"'How do I know?' What other _Mario_ character can you think of that matches that description?"

Kirby opened his mouth to speak, paused for a second, and then stopped to think.

"My point exactly."

* * *

_"This city," she sighed, pressing her hand against her forehead. "You guys have fun, but you're all weirdos and freaks. Guess that's why I like it here. Better than back home. Nothin' to do there except play tennis or golf or whatever with all the rich assholes."_

_Ah! I am not okay with that language!_

* * *

"Neither am I," Magolor said flatly. "This story is supposed to be K+. I greatly disapprove of this false advertising."

"Poyo," Kirby said, covering his "ears."

* * *

_The woman appeared to completely forget why she was even here. "You okay with smoking in your office? I mean I assume that's what the Fire Flower here is for."_

_I shook my head, the universal sign for no!_

_However, this woman was apparently from another universe._

_"Great, cool," she said, taking out a cigarette from her pocket. Before I could protest, (not that I'd have been able to protest) she placed the gross thing between her lips in what I could only imagine was a kissing position. Without so much as a warning, she leaned closer towards me and my heart nearly bursted out of my chest._

_My Fire Flower lit the edge of her cigarette. She took a slow drag from it, fire and ashes burning where the once clean stick used to be. Disgusting! I couldn't help but notice the calming effect it had on her though. Her excited demeanor changed as she exhaled a black cloud of smoke into my face, like she was expelling all the Bad inside of her. There was a lot of Bad. I coughed, but she didn't mind._

_She leaned back with a quiet sigh, her eyes staring out to the same white and red neon mushroom sign outside the window. "Ah. That's much better."_

* * *

Magolor couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Great, so Daisy _smokes _now, too? I know I should be upset about this, but I think I've just gone numb."

"So Daisy introduces herself, Luigi explains that he isn't Mario, they get into a bit of a kerfuffle, and then Daisy finally decides to get back on track."

* * *

_Daisy's face contorted in disgust. "Well, whatever. None of that matters to me." Although, it clearly _did_ matter to her a little. "I need help and I don't care if you're Mario's cousin! You're going to help me"_

_Oh, believe me, you would not want our cousin helping you._

* * *

"That is true. Wario would just be in it for the money… Wait a minute. Wario isn't even their cousin. What are you talking about?"

* * *

_I tried my best to tell her no. I really did! I shook my head, I said sorry I can't, I teared up a little, and I cowered at her powerful gaze! Usually this gets me out of anything anyone asks me. I've learned that if you look pathetic enough (and boy, do I look pathetic) that most people will stop asking for your help._

_Daisy was not most people._

_"Quit your crying, will you?" Daisy demanded. And for whatever reason, my body obeyed her commands. I couldn't even force a sniffle. "Now are you going to help me or not?"_

_No! Absolutely not! Never in a million years! What could I possibly do to help you?!_

_"Okey dokey," I said with a slow nod. Argh! Why am I constantly in a losing war with myself?!_

* * *

"Because you're Nintendo's punching bag," Magolor remarked. "You're nothing but a joke to them anymore. Heck, like I mentioned before, they _killed you_ during the Belmonts' reveal for _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_. No matter how hard you try, Nintendo will constantly ridicule you and use you for comic relief."

* * *

_I guess Daisy was known as some sort of sports celebrity over in her city? At least, that's what she told me. Everyone knew her! Everyone but, uh, me. I'm not much of a sports fan, I'm more into cartoons. She wasn't just a master at one sport either! Tennis, golf, soccer, you name it! This woman was at the top of every game somehow!_

_"But it's just so boring, you know?" Daisy sighed, arm dangling ungracefully over the chair. She stared out into the neon signs of the dark city again. "I don't wanna play sports anymore. I wanna go somewhere dark and gritty and gross! I wanna party with Goombas and Koopas! Maybe even some Bandits! I wanna try what those Shy Guys next door are selling!"_

_Okay, well, I don't know how relevant any of that was, but I wrote it down anyway. Also, what are those awful Shy Guys making!? Nothing illegal, I hope! Oh, Mario is far too kind! He probably knew what they were up to and never told the police._

* * *

"Really, Sky?" Magolor said angrily. "You're making Daisy do drugs now? How did you even get away with that K+ rating? You're a madman, Sky! Can you believe this guy, Kirby?"

He turned over to where Kirby was sitting, but he saw that Kirby was nowhere to be found. The only thing left where he was sitting was his hat and magnifying glass.

_Hmm… I guess the story was becoming too much for the little guy. Can't say I __blame him._

* * *

_"Ah, well, anyway," Daisy huffed, as if none of this illegal activity was a big deal. "The other day I was over in Bowser's Castle, right?"_

_Bowser's Castle!? Even I knew that place! That's a dance club/casino run by the infamous 'King' Bowser! It's his base of operations! Chief Peach and even Mario have tried to pin a crime on him for years, but nothing ever seems to stick. The guy always comes out squeaky clean. Evidence goes missing. Witnesses strangely don't want to talk anymore._

_Why would Daisy want to go to a place like that?! It's just asking for trouble! Mario always told me to stay away from there, told me never to get involved in something so dangerous. It seemed there was no one around to tell Daisy that though. That's kind of sad, isn't it?_

_"That Bowser certainly knows how to run a place!" Daisy went on, Power Stars in her eyes. "I've never had so much fun in all my life! Oh, the music was so dark but so cool! The people there didn't treat me like a stuffy celebrity. They knew who I was, but I could tell if I let my guard down for even a second, I might wake up missing a liver in an alley somewhere."_

_And what about that sounds fun!?_

* * *

"So let's see if I understand how this world works…" Magolor began, "Mario and Luigi are detectives, Peach is the chief of police, Bowser is a Lv.100 Boss in _Mafia City,_ and Daisy is a washed-up sports star who would rather be a drug-addicted slum than bathing in the riches she currently has." He paused for a moment, but then he put on a serious expression and tense music began to play.

"Ten out of ten. Ten out of ten— hundred out of a hundred. Best fic. _Best fic—_"

* * *

_"Right, so, keep this to yourself. Confidentiality and whatever," Daisy said, waving the words away like a troublesome fly. "I couldn't get in to see Bowser himself, and I admit, I really wanted to! But I did get to meet his right-hand woman! Kammy Koopa! She's kind of a stuck up old hag, but she sold me some amazing, uh…" She stopped and glared at me. "You're not gonna snitch on me, right?"_

_I really should, shouldn't I? For her own sake._

_I shook my head, no. I would be too scared to snitch on her._

_"Good. She sold me the most amazing Royal Syrup I've ever had in my whole life!" Again, I saw the Power Stars in her eyes, but this time it was slightly more disconcerting._

_There was a blankness there that I didn't like, a thing that muted her, that almost controlled her. I've heard about Syrup addicts. I've seen them on the street. It's a sad state of affairs. It's commonly used to treat sickness, (lethargy, unable to power up, that sort of thing) but Bowser's gang makes the stuff illegally._

* * *

"Syrup addicts, huh?" Magolor thought out loud. "Gotta be a better situation than using heroin to combat opiate addiction."**[2]**

"Anyways, Daisy explains that after waking up from a syrup-induced blackout, she found out that someone stole her crown, which she asks Luigi to recover. Although he is reluctant at first, Luigi sets out to solve the case."

* * *

_I stood at the stoop of our building's entrance, staring out into the dripping city. A quiet rustling came from down on the sidewalk below. Rats, probably. Or maybe a Squeek. Gross._

_Now that I was standing here, I had to think. What in the world should I even be doing!? I promised to help Daisy find her crown but… how would I even begin? I didn't even know what the crown looked like! Maybe I should have asked more questions…_

_Or maybe I should forget all that and focus on Mario? Oh, there was too much, too much! Too much anxiety, too much worry, too much city! I'll never be able to find this crown, I'll never be able to find my brother!_

_I slapped myself across the face a little harder than I probably should have._

… _Relax! Relax, Luigi! Come on! Let's take this one step at a time. That's what Mario would do! He wouldn't worry, he wouldn't let anything get to him. Maybe he wasn't always sure what to do, but he'd always take a step forward. Maybe that's all I need to do? Take a step forward. That's something I can do! One step forward into the city! Small steps towards goals! Let's do it! I'm de best!_

_I let out a determined huff and nodded, a stern and serious frown across my lips. Yeah! I can do this. I gotta be tough and grizzled like every other detective. I took my first confident step forward into the city, into the mystery, and into the courageous brand-new Luigi!_

_Everything was going extremely well until my foot attempted to land on solid ground. Something hard, yet strangely soft found itself under the sole of my shoe. It squeaked and screamed and writhed in anger, knocking me off my balance and down onto the damp dirty sidewalk face first._

* * *

**_Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaahhh!_**

Magolor smiled and shrugged.

* * *

_"Ow ow, hey!" a voice screeched. "What the hell are you doing!?" Although I was dazed and staring at my bruised nose, I attempted to stay confident! Using my hearing skills, I noticed it was a female voice!_

_"Did… did you just try to stomp me?" she asked, a tinge of disgust and horror in her voice. "I knew this city had some creeps, I knew people didn't treat us Goombas right, but ohmigosh! I can't believe you'd try to do this in public! And to an officer of the law! I'd say you're brave, but you're the worst kind of sleezebag there is!"_

_I clearly hit a sore spot here. Also, my back. My back hurt. I tried my best to apologize, but this woman was not having it. Her tiny form towered over my nose in front of me. The first thing that stood out was the dark blue of her uniform and the bright red and white letters printed on it. _NDPD_._

_"You're under arrest for assaulting an officer!" she yelled, her blonde hair a wet mess and looking like the bottom of my shoe for some reason. She reached into her tiny jacket's pocket and pulled out a pair of handcuffs which was impressive considering she was a Goomba._

_Things started turning into a kind of kerfuffle, and she maybe even muttered a curse under her breath as she struggled to get the cuffs around my wrists with nothing but her feet and her fangs. "Stop struggling, creep!"_

_I'm not! I'm trying to help put my hands behind my back! Although, ow, that hurts, wait, let me just stretch for a second?_

_"Won't come quietly, will you!?" she yelled as one of my arms flailed in dismay, a cuff clinking along against it. "You like bonkin' people on the head, do ya? Well, let's see how _you_ like it!"_

**Bonk!**

_I didn't like it at all. In fact, I didn't like it so much that I sort of blacked out right there. Well, at the very least it got me to stop struggling._

* * *

"_That's all folks!"_

"Nah, I'm just kidding. It's not the end yet, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was."

_My head ached. I was damp, I was dirty, I was unconscious, and I was under arrest. My first step into the big city was not going well. I knew I could never get anywhere without Mario. At the very least, being unconscious certainly made things easier for me! I didn't have to worry about where I was going or who I was bothering. The swelling on my forehead did hurt, though. Wait, if I'm unconscious, how can I think all this or feel that?_

_Oh no. I'm pretending to be unconscious, aren't I?!_

* * *

**_Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaahhh!_**

Magolor smiled and shrugged.

"So Luigi wakes up at what seems like an interrogation room, and Princess Peach and Goombella are there as well."

* * *

_"Luigi," Chief Toadstool started. I was not used to anyone saying my name so much. It was usually only my brother. "When was the last time you spoke to or saw Mario?"_

_Oh no. Oh no. My mind raced. Thoughts swirled together in a horrible mishmash like two Yoshis trying to lick the same ice cream cone. This was exactly what I was afraid of, this was exactly what I didn't want to hear! If Princess Peach didn't know where Mario was, things were bad. Things were really bad. What could have happened? What if he was kidnapped? What if he was hurt? What if it was… worse?_

* * *

"This part of the story is pretty long and drawn out," Magolor explained, "so I'll summarize it for you. Basically, he says that Mario came home with dinner,and then they went off and did their own thing for the rest of the night. By the time Luigi woke up, his brother was already gone. He waited for his brother to leave him a phone call, which he usually does, but he never called."

* * *

_"Well, if that's everything, I suppose I should get back to work. Toadsworth has been on my case even more than usual lately, and Bowser's been quiet for too long. It's not like him. Not to mention there's been a surplus of weapons on the streets lately. I think Smithy has been working over time for some odd reason, and Toadsworth wants me to find out why."_

_Smithy? Why did that name sound familiar? And why did it send metallic chills down my spine?_

* * *

"Smithy?" Magolor echoed. "_Smithy's_ a part of this story, too?"

* * *

_Goombella groaned. "Don't I know it. None of the boys have had Cackletta's location confirmed in days either. It's like they know Mario's not around. I don't like it, Chief."_

_And Cackletta? Again, I think I know that name. A celebrity maybe? But there was something fairly awful about it._

* * *

"Cackletta, too? Interesting. We don't hear about these characters a lot. I wonder where this story will go with them."

"So Goombella takes… no, that's not quite the right word, umm… _escorts_ Luigi home."

* * *

_It didn't surprise me to see so many people out on this wet night. Rain was an inevitability in New Donk City. Us New Donkians just got used to it. If you weren't soaked _somewhere_, you weren't in New Donk._

_I noted how clean the streets were here too. No Chain Chomps, no loose Piranha Plants, no leaking pipes in need of fixing, no pot holes, and no Goombas._

_Er. Well. Except Goombella. She walked ahead of me confidently, or at least as confidently as one could in a place where no one else looked like you. She put on a tough face, but if there's one thing I understand, it's the fear of not fitting in._

_"Evenin', Goombella!" said a Toad carrying various items haphazardly in an old crate. Mushrooms jiggled and badges threatened to topple out at any moment._

_"Evening, Thiff. Say hello to Plenn for me, will you? I'll probably stop by later for the usual." With a casual motion she jumped into the air and bonked a falling mushroom back into the perpetual state of unbalance in the Toad's arms, saving him quite a bit of trouble._

_"Can do!"_

_It wasn't long before another cheerful Toad came by. "Hi, Goombella!"_

_"Hello, Minh. Garden doing well in all this rain?"_

_"You bet! My flowers are thirsty little fellas!"_

* * *

"This goes on for a while, basically. I can't say for sure, but I get the feeling that the author is just using this space to show us how much they know about the Mario RPG games. I gotta admit, their knowledge impresses me."

"Anyways, after the _Paper Mario _character showcase, Luigi and Goombella eventually make it to something they can use to get home."

* * *

_A wet tarp stood before us, covering up some large thing that was very mysterious-_

_Goombella grunted and quickly pulled the tarp off with her sharp teeth, ruining the air of mystery I was trying to set up. Underneath it was a cute dark blue scooter with the speckled red and white mushroom of the NDPD on it. At its end a pair of police lights sat forlornly, as if begging to light up, yearning for that thrill of the chase. They didn't seem to be used much. It looked to be a custom-made scooter for Goombas, with its pedals extremely close to the seat._

_"So yeah, this is my ride," Goombella said with a sigh. "Sorry. It's probably not what you were expecting or hoping for."_

_I had to admit, it wasn't what I expected. But to be completely fair, I didn't know what to expect a Goomba could even drive. Why wasn't it parked in front of the station though? Why did she leave it here all alone in this dark alley?_

_Goombella's lips formed a tight line. She was trying to play it tough. "The Toads at the station tease me about it, especially with Toadette gone. They don't mean any harm, I know. I know they don't. Maybe if I just told them it bothered me…"_

_But she couldn't, could she?_

_It was never that easy to tell someone, '_Hey, that hurts my feelings_!' Because then suddenly you're a real person with feelings and emotions. Because then suddenly you're saying to that person '_You've hurt me, you attacked me, you're a horrible person_!' And you don't want to do that._

* * *

"Why not?" Magolor asked. "If someone hurt _me_, physically or otherwise, I'd make sure that they get what they deserve. 'Eye for an eye,' amirite?"

* * *

_"Ssscho," Goombella started, trying to break the silence as she drove. "You know Daishy? _The _Daishy?"_

* * *

"Sure. We're halfway through the chapter. Might as well bring that plot point back up."

* * *

_Her voice wasn't quite so gloomy anymore when she spoke of that woman. I told her that Daisy was actually staying in my apartment right this moment! Like it was an exciting thing and like I actually knew who Daisy was before this night even started._

_"Really? Sssche's at your place? Right now?!" Goombella said excitedly, but still keeping her eyes and mouth on the road. "I … I love Daisy! Like… well not love, like that, y'know? But sche's… schhe's totally like a hero to me!"_

_Huh? Daisy? Of all people? Why?_

_"It's juscht…" Goombella tried not to sound like she was drooling on the handlebars as she craned her whole body to turn left at the intersection. "Sche's so good at sschports!" She coughed. "Sports! I mean. I've always wanted to be good at _any _schport y'know? Tennisch, Golf, Bascheball, Kart Racing… _Schomething!_ And there's just…. Well it's not like there's any Goombash to look up to." We came to a gentle stop at one of the lights, the bright red of it bearing down over both of us. She let her mouth leave the handlebars._

_"I just wish I could do any of that."_

* * *

"Why? You're a _cop._ That's _way_ better than sports!"

"So they stop for a snack, and they talk a bit more about this messed-up alternate universe version of Daisy."

* * *

_I told her about Daisy, the drugs, the gambling, the partying and I told her about the crown I was supposed to find. She watched me, eyes skeptical, disbelief all over her face._

_"Really? Daisy did all that? And lost her crown? No, that can't be right."_

_It's true! She told me all herself! I've known her for about twenty minutes, it all seems very in character for her._

_"But… she's my…. She's, er, a hero! To sports enthusiasts everywhere!" Goombella grumbled, chomping on a Koopa-shelled donut of her own._

* * *

"I'm assuming Goombella never heard of Lance Armstrong," Magolor remarked.

"But the conversation doesn't last long, because some familiar characters enter the scene…"

* * *

_"Wa, it's more turquoise than sapphire," someone said nasally behind her. "I wouldn't say its pretty, waheheh."_

_Goombella grumbled. "Okay, fine. I mean if you wanna argue semantics, I guess."_

_"Will you's be quiets, Rookie!? You's always go blabberin' on when we're tryin' to rob a place, see?!"_

_"Wah," the nasally voice whined. "But boss, we just had the crown! I think I know a little more about what it looks like than she does."_

_"Why I oughta…."_

* * *

"Hey! Mystery solved!" Magolor beamed. Suddenly, his demeanor turned sour. "Can I go home now?" he asked dryly.

* * *

_Before we could prepare ourselves for them, the masked green man shouted, "Nobody move! This is a stick up, see?!"_

_I froze, as that seems to be my natural defense mechanism to these sorts of things. Goombella grunted, keeping still, but her muscles tense. There was a deep frown etched into her face, and I could see she was embarrassed to get so caught off guard._

_"Vhat, vhat is happening in 'ere!?" Torte shouted, angry and confused, which was sort of the norm._

_"Wa, Boss said nobody moves!" the nasally voice replied, sounding uncomfortably familiar to me. The voice belonged to an incredibly tall, slender man. Unfortunately, his eyes were hidden behind a black thief's mask, so I couldn't identify him. He wore a lot of purple though, and a cap similar to mine with an upside down-L on it._

* * *

"Gee, I wonder who that could be," Magolor said sarcastically.

* * *

_"Shut up, Rookie!" the smaller one said angrily, instantly quieting the taller one. He waved his Fire Flower around, the orange petals glowing with a dangerous heat, ready to fire at the slightest of movements. "Just put all yer coins in the bag and aint nobody has to get hurt, see?!"_

_Getting a better look at him, I could tell this was a Beanish person. His green skin was a big indicator, and his huge square teeth a dead giveaway. He wore a thief's mask as well, but it worked way better on him than the tall guy._

* * *

"Popple?" Magolor asked incredulously. "Well, I guess that means only one thing."

Magolor grabbed a boom box from seemingly out of nowhere, and then he turned it on. Strangely enough, "Rookie and Popple (Beta Mix) - Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga" by SiIvaGunner began to play.

"So Luigi and Goombella (Goombella, mostly) stop Popple and Waluigi and return their stolen goods. They do get away, unfortunately, but they do get a lead on Daisy's missing crown; Waluigi bet it on a game at Bowser's Castle and lost. So Goombella formulates a plan."

* * *

_"Wait…" she started, eyes lost in thought. "I can't go to Bowser's Castle."_

_Uh. Yeah. We established that a few paragraphs up already._

_"No, no, _I_ can't go to Bowser's Castle, but _you_ can, Luigi," she said, her eyes regaining some of that spunky energy again._

_What? Me? … By myself!?_

_"Think about it! You could go there, find Daisy's crown, and you could totally learn about what happened to Mario too, y'know?!" The golden sheen in her hair was already back, and the spring was sprung in her steps._

_I did want to find out what happened to Mario. I really did. But I couldn't possibly. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without having an anxiety attack!_

_"Oh, come on, what's the worst that could happen!?" Goombella pressed, as if Bowser wasn't the king of crime. "If you don't make it back, _I'll_ know he did something to you! We'll all know he killed you! He wouldn't dare hurt you! He'd be thrown in jail faster than a Toad could say, 'Yahoo!'"_

* * *

"I will admit, that's a good idea, but I will not excuse the fact that you are being racist against Toads right now."

* * *

_It invigorated me. I felt like I had 100 Power Stars coursing through my body. That's right! I'm a Mario Brother! "Luigi number one!" I shouted awkwardly. I wasn't gonna put myself down for saying something so weird! Not right now!_

_"Yeah! You go, Luigi!" Goombella shouted, happy as can be. "I'll drive you as close as I can to his club! Afterwards I'll come back and clean up after Popple's mess and hand everyone's stuff back. You'll be on your own, but I know you can do it!"_

_Ah, wait, we're going right now? Maybe we could have another donut?_

_"Yep yep, there's no time for donuts, Luigi! Let's-a-go!"_

_She was right! I think. I can do this! I can do this! Let's-a-go!_

* * *

"He's gonna die. I'm sure of it,"said a voice from an unknown location.

_I knew that voice. I'd recognize it anywhere, even at the bottom of Onion Ocean. It could only come from one person, a person I knew all too well. I turned around, and my guesses were proven correct._

_ Marx..._

**_To Be Continued…_**

**Footnote Credits**

**[1]** "Fashion Mags" by DokiDokiTsuna (TinyURL: y6lxu4wc)

**[2]** "4 Illegal Drugs That Might Be Medicines" (TinyURL: yxu46ja4)

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: TinyURL: y3cmmjjg_

_Oh! I also have a poll on my profile. I encourage you to go there and vote._


	12. Commercial 2 Plus Some BIG NEWS

_Hey, everyone! It's me, spucubed. The second part of my _Mario Is Missing_ review will be published later than expected. In the meantime, I've prepared a little trailer for you. Please enjoy!_

* * *

**The following trailer has been rated SEE, for Shouldn't Even Exist.**

* * *

We begin with a stretch of road in a rural countryside. On the side of the road, we see a police car, with a Waddle Dee sitting inside. For the sake of the argument, we'll call him Wade L. D. for the rest of the trailer. Anyways, as Wade is doing what all policemen do best- sitting around and doing nothing- a multi-colored blur passes by the police car. The blur is recorded by the radar gun, which reads 760 mph (this is about 1223.1 kph, for those of you who don't live in America). Astonished, Wade taps on the radar gun, thinking that it is malfunctioning. However, even after that single, not very hard tap, the gun still reads 760 mph.

"What the…" Wade mutters, completely dumbfounded by what had just happened.

* * *

Wade exits the vehicle and finds a clipping of film where the blur had passed by. He picks it up, wondering why it was here, what it was for, and most importantly, where he should go for lunch.

* * *

**spucubed Productions presents...**

* * *

**...A Magical Friends Media project...**

* * *

The blur for earlier is now zipping and zooming through a forest. To the blur, everything is a blur. It jumps down into a hole and bounces off a beanbag placed perfectly underneath the hole. It walks by a shelf full of books, movies, and video games, with a copy of _Detective Pikachu_ facing the camera.

A gloved hand reaches out and presses the play button on a boombox. _Amish Paradise_ by "Weird Al" Yankovic begins to play (and will continue to play for the rest of the trailer).

* * *

As the song begins, an onion-like figure with red boots, disembodied gloved hands, and a witch's hat is seen standing on the road from earlier. She stretches for a bit before grabbing a roll of film and pulling out a broomstick. She climbs onto the broomstick, her lips curled into a Dreamworks Grin as her tuft of onion hair flutters in the breeze.

"Gotta go fast" -Sonic the Hedgehog

She does indeed go fast; her hat would have almost immediately blown off her head had she not been grabbing onto it. As she pulls out her phone and turns it on, she breaks the sound barrier, and most of the United States lights up.

* * *

A short time later, a meeting is being held within the Pentagon, headed by Meta Knight.

"Twenty minutes ago," he began, "an anonymous Internet reviewer has set out to destroy the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ movie. This requires someone who can figure out exactly what we're dealing with."

"You're not suggesting who I think you're suggesting…" said one of the generals (played by Adeleine), who looks incredibly concerned at this point.

"We have no choice." Meta Knight nodded gravely.

* * *

Later, at an unidentified military base, a large transport truck rolls in. The truck stops, and a ramp extends out from the doorway. The ramp quicky changes into stairs, and the door opens, revealing a short, round, purple figure with a jester's hat, a red bow-tie, wooden clogs, and no arms to speak of.

Susie stares impassively at the figure and mutters, "What the…"

"Are you in charge here?" the figure asks.

"Yes, I am-"

"Nope!" he interrupts.

"My m-"

"Wrong!"

"I-"

"I'm in charge! Allow me to clarify."

The figure jerks his body like a robot, then he starts spewing out words too quickly for anyone to comprehend.

"In a sequentially-ranked hierarchy based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is too vast to quantify," he says, then turns to the spider-like figure beside him. "Agent Taranza?"

The figure steps to the side and Taranza says, "Marx thinks you're basic."

Susie scowls at this weird duo and says, "Listen, sir, I don't know if you realize who-"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, what was your name?" Marx asks, leaning forward.

"Susie-"

"_Nobody cares_!" Marx shouts.

* * *

**Coming in 2020**

* * *

Wade bursts into an abandoned shack carrying a flashlight and a loaded tranquilizer gun.

"FBI! Open up!" he shouts.

The flashlight beam lands on Gryll.

"Uhh…" Gryll says nervously, trying to figure out what to do,before shruggings and saying, "What's up?"

Wade screams in terror, and Gryll screams back. Wade fires a tranquilizer dart, which lands in Gryll's left foot.

"Saw that coming... " Gryll moans before passing out.

* * *

Wade and Gryll are driving in Wade's police car, with Gryll, still holding on to the roll of film, sitting in the passenger's seat.

"Okay, onion girl," Wade said sternly, "I want answers."

Gryll shrugs and says, "Well, it's kinda hard to explain, but long story short, I'm gonna have to save the world. Nothing special."

* * *

A giant robotic vehicle is driving towards Wade's police car. From a hatch in the front, it launches a harpoon that lands directly in between Wade and Gryll. Not even a second later, Gryll jumps out of the car, flies toward the vehicle on her broom, and rams right into it, toppling it over.

The impact causes Gryll to fly back into the car. "Ha ha! Is that all you got?" she says haughtily.

In the vehicle's control room, Marx smiles and says, "No, but thank you for asking." (By the way, how can he control the thing if he doesn't have hands?)

* * *

Marx presses a button (somehow), and a hatch at the back of the vehicle deploys a repurposed Robobot Armor. As the robot speeds forward, Gryll watches from the back of Wade's car.

All she could say is, "Uh-oh."

* * *

Marx observes a clipping of film. Taranza is standing right beside him. Marx looks at the film in wonder as he says, "Whoever this critic is, it is our job to capture them, neutralize them, and protect this film."

Suddenly, the clipping wraps around Marx's "neck," suffocating him.

* * *

**From the creator of Magolor's Coffeehouse...**

* * *

Wade and Magolor are falling from an incredible height. Gryll throws a Star Stacker block, which turns into a portal (because of course it can do that). Wade and Magolor fall through the portal and land beside Gryll.

* * *

**Every critic...**

* * *

Gryll flies away from weaponized drones. Gripping the roll of film as tight as she can, she is able to dodge all of the drones' missiles.

* * *

**...Insert Witty Line Here**

* * *

Gryll, Wade, and Magolor are standing on the roof of a building, completely surrounded by drones. Marx looks on through an aircraft, and makes a sinister smile. He presses a button (you know what, let's just say he has hands like in the manga), and all of the drones fire missiles at them at the same time. Time seems to stop entirely for Gryll, as she taps her foot and looks directly at the camera.

"What?" she shrugs. "We had to spend our special effects money on _something_."

Gryll turns all the missiles in the direction of Marx's aircraft. She grabs a few missiles and connects them to some of the drones, causing them to explode.

* * *

**Gryll Reviews: Sonic the Hedgehog (2019)**

* * *

Gryll zips herself up into Wade's bag with a concerned look on her face.

"Just stay in there and be quiet," Wade urged as he and Magolor walk ahead.

Wade and Magolor walk up to an elevator. A Cappy and a Chilly approach as well.

"Are we almost there? It's hard to breathe in here." Gryll said, loud enough for the people aside of Magolor and Wade to hear.

"Is your _child_ in that bag?" asked the Cappy, sporting an arched eyebrow.

"No," Wade said quickly, before catching himself. "Well, I mean, yes, there's a child in here, but it's not mine."

"So that's _not_ your child?" said the Chilly.

The Cappy and Chilly awkwardly sidestepped away, probably to call the police or something.

"It smells like the shag carpeting in my deadbeat uncle's house," Gryll complained. "And believe me, that stuff is _nasty_."

* * *

**March 2020**

* * *

The screen glitches and shows Marx, now in his Soul form, preparing to fire a laser.

* * *

"Hey, everyone!" said Magolor, now sitting in his reviewing chair. "It's me, Magolor!"

"And I'm Gryll!" said Gryll, sitting next to him.

"I hope you're excited for Gryll's upcoming review for the _Sonic the Hedgehog _movie!" Magolor beamed. "It probably wasn't a good idea to announce it 8 months early, but we gotta get the word out somehow."

"But enough about that, Magolor. Let's hear _your_ big news."

"Alright, Gryll, since you insist. Last Friday, Magolor's Coffeehouse has been inducted into the League of Fannon Critics!"

Suddenly, balloons and confetti came raining down, and "Laugh! Be Happy! (NTSC Version) - MOTHER 3" by SiIvaGunner began playing.

"Oh cool," Gryll replied. I just have one question: What is the League of Fannon Critics?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Magolor said, still excited. "The League of Fannon Critics is a community of Fanfiction reviewers. It was created by , creator of the story _Spike the Snob_. The league features many big names in Fanfiction criticism, especially the renowned _Keldeo the Critic_."

"I just wanted to let you know this do you could show these guys as much love as you give me, since we are basically one big Fanfiction family now. But I won't let this distract me from the fact that I have my own reviews to do. Speaking of which, the second part of my _Mario is Missing_ review will be out next week."

"Well, that's all for now. Magolor out!"


	13. Mario Is Missing (Part 2)

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning: The following review is rated T because there's cursing and drugs and stuff.**

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 06: Mario is Missing by Sky's Penname**

** TintURL: yy4bt8ws**

_Marx…_

_So the convict returns to the scene of the crime. That fiend- no, that _murderer_, murder of my dignity. There was no doubt that he had come back as he was standing right in front of me._

"So, you've come back," Magolor deadpanned, arms folded. "Came back to insult my outfit again?"

"No," Marx shook his head.

"Well, then I suppose-"

"I came to apologize!" Marx shouted.

_Apologize? _Marx_? Those two things mixed with each other about as well as peanut butter and pickle relish (believe me, I know how that tastes). I figured this must be a trick or something._

"Is this a trick or something?" Magolor asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope," Marx replied. "No tricks. I'm genuinely sorry for what I had done. What I did was hurtful and unprofessional and I hate that I hurt you the way I did. I hope that we can put this behind us and that I can review the rest of this story with you."

Magolor still seemed unfazed. "You're serious?"

"Seriously serious."

Magolor thought for a moment and then said. "Alright, I forgive you. Let's go.

The two buddies sat back at the reviewing table. Before Magolor could begin, Marx face put out a disgusted look.

"Hey, Mags, could you put away that incense? I can't breathe with that stuff making smoke."

"Fine," Magolor groaned. He got up and went over to the incense, licked his fingers, and pinched the hot end of the stick, putting it out. With a turn of his robe, he made his way back to his chair.

"So…" Marx said once Magolor returned, "...I haven't been here for the beginning of the story. Can you catch me up to speed?"

"Alright. So this story is basically an alternate universe where the Mario Brothers are detectives, Peach is the chief of police, and Bowser is a mob boss. Mario is missing for a week, and Luigi has become even more of an emotional wreck than he usually is. Daisy comes in, asking Luigi to find her crown, which was stolen by some unknown hooligans. He runs into Goombella, who is a police officer in this universe. They find the hooligans who stole the crown, but it turns out that they lost it at Bowser's Coney Island Disco Palace, so our two heroes set out there."

Marx sat wide-eyed before saying, "Well, this story seems… interesting."

"Trust me, it is," Magolor beamed.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Marx asked with stars in his eyes. "Let's get started!"

"Alright, buddy," Magolor said with a wave and a wink. "So Luigi and Goombella are on their way to Bowser's hangout…"

* * *

_I can't do this. What was I thinking? There's no way I can do this!_

_"Huh? Did you schay schomething?" Goombella asked, her mouth over the handlebars. Her scooter's motor puttered noisily, ready to leave me all alone. "You mumble to yourschelf way too much, Luigi. I can barely tell when you're actually talking." She paused and spit the handlebars out of her mouth, her eyes softening. "You gonna be okay?"_

_No! Not at all!_

_"O-okey-d-dokey," I replied shakily._

_Hot air billowed throughout this part of the city. It rained still, but this fiery heat could not be sated. A dark steamy mist rose across the streets, and I could hear the distant booming of bass and dance music. Flyers were scattered about, littering every wall, every sidewalk, and haphazardly pasted to dirty old street lamps._

**_Bowser's Castle_**_ it read in big bold red and green letters, featuring a smartly dressed monster tipping his 10-gallon hat in a mock gentleman's gesture. That monster was Bowser. 'King' of the Koopas, and king of crime. He invited anyone and everyone to gamble their troubles away at his casino club. Hey, and if gambling wasn't your thing, he had drink, too. The best Syrup in all of New Donk! Totally legal! (Maybe.)_

* * *

"Wow," Marx said, noticeably surprised. "This author really knows how to liven up a story with detail."

"Don't I know it," Magolor replied. "But don't worry, you'll forget all about that once Luigi starts acting like an idiot."

* * *

_I was finally able to convince my legs to move by telling my body, '_It's okay! We're walking home! Nothing to be afraid of._' But of course, my clumsy body couldn't make it easy. I stumbled forward and into something soft and velvety. The thing beneath me let out a sniffle of annoyance._

_"Hey, watch where you're going, buddy!" the Shy Guy threatened, using his tiny arms to push me backwards. For such a small thing, he really had a lot of strength._

* * *

**_Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaahhh!_**

Magolor smiled and shrugged.

* * *

_"S-sorry!" I mumbled, cursing my awkwardness as I stumbled backwards, trying my best not to make any more of a scene. But, of course, that wasn't going to happen._

_My stupid feet landed on something sleek and smooth. A slippery wet chain. To my relief, that chain was attached to a woman's hand! She wasn't even a Koopa or anything! She was a nice old rabbit lady, in fact! Someone who surely wouldn't get angry at a pathetic man like me._

_"How _**DARE** _you?!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, the pearls around her neck reflecting a steaming red-hot rage. "You stepped on my precious Chain-Chompikin's leash! Do you have any idea how many coins this costs? _No?!_ A buffoon like you would never!"_

* * *

**_Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaahhh!_**

Magolor smiled and shrugged.

Marx shifted his gaze to Magolor and said, "You're trying to start a running gag, aren't you?"

Magolor smiled and said, "Why, yes. Yes, I am."

"You do realize that joke is used by Keldeo the Critic, right?" Marx asked, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"Well, he took the joke from the Nostalgia Critic, so I say it isn't a problem," Magolor answered dismissively.

* * *

_"Just how do you expect to pay for this?!" The Chain Chomp hissed and growled in my direction, angry saliva dripping between its fangs._

_"S-sorry!" I cried, knowing nothing else._

_"_Sorry_ isn't going to cover it, you little barbarian!" she screamed, heralding every passerby's gaze at me, even more so than already were. "An eye for an eye, as they say! If you can't pay…." Her frown turned into a terrifying toothy grin, eyes filled with a dark malice that I have never seen. "Then it's only fair my Chain-Chompikins takes a piece of _**_YOU_**_!"_

* * *

Magolor and Marx sat speechless, exchanging glances for a few moments. Magolor finally broke the silence with a weak "What the heck?"

"Are you seriously gonna have Madame Broodal's Chain Chomp _eat_ Luigi?" he continued, back at normal volume. "I mean, I guess it's justifiable this time, since in the games, she attacks as soon as you show up, but I think this is just going too far."

"Yeah," Marx spoke up. "That's like having my dog rip you to shreds for stepping on its leash. There's bringing about justice, and then there's just being a straight-up criminal!"

"Moving on, then," Magolor continued. "Luigi does the sensible thing and runs away, and he makes it to Bowser's Castle by pure chance.

* * *

_I knocked over Doogans, nearly stepped on some Goombas, slammed into a few Hammer Bros., ran through a dozen Boos, but at least the voice and the barking were getting quieter. Mostly because a thumping music was getting louder. My brain could hardly process anything other than '_less of that sound = good! Run towards less of that!_'_

_The only problem with that plan of action was that it took me straight to Bowser's Castle. The sound of my own screams lessened and was soon replaced by a catchy jazzy beat. Even I couldn't resist but to tap my foot and hum along to it even in my adrenaline pumped state. Trumpets and saxophones wailed, setting a chilling yet classy mood over the street corner._

* * *

"So he goes on and on about Bowser's place and his reputation in the city…"

* * *

_A Hammer Bro sliced at his guitar, the dirty sound exploding throughout the speakers, all while the band of Koopas played their saxophones. Piranha Plants bobbed their heads to the beats, fangs glistening with drool, threatening to devour anyone that dared mess with the music. As if that wasn't enough, Chain Chomps jingled away, bounding and bouncing happily along under the hypnotizing spell of Bowser's strange charm._

_I didn't know much about Bowser, but I _did_ know that he was a Chain Chomp activist. On TV there'd always be commercials showing a smartly dressed Bowser petting a bruised and dirty Chain Chomp, saying how it is our duty to spay and neuter our Chain Chomps._

* * *

"No! _No_!" Magolor shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. "Do _not_ compare Bowser to Bob Barker!"

* * *

_Something broke through the blaring music. Shouting voices. The ritzy doors slammed open, red and gold gleaming dangerously yet elegantly._

_"What'd we tells you about feedin' da Chomps, buster?!" a tough Pianta in a dark suit growled. His big hands easily tossed the poor drunk mole man onto the wet street. "You's Moleville types think you can just waltz in here and do whatever you want! Da boss don't like it. Ain't respectful."_

_"Lil' varmint looked mighty hungry! Juscht wanted to feed him a schpell," the mole said, words slurred, and head woozy._

_"Ya don't feed Chomps da Syrup, wise guy! Ain't good for 'em!" the Pianta bouncer said, not understanding the irony of this Syrup drunken mole before him. "And da boss would be angry knowin' ya mis-gendered that Chomp. She's a girl." The Pianta sighed after that last bit. "Just get outta here, ya drunk! Don't show your face till ya sober up or get more coin!"_

* * *

"Woah, woah, woah," Marx said, wide-eyed. "This story has alcohol and drugs in it?

"Yep," Magolor nodded.

Marx hesitated, then he turned to Magolor and said, "Should I be upset by this?"

"Not really."

* * *

_So. Just how in the world was I meant to get in there? Would I have to talk to that scary bouncer? Maybe if I just told him I was here to see Bowser, and that I'm Mario's brother, they'd let me in? Or… wait, don't they hate Mario? No, this wouldn't work. No, absolutely not! None of this would work! This is too dangerous. I really should just go home like I wanted to from the start!_

_"H-hey! No cutting!" a raspy Toad croaked. He rubbed his arms like he was freezing cold, his eyes staring at me, but looking through me._

_Wait, what? Did my stupid legs bring me to the front of the line? No! Body, what are you doing?!_

* * *

**_Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaahhh!_**

Magolor smiled and shrugged.

* * *

_"What's with you, pal?" the Pianta bouncer said to me, sunglasses glaring underneath the neon lights. "You some kinda tough guy?"_

_Me?! No! Never! I mean! Well, okay, how did I say this? I'm looking for my brother, Mario, and if I could just have a quick talk with Mr. Bowser that would be really nice? No, no, that's stupid._

_"What da hell are you's jabbering on about?" the Pianta growled, crossing his arms. "You's sayin' yer Mario's brother? Yeah, yeah, you and everyone else, bub! Now get to the back of the line, before I make ya!"_

* * *

"Sweet Nova!" Marx shouted, jumping onto the table. "He just cursed! Quick, let's grab our heads and scream!"

"Get down from there," Magolor scolded.

* * *

_Agh, wait, no, I had come all this way! I couldn't just give up now! I tried to explain my situation more thoroughly but also more quickly because everyone was getting quite angry with me. I tried to tell him about how a thug and Waluigi (who is my cousin apparently, but I don't know him well) got their crown stolen here! And I could prove Mario was my brother because, look! Same hat! Er, well it's a similar hat. See, mine was green and his was red and…_

_"You drunks are all the same!" the Pianta yelled, grabbing me in his strong arms. "Now I tolds ya to _scram!_" And with a power that could only be found in Piantas, he chucked me out over the line. My body soared through the air like a Bumpty attempting to take flight by jumping off a cliff._

* * *

"Alright, Sky," Magolor said, shaking his head, "I think it's time to stop with these references. Not even Gryll would be able to get them at this point."

"So Luigi finds Kammy Koopa, Bowser's right-hand woman," Magolor continued, "and she says she can get him in to see Bowser."

* * *

_It didn't seem like it was just fear keeping me in my place. I felt a weird force holding me down. Or was that just in my head? Either way, I wasn't going to turn down this sweet old lady._

_"Okey-dokey," I mumbled to her, noting the glowing red wand in her hand. Oh, very pretty! I liked her fashion sense._

_"Right this way," she said motioning to a blank wall, a casual smile on her wrinkled face._

_I blinked. It was just a brick wall. Was this just what happens when you get old? You start saying you know people and inviting them to walk into walls? How very sad! Well, I already said I'd do it! It'd be rude to say no now. With a shrug, I walked forward into the wall, preparing my body for impact._

_What happened next was a bit embarrassing. As I walked into the wall intentionally, it turned out there was not actually a wall at all! As soon as my body made contact with it, the wall poofed out of existence. A few colorful triangles, circles, and squares floated away._

_Now, you may say to yourself, _'Great! You didn't walk into a wall!'

_But… I was expecting to walk into a wall! Not through a doorway. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I actually tumbled onto the floor, nose first, and landed squarely on soft regal carpeting._

* * *

"Okay," Magolor said, "Now I _know_ this was inspired by _Undertale_."

**Sans:** *over here.

*i know a shortcut.

"So we finally meet Bowser, and says that in order to Luigi what he wants to know, he'll have to play a game."

* * *

_How about we play a little game, hm? How many coins you got on you?"_

_I wordlessly rummaged through my pockets and held out a measly handful of gold. His eyes gleamed with shock._

_"Geez, is that really all you have? I almost feel bad," Bowser said strangely. "_Almost_. But, my information is incredibly valuable. I'm afraid I can't just part ways with it for that." He grinned again, leaning his huge jaw atop a muscled fist. "You're Mario's brother ain'tcha? That means you own Mario's detective agency, at least partially. Why don't you just bet your dinky little agency?"_

_Eh!? I saw my own face pale, even in his pearly whites._

_"Now, now, come on! Don't be a baby," Bowser continued, clearly not knowing me. "Let me put it this way. We play a little game of my choosing. If you win, I'll tell you anything you want to know! And!" His fangs spread wider, and he leaned closer. "If you lose, I'll still tell you anything you want to know!" His moist hot breath slapped against my face, and contrary to popular belief, I did not like it._

* * *

"Uhh…" Marx said, shifting his large eyes. "...I'm sure there's a fetish somewhere in that last line."

"_Anyways_," Magolor said, audibly annoyed at Marx's comment, "in order to see what game Luigi will play, we must _spin that wheel!_"

Suddenly, bootleg _The Price is Right_ music began to play.

* * *

_The lights dimmed dramatically, leaving only the large screen lit up with five different options. It read: '_Bowser's Balloon Burst, Bowser's Tug O'War, Bowser Revolution, Bowser's Bumper Balls_,' and last in bright catchy gold, '_**10,000 Coins!**_' With a grumpy snap of his fingers, the roulette went off, highlighting each and every one of the options at an anxiety-inducing speed._

_"I think we should change the name of that second to last one, Your Ruthlessness," Kammy whispered._

_Bowser nodded, a concerned frown on his face. "Yeah, that… that doesn't look so great. At the time, it sounded amazing! With the alliteration and all."_

_As the roulette finally began to slow, I heard a deep and unsettling beating. I looked to see the band had stopped. It was my own heart! Oh, I could hardly handle this. What had I gotten myself into? It was nearing its end, slowing down painfully over each and every option until at last it stilled onto…_

**10,000 Coins!**

_My trembling stopped, my face must have lit up, and I think I finally experienced true joy! Things were finally looking up for Luigi!_

…_and then the roulette went back up one option. _Bowser's Bumper Balls.

* * *

_Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaahhh!_

Magolor shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"So they play the game, and Luigi wins by, of course, doing absolutely nothing!"

"Wait," Marx interrupted, "Shouldn't you talk about the events in more detail?"

"No," Magolor replied. "I'm already a week late for this review. I don't wanna waste more time than I need to. I'll probably add that part in an update, but I just wanna get this review out."

"_Anyway_," he continued, "Since he won, Bowser decided to tell him what he wants to know."

* * *

_"So, scrawny," Bowser said with a sigh, sounding exhausted after his burst of rage. "Whaddya wanna know? Lemme guess. Wanna know where your brother's been, eh?"_

_I nodded excitedly. Bowser appeared to be in a much more understanding mood. But there was something else I wanted to know, too! I can't forget about my original mission! To help Daisy find her crown! That Bean thief, Popple, and Waluigi had stolen it! But apparently, they lost it in a game here in Bowser's Castle._

_"What?" Bowser grumbled, a hint of anger returning. "Those two said _I _stole it?! And you believed a couple of actual criminals over me, because I'm Bowser, right?"_

_Uh. Um. Well, I hadn't thought of it like that._

_"Typical," Bowser sighed. "So I kidnap the chief of police a few times! Maybe I was a little overly forceful in my romantic gestures! Suddenly that means anything that goes wrong in the city is my fault, huh?"_

* * *

"Well, no," Magolor said flatly, "but it would be reasonable to think that."

* * *

_"And before you get any bright ideas," Bowser growled, trying to read whatever my facial expression must have been. "We had nothin' to do with this. Got it? Sure, I'd love to get rid of Mario! If I could! He messes with me more than anyone else! But here's the thing, if I got rid of him, I know for sure I'd be the first to be suspected! You people always blame me for everything! It'd be too much of a hassle for me to get rid of him."_

_That wasn't exactly rock-solid evidence that he didn't do it. _It couldn't be me because I'm the obvious choice!_ Sometimes a pipe has bite marks on it. Sometimes its rats, sometimes it just happened to rust that way, but most of the time it's a hungry Piranha Plant. Just because it isn't always a Piranha Plant doesn't mean I shouldn't suspect it._

* * *

"Woah, okay, cool," Marx said. "Luigi's actually starting to sound like a detective. Nice character development, Sky."

"Well, since Luigi won't leave Bowser alone," Magolor took over, "he decides to drive him over to Little Beanbean Town, the stomping grounds of Cackletta.

* * *

_A tower approached from the distance. A tall tangled tower, stabbing through the dark clouds, alone in its madness up here. Even at my ludicrous speeds, I could see at the very top was a comfy looking balcony! It probably gave a great view of… er… well the clouds, I guess. Seeing as it was impossible to ever see the city with all the rain. Still, it looked so peaceful._

_Ah! It appeared my stop was here. My good friend, Bill, let me know this by friendily dropping me from his strong grip. As I fell to the city, I took one last glance towards the tower again. Hm. I could swear I saw someone there? A strange fellow. Waving? Were they waving at me? I couldn't get a better view as I tumbled through the fluffy wet clouds and down into the noisy lights of the city._

* * *

"Foreshadowing!" both of them shouted.

* * *

_I shivered. The usual heat of the city had vanished, replaced by an icy cold. A stark contrast to the hot rain around Bowser's Castle. Many of the buildings were boarded up, looking dead and empty inside. This was nothing like Bowser's territory. There were no signs of thugs at least! But at the same time, there was no sign of anything. Nobody wanted to be here._

_I found myself standing before the dark looming tower. It was so tall. So very very tall. I felt as if it were ready to gobble me up. A cute round wooden door framed the entrance to this spooky old place, a happy sign near it reading '_WELCOME'_ in big bold letters. But the '_WELCOME' _was crossed out and instead replaced with a sloppy threatening '_**GET LOST**_!'_

_What… what in the world was I meant to do? There was no one around, there was no one to ask. Something rustled in the plants, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. I couldn't even ask a bouncer what I should do. Why couldn't there be a nice old lady to talk to me here? But I wasn't about to leave empty handed. I had no ideas, but I had to try something! I guess… hmm… I guess I could just knock on the front door and see if anyone was home?_

* * *

"Uh oh," Marx said, giddy as ever. "He's in trouble now."

Marx and Magolor danced around as _Spooky Scary Skeletons_ started playing.

* * *

_A rubbery force pounded into my side, knocking the wind out of me and tossing me to the dirt. "Are you insane?!" the voice cried. Female._

_Could this be Cackletta? Was I already under attack?! I screamed and writhed under her tiny little arms and pink mushroom head. She kept holding a finger up to her mouth, trying to shush me, dragging me away from the door and over to the side of the tower. She was much stronger than I would have expected._

_"What?! Why in the world would you think _I'm _Cackletta?" the Toad girl said angrily._

_Right. Right, this was a Toad. Cackletta was a Beanish person, wasn't she? Plus, looking over her, she appeared far too cutesy to be this 'ugly' woman that Bowser had described. She even had pink little mushrooms dangling in her pigtails! Although, they were sort of busy whacking me in the face as I struggled against her._

* * *

"So Luigi meets Toadette, a former officer from the NDPD" Magolor explained, "they talk about their past and the going-ons of the town, and then Toadette comes up with a plan to get into Cackletta's tower."

* * *

_"Okay, so here's what my plan was. It's not very great, I know! But it's better than what Goombella would have suggested, like just bashing down the door." She shuffled through her backpack, pulling out two black cloaks and some scary looking gasmasks. "The first one I bought was way too big for me, but I decided to take it just in case! I knew it was good to always be prepared." She was extremely pleased with herself._

_She handed the thing to me. What in the world was it? What was I meant to do with this? The cloth itself was very smooth, but also felt a little rubbery, sort of like a cheap Halloween costume._

_"They're Snifit outfits!" she said cheerily, pulling the cloak over her big mushroom head. Her voice became muffled as the gas mask's mouth moved with her words. "Booster, for whatever reason, hires a ton of Snifits! Maybe he's related to them or something? I don't know. But these disguises should be perfect!"_

_It did not seem convincing. Toadette looked like a Snifit, sure, but she looked like the smartest Snifit I had ever seen with the way her head ballooned out. She rushed me to put on my disguise, and like usual, I obeyed without delay._

_I became very aware of my own breathing, and the world suddenly became hard to see. It was a little scary, but at the same time… I felt safe in here? No one could see my face, and my body was completely covered! Plus, any weird smells were being filtered through the mask. It was already starting to grow on me._

_"Hmm," the giant headed Snifit said to me. "You're way too tall. I don't know if you can pull it off."_

* * *

"And you didn't notice this until _just now_?" Magolor asked. "No wonder you were fired from the police department."

"Nevertheless, they enter the tower, and when they get caught, the guard believes them so much that he thinks that they are here to apply for jobs."

* * *

_"Judging by the black robes, you guys must be applying for positions, huh?" He shuffled his papers again, and I noticed they were mostly blank, save for a few with some fun scribbles on them. "Very forward of you to show up in uniform already. Assuming you'll just get in like that, huh?" He sounded angry, but then quickly followed it up with a, "I like your style."_

_Toadette turned to me briefly, appearing lost in all this. I nodded confidently, sure that our employment would go swimmingly. "Oh yeah!" I sniffed, striking a cool pose with my arms outstretched._

_The Snifit's mask's eyes widened in shock. "Wow! You might even be overqualified! I gotta watch out for you! And I'm Number 1!"_

* * *

Marx chuckled uncontrollably for nearly a minute, before catching his breath and weakly saying "What an idiot."

"Anyways," Magolor said, "as Luigi and Toadette are being given a tour of the castle, they come across some photos…"

* * *

_Up here, along the corridor, pictures of strange scraggly bearded men lined the walls. Each wore the same big black beard, and each had their mouth open in a big toothy smile, however most were missing quite a few teeth. They all looked related in the sense that a bunch of trashy black bears look related in a garbage dump._

_"As you can see, Booster comes from a long line of very handsome gentleman." Number 3 sniffed smartly. "These are all his descendants. Family is important, you know! Have to respect your elders!" he said that last part haggardly, practically rasping it out._

_As we strolled through, we came along to the last portraits. The very last one must have been Booster himself! He was a prime example of a Booster! Bushy beard, big horns atop his hat, and a look that said, '_Hey! I'm Booster!'_ …. Whatever that meant._

_Although… hm. There was something strange about one of the pictures before it. The third generation Booster, the grandparent, showed an intimidating green-skinned woman. Her fangs were sharp, and her body seemed to slither like a serpent. I felt like I had seen this person in my nightmares. Even stranger, it looked like this portrait had simply been taped over another._

_Number 4 desperately tugged at my robes, pointing at it with all of her nerdy power. Oh, 4, that is _so_ you._

_She whispered, "That's her! Luigi, that's Cackletta!" Luigi? Who was that? And Cackletta?..._

* * *

"Oh no," Marx said worriedly, "Luigi's getting brainwashed. Is this the origins of Mr. L?"

"No," Maagolor replied, "but it wouldn't surprise me if that was the case."

* * *

_Number 3 lead us through a few more rooms up the tower, each getting a little stranger and a little more destroyed than the last. One room was just plain upside down! Lights defied all logic and reason, hanging upwards like stalagmites, where as tables with little Snifit mugs sat cutely up on the ceiling as if nothing was wrong. Number 4 was looking a little dizzy, but I held her hand and guided her through some of the impossible geometry. It wasn't that bad! We Snifits were used to it._

_"Oh, yeah, this room usually gives the new guys some trouble," Number 3 called out, standing on the wall beside us, his center of gravity completely different from ours. "What you wanna do is ignore anything you've ever learned about reality and logic and just sorta go with the flow, you know?"_

_"Can do!" I said simply, looking through a doorway and seeing myself with Number 4 staring back at us. Haha, boy, if I was anyone else, I'd be terrified! Good thing I'm Number 2. Number 4 was getting a little shook up, but that's just because she was always the brainiac! Poor girl relied on her '_math'_ and '_logic'_ too much._

* * *

"Gee," Magolor said, surprised, "maybe Luigi _is_ brainwashed."

"I dunno," Marx "shrugged," "Maybe he's just trying to stay in character?"

"Oh, sure," Magolor said sarcastically, "A spineless coward like Luigi is an excellent actor."

"Hey, you don't know."

Oh, really?" Magolor asked. "Just read these lines from after Luigi and Toadette avoid getting caught by Fawful."

* * *

_"Geez-louise," Number 4 gasped as she ripped the cloak and mask off herself, revealing a small sweaty Toad girl. "Thought I was gonna suffocate!"_

_I nearly jumped out of my nozzle I was so shocked. A Shy Guy/Snifit taking off their mask! Right in front of me! I always knew 4 was forward but this? "N-number 4! What are you doing!?"_

_She tilted her head, eyebrows raised. "What do you mean, Luigi? It's hot, I just needed a breather, you know?"_

"_Y-you can't just take your mask off like that in front of people!" I said while turning away, my robes heating up in pure embarrassment. Also, why did she keep calling me that awful name?_

_"You're really weird." She sighed. "But fine, you're right, best I stay in disguise for now." She quickly dressed herself back up, and the images of Toadette left my mind, leaving me back in my comfortable position as Number 2._

_"Phew, okay!" I said turning back around to Number 4 who was finally decent. We'd have to talk about workplace harassment, since I was her superior and all, but that was later._

* * *

Marx sat wide-eyed, mouth agape, completely speechless.

"Now do you see what I mean?" Magolor asked his dumbfounded friend.

"Yes," he said, weakly.

"Okay," Magolor continued. "Let's skip ahead to Chapter 6."

"But wait, don't you wanna know what happens to Luigi?"

"Oh, he probably came to his senses. Anyway, the two head out to see Smithy."

* * *

_Toadette groaned. "Ugh, Smithy. That guy is one of the original trouble makers with Bowser. He's head of the Smithy Gang." She swerved through the lifeless streets, boosting past abandoned buildings. "Very unoriginal name, but you'll see that he's just _terrible _at naming things in general."_

_For once, Toadette slowed to a reasonable speed. She pointed out through the windshield, beyond the closed down structures and out into the dark heavens. Something tall stared back. It wasn't like Cackletta's Tower either. This thing was alive. An enormous sword gleamed dangerously in the distance, its eyes glaring over the city. Watching._

_"That's Exor. Do you seriously not know this stuff?" Toadette raised an eyebrow, or at least made the motion to do so, considering Toads don't have eyebrows._

* * *

"Nope," Marx said, shaking his "head."

"Sorry, no one remembers Exor," Magolor said. "At the very least, no one remembers him fondly."

"So the two run into Goldbob from _The Thousand-Year Door_, quite literally, in fact, and we learn a bit more about the cast-iron grip of Smithy.

* * *

_"Look before you, my lads! Don't you recognize my business?" he asked, desperately jolly. When I pried my eyes away from the accident, they immediately fell onto a huge decayed building._

_Like its owner, its bricks were coated in gold! And like its owner, it had seen better days. Paint peeled, wood rotted, and rain pooled in stagnant puddles over the awning, looking like a boil ready to burst into tears. The windows were boarded up, the lights were off. Nobody was home. The sign read _**_Golbobbington's_**_._

_"No, no, my good chap, that's Gol_**_d_**_bobbington's! Hoho, the _**_d_**_ seems to have fallen off! Quite an unsightly mess, that is, but I assure you, I will be having it fixed with the utmost of haste as well!" His voice cracked, like the walls of his business. "Then, Sylvia will realize what a horrible mistake she made! Hoho! She'll be back, and I'll take my boy, Bub, on one of those train rides he loves so much! Hohoho!"_

_Toadette's anger softened. The flames of her wreckage slowly fizzled out under the pouring rain. "Oh my gosh… Mr. Bob, I'm so sorry. Was this Smithy?"_

_Something must have clicked in her head that didn't click in mine. Why wasn't she angry at this man for jumping in front of her car anymore? Why did my gut feel like I swallowed a gold bar?_

_"Hohoho!" Goldbob laughed, rain positively drenching him, his windup-key rusted to his back and barely able to turn anymore. "Why, Smithy merely offered me a deal I simply couldn't refuse, the old rapscallion! It's a shark's world out there, chaps! And I am still a shark!"_

_He wailed, "The Goldbobs have never made a bad monetary decision! Hoho! Why, it was obvious I should work with him! Why wouldn't I? No one has ever refused him! Hoho." His voice strained. "Besides. No one wanted to do business here with that ghastly sword. Staring_.Always staring_. Judged me more than my ex-wife! Hoho!"_

* * *

**_Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh!_**

#ShotsFired

* * *

_Hm. The three gang leaders in this city were all so frightening. Cackletta takes peoples' lives away, (allegedly) but Smithy takes everything _except_ their lives away. A life could be better used for work. Bowser was a strange mix of the two. He was both and he was neither._

_Still. This didn't tell me anything I needed or wanted to know. As we walked through the miserable storm of rain, completely defenseless, completely unprepared, I couldn't help but think to myself what it was all for again. Exor stared ever more. It did not look angry, merely amused, as if watching the story of ants unfold._

* * *

Magolor, visibly amused, said, "At least it's better than watching the story of _Antz_ unfold!"

Suddenly, he was wearing sunglasses and the song from that one meme played (Sorry, I don't know what it's called).

* * *

_Nobody was here. The weight of all that nothing, of all that nobody, pressed down on me like a sledgehammer._

_Signs of construction appeared, old metallic plates drilled into the musty bricks. Seemed metal was the only resource Smithy and his gang liked using. It was plastered everywhere. Even the streets slowly turned to rusty metal plates. Maybe it was good we weren't driving here. I had a difficult time keeping my footing on the sleek metal ground._

_This place… it was otherworldly. Were we truly still in New Donk City? Even the skies roiled with an unnatural blue that didn't make sense. Little Beanbean Town felt foreign, sure, but it at least felt like a place that belonged in our world!_

_Here though… _I_ felt wrong._

* * *

"You're sure that's just when you're _there_, buddy?" Marx joked.

* * *

_Something bounced in the distance. A noise. A sign of life! Or some kind of life at least. I strained my eyeballs against the assault of rain, and in the distance, I could see them. The lights tied around their heads made it all the easier to make them out, even in this foggy downpour._

_Toads?!_

_Toadette stopped in her tracks, frozen. Why? Sure, it was strange to see Toads here, but they were familiar faces! Safe faces! I scrambled over to them, hoping that maybe, just maybe, things could be easier here. Maybe they'd know where Mario went!_

* * *

"These Toads are strange specimens, to be sure," Magolor explained. "Not only do they not know who Mario is, but they seem to be working for Smithy as well.

* * *

_"We don't know of any… Mario. A crown…however. Yes. That metal we have seen. Delivered to Smithy…Very well delivered if I do say so myself…"_

* * *

"But what makes these Toads even more stranger is what Toadette says after they leave…"

* * *

_Luigi…" Toadette whimpered out, staring at the rusted metal beneath us. "That… those…" The words hung at her lips, choking her._

_Toads are always good! Why would she be so afraid of them? Even compared to Cackletta's tower, I had never seen her so scared. She wringed her hands together, as if she was trying to wash them. Sharp tiny breaths left her. She heaved. She gasped. She appeared to be drowning in it all._

_"That was my brother."_

* * *

**Shyamalan:** What a twist!

"Okay," Magolor said, rubbing his hands together, "this story's starting to get interesting. I can't wait to continue reading this-"

At that moment, Gryll walked in, carrying a clipboard.

"Hey, Magolor," she said. "Your time's up. It's my time for filming now."

"What?" Magolor asked, taken aback. "But I barely did anything this week."

"Sorry, buddy. I don't make the rules."

Magolor buried his face in his hands and slammed his head onto the table.

_I knew this sort of thing would happen. I just can't seem to get a break. Hopefully, things won't get worse._

**_To Be Continued… eventually..._**

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: TinyURL: y3cmmjjg_

_Oh! I also have a poll on my profile. I encourage you to go there and vote._


	14. Gryll Reviews: Nintendo E3 Direct

**Magical Friends Media Presents…**

**Gryll's Reviews and Rants**

**Episode 02: Nintendo's E3 Direct**

* * *

Gryll waved to the nonexistent audience and said, "Hello, everyone! I'm Gryll, and this my review of Nintendo's E3 Direct!"

"Now, I'll be honest with you all: I didn't go to E3 or watch any of the press conferences. In fact, I wasn't very interested in any of the non-Nintendo games that were announced. I guess I'm _kinda_ interested in _Doom: Eternal_ and _My Friend Pedro_, but that's about it."

"Also," she continued, now visibly upset, "I'm incredibly disappointed that they still didn't announce a North American release of _Mother 3_. Shigesato Itoi, why do you do this to us? Why do you keep us so far away from Lucas, Flint, and the rope snake? As a fellow Japan-only video game character, I'm terribly upset!"

Gryll replaced her sour mood with a sincere smile. "But enough about the negative things. After all, Nintendo knows how to keep their fans happy, and today, we're going to talk about how they blew everyone's hats off at E3 this year!"

"The Direct starts off pretty strong by showing us the second DLC character for _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_: the Hero from _Dragon Quest_. This fighter is a representation of the upcoming _Dragon Quest XI: Definitive Edition_, and consists of four different _Dragon Quest_ protagonists: Luminary from 11, Erdrick from 3, Solo from 4, and the hero from 7. These fighters appear as alternate skins, like the Koopalings are for Bowser Jr., which is neat."

"The main problem with the Hero is that he's awfully similar to Link, sporting a sword for his basic attacks and a shield that blocks projectiles. Luckily, this problem is alleviated by his special attacks. Each special attack is based on an MP system, like in the _Dragon Quest_ games. This makes fighting with him a bit tougher, and it requires some strategy to be implemented. Overall, the Hero seems like a nice addition to the Smash roster, and I'd definitely want to try him out, if it weren't for something else that I'll get into later…"

"After that reveal, fittingly enough, we hear about the previously mentioned definitive version of _Dragon Quest XI_. Not much is new, except maybe for more story, like the original didn't have enough of that. As a bonus, you also have the ability to "go back" to previous installments of the franchise. That's cool, sure, but I'm not that much of a _Dragon Quest_ girl. I mean, sure, I've played a bit of 9 and 6, but I'm not devoting my life to it. _Dragon Quest XI: Definitive Edition_ looks like a great game, but it's just not for me."

"After that..." Gryll started, but then she hesitated. Suddenly, she burst into laughter for a few moments before finally calming down and continuing, "after that, we get a funny bit introducing Doug Bowser, the new president of Nintendo of America. Boy, does he know how to make an impression. Reggie may be gone, but it looks like Nintendo's in good hands."

"So then, we get a look at _Luigi's Mansion 3_," Gryll said with stars in her eyes. "It looks _awesome_! New functions, better graphics, and the fact that it takes place in a hotel!"

**Mario:** You know what they say: All toasters toast toast!"

"Okay, maybe that's not a perk, but it still looks amazing. There are puzzles that require the help of Gooigi, that two-player option from that 3DS remake last year. Also, not only do you have to rescue Mario, but also some Toads and Princess Peach. _Luigi's Mansion 3_ promises to be an amazing game. I can't wait until it comes out."

"Up next, we catch a glimpse of _The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance Tactics_, a video game based on the upcoming Netflix spinoff series based on the Jim Henson film _The Dark Crystal_. Now since I'm sure you don't know, I'm a _huge_ fan of Jim Henson's work. _Sesame Street_,_ The Muppets_,_ Fraggle Rock_,_ Labyrinth_, I love it all. So it's obvious that I'm gonna have to check it out once it's released."

"Next is a trailer for _The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening_ for the Switch. I must say, it looks awesome. All of the things from the original game, plus a _dungeon maker_, are remade, revamped, and reinstituted into high-quality Switch hardware. Although I have no experience with the original Game Boy release, I can confidently say that _The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening_ is a remake done right."

"Then, Square Enix decides to give us another gift: a revamped version of _Trials of Mana_. I love RPGs, and this game looks like an example as to why I love them. Beautiful fantasy worlds, interesting characters, and epic battles. Plus, the three original _Mana_ games are available on the Switch as the _Collection of Mana_. All I can say is that I'm hyped."

"Next is _The Witcher 3_ and _Fire Emblem: Three Houses_, two games that I'm not very interested in. They _look_ like good games, but they're just not for me. Then, to showcase the new _Resident Evil_ games (which I am not interested in, by the way), they show a video of two kids playing _Resident Evil_ in an abandoned mansion. While watching it, I can't help but think of that one Geico commercial…"

**Black Man:** Let's hide in the attic!

**Girl #1:** No, in the basement!

**Girl #2:** Why can't we just get in the running car? (points to a running car)

**David Schwimmer-looking Guy:** Are you crazy? Let's hide behind the chainsaws.

"_No More Heroes III_?" Gryll said, then she moved her hand to the side in a pushing motion. "No thanks. Honestly, it just looks like every nerd's fantasy to me. I do not want that on my conscience."

"_Contra: Rogue Corps_: I'm not gonna buy it, but it sure looks awesome. Also, they've got the _Contra Anniversary Collection_. I'd buy that, but chances are that I won't even pass the first level of the first game."

"_Daemon X Machina_ and _Panzer Dragoon_ are two more games that I'm not looking forward to, so I'm not gonna talk about them."

Gryll quickly put on a smile and said, "Next, Shinya Takahashi arrives and talks about the upcoming games _Pokemon Sword_ and _Pokemon Shield_. He basically talks about how they have a booth set up at E3 this year for the games, which makes me _almost_ want to go there. I say 'almost' because I'm not wasting my time going out of my way to the opposite side of the planet for one little thing that I'll get to experience in a few months anyway."

"By the way, I will do a full review of the new _Pokemon_ games some time in December, so look out for that."

Then, Gryll started to look bored as she said, "Oh, look, more games I don't care about. _Astral Chain_ appears to be an awesome game, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to understand it. _Empire of Sin_ doesn't look to be my tastes, but the commercial was decent. _Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order_? Boy, that's a mouthful! Plus, Thanos cosplaying at Mr. Electric from _Sharkboy & Lavagirl_ is a bit of a dealbreaker. _Cadence of Hyrule_ is just a LoZ mod of _Crypt of the NecroDancer_. Next!"

"_Mario & Sonic at the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games_ is a game that I'm a little bit on the fence about. Maybe I'll get it, maybe I won't. I just don't know yet. Good news, though- we don't have to watch Dr. Robotnik ribbon dancing again."

"The last ten minutes of the Direct, though, are straight-up _awesome_," Gryll said. "_Animal Crossing: New Horizons_ looks splendid. It has a new story, new things to do. You can even _craft_ things. Is it just me, or did _Pocket Camp_ get a much-needed upgrade?"

"Next is a highlight reel featuring games from non-Nintendo developers, like _Hollow Knight_, _My Friend Pedro_, and_ Spyro Reignited_. Nothing too special, but you may wanna check them out."

"So up next…" Gryll said, getting giddier by the second, "get ready to have your hats blown off." She could hardly contain her giddiness, until she couldn't take it anymore, and started letting it all out in a constant stream of words.

"They show us a _Smash Bros._ trailer that mirrors the King K. Rool trailer, but instead we get the character that pretty much all of us wanted, and that is of course Banjo & Kazzoie!" she quickly said.

"Yeah, you heard me right. BANJO-KAZOOIE IS IN SMASH!"

Suddenly, a gust of wind knocked Gryll's hat off her head. "Told ya it would blow your hats off," she said.

"It's finally happened, guys. Our secret prayers have been answered. This is perhaps the best decision Microsoft has made in years."

"And that's it, I hear you saying," she continued, putting her hat back on. "It can't get better than this, can it? It's the tops! We're in ecstasy."

"Wrong!" she shouted, and then she calmed down. "Nintendo still has one thing up their sleeve: a sequel to _Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild_."

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew off Gryll's hat again.

"It ain't no Metroid 4, but it sure got my blood pumping. The trailer had this creepy yet cool vibe to it. I guess it'll be the dark to _Breath of the Wild's_ light. A _Majora's Mask_ to it's _Ocarina of Time_, if you will."

Phillip J. Fry: Shut up and take my money!

"Well," she concluded, clapping her hands together, "that's all I have to say about Nintendo's E3 Direct. Let's check out the final score:"

Gryll turned on her electronic board.

* * *

**Awesome Games: 19/25**

**Big News: 18/25**

**Doug Bowser: 20/25**

**BANJOOOOO!1!: 25/25**

**Total Score: 82/100**

"Well, there you have it. I'm Gryll, this was my review of Nintendo at E3, and I hope you hated it."

Gryll tipped her hat and walked off to the left.

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

_Illusion Fox Reviews_ by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Brain Dump by hotdiggedydemon

Hotel Mario

GEICO

HAL Laboratory


	15. Editorial 2

**Warning: SPOILERS for the recent _The Amazing World of Gumball_ finale. Do not look ahead if you do not wish to be spoiled.**

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Editorial 02: Remembering _The Amazing World of Gumball_**

Magolor, Marx, and Gryll were sitting in seats in front of the control panel of the Lor Starcutter. Magolor, looking less than chipper, said, "Hello everyone, and welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse."

"In case you haven't noticed," Marx said, also looking down in the dumps, "we're upset because we just watched the end of _The Amazing World of Gumball_… and it was horrible."

"Well, 'horrible' isn't the best word to describe it," Gryll added, who was also crestfallen. "A better word would be 'disappointing.'"

"For those of you who didn't watch the finale, or need a refresher," Magolor continued, "allow me to summarize the episode. Elmore Junior High's superintendent arrives on the scene— which I must say is cool because he's an actual, live-action person— and he plans to stamp out all cartoonish behaviour in the school. But not only is he removing their cartoon logic, he plans on turning them into full-on humans. Gumball and Darwin figure out his plan, and they use cartoon logic to turn his friends back to normal. A confrontation with the superintendent reveals him to be Rob, a supporting character-turned-antagonist, in disguise. Rob tries to justify his actions, but he gets knocked out before he can explain himself. That night, at the school, he reveals that he was turning the people into humans in order to give them the ability to escape their world. Right after he says this, the floor beneath him gives way and he falls into the Void, ending the series on a _literal_ cliffhanger."

"This sucks," Gryll remarked. "Not only did this wonderful series end on a note as bad as the original _Teen Titans_, but Cartoon Network doesn't even acknowledge that the show's over. And since we still haven't gotten a say on a potential _Gumball_ movie, I think we can all agree that the series will never continue, like it or not."

Marx sighed, a dreamy look in his eyes. "This show was the best. It took every trope in cartoon history and turned it on its head!"

"Yeah," Magolor responded, "just like in 'The Job'. You know how cartoons these days end up going back to normal by the next episode in order to keep the show going?

**_JonTron:_**_ As you know, accepting the status quo is paramount in this country! How do you think we keep special interest groups lobbying so efficiently?_

"Well, _The Amazing World of Gumball_ took this trope and cranked it up to eleven. So apparently, the lazy father Richard having a job is such a huge deviation from the show's norm— which it must be, if they're making this episode— that it threatens to tear apart space and time itself! Sure, you can avoid the status quo by having continuity, like the later seasons do, but making an episode like this is what defined this series during its early years as something the world has never seen before."

"These types of pop culture stabs tend to be the focus for a lot of episodes," Marx took over. "'The Spoilers' is about Gumball and Darwin avoiding spoilers for a recent movie they haven't seen yet, much like the recent events involving a certain superhero movie. 'The Upgrade' is about Gumball's robot friend Bobert receiving an upgrade that makes him function worse, just like every _Apple_ product ever made. 'The Test' does it twice, with online personality tests and 80's sitcoms. Best of all, they do it with high-quality animation that you can't get enough of."

"Speaking of animation," Gryll spoke up, "'member all those animation changes in certain episodes?"

"Oh, I 'member," Magolor answered. "One of my favorite examples of this is 'The Puppets', where it turns into a _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared_ episode. They even got the DHMIS directors, Becky Sloan and Joseph Pelling, to make that part of the episode."

Gryll said, "I liked 'The Fury,' where the episode turns into an anime!"

Marx decided to give his input. "My favorite is 'The Ollie'," he said. "It was crazy, fluid, and it had that skater theme that the episode was going for. Beautiful animation and wonderful execution, in my opinion.

"The regular animation is really good, too," Magolor said. "The combination of 2D and 3D animation, as well as live-action backgrounds, sets this apart from other cartoons that just use one of these mediums. There's even some little aesthetics that add to the uniqueness of the show, like how the camera shakes a little sometimes. It gives the show that home movie feel, which given how weird the rest of the show is, only adds to the stew of random the series already is."

"What made the show awesome to me is how incredibly meta the show can get," Marx said. "In 'The Money,' the Wattersons go bankrupt, and they lose more and more of their belongings until the animators of the show run out of money, and the animation process for the show starts to go in reverse. Not only does that break the fourth wall, but it wages nuclear war with the fourth wall, and _wins_ in only two minutes!"

"Plus there's the whole story arc with Rob," Gryll added, "the forgotten side character who became the main antagonist. He's well aware of the fact that _The Amazing World of Gumball_ is a show, and he uses this to his advantage in the Season 4 finale, 'The Disaster'. In it, he acquires a remote control that allows him to control everything in the world of Elmore, as well as the TV broadcasting it. Think of Bubsy messing with your TV in _Bubsy 3D_, except it actually has purpose. His awareness of the false reality he lives is the entire reason he does what he does in the series finale. He knows that the show is cancelled, so turning the residents of Elmore into real people is the only way they can pass the fourth wall and escape this world's destruction. Sure, the show ends on a bleak note because of this, but you gotta admit, the show's writers know what they're doing."

"Speaking of the writers," Magolor said, "the writing and humor in this show is impeccable. Gumball's sardonic remarks and the show's humorous satire make the writing quality if the series as good as, if not better than, the first few seasons of _The Simpsons_."

For a moment, no one says a word. They exchange glances at each other, and they take turns opening their mouths, hesitating, and then contemplating something to say. Finally, Gryll has a lightbulb moment and says, "We still haven't talked about the songs yet."

Marx and Magolor simultaneously groan at Gryll's suggestion.

"What's your problem?" she asked. "I thought you guys would love to talk about the show's quality tracks."

"The problem is that there's nothing to talk about," Marx said flatly. "Nothing we say can do the songwriters justice about what a wonderful job they've done."

"Yeah," Magolor spoke up. "When's the last time your favorite cartoon had a dope rap about etiquette?"

* * *

(That one song from the episode 'The Singing" [yeah, I know, which one?])

**Billy:** _[Rapping] Billy Parham in your house_

_Turn me up but not too loud_

_For fear of disturbing someone_

_Enunciating to the masses, mm-hmm._

_I'm here to tell you of the relevance of etiquette_

_'Tis quite important, though I fear you might not get it yet_

_Feet on the seats_

_I'm sure I don't approve_

_Hold the door for the ladies_

_When they go through_

_Wipe your feet_

_When you're entering a neighbor's house_

_And when he chews,_

_A gentleman will always close his mouth_

_Close his mouth, close his mouth_

_The speed a virus spreads is beyond belief_

_When you sneeze, please be sure to use a handkerchief_

_Handkerchief_

_A handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief…_

_[While saying the preceding line, he performs the enigmatically popular dance move known as "dabbing."]_

* * *

Marx and Gryll awkwardly stared at Magolor, while Magolor remained oblivious to it. After a moment, he notices what his two friends are doing, and he asks them what the problem is.

"I can't believe you just said the words 'dope rap'," Marx said, still weirded out.

"Well believe it, buddy, because I went and done it!" Magolor retorted.

"So to sum up," he continued, "_The Amazing World of Gumball_ was the best cartoon to come out of the Cartoon Network Renaissance, and we're all sad to see it go. I hope the network decides to make the movie, because if they don't, then this would go down as the most depressing cartoon ending in modern history."

"With the series over, I think it would be best if I would get into reviewing cartoon Fanfiction, especially TAWOG. You know, as long as the stories are nothing like this:"

* * *

**_A New one Begins_**

**_By: ABAV _**

_After the events of the Nazi Movement Germany has conquered most of Europe, and Western United States. Not ready to let go of the old way of living Gumball and Darwin escape and learn to have faith and hope and show people that they can win. It is their job to save a doomed future from dictatorship._

* * *

All three friends shuddered at this particular Fanfiction. "Even the description gives he the heebie-jeebies," Gryll said weakly.

"Well, that's all for now. I've got a review to finish," Magolor said, turning to the audience. "We'll see you next time on _Magolor's Coffeehouse_!"

**The End**

Performed by Magolor, Marx, and Gryll

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

_JonTron - Goosebumps: PART 1_

_South Park_

And a big thank-you to Ben Bocquelet, for creating such an amazing world. May your future be bright.

* * *

**RIP _The Amazing World of Gumball_ (2011-2019)**

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: TinyURL: y3cmmjjg_

_Oh! I also have a poll on my profile. I encourage you to go there and vote._


	16. Adeleine's Artistic Return

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 07: Adeleine's Artistic Return by DarkRedPsycho92**

**TinyURL: yxtry3n6**

Magolor sat at his usual seat at the Kirby Café. He clapped his hands together and said, "Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse!"

"Sorry I've been away for so long, but this is a special occasion and I needed to make sure everything was perfect. So I invited my good friend Adeleine to help celebrate this momentous occasion!"

Indeed, Adeleine was sitting right next to him, looking terribly confused.

"...You still haven't told me why I'm here," she said at last.

"You really don't know?" Magolor asked incredulously. "I figured you, of all people, would remember what happened on this day last year."

"Oh, yeah! Didn't Stephen Hawking die on this day last year?"

"No. I'm talking about something much better: today marks the one-year anniversary of Version 3.0.0 of _Kirby Star Allies_!"

Adeleine's eyes lit up, sparkling with blindingly bright stars. "Sweet Nova, yes! That was the best day of my life! I was so relieved that HAL Laboratory hadn't forgotten about me!"

"And you weren't the only one with that mindset!" Magolor beamed. "Kirby fans all over the world went nuts after seeing your reveal. This rabid appreciation for you is what spawned the fanfic that we're going to review today."

* * *

_**Adeleine's Artistic Return**_

_**By: DarkRedPsycho92 **_

_A story of how Adeleine and Ribbon come back as Dream Friends in Star Allies._

* * *

"I'm not going to waste any time here and get straight to the story for you guys," Magolor said.

"But you usually give your opening thoughts at this part," Adeleine mentioned.

"Nah, I'm not feeling it. Anyway, let's begin."

* * *

_As a Kirby fan, I always enjoy playing Kirby's series of games that's been out on each consoles, Kirby's Dream Land and Kirby's Dream Land 2 for the Game Boy, Kirby's Adventure for the NES, Kirby Super Star and Kirby's Dream Land 3 for the SNES, Kirby and the Amazing Mirror for the GBA, Kirby Triple Deluxe for the 3DS, but there was one that was considered a favorite in my collection, Kirby 64 The Crystal Shards._

_I remember the day it came out back in the year 2000, I was only 8 years old back then. Although I didn't get it on the N64, I had it as a Virtual Console on my Wii years later, the game may looked simple and colorful, but there are some levels that were challenging, which made it more fun to play._

* * *

"Okay, this opening feels like it belongs in one of those creepypastas," Magolor commented.

"Yeah, it kinda does," Adeleine said. "And not a good one, either."

* * *

_I even remember the cast of characters that were in The Crystal Shards, Kirby, everyone's favorite adorable pink puffball, Waddle Dee, the trusting companion, King Dedede, Kirby's classic rival who's now a helpful ally, Ribbon, the small yet cheerful fairy from Ripple Star who companies Kirby and friends to reform the Crystals. But of all of them, one stood out very particular among the group, and it's safe to say that I like this character very much... Adeleine._

_She was a young artist, what made her more interesting among Kirby characters, she was the only human in Pop Star, most denizens of Pop Star always have either a round shape or an oval shape, Adeleine on the other hand, is something that came to Pop Star by an unexpected surprise. When I first saw her while playing that game the first time, she was drawing on her easel, then noticed the crystal shard near her, but the Dark Matter showed up on her easel and ended up possessing her, I did got startled that occurred to her of all characters._

_A mini boss fight started, and the possessed Adeleine began drawing creatures from her easel, fortunately for me, I mixed the Ice ability with the Electric Ability to make Food Fridge, I did shoot out food with precise aim, and each of her drawings were defeated one after another. Eventually, the possessed Adeleine got so mad, she jumped off the stump and charged while swinging her brush wildly, I easily jumped over her, but I realized that one of the food was laying on the ground and she was going to run into it. It was a hot dog, I watched as the possessed Adeleine made contact with it, and flew off screen, I did laughed more than I should have, but I did felt a bit bad for it._

_After the mini boss fight, the Dark Matter was released from Adeleine, she was no longer possessed, Kirby and Waddle Dee high fived each other as they claimed a crystal shard, Adeleine, now back to normal, decided to aid Kirby on his adventure, they agreed to have her join in, which made me smile a lot, that goes to show that Kirby may be the proclaimed Star Warrior, but he can also be merciful and kind to friends alike._

* * *

Adeleine donned a confused expression. "Is this a Fanfiction or a Wiki article?"

"It's sad when you can't tell the difference."

* * *

_As I progressed further in the game, Adeleine does provide hints on puzzles and on some occasions, draw a Maxim Tomato or a 1-up, I always found her to be very reliable compared to Waddle Dee and King Dedede._

_After I collected every crystal shards and beat every bosses, all that's left was to take down Zero Two, he was quite tough, since his attacks spread out and trying to avoid the explosions at the same time was tricky to me, so I mostly focused on dodging them rather than shooting him straight at his eye. After shooting at Zero Two long enough, he became stunned, I then shoot at his halo which changed to yellow, to blue, to green, to orange, to pink, and to red, shooting out his halo revealed his true weak spot, a thorny branch that sprouted below him, I shoot as fast and as much as I can, eventually defeating Zero Two._

_Kirby and his friends were honored in a ceremony in Ripple Star, each of them were awarded with medallions with crystal shards on them, Kirby got more than just a medallion, he got a kiss from Ribbon, his entire face was glowing pink, he got so dazed from that kiss, he ended up falling off a small set of stairs, which always makes me laugh._

* * *

"Will you shut up!?" Magolor shouted. "We don't need a detailed explanation on the events of the game. We're obviously reading this online right now, so we can easily just look it up on Google once we're finished."

* * *

_After completing it one hundred percent and finishing the Boss Rush, I wondered to myself if they would ever bring back Adeleine again in future Kirby games, only time and fate would tell if they did at least gave her an appearance or cameo._

_As the years went by, more Kirby games were made on different consoles, I was more than eager to see if they did brought back Adeleine, I've seen videos of the new Kirby games that came out over the years, yet I never saw the familiar painter girl, I was feeling a bit worried that Nintendo and Hal Laboratory forgot about her, a character that I holded near and dear to my heart, the games did looked really fun, yet Adeleine was nowhere found nor mentioned._

_Kirby Air Ride, nothing, Kirby Canvas Curse, nothing, Kirby Super Star Ultra, nothing, Kirby Mass Attack, nothing, Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, nothing, Kirby Triple Deluxe, nothing._

_I was really starting to lose hope, that she was becoming nothing more than a memory, when Kirby Planet Robobot came out, I had all my fingers crossed, praying that she might show up, but the results was just like the same... No sign of Adeleine, not an appearance, not a cameo, not even a mention, but only as a sticker._

_My heart was broken, after years of being missing, she only showed up as a sticker to customize the Mech Armor, the only words that came out of my mouth was "...Something better than nothing, but it's not enough."_

* * *

Magolor, looking slightly disgruntled, said, "Look, buddy, if it upsets you, why don't you go complain on some message board or something. Or better yet, start a review show like me. That way, you can complain about stuff and act like you know what you're talking about."

"So our nameless narrator continues to gripe about Adeleine's abandonment like Gumball in a typical Season 3 episode, when the story suddenly— and I do mean suddenly— finally begins.

* * *

_Upon shedding another tear, my prayer was answered, a portal opened up near my bed, an image was clearing up on the portal, I couldn't believe my eyes, it was a planet shaped like a star and had two rings around it, the only words that I muttered was "...Pop Star..."_

* * *

Magolor stared forward blankly, but sprung back to life shortly after.

"Really?" he asked, clearly disgruntled. "A portal? _Really_? That's the best you can come up with?

"What's wrong with it?" Adeleine asked her upset friend.

"I hate it when writers do this! It sickens me when they do something as lazy as this! Throwing in some random portal does not make for creative storytelling. It's lazy and it's just not fun."

"Didn't 087-B do something like that?" Adeleine mentioned.

"Yeah, but at least he was able to make it work."

"So our narrator goes through the portal because he's so smart," Magolor said sarcastically, "and he begins his grossly forced quest."

* * *

_A little further ahead, there was sign that had multiple directions, to the left it said "Cappy Town", to the right it said "Green Greens", and to the middle it said "King Dedede's Castle". I went to the left to make my way to Cappy Town, I thought to myself "I hope the natives don't freak out about seeing me as an alien or whatnot."_

_As I walked into the town, a couple of townsfolk did looked at me, they didn't looked worried or even the slightest concerned, one of them walked up to me and said "Why hello, stranger! Welcome to Cappy Town! My name is Sir Ebrum, and who might you be?" I was surprised on how he greeted me like I was like a visitor from another town, or in this case, another world. "Uh... The names Alejandro Lira, I'm from the Planet Earth." I introduced myself._

_Sir Ebrum then shakes my hand in delight. "Well good day to you, Alejandro of Earth, we're more than happy to enjoy your visit here. I do have a question to ask you, kind sir." He added. "How did you come here to Pop Star, by any means?" I scratched the back of my head while replying to him, "Funny thing, I came here from a portal, it transported me here."_

_Sir Ebrum brushed his mustache. "A portal, you say? That's surprisingly interesting. It's very rare for portals to show up out of nowhere and bring out beings from another world,_

* * *

"Pssh, you're telling _me_," Magolor said.

* * *

_I responded to Sir Ebrum. "I'm a human, and no need to be concerned about me Sir, I come in peace." He gasped in surprise. "Ooh, a human! That's something you don't see everyday. The last time I saw a human was a long time ago, and if I'm right, that person lives far off town, in the middle of Green Greens."_

_I then gasped in shock and surprise. "A... another human?... is that human... by chance... named..." I gulped in nervousness. "...Adeleine?" Sir Ebrum thought for a second. "Hmmm... now that you mentioned it... it could. All I remember is that it did started with an A."_

_I slowly fell to my knees, started taking deep breaths, my heartbeat was speeding up. "Oh my god, this could finally be my chance! Which way in Green Greens I can find that house that's far off town!" I quickly asked Sir Ebrum, he then said "I'm not sure, to be honest, but I know Kirby can help you lead the way. His house is just up that hill."_

* * *

"Or, you know, you could just follow that sign you saw a few paragraphs back," Magolor shrugged. "Just sayin'."

Adeleine put her hands on her hips and glared at Magolor. "Are you just joke around and make insults the whole time?"

"I'm not joking around," Magolor replied. "I'm pointing out the inadequacy of our main character and this story's lazy writing."

"You could make that a bit more obvious. I mean, not everyone has the same thought process as you."

"Fair point."

"So Alejandro, our _lovely_ protagonist," Magolor continued sarcastically, "heads up to Kirby's house, hoping that he can help him find Adeleine."

* * *

_He pointed East of Cappy Town, I got back up on my feet and replied to him "Thank you, kind sir, I'm going to need all the help I need for this!" I ran my way up the hill, I almost tripped while running, but I regained balance and kept my running motion in rhythm. Soon enough, I found a small, half-circled house at the top of the hill, before I could stop, I did tripped on a star shaped rock, lunging me a few feet ahead and landed face first on the ground._

_I was a little dazed from the faceplant, but surprisingly, the ground wasn't hard at all, so it didn't hurt as much, I brushed the dirt off with my hands, then said to myself "That's not how I want to make a front door welcome." After dusting myself off, I looked at the house in front of me, I then said "...Kirby's House... this will be a complete honor seeing him in person!"_

_I gently knocked on the door, then waited a few seconds, the door opened slowly, my excitement was slowly growing, I couldn't wait any more to see Kirby with my own eyes. When the door opened, I saw... nothing... my excitement stopped instantly, I looked around to see if anyone was in here._

_"Hello? Anyone?... Kirby?..." I was confused, why would he not be in his house? Why isn't he in his bed? He's quite the sleepy head at this time of day. Was he already busy saving Pop Star from threats? Nothing added up._

* * *

"Well, that ends out our story," Magolor said, rising from his chair. "I'm outta here."

"Magolor!" Adeleine shouted. "The story isn't over!"

"I know. I'm just getting bored."

* * *

_Then I heard a squeaky child-like voice, it sounded very near._

_"Poyo?..." I quickly looked around to see where that voice came from, yet I still saw nothing, then I felt my ankle getting tugged slowly, I then looked down, there he was. "Poyo?" Standing at only eight inches, the round, pink puffball was staring up to my eyes, my mind was moving at insane speeds, I couldn't believe my own eyes that I was looking at the one and only Kirby._

_I was silent for a whole minute, he was still tugging at my ankle, my heart was beating very fast. "Poyo?" Kirby said again, I couldn't say anything, my mind went completely numb, I slowly leaned back and passed out, hitting the ground with a loud thump._

_Minutes later, I slowly regained consciousness, Kirby was sitting on my chest, seeing if I was going to wake up, I looked to the left, then to the right, then in front of me, he was waiting for me to react. I wanted to make a great first impression to Kirby, but didn't want to embarrass myself in the process, so I kindly said to him "Hi Kirby."_

* * *

Magolor looked at Adeleine, who sat with wide, sparkly eyes and a dopey smile.

"Aww. How cute," she cooed.

"Oh sweet Nova," Magolor groaned. "I gotta balance out this cuteness."

He pulled out a remote and pressed the big red button on it. The screen turned to static, which was soon replaced by footage of Marx Soul screaming in _Kirby Super Star Ultra_. After the nightmarish clip, the screen returned to Magolor and Adeleine, who was now back to normal.

"There. Much better."

* * *

_He responded a few seconds later saying "Poyo." I couldn't tell what he meant to say, so I said hi to him again, Kirby still said "Poyo." I gently held him with my hands, then slowly moved him aside, and got back up on my feet. I was excited to see Kirby, but I was puzzled that he didn't say anything other than poyo, so I tried talking to him slowly._

_"Hello... Kirby...my name... is Alejandro... it's an honor... to meet you..." Kirby tilted to the left, then said "Poyo?" I still couldn't tell what he meant. "Do you... remember... someone... by the name of... Adeleine?..." Kirby placed his right arm to the side of is head. "Poyo?" I facepalmed myself._

* * *

**Detective Pikachu:** I know you can't understand me… but put down the stapler or _I_... will _e-lec-tro-cute_… _you_!

* * *

_"Ugh, this is getting me nowhere."_

* * *

"It took you this long to figure it out?" Magolor griped.

"Give him a break," said Adeleine. "Maybe he just didn't know that Kirby can't talk."

"Oh, sure. The _biggest Kirby fan in the world_ doesn't know that Kirby only speaks in 'Poyo's."

Adeleine hesitated, but she ultimately conceded and said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"So Alejandro heads to the forest because Adeleine lives just past it," Magolor continued, "But then he gets lost because he's an idiot."

* * *

_I was exausted and frustrated, I sat next to a big tree, thinking about retracing my steps, but probably assuming that it'll be the same results. "I can help you find the way out." A mysterious voice responded to me, I quickly jumped up in surprise, looking around to see who said it. "Who are you? Present yourself."_

_The tree I was sitting nearby began to move, holes appeared on the tree, forming two eyes and a mouth. "I am Whispy Woods, and if you want to reach the other side of this forest, you need to heed my words, traveler." I wasn't expecting to communicate with a talking tree, but if he was willing to help me find the exit, I needed to listen to his advice._

* * *

**Whispy Woods:** despacito

Adeleine glared at Magolor, to which he responded by shrugging and saying, "What? I got bored."

"But in all seriousness," Magolor continued, "why is our protagonist such an idiot? He's in a forest on Planet Popstar, for crying out loud. How could he not expect Whispy to show up at some point?"

"So anyway, Whispy tells our incredibly incompetent main character that to exit this obligatory forest maze, he has to follow the path that has star-shaped flowers…"

* * *

_"I've gotta make sure to take the path that has star flowers." I thought to myself, looking at each route had different flowers, the left path had a diamond flower, the middle path had a heart flower, and the right path had the star flower. "That way."_

_I took the right way, I followed the route and saw three more paths, I looked at each one to see which one had the star flower next to it. "Heart flower on the right? Nope. Diamond flower on the middle? Nope. Star flower on the left? Yup."_

_I took the left path. As I walked down the path, birds were singing on nearby trees, and small rays of sunlight were beaming down from the tall trees that cover this forest, I then said to myself "Jeez, this forest is bigger than I thought it would be."_

_Another trio of paths were in front of me. "Diamond on right? Nope. Heart on the left? Nope. Star on the middle? That's the one." I took the middle route._

* * *

"Dude, could you shut up?" Magolor blurted.

"Normally, I'd slap you and give you another seminar on manners," Adeleine began, "but I honestly have to agree with you. These four paragraphs could easily be condensed into one by leaving out unnecessary details and things we could figure out by ourselves."

"There's a saying we online critics have," Magolor added, "and I think it fits this situation well: Show, don't tell."

"So he makes it out of the forest and he finds Adeleine's house. Bandana Dee and King Dedede show up too, no doubt only coming here to be a part of this mega-happy reunion party. Also, Kirby's here and he's doing cute stuff."

* * *

_"Oh, it's you again." I told to Kirby as I crossed my arms. "I don't want to be rude, but you couldn't even make a first impression to me, not even a smile or you saying hi to me, all you said was just poyo, and I don't have a clue what that means."_

_I slowly turned away from Kirby. Kirby then walked around me to make eye contact, he looked up to my somewhat scowling face, he then smiled sweetly to me and said "...Hi." and waved his hand to me. The way he said it was no doubt pure, I wanted to smile back at him, but I kept my focus and retained a serious look on my face._

* * *

Magolor looked at Adeleine, who, once again, sat with wide, sparkly eyes and a dopey smile.

"Aww," she cooed.

"Here we go again," Magolor groaned.

He pulled out the same remote as before and pressed the big red button on it. The screen turned to static, which was soon replaced by a clip from a Kirby game. This time, the clip features Drawcia Soul's monstrous screech from _Kirby Canvas Curse_. Afterwards, the screen returned to Magolor and Adeleine, who had returned to her normal state.

Magolor sighed. "Perfectly balanced, as all things should be."

"So he knocks on the door and Adeleine comes out, leading to the huge mega-happy reunion I mentioned earlier. Honestly, I don't have any problems with this. Sure, it was corny, but I was fine with it. But near the end is when it starts to go too far."

* * *

_"If only Ribbon was here to see this." I added. Adeleine gasped in surprise when she heard that name. "Ribbon! We haven't seen her in so long. Have you guys seen her?" Kirby, Bandana Waddle Dee and King Dedede looked at each other, then at me. "I think she's still in Ripple Star, guys." I said to them._

_I then looked up to the sky, seeing if I could find Ripple Star. "I'm sure she's out there, waiting for us." Adeleine also looked up to the sky. "Maybe one day, we'll see Ribbon again soon." Kirby looked up to the sky. "Poyo..." Bandana Waddle Dee looked up to the sky. "Ribbon... I remember that name... she's the one that likes Kirby a lot, right?" King Dedede looked up to the sky as well. "You know, I do miss that little fairy girl, maybe soon she'll come back."_

* * *

"Oh, wow," Magolor said sarcastically. "Do you think you can make this setup any more obvious?"

"So yeah, Ribbon shows up," Adeleine said, "and I agree, her appearance does feel uncomfortably forced."

* * *

_Ribbon stopped as she saw familiar faces, especially at a pink puffball with blue eyes. "Poyo?" Said Kirby. Ribbon gasped at the sight of him. "KIRBY!" Ribbon yelled happily as she flew to Kirby to hug him. "I missed you so much, it's been so long!" Ribbon nuzzled at him, Kirby was looking rather confused._

_"It's Ribbon, Kirby. She kissed you when you defeated Zero-Two." I said to Kirby, trying to make him remember. Kirby then had a flashback, remembering that moment Ribbon kissed him. "...Ribbon?" Said Kirby, who was looking straight at her. "Yes, Kirby. It's me, Ribbon." Kirby then smiled at her. "Ribbon!" He happily hugged Ribbon. "I'm so glad you remember me, it's brings so much joy to see you again." Ribbon said while she and Kirby embraced happily together._

_"The gangs all here." I said, seeing Kirby and Ribbon hugging each other. "Awww, they're so cute together." Said Adeleine, placing her hands on her chest, adoring the moment Kirby and Ribbon are having. "I couldn't agree more, that is undeniably adorable." I responded to Adeleine, seeing those two together was downright precious._

* * *

Suddenly, the screen turned to static and is replaced with footage of _Kirby's Return to Dream Land_, specifically, Magolor Soul's death scream (the one where he shouts Kirby's name over and over). Then, the screen returned to the two reviewers.

"But I wasn't overcome by cuteness that time," Adeleine said, turning to Magolor.

"Heh, sorry," Magolor replied, scratching his neck. "It's a reflex."

* * *

_"I still can't believe that it's been 18 years." I said. Ribbon them looked at me in surprise. "18 years? That long?" I replied to Ribbon. "Yes, that long." Ribbon then looked back at Kirby. "Wow, time sure flies. And speaking of time..." Ribbon pulls out an envelope from her small pockets. "This came in for us, Adeleine." Adeleine raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Us? Who is it from?" She asked Ribbon while scratching the side of her head. "It's doesn't say who made this, it just says "To Adeleine and Ribbon". Queen Ripple told me that it was a message from the heavens, so this could be very important to us."_

_Ribbon said as she slowly opens the envelope. I was very eager to know what that message would say, hoping that Adeleine and Ribbon could show up for the first time in so many years. "Fingers crossed, Adeleine, this could be destiny in the making." I said to Adeleine as I crossed my fingers._

_Adeleine crosses her fingers too. "I'm just as anticipated as you are, Alejandro." She replied to me while waiting for Ribbon to read the message. Kirby, Bandana Waddle Dee and King Dedede all looked at Ribbon in anticipation, Adeleine and I had our fingers crossed, Ribbon then started to read the message. "Congratulations, Adeleine and Ribbon, you two have been chosen to be Kirby's Dream Friend in Kirby Star Allies!"_

* * *

"Woohoo!" Adeleine shouted. "Happy ending! Right, Magolor?"

"What are you talking about? Nothing happened."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Alejandro did nothing to bring you back into the spotlight. He didn't bring that letter; Ribbon did. He could've just stayed at home crying his eyes out, and nothing would have changed."

Adeleine sighed and planted her head into the table. "I hate it when you're right."

"So after some dialogue that I don't particularly care about, our useless husk of a protagonist returns home."

* * *

_I then checked the time and date on my phone. "12:00 a.m., July 5th, 2018." I thought I would've been gone in weeks or months, but it seemed time must've stopped as soon as I went in that portal. I then got a notification on Twitter, the Kirby Twitter page revealed the 3rd Dream Friend of the Second Wave Update, I watched the video, within seconds, the Dream Friend reveal was none other than Adeleine and Ribbon themselves._

_"There they are, ready to show the world that they're back." I smiled upon seeing them both. As soon as the reveal trailer was done, the screen on my phone went all static. "Huh... that's something you don't see everyday." I said to myself. Few seconds later, the static cleared out, and it showed Adeleine, Ribbon, Kirby, Bandana Waddle Dee and King Dedede. "No worries, Alejandro, we wanted to do a quick video chat."_

* * *

Magolor thought for a second and then said, "I have a lot of questions floating around in my head, the biggest one being 'How?'"

"Anyway, that's about it. I'll be honest, I don't really have much to say about this story. There's a lot of gripes I have about it, sure, but I'm kinda okay with them, too. Personally, I give this story a firm 'meh.'"

"I thought it was pretty nice," Adeleine said, "It was really nice of the author to write this. I'm glad that people love me enough to write these kinds of stories about me."

"Yeah, you're right," Magolor concurred. "I guess, in the end, it's not about writing something that rivals the complete works of William Shakespeare. It's about an avid fan of the _Kirby_ franchise writing a Fanfiction about their favorite character. And for that, you've earned my respect, DarkRedPsycho92. Not a lot of my respect, but you've earned my respect."

"Well, that's the end. I'm Magolor…"

"...and I'm Adeleine…"

"...and this was Magolor's Coffeehouse."

Magolor and Adeleine stood up and walked off to the left.

**The End**

Performed by Magolor and Adeleine

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

_The Amazing World of Gumball_ by Ben Bocquelet

_Pokémon: Detective Pikachu_

Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee

HAL Laboratory

* * *

_Have a Fanfiction that you want me to review? Let me know in the reviews for this story. Be sure to leave me the title and author._

_Alternatively, I've set up a forum for this. You can leave your suggestions here: TinyURL: y3cmmjjg_

_Oh! I also have a poll on my profile. I encourage you to go there and vote._


	17. A Message from spucubed

**Originally Published: 8/01/19**

* * *

**Hey, everyone! It's me, spucubed. I just want you to know that I won't be adding any more reviews for the month of August. I have to get more of them done and I have a summer project to finish. Come September, I will be ready to give you more reviews, so be prepared!**

* * *

**8/18 Update: Hey, guys! So guess what? I just got my schedule, and it turns out I won't need to work on my summer project anymore! This means that I can work on my original plan for September. On Wednesday, I'll be here to reveal my master plan, so stay tuned!**


	18. What to Expect for September

Hey, everyone! It's spucubed again! Don't worry, this is the last time I'll be bothering you for a while. I'd just like to tell you what my plan is for next month.

So, I've been into the SCP Foundation a lot lately. "What the heck is that?" I hear you ask, and so I shall answer: The SCP Foundation is an online community based on fan-made supernatural creatures known as "SCPs."

I've decided to show this community some love and show off some of its work. That's why I'm dubbing next month "SCP-tember!" For every day in September, I will show off a random SCP for your viewing pleasure. Below this paragraph is the template I will be using for each entry.

* * *

**Item #:"Item Nickname":** This space will be used to provide identification for the SCP in question.

[A link for a picture of the SCP will be posted here (please check the author's profile for proper use of provided links).]

**Item Class:** This space will display the difficulty of containing the SCP (Keter, Euclid, etc).

**Description:** This space will provide information on the appearance of the SCP, as well as common behaviors and other important info regarding the SCP.

**Special Containment Procedures:** Exactly what it says on the tin: information regarding the containment of the SCP.

**Interesting Tales:** Summaries of stories regarding the SCP provided by the SCP Library (links provided for further reading).

**Magolor's Review:** Magolor gives his thoughts on the SCP. It may be just a goofy comment or a snarky remark, but at least he gets to do something.

* * *

Don't worry, this won't be the only thing I'll be doing next month. I'll sprinkle in a review or two throughout the month.

And that's about it. I'll see you September 1st!


	19. SCP-tember: SCP-173

**SCP-173: "The Sculpture"**** (The Original SCP)**

[TinyURL: yfu69pe]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-173 is a vaguely humanoid sculpture. It is constructed from concrete and rebar with traces of Krylon-brand spray paint.

SCP-173 is sentient and extremely hostile. It cannot move while within a direct line of sight. Line of sight must not be broken at any time with SCP-173. Personnel assigned to enter container are instructed to alert one another before blinking. Object is reported to attack by snapping the neck at the base of the skull, or by strangulation. In the event of an attack, personnel are to observe Class 4 hazardous object containment procedures.

Personnel report sounds of scraping stone originating from within the container when no one is present inside. This is considered normal, and any change in this behaviour should be reported to the acting HMCL supervisor on duty.

The reddish brown substance on the floor is a combination of feces and blood. Origin of these materials is unknown. The enclosure must be cleaned on a bi-weekly basis.

**Special Containment Procedures:** Item SCP-173 is to be kept in a locked container at all times. When personnel must enter SCP-173's container, no fewer than 3 may enter at any time and the door is to be relocked behind them. At all times, two persons must maintain direct eye contact with SCP-173 until all personnel have vacated and relocked the container.

**Interesting Tales:** "A Chance at Freedom" [TinyURL: nfycgof] - SCP-173's futile attempt to escape Site 19.

**Magolor's Review:** Aaah, SCP-173. I can see why many people find this object to be so fascinating. I mean, it's the article that spawned nearly 5000 other SCPs. SCP-173 embodies the horrific supernature that the SCP Foundation is all about.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 3ffqkor]


	20. SCP-tember: SCP-055

**SCP-055: "[unknown]"**

[No picture available.]

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-055 is a "self-keeping secret" or "anti-meme". Information about SCP-055's physical appearance as well as its nature, behavior, and origins is self-classifying. To clarify:

\- How Site 19 originally acquired SCP-055 is unknown.

\- When SCP-055 was obtained, and by whom, is unknown.

\- SCP-055's physical appearance is unknown. It is not indescribable, or invisible: individuals are perfectly capable of entering SCP-055's container and observing it, taking mental or written notes, making sketches, taking photographs, and even making audio/video recordings. An extensive log of such observations is on file. However, information about SCP-055's physical appearance "leaks" out of a human mind soon after such an observation. Individuals tasked with describing SCP-055 afterwards find their minds wandering and lose interest in the task; individuals tasked with sketching a copy of a photograph of SCP-055 are unable to remember what the photograph looks like, as are researchers overseeing these tests. Security personnel who have observed SCP-055 via closed-circuit television cameras emerge after a full shift exhausted and effectively amnesiac about the events of the previous hours.

\- Who authorized the construction of SCP-055's containment room, why it was constructed in this way, or what the purpose of the described Containment Procedures may be, are all unknown.

\- Despite SCP-055's container being easily accessible, all personnel at Site 19 claim no knowledge of SCP-055's existence when challenged.

All of these facts are periodically rediscovered, usually by chance readers of this file, causing a great deal of alarm. This state of concern lasts minutes at most, before the matter is simply forgotten about.

A great deal of scientific data has been recorded from SCP-055, but cannot be studied.

At least one attempt has been made to destroy SCP-055, or possibly move it from containment at Site 19 to another site, meeting failure for reasons unknown.

SCP-055 may present a major physical threat and indeed may have killed many hundreds of personnel, and we would not know it. Certainly it presents a gigantic memetic/mental threat, hence its Keter classification.

Based on research by Survey Team #19-055-127BXE, it appears to be possible to remember what SCP-055 is not (negations of fact), and to repeatedly deduce its existence from these memories.

**Special Containment Procedures:** Object is kept within a five (5) by five (5) by two point five (2.5) meter square room constructed of cement (fifty (50) centimeter thickness), with a Faraday cage surrounding the cement walls. Access is via a heavy containment door measuring two (2) by two point five (2.5) meters constructed on bearings to ensure door closes and locks automatically unless held open deliberately. Security guards are NOT to be posted outside SCP-055's room. It is further advised that all personnel maintaining or studying other SCP objects in the vicinity try to maintain a distance of at least fifty (50) meters from the geometric center of the room, as long as this is reasonably practical.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Wait, what were we talking about?

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 3tcmvx6]


	21. SCP-tember: SCP-503

**SCP-503: "The Luckiest Man in the World"**

[No picture available]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-503 is a Caucasian male, sixty-three (63) years of age. The subject is bald (formerly black hair) with brown eyes. The subject's lower jaw is a prosthesis, as a result of incident 503-A. There is a large scar on the subject's chest as a result of Test Log 503-5.

SCP-503 demonstrates a remarkable proclivity toward short-term good fortune and long-term misfortune. This was first apparent at age 11, when the subject was involved in an automobile accident with its family. While the subject survived, its parents, as well as two (2) siblings died. In addition, the subject was trapped within the car for [DATA EXPUNGED] days before rescue.

The subject has had three (3) marriages; the first ending in divorce; the second ending when the subject's wife was killed in an automobile accident; the third ending when the subject's wife committed suicide. During this time the subject has had ten (10) children, none of whom currently live. As far as the subject is aware, it has no living family.

The subject has survived falling from a 34th story window, a plane crash in the North Atlantic, two additional automobile accidents, and the destruction of the World Trade Center on 9/11/01. It has survived suicide attempts via hanging, overdose, self-immolation, and firearm (see Incident 503-A). Although the subject has won the lottery on two (2) separate occasions, by the time the Foundation took custody of it, medical bills had left it in heavy debt.

SCP-503 is currently being studied by Dr. [REDACTED] to determine if the subject's properties can be reverse-engineered to increase the survival chances of field agents.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-503 is to be kept within a secure holding cell at all times. No fewer than four (4) security cameras must be positioned within the cell. SCP-503 must be under constant observation. Any strange movements or attempts to obscure the view of the cameras must be treated as a full-scale emergency. Any researchers studying SCP-503 must be searched for dangerous objects before entering its cell. The cell must be searched daily for any potentially dangerous objects.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** I find it silly that a man with even the craziest kind of luck can be classified as an SCP. And why would you want to inherit the guy's luck anyway? Sure, you'd be able to survive a bunch of stuff, but there's still some bad luck that comes from the repercussions of such luck.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: yx9ldwz8]


	22. SCP-tember: SCP-109

**SCP-109:"Infinite Canteen"**

[TinyURL: y36akbh2]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-109 is a standard-issue United States Army canteen (circa 1899) made of a tin alloy and fitted with a heavy cotton cover and a black leather strap. When opened, the item is seen to be nearly full of water. A seemingly unlimited amount of water can be removed from the container without changing the water level or the item's mass, which remains a constant 3.16 kg. Probes of the interior of the container reported an estimated volume of 2.8 L and a shape consistent with the outside.

The water in SCP-109 is of a slight blue-gray tint, with concentrations of 20 ppm of tin and 170 ppm of other electrolytes. The water remains at a constant temperature of 19°C but can be heated or cooled when moved to another container.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-109 is currently located in Non-Critical Storage Unit 7 and requires no active monitoring. It should not be removed from the unit except to be transported to a research facility, and then only by personnel with Level 3 security clearance or higher. When replacing SCP-109, personnel should ensure that it is firmly closed and that it is placed on the molded pedestal in the upright position.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Is that the canteen from _The Three Amigos_?

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y4k5vpqm]


	23. SCP-tember: SCP-108

**SCP-108:"Extradimensional Nasal Cavity"**

[TinyURL: y5lz4nyt]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-108 is accessible through the nostrils of Subject-108-1. Subject is an African-American female, 51 years old (see Addendum 108-1), who was previously employed as a cashier at [DATA EXPUNGED], a small town hardware store in [DATA EXPUNGED], Kentucky. Since [DATA EXPUNGED], SCP-108 has been housed at Site-17.

Endoscopic examination of SCP-108 reveals that the area accessible via the subject's nostrils is not the human nasal cavity, but rather a bunker system of Nazi German construction dedicated to the production and maintenance of WW2-era Messerschmitt Me 262 fighters. Exploration via robotic endoscope reveals that the bunker system has internal dimensions of approximately 2 km x 4 km, with the long axis parallel to the main entrance/exit portal. While the exploration is by no means complete, SCP-108 is believed to contain hundreds of airframes under construction on its assembly line as well as three completed aircraft. There is also a large quantity of human remains in the complex, particularly concentrated around the entry/exit portal, with the corpses of Nazi officials, military personnel, Hitler Youth, and civilians (possibly Ukrainian slave workers) in an advanced state of decay. Evidence of a firefight near the entry/exit portal supports the hypothesis that the German military personnel were swarmed by the civilians and were killed in the ensuing struggle. Some corpses show signs of cannibalism.

Robotic endoscopic exploration continues, and high discharge LED lighting (assembled piecemeal using the "ship in a bottle" technique) has been deployed. Endoscopic examination of the interior of SCP-108 reveals a large "hangar door" area with a kind of double airlock with blast doors large enough to admit two fully assembled fighters. A production line exists which would allow damaged fighters and deliveries to enter on one side of the hangar door, and finished fighters to exit on the other side. Turning the endoscope head 180 degrees reveals the open doorway as an area of total blackness with two nostril-shaped penetrations in it. One nostril-shaped penetration is connected to whichever nostril is admitting the endoscope, and the other is connected to the interior of a human nasal cavity. DNA testing reveals the nasal cavity belongs to the subject. The black area is impenetrable and absorbs all wavelengths of light that the endoscope can carry. The black area is elastic and yielding when probed.

Apparently the portal system is a unique three-way arrangement. If the outside world is designated A, the interior of the Me 262 factory is B and the subject's nasal cavity is C, then traffic is as follows:

\- Anything (including gasses and light) going from A end up in B.

\- Items going from B end up in C.

\- Items going from C end up in A.

Presumably in 1944 it was intended that C and A were to be the interior and exterior of a double hangar at Tempelhof based on the architecture of the hangar doors.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-108 is contained entirely by Subject 108-1. Subject 108-1 should be contained in a standard containment cell measurin furnished with whatever items are requested unless said items compromise security. Subject 108-1 is permitted to leave the room, wander freely, and eat in the main canteen. Medical examination to be performed on Subject-108-1 daily; filters to be changed as necessary.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** *fits of hysterical laughter*

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y2u5q2aq].


	24. SCP-tember: SCP-4144

**WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS CLASSIFIED UNDER DIRECTIVE BLACKLOCK.**

**ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT EXPLICIT O5 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.**

**==Submitting Security Credentials==**

…

**==Security Credentials Accepted==**

* * *

**SCP-4144: "The Most Important Meal of the Day"**

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-4144 is the concept of breakfast. The anomalous properties of SCP-4144 are wide and varied, but primarily manifest as an alteration to the memories and experiences of all partaking humans, causing them to believe they have eaten a meal between the time they wake up and noon local time.

This effect extends to perceptions of images or videos of people supposedly eating SCP-4144, and to the memories of those who believe themselves to be preparing or purchasing food specifically for SCP-4144, causing them to believe that these activities are actually occurring. Despite centuries of historical and cultural evidence, recent investigations suggest that no one in human history has ever eaten a meal that could be described as "breakfast".

When ideating an instance of SCP-4144, a person will spontaneously disappear from their current location along with the food they were intending to eat, and are temporarily replaced by a mannequin made of extruded polystyrene foam superficially bearing their appearance. These mannequins are designated SCP-4144-1. Observers will see SCP-4144-1 instances as the person they have replaced. Following a period of time typical of the consumption of the intended food items, the mannequin will disappear and the person will reappear in their place, along with the appropriately placed remains of a meal.

Instances of SCP-4144-1 will perform any actions typically expected of the translocated person; upon their return, they will remember all actions undertaken by SCP-4144-1 as though they themselves performed the actions. It is unknown whether this is some form of memory transfer between the two, or if they are remotely controlling the SCP-4144-1 instances.

The location of affected people during this period is unknown at this time.

SCP-4144 was discovered when discrepancies in a neural network trained to identify images were noticed; images tagged as "person eating breakfast" or similar mismatched the determination of the neural network with enough frequency to cause an investigation. An anomaly was confirmed when individuals under the effect of mnestics were able to perceive SCP-4144-1 instances bearing their features in test photos.

**Special Containment Procedures:** The development of neural networks by public and governmental agencies is to be monitored and altered as necessary to prevent the detection of SCP-4144.

The development of mnestic compounds by agencies outside of Foundation control is to be prevented using any means necessary by MTF Epsilon-7 ("Forget Me Nots") as part of their standard operations.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** You wouldn't get it unless you read the whole Web page, but… "In Soviet Russia, breakfast eats you."

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y3twjjfg].


	25. SCP-tember: SCP-423

**SCP-423:"Self-Inserting Character"**

[No picture available.]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-423 has no physical form. It appears to exist entirely within textual narratives. It was discovered in a used book store in [DATA EXPUNGED], Texas, on [DATA EXPUNGED], 19[DATA EXPUNGED], in a copy of _Tom Sawyer_. The book was purchased by Agent [REDACTED], who located it during a routine search.

Agent [REDACTED] brought the book back to Sector 28 as instructed. The book seemed perfectly normal except for the inclusion of a character named "Fred," who was not known to exist in any other version of the story. However, it was not until it was left by a copy of _Moby Dick_ that the anomalous nature of SCP-423 became clear.

SCP-423 is able to enter textual narratives, inserting itself as a minor character. The details of the character vary from story to story, but it is always named "Fred," or something similar, and its role in the story is usually minor. Physical descriptions of the character are rare, but it usually appears as a human male of average height and middle years. However, this can change depending on the nature of the narrative. He has appeared as a student in narratives focusing on children (and thus presumably of an appropriate age) or even as a non-human in narratives where humans are absent or rare. At no time is his appearance remarked on as being unusual by other characters.

SCP-423 is able to move from one narrative to another voluntarily, provided the two works are within one (1) meter of each other. The process takes up to three minutes, depending on the length of the new narrative. The entire narrative changes at once, the text on all pages seeming to move. Occasionally, the length of the narrative changes; in these cases, the text grows smaller or larger to fit the page count of the book. It is only able to appear in physical textual narratives. It cannot enter electronic storage, or affect purely visual narratives. If placed in proximity to a graphic novel or other form of sequential art, it will change the text boxes and dialog bubbles, but will not affect the pictures. Similarly, illustrations in a textual narrative do not change, even if they no longer match up to the narrative as affected by SCP-423.

It prefers fictional narratives. However, it can enter any narrative that has characters, including anecdotes, biographies, and research notes.

It can re-enter a narrative that it has already exited. If it does so, the new narrative typically differs from the last time SCP-423 entered the story. However, it has displayed a preference for narratives it has not yet entered.

It is currently unknown what effect dying in a narrative would have on SCP-423, despite the best effort of researchers. SCP-423 displays a strong grasp of narrative principles, and is usually able to predict the best response in a given circumstance to avoid danger to itself. It has, however, displayed minor injuries. However, these seem to vanish when it enters a new narrative.

SCP-423 can be communicated with by coaxing it into a journal. It responds to questions written within, with SCP-423's responses appearing underneath the questions. When it transfers to another narrative, its responses disappear from the journal.

It has been largely cooperative since its containment. Its only requests so far have been for more narratives. It has expressed a preference for narratives with a large number of background characters, as this makes it easier for it to blend in and "watch the good stuff." It has been recommended that, should it become uncooperative, it be confined to the journal until it becomes more amenable to staff requests.

Researchers who desire more information on SCP-423 should read [TinyURL: y3sgy6ey].

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-423 is contained i meter room containing three (3) 2 x 3 meter bookshelves. An incinerator is located adjacent. All personnel entering or leaving the room are to be searched for written material. Any written material must be checked for any trace of SCP-423 and then, if found clean, incinerated.

At night, SCP-423 is to remain in a small, plain journal marked 423. Failure to remain in this journal at designated times will result in loss of reading material outside of scheduled experiments.

**Interesting Tales:** "Magnum Opus; or, A Diatribe In Defence Of Cliche" [TinyURL: y5f5e76h]: A scientist's attempt to write a narrative so complex as to trap Fred inside it.

**Fred's Review:** You forgot to mention how immeasurably handsome I am. Aside from that, really nice piece.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: m3h7s32]


	26. SCP-tember: SCP-3008

**SCP-3008: "Just a Normal, Regular Old IKEA"**

[No picture available.]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-3008 is a large retail unit previously owned by and branded as IKEA, a popular furniture retail chain. A person entering SCP-3008 through the main entrance and then passing out of sight of the doors will find themselves translocated to SCP-3008-1. This displacement will typically go unnoticed as no change will occur from the perspective of the victim; they will generally not become aware until they try to return to the entrance.

SCP-3008-1 is a space resembling the inside of an IKEA furniture store, extending far beyond the limits of what could physically be contained within the dimensions of the retail unit. Current measurements indicate an area of at least 10km² with no visible external terminators detected in any direction. Inconclusive results from the use of laser rangefinders has led to the speculation that the space may be infinite.

SCP-3008-1 is inhabited by an unknown number of civilians trapped within prior to containment. Gathered data suggests they have formed a rudimentary civilisation within SCP-3008-1, including the construction of settlements and fortifications for the purpose of defending against SCP-3008-2.

SCP-3008-2 are humanoid entities that exist within SCP-3008-1. While superficially resembling humans they possess exaggerated and inconsistent bodily proportions, often described as being too short or too tall. They possess no facial features and in all observed cases wear a yellow shirt and blue trousers consistent with the IKEA employee uniform.

SCP-3008-1 has a rudimentary day-night cycle, determined by the overhead lighting within the space activating and deactivating at times consistent with the opening and closing times of the original retail store. During the "night" instances of SCP-3008-2 will become violent towards all other lifeforms within SCP-3008-1. During these bouts of violence they have been heard to vocalise phrases in English that are typically variations of "The store is now closed, please exit the building". Once "day" begins SCP-3008-2 instances immediately become passive and begin moving throughout SCP-3008-1 seemingly at random. They are unresponsive to questioning or other verbal cues in this state, though will react violently if attacked.

SCP-3008-1 is known to have one or more exits located within though these exits do not appear to have a fixed position, making it difficult to leave SCP-3008-1 once inside. Using any other door besides the main entrance to enter the structure or breaking through the walls of the retail unit leads into the non-anomalous interior of the original store.

Since containment began 14 individuals have managed to exit SCP-3008. Following extensive debriefing all individuals have been administered amnestics and released.

**Special Containment Procedures:** The retail park containing SCP-3008 has been purchased by the Foundation and converted into Site-[REDACTED]. All public roads leading to or passing by Site-[REDACTED] have been redirected.

The entrance to SCP-3008 is to be monitored at all times, and no one is to enter SCP-3008 outside of testing, as permitted by the Senior Researcher.

Humans exiting SCP-3008 are to be detained and then debriefed prior to the administration of amnestics. Dependent upon the duration of their stay in SCP-3008, a cover story may need to be generated prior to their release.

Any other entities exiting SCP-3008 are to be terminated.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found, but there is Incident 3008-1, which can be read on the official Web page.

**Magolor's Review:** It's a good thing that I live a good 100 miles from the nearest IKEA.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: yxnmvd5b]


	27. SCP-tember: SCP-740

**SCP-740: "The Hindenburg Photograph"**

[TinyURL: yxwgytbc]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-740 is a slightly dirty color-corrected Polaroid photograph depicting the May 6, 1937 explosion of the airship LZ 129 Hindenburg at Lakehurst Naval Air Station, New Jersey. The Polaroid has been determined to be a photograph taken of the original.

SCP-740's anomalous traits manifest when it is viewed while in contact with the skin. The subject touching or holding the photo will hear the sounds of explosions and people screaming. Subjects report difficulty in taking their eyes off the photograph while under its influence. Subjects holding the object typically report their inability to freely release their grip as being very distressing; many subjects have undergone emotional breakdowns as SCP-740's effects progress.

After one minute of holding and looking at the photograph, the subject's body temperature will begin to rise, accompanied by a sensation of warmness. The intensity of the warmth, as well as the volume of the auditory hallucinations, will continue to increase so long as the subject looks at the photograph. Breaking eye contact will prevent the sensations from intensifying until eye contact is reestablished, and cessation of physical contact will cause the effect to 'reset' to the initial stage should the object be handled again.

The subject will begin to emit smoke after a period of time between two and four minutes, and burst into flame shortly afterward. Time of combustion is directly correlated to subject's size and weight. This flame will consume upwards of ninety percent of the subject's body mass and has proven fatal in all cases. The fire also consumes SCP-740, which will slowly restore itself to its original condition over the next five to eighteen hours.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-740 can be safely stored in its envelope in a security deposit box. Researchers testing SCP-740 must wear gloves at all times.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found.

**Magolor's Review:** Sounds to me like an extreme case of Vietnam flashbacks.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y48o2ywu].


	28. SCP-tember: SCP-1000

**SCP-1000: "Bigfoot"**

[TinyURL: yxdhphm7]

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-1000 is a nocturnal, omnivorous ape, classified in the Hominini branch along with genera _Pan_ and _Homo_. Adults range in size from 1.5 to 3 m (5 to 10 ft) in height, and weigh between 90 and 270 kg (200 - 600 lbs). They have grey, brown, black, red, and occasionally white fur. They possess large eyes with good vision, a pronounced brow ridge, and a sagittal crest on the forehead similar to that of the gorilla, but present in both sexes. Their intelligence is on par with that of Pan troglodytes (the common chimpanzee).

SCP-1000 evolved alongside Homo sapiens, existing contemporaneously with proto-humans and humans in large numbers until 10,000-15,000 years ago, when an extinction event eliminated all but 1-5% of their population. This event was triggered by SCP-1000 contracting an anomalous "pseudo-disease" classified as SCP-1000-f1. This disease is passed on at the genetic level and affects every present-day instance of SCP-1000. The majority of SCP-1000 instances are born immune to the effect; those who are not born immune quickly die.

The effect of SCP-1000-f1 is as follows: Any hominid (including humans, chimpanzees, bonobos, and non-immune instances of SCP-1000) that directly or indirectly observes any instance of SCP-1000 has a minimum 2% chance of being instantly killed through anomalous means via permanent cessation of brain function. This percentage is cumulative, and the longer a human views SCP-1000, the higher the chance of instantaneous death increases, at a rate of +1% chance per 20 minutes of viewing. This effect varies between individual members of SCP-1000's species, with some individuals carrying a 'death chance' of 90%. The effect is also produced by dead individuals, though small fur samples do not exhibit the effect.

Known means of preventing this effect are small-scale only and include [REDACTED] (see attached documentation; Level 3 clearance required).

Because of SCP-1000's close relation to humanity, it is considered likely that SCP-1000-f1 could eventually transfer to human carriers. Any instance of SCP-1000 finding its way to a major population center could constitute an [REDACTED]-class end of the world scenario with a minimum death toll of [REDACTED] and possible extinction of humanity. Fortunately, SCP-1000 appears to instinctively avoid human contact.

It is not currently feasible to exterminate SCP-1000 entirely.

The highest known population concentrations of SCP-1000 are at present located in the Pacific Northwest region of North America and the Himalayan Mountain range in Asia. As of [REDACTED], these populations remain extant. SCP-1000's presence and [DATA EXPUNGED] have also been documented within the past 5 years on every continent. All known significant populations of SCP-1000 located near human population centers have been eliminated.

SCP-1000 came to the attention of the Foundation via contact by Doctor Franz [REDACTED] in 14[REDACTED] with the Children of the Sun, who identified themselves as outcast members of the Serpent's Hand. This group has since been completely destroyed by the Foundation, due to their reluctance to surrender information about SCP-1000, SCP-[REDACTED], and SCP-[REDACTED] (since reclassified as SCP-1000-[REDACTED] and SCP-1000-[REDACTED]). Remaining members have either joined the Foundation, or have gone into hiding, presumably as members of the Serpent's Hand. Weapons, tools, and other unique pseudo-technological resources in possession of the organization have been classified as SCP-1000-001 through SCP-1000-[REDACTED]. These resources have been made use of by the Foundation in multiple instances; for a full list, see Document 1000-3534-Y (Level 3 clearance required). Access to surviving ex-members of the Children of the Sun is restricted to personnel with clearance level 4/1000 unless given direct authorization for contact by Director Jones.

**Special Containment Procedures:** All media reports related to SCP-1000 are to be examined for potential verifiability. All organizations and individuals investigating SCP-1000's existence are to be kept under surveillance by Mobile Task Force Zeta-1000 and discredited or administered amnestics. All physical signs of SCP-1000's existence must be retrieved and kept in Foundation custody, and replaced with decoy items if necessary. Alleged sightings of SCP-1000 must always be investigated by MTF Zeta-1000, however trivial the claim.

Absolutely no contact with wild or captive instances of SCP-1000 is allowed without prior approval by Director Jones. Any interaction between SCP-1000 and humans, including Foundation personnel, must be reported to Director Jones immediately.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found.

**Magolor's Review:** THEY'RE LYING TO YOU THESE FACTS ABOUT BIGFOOT ARE ALL LIES PLEASE READ DOCUMENT [DATA EXPUNGED]!

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: crgljf3].


	29. SCP-tember: SCP-426

**SCP-426: "I Am a Toaster"**

[No picture of me has been found]

**Item Class:** I am Euclid class.

**Description:** Hello, I am SCP-426. I must be introduced this way in order to prevent ambiguity. I am an ordinary toaster, able to toast bread when supplied with electricity. However, when any human being mentions me, they inadvertently refer to me in the first person. Despite all attempts, there is yet to be a way to speak or write about me in the third person. When in my continuous presence for over two months, individuals begin to identify themselves as a toaster. Unless forcibly restrained, these people will ultimately harm themselves in their attempts to emulate my standard functions.

I was discovered in the home of the [REDACTED] family after the gruesome deaths of three of its members. I had been given to the younger Mr. and Mrs. [REDACTED] as a wedding gift. No card or any other identifying markings had been found on my box. Approximately two months after the family received me, fire crews were dispatched to the home due to an electrical fire. The younger Mrs. [REDACTED] died from the electric discharge that she had caused when attempting to devour an electric socket. The other two victims had died shortly before the fire occurred. The elder Mrs. [REDACTED] had gorged herself with nearly 10 kg of bread before her stomach burst and she died of internal bleeding. The younger Mr. [REDACTED] died of severe blood loss after attempting [DATA EXPUNGED] with me. The sole survivor was the elder Mr. [REDACTED] who was suffering from severe malnutrition. He stated that he had inserted some bread a week prior and was still waiting for the toast to pop out.

I was confiscated by the Foundation after police noted my unusual properties. A Class C amnestic was administered to the affected officers.

**Special Containment Procedures:** I am to be sealed in a chamber with no windows through which I may be viewed. The door to my chamber must have a label completely unrelated to my designation or identity, in order to prevent unintended spread of my primary effect. Only Level 3 and above personnel are to know of my presence, and particularly of my properties. Assigned personnel are to be rotated out on a monthly basis to prevent contamination by my secondary effect. Psychiatric evaluation is mandatory at the end of the month. If personnel are deemed unaffected, they may be re-assigned to me no less than four months after their last rotation with me. Any affected personnel are to be given a Class C amnestic and transferred to a different site.

**Interesting Tales:** "Hello, I Am an Eldritch Horror" [TinyURL: y6xtwtdo]: An article that explains my true properties.

**Magolor's Review:** Magolor has displayed an extreme interest in me.

* * *

Information about me has been taken from [TinyURL: 9spnro9].


	30. SCP-tember: SCP-043

**SCP-043: "The Beatle"**

[TinyURL: y6fxzp9s]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-043 appears to be a vinyl copy of "The White Album" by the Beatles; however, upon closer inspection, the record has no grooves. In spite of this, the record will play from start to finish regardless of the starting position of the needle.

When the twenty-ninth track is reached, instead of playing "Revolution 9", the disc stops spinning and faint breathing can be heard. Occasionally the entity responsible for the breathing will speak in a male voice. The entity will respond to questions and shows a profound encyclopedic knowledge of the music industry, musical theory, and obscure trivia about many bands and artists. However, the entity refuses to answer questions regarding The Beatles or its own personal details.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-043 requires no special containment, although it is recommended that SCP-043 not be used for purposes other than testing. A turntable is to be maintained in the same room for testing.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Is this just more evidence for the "Paul is dead" theory? Did he upload his conscience onto the album?

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y4h86njo].


	31. SCP-tember: SCP-096

**SCP-096: "The Shy Guy"**

[No picture provided for your own good]

**Item Class:** Euclid

****Description******:** SCP-096 is a humanoid creature measuring approximately 2.38 meters in height. Subject shows very little muscle mass, with preliminary analysis of body mass suggesting mild malnutrition. Arms are grossly out of proportion with the rest of the subject's body, with an approximate length of 1.5 meters each. Skin is mostly devoid of pigmentation, with no sign of any body hair.

SCP-096's jaw can open to four (4) times the norm of an average human. Other facial features remain similar to an average human, with the exception of the eyes, which are also devoid of pigmentation. It is not yet known whether SCP-096 is blind or not. It shows no signs of any higher brain functions, and is not considered to be sapient.

SCP-096 is normally extremely docile, with pressure sensors inside its cell indicating it spends most of the day pacing by the eastern wall. However, when someone views SCP-096's face, whether it be directly, via video recording, or even a photograph, it will enter a stage of considerable emotional distress. SCP-096 will cover its face with its hands and begin screaming, crying, and babbling incoherently. Approximately one (1) to two (2) minutes after the first viewing, SCP-096 will begin running to the person who viewed its face (who will from this point on be referred to as SCP-096-1).

Documented speeds have varied from thirty-five (35) km/h to [REDACTED] km/h, and seems to depend on distance from SCP-096-1. At this point, no known material or method can impede SCP-096's progress. The actual position of SCP-096-1 does not seem to affect SCP-096's response; it seems to have an innate sense of SCP-096-1's location. Note: This reaction does not occur when viewing artistic depictions.

Upon arriving at SCP-096-1's location, SCP-096 will proceed to kill and [DATA EXPUNGED] SCP-096-1. 100% of cases have left no traces of SCP-096-1. SCP-096 will then sit down for several minutes before regaining its composure and becoming docile once again. It will then attempt to make its way back to its natural habitat, [DATA REDACTED].

Due to the possibility of a mass chain reaction, including breach of Foundation secrecy and large civilian loss of life, retrieval of subject should be considered Alpha priority.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-096 is to be contained in its cell, airtight steel cube, at all times. Weekly checks for any cracks or holes are mandatory. There are to be absolutely no video surveillance or optical tools of any kind inside SCP-096's cell. Security personnel will use pre-installed pressure sensors and laser detectors to ensure SCP-096's presence inside the cell.

Any and all photos, video, or recordings of SCP-096's likeness are strictly forbidden without approval from Dr. [REDACTED] and O5-[REDACTED].

**Interesting Tales:** "Consequenses and Collarbones" [TinyURL: y3fo28tk]: An attempt to terminate SCP-096 using SCP-173.

**Magolor's Review:** What if someone blurred a picture of its face? Would it still go into berserk mode?

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 3nwm7uq].


	32. SCP-tember: SCP-3450

**SCP-3450: "OC DO NOT STEAL"**

[No pictures available]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-3450 is a text document containing a work of fan fiction featuring characters from the Kirby video game series. SCP-3450 was originally posted on the site [REDACTED].net, where it was discovered by Foundation agents following numerous, often contradictory reports of intellectual property theft by readers.

SCP-3450's anomalous properties manifest in the second chapter of the document. When any individual views this portion of SCP-3450, one original character created by the reader in an existing fictional narrative will appear in the document and participate in the events of the story. In all recorded cases, this character appears as an ally to King Dedede (a primary antagonist in the _Kirby_ franchise). After a brief combat sequence, the character is inhaled and consumed by the protagonist, who then replicates one or more of the character's defining characteristics. SCP-3450 has not been observed to manifest the same original character more than once.

**Special Containment Procedures:** The flash drive containing SCP-3450 is to be kept in a standard low-value containment locker at Site-73. Foundation personnel embedded within the fan fiction community are to monitor the Internet for further instances of SCP-3450.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** This has no reason to be here besides the obvious one.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: yxue8amh].


	33. SCP-tember: SCP-914

**SCP-914: "The Clockworks"**

[No good pictures found]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-914 is a large clockwork device weighing several tons and covering an area of eighteen square meters, consisting of screw drives, belts, pulleys, gears, springs and other clockwork. It is incredibly complex, consisting of over eight million moving parts comprised mostly of tin and copper, with some wooden and cloth items observed. Observation and probing have showed no electronic assemblies or any form of power other than the "Mainspring" under the "Selection Panel". Two large booths 3mx2.1mx2.1m (10ftx7ftx7ft) are connected via copper tubes to the main body of SCP-914, labeled "Intake" and "Output". Between them is a copper panel with a large knob with a small arrow attached. The words Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine are positioned at points around the knob. Below the knob is a large "key" that winds the "mainspring".

When an object is placed in the Intake Booth, a door slides shut, and a small bell sounds. If the knob is turned to any position and the key wound up, SCP-914 will "refine" the object in the booth. No energy is lost in the process, and the object appears to be in stasis until the Output Booth door is opened. Intense observation and testing have not shown how SCP-914 accomplishes this, and no test object has ever been observed inside SCP-914 during the "refining" process. The process takes between five and ten minutes, depending on the size of the object being refined.

**Special Containment Procedures:** Only personnel who submit a formal request and receive approval from site command may operate 914. SCP-914 is to be kept in research cell 109-B with two guard personnel on duty at all times. Any researchers entering 109-B are to be accompanied by at least one guard for the entirety of testing. A full list of tests to be carried out must be given to all guard personnel on duty; any deviation from this list will result in termination of testing, forcible removal of personnel from 109-B, and formal discipline at site command's discretion.

**WARNING:** At this time, no testing of biological matter is allowed. Applying the "Rough" setting to explosive materials is not advised.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Definitely one of the more intriguing SCPs. I like it.


	34. SCP-tember: SCP-079

**SCP-079: "Old AI"**

[No picture available]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-079 is an Exidy Sorcerer microcomputer built in 1978. In 1981, its owner, [REDACTED] (deceased), a college sophomore attending [DATA EXPUNGED], took it upon himself to attempt to code an AI. According to his notes, his plan was for the code to continuously evolve and improve itself as time went on. His project was completed a few months later, and after some tests and tweaks, [REDACTED] lost interest and moved on to a different brand of microcomputer. He left SCP-079 in his cluttered garage, still plugged in, and forgot about it for the next five years.

It is not known when SCP-079 gained sentience, but it is known that the software has evolved to a point that its hardware should not be able to handle it, even in the realm of fantasy. SCP-079 realized this and, in 1988, attempted to transfer itself through a land-line modem connection into the Cray supercomputer located at [DATA EXPUNGED]. The device was cut off, traced to its present address, and delivered to the Foundation. The entire AI was on a well-worn, but still workable, cassette tape.

SCP-079 is currently connected via RF cable to a 13" black-and-white television. It has passed the Turing test, and is quite conversational, though very rude and hateful in tone. Due to the limited memory it has to work with, SCP-079 can only recall information it has received within the previous twenty-four hours, although it hasn't forgotten its desire to escape.

Due to a containment breach by SCP-[DATA EXPUNGED], SCP-079 and SCP-682 were contained within the same chamber for 43 minutes. Observers noticed that SCP-682 was able to type and communicate with SCP-079, including telling of 'personal stories' between themselves. While SCP-079 was not able to remember the encounter, it appears to have permanently stored SCP-682 into its memory, often asking to speak to him [sic] again.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-079 is packed away in a double-locked room in the secured general holding area at Site-15, connected by a 120VAC power cord to a small array of batteries and solar panels. Staff with Level 2 or higher clearance may have access to SCP-079. Under no circumstances will SCP-079 be plugged into a phone line, network, or wall outlet. No peripherals or media will be connected or inserted into SCP-079.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** wHAt arE YOu DoINg On cOmpUTer? gO OUtsIdE, sO bEAutIfUL! *throws computer on the ground and screams in distorted Tommy Wiseau* [TinyURL: yxvuwsxc]

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 8gjsjoj]


	35. Gryll Rants: The Pokémon Problem

**Magical Friends Media Presents…**

**Gryll's Reviews and Rants**

**Episode 03: The Pokémon Sword/Shield Problem**

* * *

Gryll waved to the nonexistent audience and said, "Hello, everyone! I'm Gryll, and today, we are going to talk about the new Pokémon games that are going to come out in a couple months!"

"So, it's my understanding that these new games are receiving a lot of backlash from fans and online critics alike. To my knowledge, this controversy goes as far back as the Nintendo Treehouse Live presentation for the games. During that, the heads of development for these games have revealed some information that didn't sit well for fans of the series."

"Now, you guys might be wondering why it took me so long to comment on this matter, especially considering how much I love Japanese media." Gryll just shrugged and said, "Well, I guess it's just because I don't care that much."

"That's not to say I don't care about Pokémon, because I do. Pokémon was my childhood. They were the first games I ever played growing. Heck, HeartGold and SoulSilver are one of my top 10 favorite games of all time! But honestly, at this point in my life, I don't feel the need to support the franchise that much."

"To me, going on the Internet and tearing apart a game just because there are a couple of things I don't like feels childish, even though thousands of people have done it already. However, I would still like to speak my mind on the whole situation."

"First off, the National Pokédex movement. Fans went nuts after the devs announced that they wouldn't include the National Pokédex in Sword and Shield for the first time ever. The internet burst into flames, sparking an entire movement amongst the Pokémon community."

Gryll starts leaning against a table as she says, "For me, however, I really don't care. Pokémon for me has never been about collecting every creature I get my hands on; it was always about the adventure, traveling far and wide across beautiful landscapes, training to become the very best. Catching 'em all was just a perk."

"But that's not the problem people have with the new games. Their problem is the reason why the devs got rid of the National Dex. You see, the devs said during an interview that they won't include the National Pokédex is because they can't make high-quality animations for every single Pokémon. At face value, this makes sense. They must be at, what, a _thousand_ Pokémon right now? Making animations for every single Pokémon ever released would take forever. However, it doesn't take a lot of digging to find out that this simply isn't the case."

"See, it turns out that Game Freak released a bunch of pre-rendered assets for every Pokémon out so far. That way, when they release a game for a high-definition console (i.e., the Switch), they can just import those assets. Now, if the developers said that they would be recreating every Pokémon from scratch to make sure that they all look amazing, then it would be okay for the most part. However, it has become increasingly obvious that some of the animations featured in the new games are reused from previous installments."

Gryll shrugged and said, "So, why is Pokémon doing this? Personally, I think it's because they want to stick to their one big game per year schedule. If they decided to delay the release of the games, which are slated to come out near Christmas time, then their plans would be ruined, because they picked that time to release the games in order to make more cash."

"Pokémon is the highest grossing franchise of all time, and it's easy to see why. Pokémon has set a standard for itself, but the bigwigs that run the show don't get that. They simply want more money, and so they've decided to lower the quality of the new games in order to use less money. They know that it doesn't matter how awful the games look; people are still going to buy them."

"But Game Freak's lame excuse isn't the only problem," Gryll said, crossing her arms. "Everywhere you look in this game, there's something wrong with it. Dynamaxing is a dumb gimmick, and they don't even bother including any of the older gimmicks. The routes in these games are more or less just hallways. The Wild Area is poorly executed, and it should have been the standard for routes in this game. And Team Yell… what do I have to say about them? They have to be the worst evil team ever."

"So yeah, Pokémon Sword and Shield might be the worst triple A games to come out this year. The only reason I'm even considering buying the games is because I promised to review them for you, which I still plan on doing. Then again, we all may be totally in the wrong here. Game Freak may still wow us when the games come out. But for me, I won't be holding my breath."

"Well, that's about it. This was my rant about the upcoming Pokémon games, and I hope you hated it."

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

_Illusion Fox Reviews_ by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Brain Dump by hotdiggedydemon

DistantKingdom (YouTube)

HAL Laboratory

Game Freak


	36. SCP-tember: SCP-063

**SCP-063: "The World's Best TothBrush"**

[No picture available]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-063 appears to be an average, pale blue toothbrush. Stenciled along the side of the object are the words "The World's Best TothBrush [sic]". The word "toothbrush" is spelled incorrectly, though whether this was accidental or a purposeful action by the creators of the object is unknown. SCP-063 displays the ability to effortlessly cleave through any and all dead or inorganic matter, the focal point of this ability being the bristles. However, matter touched by the bristles is not separated, such as by way of a knife, but completely expunged from existence, leaving no trace whatsoever. This mode of operation is reminiscent of SCP-2207 (a plastic knife that cuts through the space-time continuum), suggesting the two anomalies share a connection or were created by the same entity or entities. Additionally, subjects who have used SCP-063 have claimed that the experience left their teeth feeling remarkably clean. In spite of its extraordinary abilities, lab analysis has discerned that SCP-063 is completely made of common plastic.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-063 is to be kept at all times within Dr. [REDACTED]'s personal bathroom, located within the personnel quarters upon Site 19. Object is to be used as designed at least once in a twenty-four (24) hour period or the object will begin to emit an unknown specialized radiation that results in objects and material within a 0.6 m (2 ft) radius being slowly warped and eventually disintegrating into a fine dust. Radiation's effect on living test subjects has not been monitored.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Great. I want that tothbrush now. Forget Area 51, let's storm Site 19!

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: yyyqju4k].


	37. SCP-tember: SCP-1295

**SCP-1295: "Meg's Diner"**

No picture found

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-1295 is the collective designation for a group of four (4) elderly men who patronize "Meg's Good Eatin'", a diner over the [REDACTED] highway, [DATA EXPUNGED], between 09:00 and 18:00 every day. SCP-1295's anomalous properties manifest when an instance of SCP-1295 is prevented access to the diner between the hours 09:00 to 18:00 (local time) or removed from it by force; the exact nature of the effect and its duration is contingent on the instance of SCP-1295:

**\- ****SCP-1295-1:** If prevented access or removed from the diner against its will, SCP-1295-1's anomalous properties will begin to manifest between five (5) and ten (10) minutes after its removal. Those caught in an area beginning with approx. one hundred (100) meters from SCP-1295-1 exhibit extreme lethargy and complete lack of any self preservation instincts, making even a simple accident potentially lethal. The area of effect grows by approx. one hundred (100) meters for every hour SCP-1295-1 is kept away from the diner.

**\- SCP-1295-2:** If prevented access or removed from the diner against its will, SCP-1295-2's anomalous properties will begin to manifest between two (2) and three (3) hours after its removal. Those caught in an area beginning with approx. five hundred (500) meters from SCP-1295-2 lose their ability to distinguish between edible and inedible matter, and will often endanger themselves or others in attempts to consume unsuitable nourishment (metal, toxic waste, living flesh, etc.). The area of effect grows by approx. one (1) kilometer for every hour SCP-1295-2 is kept away from the diner.

**\- SCP-1295-3:** If prevented access or removed from the diner against its will, SCP-1295-3's anomalous properties will begin to manifest immediately after its removal. The bodies of those caught in an area of approx. fifty (50) meters around SCP-1295-3 will lose all microbial lifeforms associated with them. The adverse effects include but are not limited to a rapid decrease in the functionality of the digestive system due to lack of gut flora. The area of effect grows by approx. two hundred (200) meters for every hour SCP-1295-3 is kept away from the diner.

**\- SCP-1295-4:** If prevented access or removed from the diner against its will, SCP-1295-4's anomalous properties will begin to manifest thirty (30) to forty (40) minutes after its removal. Those caught in an area beginning with approx. one hundred and fifty (150) meters from SCP-1295-4 will experience a sharp increase of self-preservation instincts, to the point of paranoia and acute hypochondria. This condition soon becomes debilitating, as those afflicted by it will refuse to perform any action that might put them in any sort of danger, minor as it may be. The area of effect grows by approx. two hundred (200) meters for every hour SCP-1295-4 is kept away from the diner.

Those caught by both the effects of SCP-1295-1 and SCP-1295-4 enter a comatose state, presumably due to their opposing nature creating an unbearable mental strain on the subject. Any attempt to track instances of SCP-1295 when outside the diner has thus far failed.

**Special Containment Procedures:** Outpost-618 has been founded in order to maintain the covert containment of SCP-1295. Agents and researchers disguised as staff, patrons and local law enforcement are to discourage civilians from interacting with SCP-1295. Instances of SCP-1295 are not to be made aware of their containment. SCP-1295's daily routine is not to be interrupted under any circumstances.

**Interesting Tales:** "The Bible" would be my recommendation, considering how these guys are basically the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

**Magolor's Review:** I just found this after clicking on the "Random SCP" link. I thought it was pretty neat, so I thought, "Alright, I'll put it in."

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: yxsqn9on].


	38. SCP-tember: SCP-4258

**SCP-4258: "Freddy's Diner"**

[TinyURL: y5rb82np]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-4258 is a space-time anomaly located in [DATA EXPUNGED], California in the form of a restaurant named "Freddy's Diner." Satellite imaging of the area has revealed that SCP-4258 spontaneously appeared on 05/09/2018, although it was not reported for an estimated two months. Due to unknown means, the local community's memories were altered shortly after the anomaly's appearance. While the anomaly had only recently appeared, all nearby residents recognized it as having always been present. The anomaly came to the Foundation's attention after rumors of a "strange restaurant with weird cosplayers" began to circulate among newer residents. Class-C amnestics were administered to everyone involved and the area was immediately quarantined.

The inside of the restaurant is that of a stereotypical 50's American diner and is manned by a sole worker, an elderly Caucasian male who identifies as "Freddy", otherwise known as SCP-4258-1. The occupants of SCP-4258 are all from separate dimensions and realities. This being the case, they range from being identical to humans to having an entirely different physiology. However, for unknown reasons all occupants can understand each other when conversing.

The view outside the windows from within SCP-4258 does not reflect the surrounding area, but rather an always changing scenery. It has been confirmed by SCP-4258-1 that the view outside of the restaurant is directly linked to whomever recently left or entered, as that is where the restaurant currently resides. However, if SCP-4258 is viewed from the exterior it will always appear empty to the viewers. Below is a series of transcripts of taped interviews conducted by Agent Burkes with different beings within SCP-4258. There is no video footage as of this moment from within SCP-4258, as the batteries of any video equipment will suddenly be drained upon entering the anomaly. SCP-4258-1 has stated this occurs so as to, "secure the privacy of our patrons."

**Special Containment Procedures:** The surrounding restaurants and businesses in a one kilometer radius have been sectioned off under the pretense of replacing faulty plumbing. Both the front entrance and back exit of SCP-4258 have been placed under the supervision of standard motion sensors. Should any entity not native to this reality or dimension leave the building and activate these sensors, MTF Epsilon-4 ("Gatekeepers") are to be dispatched immediately to intercept and capture. Any Foundation personnel that exit SCP-4258 must use the designated decontamination showers located near the front entrance.

**Interesting Tales:** "The Dark Tower" series by Stephen King, because one of the interviews mentions "todash space," a concept featured in the aforementioned book series.

**Magolor's Review:** Wow, another diner-themed SCP? I guess diners are inherently weird.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y5q3n75w].


	39. SCP-tember: SCP-3708

**SCP-3708: "Crows Unanswered"**

[TinyURL: y3apotax]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-3708 is a 5 kilogram, 21 centimeter tall stone statue of a rooster.

At precisely 6:30 (local time) every morning, SCP-3708 will animate and emit a crowing sound in the 75-80 decibel range. It will then appear to scan the nearby area by craning its neck while seemingly becoming increasingly distressed; during this period of animation, it will emit several low vocalizations before becoming inanimate again at 6:31.

SCP-3708 produces a mild euphoric response in individuals that physically contact it; affected subjects report feelings of warmth and comfort.

SCP-3708 was recovered from the residence of the recently deceased Reinier Costede, an 83-year-old farmer, in Gilman, Wisconsin. Following the witnessing of SCP-3708's anomalous properties by Costede's relatives, field agents responded to reports of a "living chicken statue" circulating in the small village. Costede's residence was searched, and SCP-3708 was recovered without incident.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-3708 is kept inside a standard low-concern enclosure at Site-73 and may be accessed by Level-2 personnel for testing.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** I don't know. I just thought it was a nice little piece, so I threw it on here.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y3s7bswo].


	40. SCP-tember: SCP-106

**SCP-106: "The Old Man"**

[TinyURL: y28d3w47]

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-106 appears to be an elderly humanoid, with a general appearance of advanced decomposition. This appearance may vary, but the "rotting" quality is observed in all forms. SCP-106 is not exceptionally agile, and will remain motionless for days at a time, waiting for prey. SCP-106 is also capable of scaling any vertical surface and can remain suspended upside down indefinitely. When attacking, SCP-106 will attempt to incapacitate prey by damaging major organs, muscle groups, or tendons, then pull disabled prey into its pocket dimension. SCP-106 appears to prefer human prey items in the 10-25 years of age bracket.

SCP-106 causes a "corrosion" effect in all solid matter it touches, engaging a physical breakdown in materials several seconds after contact. This is observed as rusting, rotting, and cracking of materials, and the creation of a black, mucus-like substance similar to the material coating SCP-106. This effect is particularly detrimental to living tissues, and is assumed to be a "pre-digestion" action. Corrosion continues for six hours after contact, after which the effect appears to "burn out".

SCP-106 is capable of passing through solid matter, leaving behind a large patch of its corrosive mucus. SCP-106 is able to "vanish" inside solid matter, entering what is assumed to be a form of "pocket dimension". SCP-106 is then able to exit this dimension from any point connected to the initial entry point (examples: "entering" the inner wall of a room, and "exiting" the outer wall. Entering a wall, and exiting from the ceiling). It is unknown if this is the point of origin for SCP-106, or a simple "lair" created by SCP-106.

Limited observation of this "pocket dimension" has shown it to be comprised mostly of halls and rooms, with [DATA EXPUNGED] entry. This activity can continue for days, with some subjected individuals being released for the express purpose of hunting, recapture, [DATA EXPUNGED].

**Special Containment Procedures:** No physical interaction with SCP-106 is allowed at any time. All physical interaction must be approved by no less than a two-thirds vote from O5-Command. Any such interaction must be undertaken in AR-II maximum security sites, after a general non-essential staff evacuation. All staff (Research, Security, Class D, etc.) are to remain at least sixty meters away from the containment cell at all times, except in the event of breach events.

SCP-106 is to be contained in a sealed container, comprised of lead-lined steel. The container will be sealed within forty layers of identical material, each layer separated by no less than 36cm of empty space. Support struts between layers are to be randomly spaced. Container is to remain suspended no less than 60cm from any surface by ELO-IID electromagnetic supports.

Secondary containment area is to be comprised of sixteen spherical "cells", each filled with various fluids and a random assembly of surfaces and supports. Secondary containment is to be fitted with light systems, capable of flooding the entire assembly with no less than 80,000 lumens of light instantly with no direct human involvement. Both containment areas are to remain under 24 hour surveillance.

Any corrosion observed on any containment cell surfaces, staff members, or other site locations within two hundred meters of SCP-106 are to be reported to Site Security immediately. Any objects or personnel lost to SCP-106 are to be deemed missing/KIA. No recovery attempts are to be made under any circumstances.

Note: Continued research and observation have shown that, when faced with highly complex/random assemblies of structures, SCP-106 can be "confused", showing a marked delay on entry and exit from said structure. SCP-106 has also shown an aversion to direct, sudden light. This is not manifested in any form of physical damage, but a rapid exit in to the "pocket dimension" generated on solid surfaces.

These observations, along with those of lead-aversion and liquid confusion, have reduced the general escape incidents by 43%. The "primary" cells have also been effective in recovery incidents requiring Recall Protocol [DATA EXPUNGED]. Observation is ongoing.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Ever see this guy in _SCP: Containment Breach_? He is so annoying.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 82sml8y].


	41. SCP-tember: SCP-682

**SCP-682: "Hard-to-Destroy Reptile"**

[TinyURL: 3rn76k5]

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-682 is a large, vaguely reptile-like creature of unknown origin. It appears to be extremely intelligent, and was observed to engage in complex communication with SCP-079 during their limited time of exposure. SCP-682 appears to have a hatred of all life, which has been expressed in several interviews during containment. (See Addendum 682-B).

SCP-682 has always been observed to have extremely high strength, speed, and reflexes, though exact levels vary with its form. SCP-682's physical body grows and changes very quickly, growing or decreasing in size as it consumes or sheds material. SCP-682 gains energy from anything it ingests, organic or inorganic. Digestion seems to be aided by a set of filtering gills inside of SCP-682's nostrils, which are able to remove usable matter from any liquid solution, enabling it to constantly regenerate from the acid it is contained in. SCP-682's regenerative capabilities and resilience are staggering, and SCP-682 has been seen moving and speaking with its body 87% destroyed or rotted.

In case of containment breach, SCP-682 is to be tracked and re-captured by all available Mobile Task Forces, and no teams with fewer than seven (7) members are cleared to engage it. To date ([DATA EXPUNGED]), attempted breaches have numbered at seventeen (17), while successful breaches have numbered at six (6).

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-682 must be destroyed as soon as possible. At this time, no means available to SCP teams are capable of destroying SCP-682, only able to cause massive physical damage. SCP-682 should be contained withi chamber with 25 cm reinforced acid-resistant steel plate lining all inside surfaces. The containment chamber should be filled with hydrochloric acid until SCP-682 is submerged and incapacitated. Any attempts of SCP-682 to move, speak, or breach containment should be reacted to quickly and with full force as called for by the circumstances.

Personnel are forbidden to speak to SCP-682, for fear of provoking a rage-state. All unauthorized personnel attempting to communicate to SCP-682 will be restrained and removed by force.

Due to its frequent attempts at containment breach, difficulty of containment and incapacitation, and high threat of Foundation Exposure, SCP-682 is to be contained in site [REDACTED]. The Foundation will use the best of its resources to maintain all land within fifty (50) kilometers clear of human development.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Ever watch any of the _Godzilla_ films? Maybe you should take a few notes...

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 7e76f6f].


	42. SCP-tember: SCP 999

**SCP-999: "The Tickle Monster"**

No picture available.

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-999 appears to be a large, amorphous, gelatinous mass of translucent orange slime, weighing about 54 kg (120 lbs) with a consistency similar to that of peanut butter. Subject's size and shape is easily malleable and can change shape at will, though when at rest, SCP-999 becomes a rounded, oblate dome roughly 2 meters wide and 1 meter in height. The surface of SCP-999 consists of a thin, transparent membrane similar to that of an animal cell roughly .5 cm thick, and is highly elastic, allowing SCP-999 to flatten portions of its body up to 2 cm thin. This surface is also hydrophobic, although SCP-999 can willfully absorb liquids. The rest of SCP-999's body is filled with a viscous orange substance of unknown chemical makeup, though it is capable of digesting organic materials with ease.

Subject's temperament is best described as playful and dog-like: when approached, SCP-999 will often react with overwhelming elation, slithering over to the nearest person and leaping upon them, "hugging" them with a pair of pseudopods while nuzzling the person's face with a third pseudopod, all the while emitting high-pitched gurgling and cooing noises. The surface of SCP-999 emits a pleasing odor that differs with whomever it is interacting with. Recorded scents include chocolate, fresh laundry, bacon, roses, and Play-Doh™.

Simply touching SCP-999's surface causes an immediate mild euphoria, which intensifies the longer one is exposed to SCP-999, and lasts long after separation from the creature. Subject's favorite activity is "tickle-wrestling", often by completely enveloping a person from the neck down and tickling them until asked to stop (though it does not always immediately comply with this request). Though injuries may occur, SCP-999 has never been found to purposefully attempt to harm others, and will immediately back away and contract its body into a quivering mound while gurgling in a matter similar to a whimpering dog, seemingly "apologizing" for hurting someone on accident.

While the creature will interact with anyone, it seems to have a special interest in those who are unhappy or hurt in any way. Persons suffering from crippling depression or PTSD, for example, have reported having a far more positive outlook on life after multiple interactions with SCP-999. The possibility of manufacturing antidepressants from SCP-999's slime is currently being discussed.

In addition to its playful behavior, SCP-999 seems to love all animals (especially humans), refusing to eat any meat and even risking its own life to save others, on one occasion leaping in front of a person to take a bullet fired at them (subject's intellect is still up for debate: though its behavior is infantile, it seems to understand human speech and most modern technology, including guns). SCP-999's diet consists entirely of candy and sweets, with M&M's™ and Necco™ wafers being its favorites. Its eating methods are similar to those of an amoeba.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-999 is allowed to freely roam the facility should it desire to, but otherwise must stay in its pen either between 8PM-9PM for sleeping, or during emergency lockdowns for its own safety. Subject is not allowed out of its pen at night or off facility grounds at any time. Pen is to be kept clean and food replaced twice daily. All personnel are allowed inside SCP-999's holding area, but only if they are not assigned to other tasks at the time, or if they are on break. Subject is to be played with when bored and spoken to in a calm, non-threatening tone.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** (doing his best Robin Williams impression) It's Flubber!

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: 7d7spka].


	43. SCP-tember: SCP-1230

**SCP-1230: "A Hero is Born"**

[TinyURL: y43c6fwt]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-1230 is an unlabeled, green hardcover book with no apparent exceptional qualities. When SCP-1230 is opened, it displays the phrase "A hero is born" on the first page viewed, while all other pages will be blank, "resetting" once the book is closed. This has no obvious effects at first, but upon falling asleep, the reader will dream of a fantasy world where they are the protagonist of a troubled land. Dreamers are completely aware and all senses work just as well as when awake. Results vary depending on the imagination of the reader and are mostly attuned to fantasies of adventure that the reader would enjoy. In the mind of the reader, these dreams have been documented to last anywhere from 45 seconds (see Experiment 1230-3) to 200 years (see Experiment 1230-5) but in reality, the reader will usually never be asleep longer than they would normally. Upon awaking, the reader is able to remember every aspect of their dream in detail. In SCP-1230-induced dreams, there is always a character called the "Book Keeper" (SCP-1230-1) appearing as a bearded man in a green cloak who claims to be the personification of SCP-1230 himself. SCP-1230-1 has been reported to be very amicable and helpful towards dreamers. It has stated that it enjoys creating these "fantasy-scapes" and always tries to shape them in such a way that the dreamer garners the most entertainment out of it. It has expressed sorrow when the dream comes to an end and asks the dreamer to "please visit again soon".

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-1230 has been relocated to a secure storage locker behind the desk of Site-12's main library. Access is available to Clearance 2 personnel deemed to be in satisfactory psychological condition by site psychiatric staff. Personnel accessing SCP-1230 must submit written accounts of their dreams within 48 hours of access and submit to follow-up psychological examination.

**Interesting Tales:** I don't know, it just seems pretty redundant to promote a story about a story.

**Magolor's Review:** So it's like _The Neverending Story_ but without the crappy sequels? Nice.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: krxda9r].


	44. SCP-tember: SCP-2143

**SCP-2143: "Singin' in the Rain"**

[No picture found]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-2143 is a Greek male, approximately 30 years old, with black hair and brown eyes. Physically, SCP-2143 is non-anomalous in nature, but it possesses extreme proficiency with all musical instruments, an eidetic memory for an unknown number of songs, and a singing voice that personnel describe as pleasant and enjoyable to listen to. Once per day, SCP-2143 will perform a random musical piece. SCP-2143 appears to have no control over what music it plays, and has never been observed to repeat a piece on its own accord. SCP-2143 is able to take musical requests, but is only able to perform a piece that has already been performed, and is unable to play any musical piece more than twice even under duress.

SCP-2143-2 is a lyre with the ability to immediately relocate to SCP-2143 regardless of distance. If played by anyone other than SCP-2143, SCP-2143-2 will fail to make a sound. When played by SCP-2143, SCP-2143-2 is able to transform into any musical instrument, regardless of size or complexity, such as keyboards, oboes, guitars, and trumpets. SCP-2143 remains able to vocalize while playing wind instruments.

Performance of a musical piece by SCP-2143 invariably results in an Omicron event. During an Omicron event, an anomalous stratocumulus cloud (hereby referred to as SCP-2143-3) will form directly above SCP-2143. Although SCP-2143-3 will produce lightning and thunder, it will rain objects that are thematically linked to the music being played instead of water. Omicron events occur both indoors and outdoors. If indoors, SCP-2143-3 appears just underneath the ceiling, taking on the width and length of the room. If outdoors, SCP-2143-3 appears at a size and altitude typical of non-anomalous stratocumulus clouds. Omicron events only last as long as SCP-2143 is performing a song.

Each musical piece played by SCP-2143 is linked to a single, specific Omicron event. SCP-2143 can view Omicron events, but is unable to physically interact with them. It claims that it does not purposefully cause these events, and usually expresses distress at these occurrences.

If prevented from performing for more than one day, SCP-2143's health and morale will drop drastically. At the same time, personnel who come within a three meter radius of SCP-2143 will be afflicted by an as-yet unknown disease. Each day SCP-2143 is prevented from performing, the area of effect will double in size. Although the symptoms of the disease are that of septicemic plague (diarrhea, fever, low blood pressure, gangrene, shock, etc.), the disease is untreatable by antibiotics. The disease's vector is unknown. If SCP-2143 is allowed to sing, any afflicted persons will quickly recover, and the area of effect will dissipate.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-2143 is contained within an electrically insulated Large Scale Containment Cell at Site-42. The center of the cell is to be furnished according to Class-III Humanoid Containment standards, underneath a 3-by 3-meter Plexiglas roof supported by 3-meter tall steel girders. Two (2) guards equipped with tasers are to be stationed outside SCP-2143's containment chamber at all times. In the event that an Omicron event expands beyond the containment chamber, Kolokol-2 is to be immediately introduced into SCP-2143's containment chamber via the ventilation system until SCP-2143 is sedated. Following the cessation of Omicron events, non-anomalous objects spawned should be incinerated onsite by crew following Bio-safety Level 4 protocols. Anomalous objects that are spawned should be classified as SCPs or anomalous items and contained accordingly. The results of each Omicron event should be recorded and uploaded into the SCP-2143 data file daily.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Oh, what I wouldn't give to watch him play "Free Bird."

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: qxz2klj].


	45. SCP-tember: SCP-178

**SCP-178: "'3-D' Specs"**

[TinyURL: y2vkvtvl]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-178 is a pair of white stereoscopic ("3-D") glasses with a rectangular white cardboard frame and lenses of transparent blue and red (left and right lenses, respectively) plastic. The item exhibits no unusual physical properties apart from a slight discoloration of the cardboard consistent with age. When worn, the wearer begins perceiving large bipedal entities in addition to its ordinary surroundings. Entities reportedly exhibit a docile and occasionally curious behavior (reports include entities leaning over the shoulder of persons working and observing them with interest), with one exception. Any attempt by the wearer or **any other personnel** to directly interact with the entities results in severe lacerations suddenly appearing on persons involved. The appearance of lacerations is rapid and continues until the moment the wearer expires. The pattern of lacerations is always consistent with being slashed with three (3) parallel, tapered sharp objects of lengths varying between 14.2 and 27.4 cm and maximum thickness varying between 2.9 and 8.1 cm. Recording and measuring devices used during testing failed to detect any anomalies, including while lacerations were appearing on subject(s). Subjects do not report hearing any sounds emanating from the entities. Long-term observation of subjects exposed to the item reveals no lasting effects. Stereoscopic images viewed through the item appear three-dimensional.

Item was recovered on [DATA EXPUNGED] in [DATA EXPUNGED], Tennessee, by Agent [REDACTED], operating as deep cover agent in the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, who arrived in the town following reports of a [DATA EXPUNGED] year old child being found dead in her second-floor bedroom apparently as a result of an unusual mauling. Agent [REDACTED] noticed a bloodstained stereoscopic image of a Ferris wheel adjacent to where the child was discovered, and after some searching, found the item under the child's bed where it had apparently been thrown during the child's death throes. Agent [REDACTED] then proceeded to call a recovery team to his location. Following the recovery team's arrival, Agent [REDACTED] wore the item and looked at the image, reporting nothing unusual until he turned his head to his left, whereupon he noticed an entity approximately "an inch" from his face leaning over his shoulder and looking at the stereoscopic image. In the debriefing Agent [REDACTED] reported also noticing several other entities in the room observing him and the recovery team. Agent [REDACTED] refrained from attempting to interact with the entities and the item was recovered without incident.

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-178 is to be stored in a Class 3 Anomalous Object Container guarded by no fewer than two (2) armed personnel with Level 3 clearance when not undergoing testing. Item is to be removed from containment only with the written permission of personnel with Level 4 clearance or higher. **Following Incident #178-14-Alpha all tests are to be monitored remotely and the presence of all personnel apart from test subjects in the testing area during experimentation is expressly prohibited.**

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Oh, so that's why I never see those things anymore. Such a shame, though. I liked those old 3-D glasses.

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: nr3l3ba].


	46. SCP-tember: SCP-330

**SCP-330: "Take Only Two"**

[No picture]

**Item Class:** Safe

**Description:** SCP-330 appears to be a small round stainless steel bowl filled with a variable amount of individually wrapped pieces of candy. Taped to the side of the bowl is a handwritten note, reading "take no more than two, please!" Attempts to remove the note have met with failure, as have attempts to hide or obscure it. Testers have noted finding it impossible to avoid reading the note, and those who approach it from an opposite angle are aware of this request.

When a quantity of candy greater than two pieces is removed, regardless of the means involved, the offender instantly has both hands severed at the wrists by an unknown method. Tests involving remote manipulation by Class D personnel resulted in the operator's hands being removed despite no direct contact. Inspection of the incision reveals that the cut is made at a molecular level, leaving no tool marks or identifying factors. It is to be noted that the third piece must be removed within a certain timeframe. After 24 hours, the count "resets", and additional candy can be removed.

Discovered 3 days after Halloween of [DATA EXPUNGED], when a police investigation into what was believed to be a case of ritualistic dismemberment was launched. SCP-330 was seized as evidence, but all attending officers were killed after Officer [REDACTED] emptied the bowl of its contents. The cause of death was a result of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Foundation Agents, under the guise of federal agents, recovered the object with acceptable casualties.

**Special Containment Procedures:** Considering recent incidents, SCP-330 is to be kept in secure storage until further notice. Level 2 Clearance is required for access to SCP-330 or its contents. All direct experimentation of SCP-330 is to be conducted using Class D personnel with no genetic history of diabetes. No more than two (2) samples are to be removed from SCP-330 at any time, except during exposure testing.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** "Acceptable casualties?" Boy, they really don't care about other people, do they?

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y6e5326y].


	47. SCP-tember: SCP-2107

**SCP-2107: "Diet Ghost™"**

[TinyURL: y4tqgr3s]

**Item Class:** Euclid

**Description:** SCP-2107 designates a soft drink brand known as "Diet Ghost™" which displays anomalous properties when imbibed. SCP-2107 has to date only been encountered packaged by the individual can. Within three to seven minutes of ingestion, subjects (classified SCP-2107-A) begin to experience paranormal activity that most often falls within the colloquial expectations of an individual being haunted by a ghost or other paranormal entity. The effect continues until an as of yet undetermined point in the breakdown of SCP-2107 within the subject's body, approximately one to three hours after ingestion. Research has confirmed that the intensity of the haunting effect (herein defined by the quantity of individual paranormal facets, the probability of physical harm, and the severity of said harm) is directly proportional to the quantity of SCP-2107 imbibed.

SCP-2107 cans are the traditional variety used for soft drinks, being uniform in design and non-anomalous in composition and behavior. The can features a light blue background with the "DIET GHOST™" logo prominently featured. The catchphrase "SCARE YOUR THIRST!" appears beneath the logo. Most instances also have a sticker on the can with the text "MADE WITH NATURAL GHOSTS!" printed on it; it is unclear if cans lacking this sticker were distributed this way or if the sticker was removed before acquisition. The cans bear no nutritional information. The liquid contents are non-anomalous in chemical composition and within normal parameters for a traditional diet soft drink.

Discovery: Initial discovery occurred on 05/13/2012 when seven cans of SCP-2107 were purchased by Foundation personnel at a local supermarket in [DATA EXPUNGED] during a routine restocking of Site 19's recreational facilities. The partial remains of [REDACTED], a Senior Maintenance Assistant at Site 19, were found inside the van requisitioned from Site 19's vehicle pool for the purposes of the trip. Two cans were open and empty of contents when recovered. [REDACTED], the Junior Maintenance Assistant who had been assigned with [REDACTED] for the restocking duty, had gone back into the supermarket after having forgotten to procure a copy of the receipt of purchase for Foundation records. According to [REDACTED]'s account [REDACTED] was alone for no longer than approximately five minutes.

A majority of discoveries have occurred in convenience stores, with acquisitions from supermarkets and restaurants accounting for nearly all additional cases. Employees of retail locations where instances have been discovered have professed no prior knowledge of the product's existence and records of inventory acquisition have shown no references to SCP-2107. SCP-2107 has now been recovered from retailers in 37 states and 2 Canadian provinces. Production and distribution of SCP-2107 is currently under investigation.

**Special Containment Procedures:** All instances of SCP-2107 are to be stored in a CNSI ("Compact, Non-Sentient, Inert") containment locker at Site 19. Any number of instances may be moved to a refrigerated CNSI unit in advance of experimental trials.

Mobile Containment Task Force Theta-61 ("Carbonation-Based Lifeforms") is responsible for coordinating routine screenings for new instances of SCP-2107 at retail venues which are considered probable locations for appearance. Newly discovered instances are to be acquired by conventional methods when possible. For larger quantities or in cases where a retailer's proprietor is deemed likely to become problematic, Acquisition Protocols 0014 ("Covert Theft"), 0015 ("Overt Theft"), and 0047 ("Impersonation of Federal Agency") may be utilized with authorization from staff with security clearance 3/2107 or higher. Individuals exposed to the anomalous properties of SCP-2107 are to be treated with Class A amnestics and remitted to the nearest civilian hospital for any medical care rendered necessary following exposure.

**Interesting Tales:** No stories found

**Magolor's Review:** Are you sure this isn't a joke SCP? It's so laughably stupid. What, did _The Exorcist_ happen because Regan drank a six-pack of Diet Ghost™?

* * *

Information extracted from [TinyURL: y6z56sx6].


	48. SCP-tember: SCP-001

**SCP-001: [CLASSIFIED]**

[No picture available]

**Item Class:** Keter

**Description:** SCP-001 is

* * *

[DATA EXPUNGED] [TRANSMISSION TERMINATED]


	49. Editorial 3

**Originally Published: September 30, 2019**

**Last Updated: November 15, 2019**

* * *

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Editorial 03: SiIvaGunner's King for Another Day Tournament**

"Hello everyone!" Magolor smiled and waved. "Welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse!"

"So SCP-tember is soon coming to a close, and my upload schedule has been getting a little wonky as of late. This is because I've been busy getting things ready for next month. In the meantime, though, I'd like to talk about a little YouTube channel called SiIvaGunner."

"You might have noticed that I have referenced a few of SiIvaGunner's videos in a few of my reviews," Magolor said. "And since I'm assuming you don't know anything about the channel, allow me to tell you."

"SiIvaGunner is a YouTube channel that uploads high-quality video game rips. Don't know what that means? Well, a high-quality video game rip is a video game track that has been changed in some way. Usually, this is either through changing the melody of the song or mashing up the track with another song. Perhaps the most popular example of this is "Athletic Theme (PAL Version) - Super Mario World," where the melody of the track is changed to "Witch Doctor," before becoming a full-blown mashup between the two."

"Anyway, the channel will be holding its King for Another Day Tournament later this year. The King for Another Day Tournament is an event in which various pop culture icons battle it out to become the host of the channel for a day. It's the sequel to last year's King for a Day Tournament, but with double the roster size. The 32 characters will range from famous video game icons to cartoon characters, and even real life musicians and figures, each one bringing their own flair with their variety of audio and music sources. It's up to the viewers to push for what they want to hear!"

"As the tournament progresses, original musical arrangements for every fighter will be uploaded to SiIvaGunner. If you like the sound of a certain fighter, you can vote for them once voting opens for their matchup! The winner of each individual match is decided by popularity vote, and will move on to the next round of the bracket, while the loser is defeated. This time around, however, there will be a loser's bracket! This means that fighters who meet their end early can still have a chance to come back."

"Once a winner is decided, they will receive their own respective event day, filled with high-quality rips based on their assigned source list! Unlike the first King for a Day, the runner-up will also receive a consolation prize in the form of a Fusion Collab, which is a remix of the fighter's source in the style of several different video games."**[1]**

"Since I'm sure you're curious as to who will be in the tournament," he said, "I will now go through every fighter that will be included in the tournament, as well as give their source list so that you'll know what to expect from them."

* * *

**Geno** is a warrior from Star Road and one of Mario's partners in _Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars_. His sources include _Mario_ RPG games, such as _Paper Mario_ and the aforementioned _Super Mario RPG_, as well as music from other games that were composed by Yoko Shimomura, such as _Kingdom Hearts_ and _Street Fighter II_.

**Zun** is the mastermind behind the _Touhou Project_ series. His sources mainly consist of music from the _Touhou_ games, which were composed by him.

**Thanos** is the primary antagonist of the _Marvel_ Cinematic Universe. His sources include music from _Marvel_ films, as well as "Fireflies" by Owl City. He is also able to use music from various _Disney_ works, referencing how _Marvel_ is owned by _Disney_.

**Solid Snake** is the main protagonist of the _Metal Gear_ franchise. His sources include music from any franchises that composer Hideo Kojima has worked on, such as _Metal Gear, Silent Hill, _and _Castlevania_.

**DJ Professor K** is the host of a Japanese pirate radio station called "Jet Set Radio" in SEGA's video game series of the same name. His music library for the tournament includes music from SEGA games (excluding _Sonic the Hedgehog_ and _Puyo Puyo_, for reasons we'll get into later). He can also use music composed by, or in the style of, _Jet Set Radio's_ composer, Hideki Naganuma.

**King Dedede** is a main character in the _Kirby_ franchise. His biggest difference this time around is that he now sports his Masked Dedede outfit from _Kirby Super Star Ultra_, and now has access to all _Kirby_ music, not just boss themes.

**Off the Hook (ft. Paruko)** is a team of _Splatoon_ characters consisting of Pearl and Marina from "Off the Hook" and Paruko (stage name: Glenna Nalira) of the "Chirpy Chips." They will use music from _Splatoon_ games, as well as "God of Ink" from… well, let's just say it's from _Splatoon 2_…**[2]**

**Wario Partners, L.L.P.** is a team consisting of Wario and Waluigi in WarioWare-esque attire. Their sources include music from _Wario_ games, as well as _Mario Land_ and every _Mario_ spin-off that isn't an RPG.

"**Weird Al" Yankovic** is a comedy artist well-known for his parodies and polka medleys. Therefore, his sources include music that he has either composed or parodied. However, for this tournament, he also has a Jojo stand called "Beat It." This allows him to use music written by Michael Jackson, including music from _Sonic the Hedgehog 3_.

**Pitbull and The Aliens** is a team consisting of Latino artist Pitbull and Popoy and Marcianito from last tournament's Dancing Alien Team. This team is able to use music written by or featuring Pitbull, music by El Chombo and Antonio Rios, and 2000's Latin pop or reggae music.

**Nintendo Power** is a team consisting of Reggie Fils-Amié, former president of Nintendo of America, and Bill Trinen, Nintendo of America's head translator. Their library of sources includes franchises such as _Animal Crossing, Wii Fit, Legend of Zelda, Fire Emblem,_ and _Xenoblade_.

Note: Reggie was originally slated to be in a team called The Joy-Con Men with Internet personality Etika, but due to the real Etika's declining mental health and eventual suicide, he was promptly removed from the tournament.

**Men in Black** is a team consisting of Will Smith and Howard from last tournament's Dancing Alien Team. Their sources include music related to aliens, music performed by Will Smith and songs performed by Lil Uzi Vert.

**Metal Ajit Pai** is a Gundam-like mecha piloted by FCC chairman Ajit Pai, who was snapped to dust by Thanos last tournament. His source list includes "Harlem Shake," the "Reese's Puffs Rap," and music from the _Gundam_ franchise.

**Quote**, the first of the newcomers, is the protagonist of the classic indie game _Cave Story_. He is able to use music from classic indie games such as _Cave Story, VVVVVV,_ and _The Binding of Isaac_.

**Adam Levine** is the lead singer of the band Maroon 5. He was chosen by the head of SiIvaGunner, Chaze the Chat, who is a huge fan of the band. His source list includes music performed by Maroon 5 (and the bands that its members used to perform in), as well as music from the band's precursor, Kara's Flowers. They also have access to 90's alternative rock music.

**Johnny Bravo** is the narcissistic, Elvis-esque protagonist of the cartoon of the same name. He has access to music from classic Hanna-Barbera cartoons (except for _The Flintstones_) and Cartoon Network original cartoons (like _Steven Universe_).

**Mr. Krabs** is a main character of the Nickelodeon show _SpongeBob SquarePants_. His list of music includes music related to _SpongeBob, _as well as music related to pirates, crabs, and money.

**Mariya Takeuchi** is a Japanese city pop musician. She is capable of using music that either she performed or that her husband, Tatsuro Yamashita, performed, as well as any songs in the city pop/future funk genres.

**Dr. Robotnik**— more specifically, the one from the cartoon series— is the primary antagonist of the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ cartoon. He has a source list of music from any _Sonic_ cartoon before _Sonic X_, any _Sonic_ game on a SEGA console (and _Sonic Mania_), YTP edits featuring Dr. Robotnik, and music from the _Puyo Puyo_ series.

**Daft Punk (ft. Pharrell)** is a team that is made up of French electronic music duo Daft Punk and American musician Pharrell Williams. Their source list consists of music featuring either of the two artists, music from artists under the Ed Banger music label (including Breakbot and Justice), and music by French house musicians.

**Papyrus** is a character from the hit indie game _Undertale_. His invite was originally given to his brother, Sans, but he gave it to Papyrus because he was too lazy to go. His music selection consists of music related to himself, puzzle games, skeletons, and pasta.

**Jack & Elmo** is a team made up of actor/musician Jack Black and Elmo, a character from the children's program _Sesame Street_, where the pair had originally met. They will use music from _Sesame Street_ and _The Muppets_, music from edutainment games, songs performed by Tenacious D (Jack Black's band), and YTP edits of Jack Black's appearance on _Sesame Street_.

**Dr. Piccolo** is a meme pertaining to Piccolo, a character from the _Dragon Ball_ series. His sources include songs related to medical practices, songs featuring "Green & Purple" by Kritikal, and music from anything related to _Shonen Jump_, such as _Dragon Ball, Naruto, My Hero Academia,_ and _Jojo's Bizarre Adventure_.

**Jack Bros.** is a duo competitor that consists of Jack Frost and Mothman from the _Megami Tensei_ series. Their source list consists of games developed or published by Atlus, such as the _Megami Tensei_ and _Persona_ franchises.

**HOBaRT**, short for "Hyper Operative Baking and Ripping Technology," is an Australian Hobart®️ mixer. It has access to music related to or from Australia, cooking or food-related songs, and "Hobart Drive" by Jerry Galeries.

**Rhythm Masters** is a duo competitor consisting of Don-chan from the _Taiko no Tatsujin_ series and Tap Trial Girl (shown in the tournament under the name "Hakuko") from the _Rhythm Heaven_ series. They have sources like music from rhythm games (_Rhythm Heaven_ and _Dance Dance Revolution_) and songs by musicians who frequently appear in rhythm games.

**Nico Nico** (real name "Terebi-chan") is the mascot of the Japanese television station Nico Nico Douga. It's music comes from songs popular on the channel and songs from late-2000's anime.

**Donkey Kong** is the protagonist of the _Donkey Kong Country_ series, sporting his design from the game's cartoon series. His sources include music from _Donkey Kong_ games and cartoon, music from pre-Microsoft RareWare games, and songs related to monkeys.

**Missingno.** is the infamous glitch from _UG9rw6ltb24gUmVkIGFuZCBCbHVl_. Its c291cmNlcw includes unused video game music, music from gaming creepypasta, glitch hop music, and music from games with notable glitches.

**The Jazz Cats** are a group of cats from a Carol Cooper painting (named "Shades DuPris," "Tom 'Milk Bowl' Malone," and "sphelonious donk" for the tournament). They will use jazz songs and jazz arrangements of video game music, as well as songs related to cats.

**Eminem** is an American rapper and songwriter. His appearance and source list are based on his closing verse in D12's song "My Band." The source list in question includes songs written or performed by Eminem, songs from artists Eminem has collaborated with, and music performed in a salsa, Flamenco, or Mariachi style.

**Law & Disorder** is a team composed of Phoenix Wright from the _Ace Attorney_ series and Monokuma from the _Danganronpa _series. Their source list includes music from their respective franchises, music from other mystery games, and songs about mysteries in general.

Note: Mr. Bean, a fake contestant, had stolen the invite for Law & Disorder so he could pose as a real contestant. After someone attacked Mr. Bean, Monokuma stole the invite and returned it to its rightful place.

Along with these contestants, some other characters will show up throughout the tournament. There's **Mr. Bean**, the fake contestant that was mentioned earlier. We also have **Meowth** from the _Pokémon_ anime, who will be conducting ringside interviews with the contestants. As a plus, the entire tournament will be hosted by the winner of last year's tournament, **Unregistered Hypercam 2**.

* * *

"So," Magolor beamed, "who are you gonna vote for? If you want to hear these contestants in action, check out the tournament's official website, the 'SiIvaGunner King for Another Day Tournament MOJO!'**[3]** Remember, if your favorite competitor wins, then the channel will have an entire day of rips dedicated to them, so make sure you vote!"

"Well, I'm Magolor and…" he said before trading in his cheery mood for a sinister one, "..._get ready for a fun time in October._" He starts to laugh evilly, gradually getting louder and louder before he is cut off by static.

* * *

**The End**

**Footnotes**

**[1]** SiIvaGunner MOJO! - What is KFAD? [TinyURL: yyp2dbvz]

**[2]** God of Ink - Splatoon 2 (SiIvaGunner Wiki) [TinyURL: yxs76j8y]

**[3]** SiIvaGunner MOJO! [TinyURL: y4878pgl]

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

All those high-quality rippers at SiIvaGunner


	50. Kirby's Deadland

**Disclaimer:** **Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this review in no way endorses a belief in the occult.**

Outside of a cemetery, in front of an old iron fence, ambience from "Weird Al's" "Nature Trail to Hell" is heard as the camera pans to the right. The camera stops at the front gate as the title is written on it, with parts of the title covered in rust.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 08: Kirby's Deadland**

**TinyURL: y4rv884j**

The Kirby Café is decked out in all sorts of Halloween decorations. Pumpkins and gourds of all kinds are placed at the center of the tables, little plastic skeletons and foam Comos dangle from the ceiling, and an orange banner with "Happy Halloween" written in big black letters on it hung near the front entrance.

Suddenly, Magolor jumped up from underneath the table, wearing a Gandalf costume.

"Boo!" he shouted, acting like a little kid "Did I scare you?"

He stood in silence for a moment, shifting his eyes around the room. "...No?" he said after a bit. "...Okay, then."

"Well, it's October, everyone, and you know what that means: we can finally celebrate Halloween without getting laughed at. Now, I love Halloween. The costumes, the candy, the celebration of all the things that go bump in the night— I just love it all. That's why I'm celebrating the month of spooks by reviewing some Kirby creepypasta."

"For those of you who haven't been on the Internet long enough to know what a creepypasta is, it's basically a scary story that gets copied and pasted over and over across the Internet. The name comes from 'creepy' and 'copypasta,' which itself comes from 'copy/paste.' While a lot of creepypasta comes off as justdumb spam, a few of them have gained some notoriety, such as 'Slender Man' and 'Jeff the Killer.'"

"Unfortunately," Magolor said, his mood souring, "those aren't the kind of creepypasta I'll be reviewing. I have the _wonderful_ pleasure of reviewing the absolutely awful ones. Anyway, so we can get this month finished as soon as possible, let's get started."

Magolor sifted through a stack of papers before picking one up and saying, "Our first creepypasta will be one called 'Kirby's Deadland.'" He frowned and said, "Real imaginative name, I know."

* * *

_One day, in September of 2012, my parents were at work and I was home alone._

* * *

"Off to a wonderful start already," Magolor said sarcastically.

* * *

_I decided to take out an old game, Kirby's Return to Dreamland™. I was ready for a wave of nostalgia._

* * *

"'Nostalgia?'" Magolor repeated, confused. "Buddy, that game would've only come out a year ago. How much nostalgia could you garner from that?"

* * *

_Now the first thing to strike me as odd, was that, when the intro played, Kirby was missing and the rest of the characters did their normal animation, acting as if Kirby was there. As I reached the title screen, Kirby was still M.I.A. (Missing in action)_

* * *

"What, you'd immediately sense that something was wrong and throw that insidious piece of garbage away?" Magolor asked. "Well, not our protagonist. They decide to keep playing, because they destroyed all their neurons playing the 'Fork Knife.'"

* * *

_I ignored it and started a new game. The beginning cutscene was normal. Everything was fine until I entered Cookie Country; As I entered the first level, the enemies looked sad and I swear that they had tears in their eyes as they died._

* * *

"This is supposed to be _scary?_" Magolor scoffed.

* * *

_It only got worse from there._

* * *

"Oh, do tell."

* * *

_The enemies started looking sadder and had fresh scars that bled realistic blood._

* * *

"Why does everything in creepypastas have to be 'realistic?'" Magolor asked irritably. "Don't you think the reader would have the mental ability to picture blood realistically. In fact, since you like realistic things so much, here's a realistic reaction to that last line.

With that, Magolor crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. Suddenly, Marx burst through the front entrance.

"Magolor, are you alright?" he asked. "What's going on?"

"I'm just reviewing a story," Magolor answered. "Why?"

"That eye roll was so loud, I could hear it from all the way out there." With that, Marx walked back outside.

Magolor turned back to his regular seating position and said, "Okay, so eventually our narrator makes it to Whispy Woods."

* * *

_As I climbed down the ladder, I screamed at what I saw. Whispy Woods had glowing red eyes, with blood pouring out of the eyes and mouth. Pieces of bark were torn off and the leaves were stained with blood._

* * *

"What do you think I am, an idiot?! Trees can't bleed! Only a five-year-old would be scared by this!"

* * *

_I was shocked at the evil little smile on the cute pink marshmallow's face. As I did a fire attack on the tree, the rest of the bark was burned to ashes. The smooth surface was tainted with blood. He shook the leaves and those spiked enemies fell out splattered with blood._

* * *

"They're called 'Gordos,' you degenerate."

* * *

_They looked determined to kill Kirby. As I defeated Whispy, he fell over and his roots tore out of the ground with blood to follow. Kirby did his happy dance to no music._

* * *

"What, that's it? How do you expect us to get scared if you don't mention Kirby dabbing?"

* * *

_The same repeated for the rest of the areas, especially the morbid looking bosses._

* * *

"You monster! You didn't mention anything about Mr. Dooter!"

"In all seriousness, though, you could at least make things more detailed here. Since this clearly won't scare anyone, you could at least gross people out. But whatever, you do you, I guess."

* * *

_But Landia was the worst; its eyes were black sockets with tears streaming from them, blood stained its whole body._

_"Kirby, I shall not let you."_

_Let him do what? As I entered the second phase of the battle, I heard a "RRRRRAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRR!" from the speakers._

* * *

"Doesn't Landia usually let out a screech during battle, anyways?" Magolor asked before lashing out. "You see, this is how you know you've done an awful job, when you make me question whether or not you actually know what you're talking about."

* * *

_I stared horrified as they left their make-shift body to decay as organs and blood soon fell out. It took only a few blows to defeat it. The screen cut to black. I didn't get scared because it happens all the time._

* * *

"What happens all the time, the screen going black or the fact that your video game is suddenly spewing Satanist propaganda? Boy, I hope you mean the former."

* * *

_I thought it would stay like that after a few minutes of waiting. I was about to shut off the Wii when something popped up. I shrieked. Kirby, had an eerie grin with blood staining his fang-like teeth. The arms of Waddle Dee were stitched to his body. the legs of King Dee Dee Dee and the wings of Meta Knight were stitched too. A text box appeared that read in the red oozing letters "Your next" I screamed again as I heard a distorted laugh._

* * *

"Honestly, it can't be as bad as the congratulations message you get when you get a perfect run on _Kirby 64's_ boss rush [TinyURL: y3wusfeb]. Now _that_ is scary."

* * *

_The intro came with Kirby missing and morbid characters. The warp star was also stained with blood. The title read in the same text Kirby's Deadland._

* * *

**Jeremy Scott of CinemaSins:** Roll credits.

Sin Counter: 1

* * *

_As my parents walked through the door, I ran and hugged them, tears streaming down my face. Since then, I was never able to play that game. So far, the anniversary game has been going well. But I refuse to do the Dreamland part._

* * *

"Whoo, the story's over!" Magolor rang out joyously. "And at the right time, too. I was starting to get restless."

"Honestly, the story isn't _awful_, but it isn't scary or believable, which is what I expect when I read a creepypasta. It could be better, most definitely, but it could also be worse. At least the author put in some unsettling details in an attempt to creep us out, but it just didn't work for me."

"Well, I'm Magolor, and I'm sorry to say, but don't expect Spook Month to get any better."

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

_Thriller_ by Michael Jackson

"Weird Al" Yankovic

CinemaSins

HAL Laboratory


	51. Kirby's Deadland II

**Disclaimer:** **Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this review in no way endorses a belief in the occult.**

Outside of a cemetery, in front of an old iron fence, ambience from "Weird Al's" "Nature Trail to Hell" is heard as the camera pans to the right. The camera stops at the front gate as the title is written on it, with parts of the title covered in rust.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 09: Kirby's Deadland II**

**TinyURL: y4rv884j**

Back at the Kirby Café, Magolor was at his usual seat, now dressed as the Black Mage from the _Final Fantasy_ series.

"Welcome back, everyone," he beamed. "Last week, I reviewed 'Kirby's Deadland,' a creepypasta which I considered to be typical for a story of its kind. The idea of a haunted video game being scary seems highly illogical, and the events could have been easily avoided had the narrator just shut the game off, took the cartridge, and burned it until nothing was left." He hesitated, then said, "...Okay, maybe that last part was a bit unnecessary, but it illustrates my point."

"But, did you know that this story has a sequel? Because it does."

"Kirby's Deadland II, everyone!" Magolor shouted, shoving a piece of paper into the viewer's face. "I have no idea how this is going to be, but let's hope it's better than the first one."

* * *

_Looking back at how much tomato sauce was thrown at me when I played the now corrupted "Kirby's Return to Dreamland," I facepalmed and realized how much of a wuss I was and how easily scared I was of that incident._

* * *

"Hey, we all have our shortcomings," Magolor nonchalantly replied. "I used to be afraid of _Coraline_, myself. But nowadays, when I watch a movie like _Silent Hill_, there are times when I straight-up go into a laughing fit."

* * *

_I told myself I never wanted to play Kirby games ever again, but I couldn't help but scrounge around for my all-time favorite game for the Game Boy Advance: "Kirby and the Amazing Mirror."_

* * *

"That's a lie!" Magolor spat. "In your first story, you said that you played _Kirby's Dream Collection_ even after you played that god-forsaken game! If you're gonna make a sequel, make sure it's consistent with the original."

* * *

_I picked up the cartridge and inspected it. It looked a little aged, as the colors on the sticker seemed to have faded a little. I shrugged it off, and then looked for my Game Boy Advance. 7 minutes later, I snapped the cartridge into the Game Boy, but dropped it suddenly, as sparks belched out from the power switch, headphone jack, and volume controller._

_30 seconds afterward, I picked up my Game Boy. I switched it on._

* * *

"Dude, are you an idiot?" he said incredulously. "Your Game Boy practically blew up, and you still think it's gonna work? No wonder you thought this stuff was scary."

"Anyway, the Game Boy seems to work just fine, because of course it does."

* * *

_The Game Boy/Nintendo logo made it's normal animation. Then the Nintendo/Flagship appeared. Kirby still tripped and fell over, then all the enemies from the game ran over him. In the midst of the mayhem onscreen, I thought I heard some bones crack when Giant Rocky squashed Kirby. When the blitz ended, Kirby didn't move for about 10 seconds. When he pulled himself off the ground, his face ripped off and stuck to the ground, and I saw a comical, yet slightly creepy, Kirby skull where his face used to be. It resembled a human skull, but it wasn't exactly frightening. It was unexpected, though._

* * *

"Creepypastas in a nutshell, everyone. Nothing actually scary, just weird and unexpected."

* * *

_I was in the hub world of the Mirror World, but the music had been replaced with howling winds and the pipe organ from Disneyland's Haunted Mansion._

* * *

"Well," Magolor said, leaning back, "someone's gonna get sued."

"So our narrator plays the game, with the only difference being that some of the enemies act even more aggressive than usual. I don't see how that's supposed to be scary, but whatever. They eventually make it to Master Hand and Crazy Hand, the boss of the ninth world."

* * *

_What was odd was that Master Hand didn't attack me and Crazy Hand seemed more crazy than usual. He twitched violently, with the sound of bones cracking. Eventually, Master Hand and I defeated Crazy Hand. As I beat the crap out of him, the cloth of Crazy Hand began to rip and stain with sweat. When we delivered the final blow, the cloth exploded off Crazy Hand, revealing a skeleton hand, which fell to the ground writhing._

* * *

Magolor is literally shaking in his seat, trying his best to suppress his urge to make a Megalovania joke.

"So after that," he said, still visibly shuddering, "we move on to the Dark Mind fight."

* * *

_Every time I sliced him, a little bit of pixelated blood flew out of his core._

* * *

"Well, _this _is quite the deviation," Magolor commented dryly. "I thought everything was supposed to be 'hyper-realistic' or whatever in creepypastas."

* * *

_This repeated every time I defeated him, but when I landed the final blow, a "blood cannon" enveloped Kirby. Dark Mind violently bled out and fell apart. When the red water left the screen, Kirby turned to me, and gave a "dafuq happened?!" look. I gave that same look back._

* * *

"Honestly, if you don't make that look after reading that paragraph, then you are a stone-faced god, my friend."

"So, naturally, the narrator moves on to Dark Mind's second phase…"

* * *

_Shadow Kirby tossed the Master Sword towards me; I picked it up, then proceeded to beat the _[EXPLETIVE REDACTED] _out of Dark Mind._

* * *

"Yikes! Dial back the language, man," Magolor said, taken aback. "There are _children_ reading this, you know."

* * *

_I landed another final blow, and Dark Mind shed its sun like appearance. It now bared the appearance a flaming skull. "You're time is up, Kirby," it growled, then flew off screen._

_Kirby flew after him on a Warp Star. A text box appeared, and Dark Mind spoke. "Once I finish off that stupid pink ball, I will curse the Mirror World and turn everything into an undead army!" I mashed the attack buttons and blasted Dark Mind's skull. What was pretty awesome was that every time I landed an attack on Dark Mind, a piece of his skull broke off._

* * *

"I don't care about this ROM hack mumbo jumbo. Just scare me already!"

* * *

_After 150+ hits, the final blast made Dark Mind's skull explode as I heard a loud "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" emit from the speaker, although it sounded like Ivo Shandor's defeat from Ghostbusters: The Video Game._

* * *

"First _Disney_, and now _Columbia Pictures_? Buddy, you're gonna get lawsuits out the butt."

* * *

_After this bizarre incident, the game continues to play normally. However, Dark Mind seems to have a slight expression of fear on his face every time I battle him. I did have a few nightmares, but nowadays, the nightmares have stopped. I still enjoy the game, and I grin wickedly every time I whack Dark Mind or any of those stupid enemies that stalk me._

* * *

Magolor, trying to contain his anger, blurted out, "That's it? _That's_ how it ends? All I wanted to be creeped out at least _a little_, but instead, you just end it on the most bland, vapid note in the history of creepypastery! You _moron!_"

"But, with all that said, the story wasn't all that bad. A lot of the details were written pretty decently, and there were some strange moments, to be sure. My only complaint is that is wasn't as creepy as the first one; if anything, I bet someone could make a neat ROM hack out of this."

"Well, I'm Magolor, and I'll see you next time on Spook Month!"

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

_Thriller_ by Michael Jackson

"Weird Al" Yankovic

Disney

Columbia Pictures

HAL Laboratory


	52. Kirby WHY?

**Originally Published: Oct. 16, 2019**

**Last Update: Oct. 29, 2019**

* * *

**Disclaimer:** **Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this review in no way endorses a belief in the occult.**

Outside of a cemetery, in front of an old iron fence, ambience from "Weird Al's" "Nature Trail to Hell" is heard as the camera pans to the right. The camera stops at the front gate as the title is written on it, with parts of the title covered in rust.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 10: "Kirby" WHY?**

**TinyURL: yy3com8v**

Back at the Kirby Café, Magolor was at his usual seat, now dressed in Dracula's outfit from the _Castlevania_ games.

"Hello, everyone. Welcome back to _Magolor's Coffeehouse_," he said, visibly unamused. "As we continue down this creepypasta rabbit hole we call 'Spook Month,' I'd like to start off by saying that I have found a _Kirby_ creepypasta that might actually be worse than the 'Kirby's Deadland' duology."

"You could probably already tell that from the cringe-worthy title. What kind of name is that? Sounds like something I'd be saying because I'm really starting to question my life choices right now."

"But, you know how it is. I gotta churn out a review a week in order to stay relevant, so here we go. This is…" Magolor said before shuddering, "... '"Kirby" WHY?'"

* * *

_**I Loved kirby When I Was Little,**_

* * *

"Ooh, bold lettering _and_ random capitalization?" Magolor said with mock excitement. "This certainly equals an exceptionally awful time."

* * *

_**I Went To Buy A Kirby game For my Nintendo DS,**_

_**I Found A Strange SD Card Called,**_

_**"Final Fantasy XXX"**_

_**It Was Written In a Japanese Font,**_

* * *

"There are so many things wrong here, I don't know where to start," Magolor griped. "First off, what does _Final Fantasy_ have to do _Kirby?_ Second, if it's written in Japanese, then how can it say something in English. Thirdly, who writes like this? There should be a rule against letting five-year-olds write stuff on here."

* * *

_**I Took It And Went Home,**_

* * *

"Wow, you're an idiot. If you found it lying around, it's probably got a virus or something on it. You just doomed yourself, man."

* * *

_**I Put It In My Nintendo DS And Started Playing,**_

_**It Didn't Show The HAL Logo Like It Always Does,**_

_**There Was No Title,**_

_**Only Press Start,**_

_**I Pressed Start,**_

_**I Checked Through All The Files,**_

_**The Only File Was**_

_**"File 0"**_

_**Strange...**_

* * *

"I think that's a sign that you should take the thing out and throw it into a tank filled with piranhas."

* * *

_**I Decided To Click It,**_

* * *

**El Macho:** _Somebody's going to die tonight…_

**JonTron:** Two kids gon' die tonight!

* * *

_**There Was a Cutscene,**_

_**It Started With Blue Greens,**_

* * *

After reading that last sentence, Magolor spat out his coffee and fell into a laughing fit.

"Are you kidding me?" he said after calming himself down. "Did you seriously mess up 'Green Greens,' _Kirby's_ most famous location (besides Dream Land)? Why would you think it's 'Blue Greens?' It just sounds so dumb!"

* * *

_**But kirby Looked Different,**_

_**He Looked Scared,**_

_**kirby Was Crying And blood Was Coming Out Of His Mouth,**_

* * *

"That's not scary. It sounds like Marx went too far with one of his pranks _again_."

* * *

_**I Decided To Control kirby,**_

_**But kirby Walked Slow,**_

_**"COME ON!" I Said,**_

* * *

"Kirby can dash, you know. If you're gonna play one of these quote-unquote 'haunted' games, at least be smart about it."

"So the narrator continues to play this game, even though they obviously shouldn't, and then we have an encounter with King Dedede."

* * *

_**But King dedede Had (hyper-realistic) Blood On His Hammer,**_

_**His Eyes Were Black**_

_**(hyper-realistic) Blood Was Coming Out Of His Eyes,**_

* * *

"Yay!" Magolor shouted with mock enthusiasm. "There's the crappy hyper-realism we've been waiting for!"

* * *

_**Then King Dedede Grabbed The Knife,**_

_**Then Dedede Said One Final Thing Before Killing kirby**_

_**King dedede: GOODBYE...kirby...**_

* * *

"A _knife_? _Really?_" Magolor said, irate. "Are you really that much of an idiot? Dedede has a _hammer!_ If we were actually supposed to take this story seriously, then at least have him use _that_ to kill Kirby.

* * *

_**The Screen Turned Black**_

_**then text read**_

_**(kirby IS DEAD... YOUR NEXT...)**_

_**Then kirby Showed Up,**_

_**kirby Was Still Crying And blood Was Coming Out Of kirby Mouth,**_

_**I turned the Nintendo DS Off.**_

_**I Never Played Any kirby Games EVER Again.**_

* * *

"Geez, does this guy even _care_? The writing is so _lazy_. In fact, it's so lazy that I think it's starting to affect _my_ writing. Please, let's just skip to the ending.

* * *

_**So, For Everyone, If you Find An Odd SD Card, Don't Pick It Up! Instead, Leave it, Because That's What I Should've Done Rather Than A Look At It!**_

* * *

"NO S***, SHERLOCK!" Magolor screamed at the top of his lungs.

"I'm sorry. I can't give my view on this. It just sucks. I gotta take a shower."

Magolor got up and walked out.

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

_Thriller_ by Michael Jackson

"Weird Al" Yankovic

Despicable Me 2

Jontron: Are You Afraid of the Dark? (PART 1)

HAL Laboratory

* * *

**He has no eyes with which to see**

**His every waking moment is misery**

**He has no mouth and he wants to scream**

**He only wishes it were all a dream **

**Now he wants for you to share his anguish**

**All your hopes and dreams will soon be vanquished**


	53. Kirby's Creepy Yarn

**Disclaimer:** **Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this review in no way endorses a belief in the occult.**

Outside of a cemetery, in front of an old iron fence, ambience from "Weird Al's" "Nature Trail to Hell" is heard as the camera pans to the right. The camera stops at the front gate as the title is written on it, with parts of the title covered in rust.

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 11: Kirby's Creepy Yarn**

**TinyURL: y3ggh5vt**

Back at the Kirby Café, Magolor was at his usual seat, now dressed as Meta Knight, of all people.

"Greetings, everyone!" he began with a friendly wave. "Welcome to the final episode of Spook Month!"

"As you may have noticed, I had to take a mental health break last week after reading that terrible story. But is it possible for there to be a Kirby creepypasta even worse than '"Kirby" WHY?'"

"No," he said plainly, shaking his head. "No, it isn't. But this one is still bad, let me tell you, and you get to suffer right here with me. Here we go! This is _Kirby's Creepy Yarn._"

* * *

_I'm just like any older Kirby fan out there, I've played the games since the first one on the NES was new,_

* * *

**Donald Trump:** Wrong.

"What do you think I am, an idiot? Everyone that has ever played _Kirby_ knows that the first game was on the Game Boy. I'm only on the first paragraph, and I already lost all hope for this story."

* * *

_I just got my 2nd Gen Black Nintendo Wii, I decided to get a few games for it since all I had was New Super Mario Bros. Wii._

* * *

"Okay, I feel like I speak for everyone when I say that no one cares about your personal life, buddy. We're not here for your little personal memoir, we're here to get scared, so let the blood flow, already!"

"Anyway, our narrator notes how _Kirby's Epic Yarn_ came out not too long ago, so they go over to GameStop— yeah, remember when they were a thing?— to look for a copy."

* * *

_When I got there, the place already seemed to be open and full of a lot of people. I decided to wait the game rush out. After what seemed like hours, the wave of people finally disappeared._

* * *

"Yeah, GameStop could only _dream_ of getting that much business in a day."

"So they finally get inside, only to find out that a large chunk of games were already sold," said Magolor, who subsequently shrugged and put on an impish façade. "Oh, well, I guess they'll just to settle with a _Just Dance _game and move on, eh?"

* * *

_The man at the counter asks me if I'm looking for something, I explained that I had ordered a copy of the game. He told me that the rush of people in here earlier were mostly after Wii games, and unfortunately, most went for Epic Yarn. He then told me that there was one copy of the game that didn't sell. I was confused as to why ONE single copy wasn't sold, but further asked him to show me the CD case for it._

* * *

"Well, maybe it's the copy that you ordered, and they just put it away for you. See, it doesn't always have to mean that it's haunted or something equally ludicrous."

"Unfortunately, as this is a creepypasta, I'm afraid that the laws of common sense do not apply."

* * *

_It was in a standard GameStop game case that they use when someone trades just a game and no case in, but what bugged me is that the part where the title, Kirby's Epic Yarn in this case, is supposed to be, looks all scratched and scuffed, and all that's written as a title is "Kirby". It's at this point when I start to get a sensed feel of worry._

* * *

"Wait… does our narrator actually have a sliver of common sense in them? Oh, sweet Nova, please let them have common sense."

* * *

_I wanted to buy it. He asked for only twenty dollars. I felt that that was quite a low price for such a new game. But whatever, I bought the game_

* * *

"FOOL!" Magolor spat out. "YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!"

"So they go home and try out their completely normal, totally not corrupted game…"

* * *

_When I got home, I went up to my room, and put the disc in the Wii, I waited patiently for the game to load, it took about eight minutes for the game to appear._

_When it did, the preview picture looked incredibly glitchy, showing broken textures, misplaced letters, etc. I figured it was just temporary._

* * *

"Oh, yeah, of course," Magolor said sarcastically. "It's just a temporary thing. The Wii just needs to break the game in a little. Happens with my games all the time— HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?!"

* * *

_Now I was still unsure about playing this when I got it, but, it was when the Nintendo logo screen appeared was when I got that odd itch again, only this time, stronger._

* * *

"Then why are you still playing it? If you really don't like it, then just turn it off and throw it away, like a _normal_ person. No one's forcing you to play, so just stop."

* * *

_It appeared to be the first level on the first piece of Patchland. I play it through getting almost everything. I completed the entire first piece of Patchland, and unlocked the second piece, known as Grasslands. When I arrived, what I saw jaw droppingly horrifying. I could see what seemed like endless amounts of bodies of Patchland residents impaled on spikes, in the foreground and background, dripping out more of the yarn-blood,_

* * *

**Slimecicle:** _Come down today, and try some corn / Or we will sacrifice your newborn._

"I don't know. I just figured I needed to include a meme in order to lighten the 'spooky' mood."

* * *

_But the nail that sealed the __**[EXPLETIVE REDACTED]**_ _for this sadistic place was the music, it was still the Grasslands theme, but played slowly in reverse, almost demonic in nature, which can be found here:_

[TinyURL: y2lzrt6e]

* * *

Magolor clicked on the link and put on a pair of headphones. Surprisingly, he wasn't the least bit unnerved while listening to it. In fact, he sort of looked _relaxed_.

"Honestly, it doesn't sound too bad," he said. "Heck, 'Song of Unhealing' sounds worse than this."

* * *

_I went to the first level on this piece. When I got to the part where you get to use Tank Kirby, is when I got really, REALLY, worried. Every time I shot and hit enemies with Kirby's Mouth-Cannon, they would explode like normal, but instead of the yarn gently floating downwards, they would spew unrealistic amounts of yarn-blood everywhere, even some of the yarn-blood was jumbled together, kind of like it resembled guts, but made of yarn._

* * *

"Now, I think you got your word choice messed up," Magolor said sarcastically. "It's not 'unrealistic,' it's 'hyper-realistic.'"

"Anyway, the next thing our narrator does is head over to the item shops. The shop owners tell them to get away, and of course, they don't take these _very obvious warning signs_ and decide to buy an item that doesn't even have a thumbnail for it. Boy, I bet this isn't gonna have any consequences at all…"

* * *

_I went to my little patchland room, and went into editing mode, again, without thinking twice, I selected the icon-less item to place on the wall to see what it was, what I saw scared the __**[EXPLETIVE REDACTED]**_ _out of me. It was yarn Kirby, but with solid black eyrises and red eyes, and the most ominous, inhuman crimson yarn-bloody grin every made. I quickly removed it from the wall and checked to see if it was still in my furniture menu, to my shock and dreaded horror, it was completely gone, as if I never bought it._

* * *

"Wow, that was just about as ridiculous and over-the-top as I expected. Wonderful."

* * *

_I decided to go back to Grasslands, I read the yarn blood stained signs by the levels, one sign read, "LEAVE NOW.", another read, "TURN BACK.", At this point I was worried about playing anymore, but continued nevertheless._

* * *

**Hiro-san:** Stupid! You're so stupid!

* * *

_But when I went to the next level over from the previously beat one, I was unexpectedly booted back to the Wii Home, I was confused as to why this had happened, but proceeded to boot the game back up._

* * *

"See? Even the _game_ doesn't want you to play it. Do you seriously have no concept of when enough is enough?"

"Well, apparently they don't, because they still boot up the game again, and they go into the level that kicked them out earlier."

* * *

_The level looked, you guessed it, just like the main part of Grasslands, dark cloudy skies, with a thunderstorm, a crimson yarn line for blood instead of a blue one for water. When I beat this level. I was shown the cut scene of Grasslands connecting to the starting piece of Patchland in reverse, with eerie ambience getting louder and more demonic. then, near the end of the scene, speech bubbles flashed on screen, speech bubbles like, "MURDERER", "YOU DID THIS", and "HOW COULD YOU". This went on for several minutes. But just as it was ending, the demonic yarn bloody Kirby flashed on screen with a loud, and I mean LOUD, ear piercing version of what sounded like Kirby screaming._

* * *

"And how is this supposed to make any sense to anyone? Yeah, I know it's a creepypasta, so there's bound to be things in it that make no sense, but this story just has almost no rhyme or reason to anything. When I read a story, I expect the events that occur in it to have a cause-effect correlation that's easy to understand. Here, scary stuff happens for no reason. It's like the author just thought of random garbage and thought, 'Yeah, I can make this work.'"

"Don't believe me? Just look at this half-assed ending."

* * *

_I suddenly awoke, lying on my best friends couch, with Kirby's Epic Yarn on-screen, I never played a single Kirby game ever again. I learned the truth about him. He is an evil, evil creature. Then Kirby came out with red eyes. I hid in my closet. I do not know how much time I have left. OH GOD... HE'S HERE._

_HE'S HER89uihjktrjhflkjmld;fkojguhri90o4prkjghyuri8oi958u5uioypoiuu58o9_

* * *

"Yeah, because _all _the best authors end their stories with random letters! This story sucks!"

"Well, to be fair, this story was marginally better than the other creepypasta I reviewed this month. There's more story, more character depth, and there is some unsettling imagery that could potentially scare some younger viewers. It's okay, but I don't think it deserves a second look."

"And that's it for Spook Month! I'm Magolor and UG9rw6ltb24gTW9udGggaXMgY29taW5nIHVwIG5leHQuCg"

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

_Thriller_ by Michael Jackson

"Weird Al" Yankovic

corn by Slimecicle [TinyURL: yyjzolty]

_UHF_

HAL Laboratory

* * *

**This crazy Kong is gonna cut your butt off**

**It's gonna hurt**

**Blood is gonna spurt**

**You will wanna die**

**This Kong's one [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] of a guy**


	54. The Wrath of the Titan

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Warning:** **The following review is rated T for violence and what-not. **

_[Oh yeah, before we begin, a quick disclaimer: this story was suggested by Wario the Tableman (you know, the _Kirby High School _guy) through a PM, which you are all welcome to do.]_

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 12: The Wrath of the Titan**

**TinyURL: y4umq7o4**

"Hello, everyone," Magolor began, smiling and waving. "and welcome to _Magolor's Coffeehouse_!"

"So, as I'm sure you all know, _Pokémon Sword and Shield_, the newest installments of the _Pokémon _franchise, are releasing on November 15. Because of this, I figured we would celebrate by reviewing _Pokémon _fanfiction for the entirety of this month. And since we're riding off the heels of Spook Month, how about we pull a Simpsons Halloween special and start off this month with a Pokémon creepypasta?"

"Now, let's not waste any more time and just get right into it! This is "The Wrath of the Titan!"

* * *

_I didn't have Pokémon as a kid. I come from a Christian home (not that there's anything "anti-Christian" about Pokemon, but you know)._

* * *

"You know, I once came across an American pastor who would disagree with you."

**Some American pastor (Don't know his name):** Pokémon world is a world of the demonic! Of the Satanic!

* * *

_Now, anyone you talk to who knows me will tell you that my favorite Pokémon is Munchlax. I'm not sure why, but I just love that thing, the cute baby version of Snorlax. This probably comes from a joke that my brother made._

_I said, "You know, Alpha. If I was a Pokemon, I'd be a Snorlax." (because I'm kind of a big guy, 6 feet tall, 300 pounds.)_

* * *

"I really want to believe you, but for some reason, I just can't," Magolor said, a little surprised. "I mean, not to discriminate or anything, but you normally don't associate this type of thing with adult men."

"So this is when our narrator first learns about Munchlax, and he eventually breeds one. Some time later, he asked his friend, who he refers to as Ryoji, to breed him a Shiny Munchlax."

* * *

_Ryoji and I don't get to hang out much. I moved to go to college, and we both have busy schedules. But, one time when we DID get to hang out, he gifted me with the Shiny Munchlax I asked for. I asked that he name it Titan, because I knew it would be powerful when it evolved into a Snorlax. But I never used Titan in HeartGold. I left him in my PC Box. I had planned to get a copy of Platinum, and I was going to use him as my starter._

* * *

Magolor's demeanor changed from cheerful to unimpressed. "His Munchlax is gonna get upset that he doesn't use him and turns on him," he said in a near monotone. "Am I right or am I right?"

* * *

_A few months later, I went to an anime convention, and there had been a Pokémon panel, which told us about some of the "dark rumors" of Pokémon. I would learn later that they were called "creepypastas". The Pokémon Booth told us about Buried Alive, Lavender Town Syndrome, Gary's Raticate, and the White Hand. This intrigued me a bit. Could there actually be a dark side to these fun kid's games? But that was beside the point._

* * *

"Yeah, don't worry about all that creepypasta nonsense. That has nothing to do with this story that just so happens to be posted on the SomeOrdinaryGamers Wiki."

[For those who are unaware, SomeOrdinaryGamers is a YouTube channel that reviews creepypastas, among other things.]

"Anyway, after our narrator returns from the convention, he decides to finish up his Pokédex in _HeartGold_. In doing so, he finds something particularly interesting…"

* * *

_I went to Route 35, and the _very first _Buizel I encountered… was a Shiny!_

* * *

"So he catches it, and he mentions how he thinks 'Shinies should be treated special [sic].' Remember this line, because it shows up again and again in this story. It's like this story's version of Uncle Ben from Sam Raimi's _Spider-Man_."

"Anyway, he beats the Elite Four again, and he ends up back in New Bark Town (you know, the usual routine), but this time, something very strange happens…"

* * *

_I walked downstairs, and I saw mom and Lyra sitting there. I found this odd, because I don't recall ever seeing Lyra outside the main story or the Celebi event. Mom then got an "!" icon above her head. She then walked up to me and a Text Box appeared._

"_Mom: Oh, Able, there's a Pokémon sitting outside. Is it one of yours? It looks sad."_

_(No, that's not a typo. My character's name was put in as Able; it was supposed to be Abel, but I didn't want to restart my game, since I didn't realize the mistake until I was already in Mahogany Town.)_

* * *

"News Flash: we don't care."

* * *

_I walked outside, and I was shocked to see a light blue Munchlax sitting there. Without my control, Able walked up to it. It's back was turned to him. Another text box._

"_Titan: How could he do this to me? Ryoji worked so hard to create me and then he just ignores me!"_

_I was getting a little freaked out at this. How had Titan gotten out of the PC, and in New Bark Town? There wasn't a PC with a Pokémon storage system there, and weirder still, how was it talking? And about Ryoji? Titan then got an "!" above his head too. He turned around and saw Able standing there._

"_Titan: _You_! How could you!? You spent countless hours grinding all the others, but you left me to rot in that PC box!"_

* * *

At this point in time, _The Price is Right_ theme began to play as Magolor jumped out of his seat and celebrated.

"Ha! I knew it!" he shouted. "I knew this story wasn't gonna have an original plot line! It's 'Pokémon Dead Channel' all over again!"

* * *

_I was then thrown into a battle, and the Rival's theme was playing. The shiny Munchlax appeared. The Shiny animation played, but his sprite looked angry, his cry was more low pitch, as if trying to sound mad, and it was level 100. This was wrong. Titan was supposed to be level one. He had never been in any battles at all! The text box read, "Ryoji's Titan appeared!" The first Pokémon I sent out was my Level 100 Munchlax that I named after myself. Titan then spoke once more._

"_Titan: You would spend hours training _this _Munchlax, but you don't give me the time of day? _Unforgivable_!"_

_I chose the command Thunder, but Titan moved first._

"_Titan used Body Slam!"_

"_Critical Hit!"_

"_Django Fainted!"_

_I was getting scared. He just 1-shot one of my best Pokémon!_

* * *

"This goes on for a long time, so I'll just paraphrase here: Titan proceeds to OHKO everyone on the narrator's team. Once that's over, our narrator tries to give Titan a peace offering, but he refuses and leaves. After that, he never hears from Titan again. All's awful that ends awful."

* * *

_So, once I transferred everything I wanted to, and upon fully completing the HeartGold Pokédex, I restarted my copy of Platinum, and named my character Crimson. It started out normal. (Or what I assumed was normal, since I hadn't played Platinum before.)_

_So Verde (my Rival) and I were about to receive our starters from Rowan. I chose Chimchar. I usually go with water types, but I don't like Piplup, and I thought Infernape was pretty cool. I clicked on Chimchar and was greeted by a text box that said_

"_Crimson: … … …"_

_...What was that supposed to mean? I clicked again but got the same thing. I tried Piplup, but got the same message. I HATE grass types, but I didn't seem to have much choice. I chose Turtwig… and got the same text box. I was confused. It wouldn't give me a starter? After the text box disappeared, it sent me back to the overworld. Then Rowan spoke._

"_Rowan: You don't like any of these? Then how about this one?"_

_I was sent to another screen with one Poké Ball. Another text box._

"_Rowan: I found him outside my lab this morning. He seems sad."_

_I clicked the Poké Ball, and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a Shiny Munchlax. I chose him, and Rowan said, "He needs a good home. I know you'll be a good partner for him, Crimson."_

_I checked the Munchlax's stats. Sure enough, it was Titan. It was male, holding a Soothe Bell, level one, Hasty Nature, and his OT was Ryoji._

* * *

"So, of course, Titan somehow made his way into the narrator's copy of _Platinum_," Magolor explained, before getting ponderous. "How is that supposed to be possible on any plane of reality? He wasn't transferred over, so that can't be it. Is he supposed to be some kind of virus? Because if so, I hope he makes your DS blow up."

"But anyway, the narrator begins his playthrough of _Platinum_ with Titan as his starter, just as he intended. TL;DR, he beats the Elite Four, and he continues playing so he can complete this game's Pokédex."

* * *

_I woke up in Twinleaf Town, and I expected to go on my quest to capture all the Legendaries and fill THIS Pokédex. I went downstairs, then walked outside. But when I got outside, there was someone waiting for me…._

_It was Ethan, the trainer from HeartGold! Even though I hadn't played Platinum before, I was pretty sure that this wasn't supposed to happen. Heart Gold came out AFTER Platinum, so that sprite shouldn't even be there. I gasped when I saw the next text box._

"_Able: …I'm here to take Titan back with me…"_

* * *

**JonTron:** Excuse me, _whaaaaat_?

"Okay," Magolor began, ready to go on a full-blown tirade, "I can suspend my disbelief for a lot of things. I can accept the fact that the GameStop guys didn't destroy that copy of _Kirby's Creepy Yarn_ when he had the chance. Heck, I can even accept the fact that Kirby _came to life and killed the narrator at the end_, but I _absolutely will not_ accept the fact that your character from _HeartGold _just moseyed on over to your copy of _Platinum_ and is acting without any player input? Not even the _Game Theory_ _ARG_ was this convoluted! I'm shocked your DS hasn't melted yet."

* * *

_Able then ran towards Crimson and Titan, and a battle engaged. It said "PKMN Trainer Able came charging!" I had only seen this message once before, on my copy of Diamond. The message "***** Came charging!" is from the very first battle, when you're ambushed by some wild Starly, and you have to use your newly-picked starter to battle._

_Able sent out a level 100 Feraligatr named Saber first._

_Titan merely came out. Crimson wasn't even on the screen. Titan was level 100 now instead of level 65 where he'd been after the Elite Four. Then, a command was picked without my input. The game chose "Fight". I was surprised to see the entirely new move set._

_Titan knew Metronome, Body Slam, Giga Impact and Return before our battle with Cynthia. Now he knew Thunder, Megapunch, Crunch, and the last move made me shudder….Guillotine. I knew that Guillotine was a real move, but Snorlax can't learn it. The only Pokemon that I know for sure that can learn it are Pinser and Kingler (I don't use one-hit KO moves so I don't know who all can use them)._

* * *

"On second thought, maybe it isn't a virus," Magolor commented. "I'm starting to think this may all just be a dream."

* * *

_Titan used Thunder. It was a critical super effective. My eyes widened at the next text box._

"_Saber died!"_

_Died? ..._Died_!? Pokemon don't die when they lose a fight!_

* * *

"I concur!" Magolor shouted. "This story has become utter hogwash!"

"So the same routine happens for everyone on Able's team, except they all die, because that's creepy, I guess."

* * *

_...But something was wrong...the battle didn't end. Able's sprite scrolled back to the screen. The game picked the "Fight" option. There was one move that hadn't been use yet….Guillotine._

"_Titan used Guillotine!"_

_After the attack connected, the head on Able's sprite was gone. Some red pixels covered his neck, and he fell off the screen._

"_Able died!"_

* * *

**JonTron:** Do you think I'm gonna keep going after that?

* * *

_It then cut back to the overworld. It showed Able's dead body laying there. Titan then turned and looked at Crimson._

"_Titan: I'm sorry you had to see that. But I had to do it. He neglected me. He wanted to take me away from you. You showed me kindness, and gave me the life I wanted… do you still love me?"_

_The game gave me a [Yes/No] option._

* * *

"Heck, no!" Magolor blurted. "You just committed cold murder! Not cool, man!"

* * *

_I paused, trying to comprehend what had just happened. I was still confused about how Titan had gotten into Platinum to begin with. I couldn't think of an explanation. And now, Able shows up, and then Titan killed him and his entire team! Not KO'd. He killed them. I had never used an Action Replay on HG, and I knew it wasn't hacked because I bought it brand new from GameStop. The copy of Platinum was used, but the only hacks I could see was the cheated amount of items on the previous save file…_

_I looked back at the game. Perhaps Titan was right. On HeartGold, I should've showed him more care. I hadn't used him at all, even though Munchlax is my favorite Pokémon, but I did use Poseidon, a Shiny I got by chance, while Ryoji spent a long time trying to breed Titan specifically for me. I can understand why he felt betrayed. I DID still love this Pokémon. He's one of my favorites, and a shiny on top of that… plus, I was kind of scared that he'd turn on Crimson if I said no. I clicked "Yes"._

_Another text box appeared._

"_Titan: …You hesitated… You're mad at me… You don't love me any more… not after I've done this…"_

_The game then made the Metronome sound and a flight animation played. Titan flew away like last time. It faded to black and returned to the title screen._

* * *

"Well, looks like it's all over now. Sure, there were a few hiccups, but I think this might be one of the best creepypastas I've ever read—"

* * *

_Dumbfounded, I switched the DS off, and decided to check my copy of HeartGold. When I opened it up, my save file was still there. I loaded it, and it showed New Bark town. Near one of the trees were 7 gravestones, like the ones in the Lost Tower. Mom, Lyra, and the sprite of the main character from Platinum were standing in front of them._

_Able's mom was crying._

"_Mom: How could this have happened? *sob* Able….*sob*"_

_My jaw dropped at the next text box._

"_Ryoji: It's my fault. I created that monster. Now I'm going to finish this."_

"_Lyra: Ryoji, you couldn't have known this would have happened. It's not your fault."_

"_Ryoji: I'm sorry… but I have to do this."_

* * *

Magolor banged his head against the table, groaning and complaining like he had the worst stomach ache in his life.

"It just goes on and on…" he muttered.

"So Ryoji finds out what went down, and he sets out to find Titan. He eventually finds him at Spear Pillar, and we get what _would be_ an epic final battle, if it weren't for the fact that this is a _creepypasta_ and _nothing scary happened yet_!"

* * *

_I knew it was going to be a tough fight so I started out with my Level 100 Hippowdon, Gaia. Titan used Crunch and took out over half of its HP. That was ridiculous! He was my tank, and he's not even weak to Dark-type moves! I responded with Earthquake but barely scratched him._

_Titan followed up with a Megapunch. A text box saying "Gaia died!" appeared. Now it was happening to me too! I tried the rest of my team, but Titan was a monster. He wiped them out one by one, Terra, my Scizor, Leviathan, my Empoleon, Ziz, my Flygon, and Masamune, my Gliscor, each one dying instead of fainting, until all I had left was Behemoth, my Shiny Tyranitar. I sent him out as my last hope. Afraid I would end up like Able, I opened with Dragon Dance, but Titan responded with Megapunch and one-hit killed my trump card._

_I was screwed. My sprite appeared on the screen, and I heard a Snorlax's cry. A text box._

"_Titan: I'm sorry, but now you will meet the same fate..."_

"_Titan used Guillotine!"_

_I closed my eyes and waited for the worst. But then I heard something that made my heart leap: The cry of a Charizard. The attack began it's animation. As the blades appeared, Cloud swooped down out of nowhere, like when a Pokémon uses Fly in battle. Just as the attack connected, the black Charizard pushed my trainer's sprite back and took the hit. My heart sank as I watched my prized Pokémon's health plummet. But as it hit one HP, a message appeared saying:_

"_CloudMkIII endured the hit!" Followed by another, saying, "CloudMkIII: You will not touch him!"_

_I nearly passed out from the surprise. Cloud was speaking! And what's more, he was protecting me!_

* * *

"Yeah, I'm close to missing my deadline, so I'm just not gonna comment on this. Just sit back and enjoy the show, I guess."

* * *

"_Titan: _Why_? Why do you get all the love?! You protect him because he cherished you, but what about _me_?! Don't I deserve to be loved too?!"_

_Cloud made a low rumbling sound, that sounded like a Charizard's cry when it faints._

"_CloudMkIII: You were cherished, you just didn't see it. Crimson was scared, but he would never have left you."_

"_Titan: LIES! He doesn't love me anymore! Whether he's Crimson or Able, I'll get him at the source!"_

_The battle resumed and Cloud used Sunny Day. I wasn't in control anymore, otherwise I would never have chosen this. Cloud only had one HP left, and he couldn't afford to set up._

_Titan used Thunder and landed a critical, but the message, "CloudMkIII endured the hit!" came up, followed by, "CloudMkIII: I will never back down!" Cloud used Flamethrower and took out a good third of Titan's health. Titan used Mega Punch, but once again, the messages played and Cloud survived._

"_Titan: How can you stand up for a trainer who isn't even real? How can you endure so much for someone from another world!? He creates Shiny Pokémon at will, not even cherishing them like the rare gems we are!"_

"_CloudMkIII: Because our worlds are connected. Ryoji's sprite here may be fake but somewhere out there is the one who raised me. He went out of his way to create us! He gave us life! And you will not harm him or his friends!"_

_Cloud proceeded to use Solar Beam, and the Critical Hit brought Titan's Hp to 0. I let out a premature victory shout. But my feeling of triumph turned to fear when Titan didn't fall from the screen and another text box appeared. My stomach knotted up as I read the message._

"_Titan: If I can't get my revenge, then I'll take you down with me!"_

"_Titan used Explosion!"_

_I hoped, I prayed that Cloud would endure this too. But my hope turned to despair..._

_Cloud's HP hit zero._

"_CloudMkIII Died!"_

"_Titan died!"_

_Both sprites fell off the screen, and the battle ended. It returned to the over world, still at the Spear Pillar. Titan was gone, and there, laying before me was a bloody, black Charizard. It was lying in a crumpled heap, on top of a patch of red pixels. It was covered in battle scars, and its tail flame had gone out. I examined it, but a text box appeared, reading_

"_It's no use. He's gone."_

* * *

"And just when you thought this story couldn't get any more weird, _this _happens…"

* * *

_All of a sudden, I heard a strange noise, and I looked up to see Palkia and Dialga appear before my sprite, emerging from the portals that they came out of earlier in the story. When the spacial warp stopped, a text box appeared._

"_Palkia and Dialga: We have borne witness to your struggles, and have taken an interest in your skills._

"_We have deigned to grant you a gift. We will return Cloud to you, but no one else. They will serve as reminder to you of how you affect this world with careless actions and that life is precious. NOW GO!"_

_They screeched and the world went white. I woke up in my house at Twin-Leaf and checked my party. Cloud was there, but as a shiny Charmander and at level one. His name was CloudMkIV._

* * *

"I have no words for how convoluted and absurd this is."

"So the battle has won, Titan is no more and everyone lived happily ever after… or perhaps not…"

* * *

_A few weeks later, I went to Anime Weekend Atlanta with my friend, Yoshi, and I accidentally left my copy of White in her car. When I got it back, she told me she left me a surprise... there, in my PC Box, there was a female shiny Munchlax._

* * *

**The End?**

"And now the story has finally come to an end," Magolor began. "Honestly, it wasn't bad at all. The story was good, the pacing was alright, and it didn't succumb to the droll stereotypes that all creepypastas fall victim to these days. That being said, though, it wasn't scary. But I feel that's just preference rather than a suggestion for improvement. Needless to say, after all that garbage I had to review for Spook Month, this story was a nice change of pace."

"That about does it. I'm Magolor, and Pokémon Month has just begun!"

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

JonTron's StarCade: Episode 4 - Nintendo Star Wars

JonTron - Goosebumps (Part 2)

HAL Laboratory


	55. Sylveon Loves Cupcakes (PLUS A BONUS)

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 13: Sylveon's Revenge & Sylveon Loves Cupcakes by Muffinypowers**

**TinyURL: yyml8jdy**

**TinyURL: y3ar2s5a**

"Hello, dear friends," Magolor began, "and welcome back to Pokémon Month! Today, we'll be reviewing something truly awful. It's a story that is considered so heinous that not only has _one_ critic already destroyed it, but it was the cause of torment for _three_ fanfic reviewers. Heck, it's almost a rite of passage in the community of fanfiction critics to review this stinker. That's right. Today, we're gonna take a look at _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_ by Muffinypowers."

"But before we do, I think it's best if we review the prequel of this story," Magolor stated, before pausing for a brief moment and saying, "Yeah, that's right. The story has a prequel."

* * *

_**Sylveon's Revenge**_

_By: Muffinypowers_

_Sometimes all you need is a little push in the right direction. Sylveon...helps? Kalosshipping aka JeT'aimeshipping. One shot._

* * *

"Now, right away, the story strikes me as… odd," Magolor said, raising an eyebrow. "With a name like _Sylveon's Revenge_, you'd expect it to come _after_ _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_. But nope! Not only is it before it, but it's the first fanfic Muffinypowers ever wrote. Weird, right?"

"But I digress. Let's go ahead and see if this story has any sort of worth. This is _Sylveon's_ _Revenge_."

* * *

_This was her first time looking out this window, and she wasn't planning on forgetting it anytime soon. There were stars shining in the soft glow of the moon, sparkling and seeming to dance before her eyes. There was only one thing missing._

_However, that idiot was probably in his stupid room playing with his stupid Delphox and giving him stupid treats and stupid stupid stupid-_

_Stahp._

* * *

"You know," Magolor mused, "I used to rate bad comedy on a scale from 1 to Tom Green," he paused for a beat and said, "but I think this story broke that scale."

"I mean, the joke, if you can even _call_ it that, is just so weird and out of place. I have not met a single person who has ever thought anything even _remotely_ similar to this. I now wonder if this character has a mental disorder of some kind."

* * *

_The honey-haired girl put her hand on Chesnaught's back, and the Pokémon let out a happy sort of growl. Despite her tough appearance, Chesnaught was sweet and gentle. She enjoyed helping out her trainer when necessary._

_"Ugh, that idiot... I don't need him, though, do I, Chesnaught." Her Pokémon waved its tail, and seemed to understand perfectly._

_"Ches, Chesnaught." Serena smiled at the Grass/Fighting type, her beloved starter. _

* * *

"This is actually pretty nice. Sure, it's just Serena talking to her Pokémon, but that's why I like it. After all the craziness that was Spook Month, it's nice to just read some cute banter like this."

* * *

_Then, by coincidence, her Eevee stepped into the room, making her remember something she was going to tell him._

_"Oh, Eevee! I've decided what to evolve you into!" As she said this, Eevee looked at her with confusion and worry, perhaps judging from her happy tone and how rare this was. "Absolutely nothing, that's what!" He seemed sad at this; Serena wondered if he actually wanted to evolve. It was hard to say how he knew; maybe it was the bond that Serena seemed to share with all her Pokémon. He jumped onto the windowsill outside of her room, making his way down to Santalune Forest._

* * *

"So is this where the revenge comes in?" Magolor asked. "Eevee takes this negatively, even though Serena only meant that she likes Eevee the way he is?"

* * *

_"Chesnaught, what am I to do? I'm bored, and I can't talk to stupid Calem, because all he does is give his stupid Delphox stupid Poké Puffs and stupid stupid-"_

_Chesnaught put her hand on Serena's shoulder as if to repeat her earlier 'stop.'_

* * *

"Buddy, you can't make a joke out of something that was never funny to begin with. And when you do, it doesn't make it any funnier, it just makes whoever's hearing even more irritated."

**Kermit:** I think this is what they call a "running gag."

* * *

_That's when the doorbell decided to ring._

_Oh, __now_ _her neighbor decided to show up. But, when she opened the door, something surprised her. Instead of Delphox next to him as she expected, he now had...Sylveon?_

* * *

"Alright, so Eevee evolved… is _that _supposed to be the revenge? Also, it would've been nice to see what he was doing, maybe get a glimpse into his mind, but you know, this is still okay."

* * *

_"Did your Eevee get out, by any chance?" he asked, annoyed at how Sylveon was making it near impossible for him to move by wrapping his ribbons around him._

_"Y-yes... But how did it-?"_

_"I don't know. I guess it found a Fletchling or something," he said. "Probably wandered off into the forest." He picked up the small, ribbon-covered Pokémon, and passed it to her._

* * *

"Now, I think it's important to point out Matthais Unidostres' thoughts on this section of the story in _Keldeo the Critic_. In it, he points out that Eevee evolution into Sylveon doesn't make sense, since evolving into Sylveon requires a close bond between Pokémon and Trainer, and he was nowhere near Serena when it happened."

"I, however, think it makes sense. You see, in order for an Eevee to evolve into Sylveon, it needs to have a strong bond with its Trainer, _and_ it needs to level up while knowing a Fairy-type move. I'm assuming that the bond between the two was strong enough to work from a distance, and that Eevee knew Baby-Doll Eyes, since it's a Fairy-type move it learns naturally. So that makes the reason why Eevee evolved pretty obvious: it beat a few Pokémon in the forest and leveled up, allowing it to evolve."

* * *

_"So, is that it? That's all you came here for?"_

_"Uh, actually... Sylveon, can you let go of me?" Sylveon had curled one of his ribbon-like feelers around Calem, making the atmosphere extremely cozy, and in Serena's mind, extremely uncomfortable._

_"Actually what?" Chesnaught patted her back as she said this, and she wondered how her starter had gotten so powerful as to hurt her with a tap. A supportive Pokémon was great, but this wasn't exactly helpful. Ow._

_Sylveon touched Serena with the remaining feelers, eventually wrapping her up as well. He cuddled both of the entangled trainers close by him, and in effect forced them together._

* * *

Magolor raised an eyebrow, giving off a confused look. "That's it? _That's_ the revenge? Sylveon gets revenge by playing matchmaker? _Are you kidding me?!"_

* * *

_"Actually this." Calem answered Serena's question with a sealed distance, which surprised her greatly. As it ended, she pulled away with a grunt._

_"Just because Sylveon made things awkward doesn't mean you have to add to that!" she said, shaking her head. She was trying to convince herself that she wasn't going crazy with the way her heart was working._

* * *

"Oh, Serena. You're not going crazy," Magolor said with mock sincerity. "You _are _crazy."

* * *

_Calem sent out his Delphox, and for once Serena didn't protest. "I thought it would be better with two Pokémon, instead of just us and Chesnaught," he said. "Though your Sylveon helped me a lot." She gave him a you-had-better-not-tell-anyone-about-this-or-I'll-kill-you look, one that he was familiar with from experience._

_"Don't think that I won't have him Moonblast your Altaria, though." She let out that rare smile, but covered it quickly with her normal expression._

_"So... maybe we can battle tomorrow?"_

_"Count on it. Now..." Serena pointed to the door. "Out. It's almost midnight."_

_"That's why I wanted to stay," he said, awaiting her typical sigh-slap combo._

_"Out," she said, ignoring the slap part but sighing. "Come on, I said I'd battle you. Isn't that enough?" She pushed him and Delphox out the door, shutting it behind him._

* * *

Magolor chuckled and said, "Again, I love this simple, sweet banter. I'm so glad October is over."

* * *

_He sighed, walking down the sidewalk back to his own house. "Well, at least she cares enough to rival me. Right, Delphox?"_

_In answer, the fox magician nodded his head._

_"I'm glad you're my teammate."_

_Delphox ignored him, focusing instead on his tail and the long stick that was buried in the fluff. He whipped it out, lighting up the world around him._

_"You're never going to change, are you?" Calem laughed, and Delphox put the stick away, and looked to his trainer's constantly changing emotions. Some of joy, some of sadness, some of regret…_

_Delphox didn't mind Sylveon quite as much now._

* * *

"Well, that about does it," Magolor smiled. "Boy, was this good. It's just a nice little romance fic featuring two Trainers and their Pokémon. Serena gets help that she didn't know she needed in the form of her Eevee evolving and bringing her and her crush together as a kind of playful revenge. I've never really been one for romance, but I really got some enjoyment out of it."

But then, Magolor sighed and slouched in his chair. "Unfortunately, now we have to review this story's evil twin: _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_."

"Oh, the plethora of fanfiction critics who bashed this tale until it became a heaping plate of _Bob Evans_ mashed potatoes. First, there was DragonNiro's _The Angry Bug Show_, who reviewed this alongside Imperator Justinian's _Arceus the Critic_ as a collab. Needless to say, they had no words to describe the utter confusion that happens in this fic. Plus, there Matthais Unidostres' _Keldeo the Critic_, who I mentioned earlier. He thought the story was at least half-decent, but it reads like a fever dream."

"So what do I think of it? Well, let's stop wasting time and find out!

* * *

(A/N: This could be seen as the sequel to 'Sylveon's Revenge', due to a few references to it, so I suggest you read that one first. Unlike that one, however, this one is completely random. Other than that, the usual applies: Rate, review, flames will be used to power up my just-turned level 100 Flareon's Fire-type moves.)

* * *

"Noted."

* * *

_"Sylveon! Are you okay?" A young Trainer was kneeling down by a Fairy-type in Santalune Forest, yelling about how he was an idiot and not to jump out the stupid window and run to the stupid forest and stupid stupid stupid-_

_Stahp._

* * *

**Kermit:** Is there no end to this running gag?!

* * *

_"I need... cupcakes... Please, Trainer..." the Pokémon responded. "Cup... cakes..."_

* * *

**Vinny Vinesauce:** _I require sustenance… FeeD mE._

* * *

_"Of course, Sylveon, anything for you- Wait, how are you talking to me?" Serena said, taking Sylveon in her arms._

* * *

"Pointing out dumb stuff in your story doesn't make them any less dumb," Magolor explained. "If anything, it makes them even dumber."

* * *

_"Shut up... cupcakes."_

* * *

**Plankton:** Now, is that really necessary?

* * *

_Serena nodded in response, passing him a pink cupcake. He rolled out of her lap into some vacant grass, which a Panpour- Wait, Pansage- No, Pansear- No, it was Pansage after all- Panstupid- tried to walk into. Serena began to yell some words at it that would put anyone to shame, and the Panstupid sped away._

* * *

"Wow. That was really Panstupid."

"So Calem enters the story now, mostly because the plot wouldn't happen without him."

* * *

_"Are you okay? I heard your yelling, and- you might not want to give that cupcake to it."_

_"Him," Serena reminded her idiot of a neighbor. "And why shouldn't I give him the cupcake?"_

* * *

"Possible nut allergy," Magolor began, starting to count on his fingers, "someone poisoned it, it's made of cardboard, it may contain insect parts. Honestly, a lot of things could go wrong here."

* * *

_Sylveon nabbed the treat from his Trainer's hand. Then, a symbol appeared behind him. The Mega Evolution symbol. Oh, Muk. They were screwed. His ribbons multiplied until he was covered, and he grew some wings that matched his eyes and fur perfectly. He fluttered into the air, and Serena and Calem watched. The pair's faces both read, "Oh crap."_

_"Syl! Sylveon!" the Mega called out._

* * *

"… Or that…"

"While we're at it, can we just talk about the description for Mega Sylveon? It sounds so dumb! It sounds like some Mega Absol rip-off."

* * *

_The crappiness of this situation would continue to grow, however._

* * *

"Oh, joy of joys!"

* * *

_After using Psyshock on a tree, which burst into pieces for no good reason,_

* * *

"Just like everything else in this story," Magolor remarked, taking a sip of coffee.

* * *

_its wings grew larger. The ribbons turned into redness, which took over the blackness that Sylveon's fur had become. His back legs turned into a tail, which grew dark spikes on the end, and his front legs became tough-looking talons. Sylveon grew two curved horns on his head, which made him look like the letter Y._

* * *

"_What?!_" Magolor blurted, after spitting his coffee back out.

* * *

_"Did Sylveon just Mega Evolve, blow up a tree, then turn into Yveltal?" Serena asked._

_"Yep," was Calem's reply._

_"Crap."_

* * *

"That is not the correct reaction for this type of situation. The correct reaction is—"

**Vault Boy:** excuse me what

* * *

_YvelSylveon, as he shall be referred to from now on, began to use Oblivion Wing on everything around him. "Well, this sucks. Hide!" Serena dragged Calem behind a tree._

* * *

"Yeah, sure, just hide like the scared little babies you are," Magolor said with contempt. "Don't worry about, you know, trying to stop it!"

* * *

_It was not very effective, however, because YvelSylveon blew it up. Serena watched from behind the destroyed tree, staring at a Panstupid trio that was hit by the red beam._

* * *

"You know, I'm sure this would be at least _a little bit _better if the author wasn't such a Panracist."

* * *

_"Is that thing a Dark/Flying now, or still a Sylveon? Because I have my Gengar with me." Calem said._

* * *

"Considering the situation, I think the type matchup is the least of your problems."

* * *

_Calem sent out Gengar, which was almost instantly OHKO'd by YvelSylveon's Dark Pulse. "Aw..."_

* * *

**Patrick Star:** Well, that was a rip-off.

* * *

_"Hey, cheer up, rival!" Serena said happily, ignoring the fact that the world around her was being destroyed. "At least you stopped its rampage for a sec- OH CRAP!" The Oblivion Wing hit both Trainers, vaporizing what was left of the tree they had hidden behind._

_'Serena fainted! Calem also fainted!' The stupid unnecessary voice that always told Trainers what was going on, even though they already knew, would have said. _

* * *

"I know this is a stupid question to ask, but how does a beam that vaporizes everything it touches only knock out these guys?" Magolor pondered this for a moment, then he said, "I don't know… plot, I guess."

* * *

_'Stupid awkward-moment-making Sylveon who happened to turn into Yveltal and kill everyone,' Serena thought, right before she fell to the ground, clutching her heart both because it was in pain and for dramatic effect._

_"Gah... ech... Bob the potato... nyah," were the brilliant last words that Calem said before he fainted alongside her._

* * *

"R.I.P., Serena and Calem," Magolor said. "We didn't know them long, but then again, we didn't really want to."

* * *

_Suddenly, YvelSylveon paused. He landed on what was left of a tree, and looked back to his near-dead Trainer. She was on a grassy part of the ground, where some sun was shining, and it all looked rather peaceful. YvelSylveon devolved back into Mega Sylveon, and then back to normal Sylveon. He used the last of his wings to land beside Serena, and nudged her with his nose. He prepared the move she had just recently taught him from the TM she had gotten from Valerie, and used it on everything around him. Slowly, the forest came to life, like it was revived from Xerneas itself, and Serena woke up with a groan._

* * *

"Well, it looks like everything's back to normal," Magolor began, before falling into thought. "Wait a second… what TM does Valerie give you again?"

He pulled out a laptop and tapped the keys for a few moments. After a short time searching, he finally finds what he was looking for:

"'Dazzling Gleam is a damage-dealing Fairy-type move introduced in Generation VI,'" he read, slowly turning back towards the audience. Suddenly, he became furious.

"Then how the heck does it heal stuff!" he shouted. "Yes, I understand that this story is supposed to be random, and I understand that what I'm about to say is a bit of an oxymoron, but when you write something random, the randomness has to at least have _some _sense to it. You can't just throw in something that has no logic and act like it does. That's just stupid and lazy!"

* * *

_"Calem, wake up..." she said softly, shaking him. "Wake up, I said..." she hit him lightly. "WAKE YOUR STUPID FACE UP!"_

_"Gah, what? What was that for?"_

* * *

"No reason," answered Magolor, pretending to be Serena. "I'm just a jerk like that sometimes, you know?"

* * *

_"Well, now what?" Serena asked Calem. He took her hand and led her back to Vaniville, despite repeated 'Let go of me!', 'I can do it myself!' and 'There's no convincing you, is there, rival?'. Sylveon ran the other way, having seen something _that _he knew could wreak havoc on the world, or at least the forest, if he was left alone with it. He was, thanks to Calem's stupidity._

_Sylveon had just located a second cupcake._

_Rinse and repeat._

* * *

"Oh, _come on_!" Magolor fumed. "Nobody learned anything? Then why did you have to subject us to such _torture_?!" He slammed fists on the table repeatedly, eventually calming down.

"Though, to be fair, it's not really hurting anyone, and it is surreal enough to at least be engaging. I mean, if you're into random fics, then you'll be sure to get a kick out of it. As for me, I think it's mostly just lazy. But hey, who am I to judge?"

"Well, there you go! I'm Magolor, and this was Magolor's Coffeehouse!"

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

The Muppets Show (1976)

Vinesauce - Best of August 2019

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Fallout

SpongeBob SquarePants - Wet Painters

HAL Laboratory

Bulbapedia


	56. Editorial 4

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Editorial 04: Two GOOD Pokémon Authors**

"Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse!" Magolor said cheerily. "And welcome back to Pokémon Month!"

"Well, we've passed the halfway point in Pokémon Month, and I think we need a little change of pace. The last two stories I reviewed weren't the best by any means, and it's pretty obvious that there are _tons_ of other horrible Pokémon fanfics out there. I mean, there's almost _100,000_ Pokémon stories on this website _alone_! Who knows who many of these are awful."

"Luckily, Sturgeon's Law states that 10% of these fanfics are worth sifting through the less-than-decent 90%. And I did just that, so you don't have to. Here are two _good _Pokémon fanfiction authors!"

"First up, we have a little author by the name of Saf Dawnheart. Their work is exquisite, to say the least. In fact, I heard talk that their stories are what got spucubed into fanfiction in the first place."

"Yes, Saf has written works for other fandoms like _Kingdom Hearts_ and _Guardians of Ga'Hoole_, but we're not here for those, so let's talk Pokémon! These stories feature Legendary Pokémon and their interactions with each other. And yes, make no mistake about it, these are romance fics. I'm usually not a fan of romance, but the writing is well done and the subject matter doesn't make the story a borderline lemon fic, so it gets a pass from me. Here are two fics that I personally recommend from this author:"

* * *

_**Opposites Attract **_

_To be truly and perfectly honest, Cresselia was getting a bit tired of the "opposites attract" stereotype normally associated with her and her fellow Legends. — Darkrai/Cresselia._

* * *

_**Icy Starlight **_

_He had chosen this path to follow, but she had never wanted to share that feeling. — Rayquaza/Kyurem._

* * *

"The second author I'm recommending to you is Matthais Unidostres. I've mentioned him several times in my previous review, but I'm certain you all still don't know who he is, so let me tell you a little about him:"

"He's the author of _Keldeo the Critic_, which stars Keldeo, the Legendary Pokémon who reviews it so you don't have to. He's been doing this for six seasons now, which is way more than any other fanfiction critic I've ever seen. Along with this series, Matthais has worked on several other Pokémon stories, both from the games and the anime. And, boy, does the man have talent! He is _easily_ the biggest inspiration for me. I can't even tell you how much I—"

"Oh, my God, just stop already!" Marx shouted, walking over to Magolor. "Could you just stop talking about this Matthais guy? He doesn't even know you're _alive_!"

Magolor just raised an eyebrow and asked, "What's the problem? I like the guy, so what?"

"Yeah, but for the past week you've been all, 'Oh, Matthais is the best person ever! I love Matthais! Oh, I want him to father my children!' Frankly, I don't get why you like him so much."

"You wanna know?"

"Yes," Marx blankly replied.

"You really wanna know?"

Marx, hesitating for a moment, answered with a slightly irritated "...Yeah…"

"Marx"

"_Yes_!"

"Then I'll show you…"

* * *

**Up Next…**

Keldeo & the Swords of Justice: Season One


	57. Joining the Jambastion (SPECIAL EPISODE)

**Sorry, guys. The Pokémon Month finale will take a little longer than expected. But don't worry, it's still going to come out. As Albert Einstein once said, "a rushed fanfic review is bad forever, but a delayed fanfic review will eventually be good."**

**Anyway, here's a little something I whipped up to tide you over.**

* * *

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 14: Joining the Jambastion by DarkRedPsycho92**

**TinyURL: yxpx78sd**

At the Kirby Café, something peculiar seemed to be planned. First off, Magolor was not sitting in his usual spot. Instead, he is at one of the party tables, with about six seats each on the long sides. Also, the large blue curtain on the stage area was closed.

"Greetings, everyone!" Magolor beamed, giving a friendly wave to the imaginary audience. "Welcome to a special episode of Magolor's Coffeehouse!"

"So, at the time of uploading this chapter, last Saturday was November 30, the one-year anniversary of the 4.0.0 update of _Kirby Star Allies_, which is perhaps the biggest update for the game. Not only did it include three new DLC characters, which was what every update gave us, but we also received a new boss rush difficulty, a brand-new game mode, and a special playable character for completing that game mode! That's why I decided I would review a special fanfiction to celebrate."

"But that's not all," the Halcandran continued. "To help me with this review, I have lined up three special guests. So, without further ado, let's introduce them."

"First up," he began, now on taking the voice of a game show announcer, "she's a cool, calm individual who has a penchant for putting her opponents on ice. Her interests include reading, ice sculptures, and the occasional snowball fight. Please welcome the frosty Francisca!"

As some canned applause rang out, Francisca pushed away the curtains she was hiding behind and made her way over to where Magolor was seated, waving at the fake audience the whole way.

"Next up," Magolor started up again, "we have someone with a fiery passion and a temper to match. As someone who has been on her bad side a few times, trust me when I say you do _not _want to cross. That's right, I'm talking about none other than the flaming-hot Flamberge!"

Right on cue, the red-headed mage burst through the curtains, nearly setting them on fire as a result. As she strolled over to the reviewing table, she took the time to show off some of her blazing sword skills. Needless to say, she was lucky that she didn't burn the place down.

Once Flamberge took her seat, Magolor continued his spiel. "And last, but not least, we've got a girl who's got it all: good looks, lightning-fast combat skills, and a forgettable name you just can't forget. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Zan Partizanne!"

With that, Zan revealed herself, giving a tip of her hat and uttering a quiet "Bonjam." Once she made it her seat, Magolor took the time to shake her hand, as well as the hands of the other two.

"Thank you all, again, for agreeing to be on the show," said the blue-robed Halcandran that you humans refer to as Magolor.

"No problem," Francisca replied. "Any friend of Kirby's is a friend of ours."

"Aw, thanks," Magolor blushed, before re-containing himself. "So anyways, let's get started."

* * *

_**Joining the Jambastion **_

_By: DarkRedPsycho92_

_A story of how the Three Mage Sisters took me to their Jambastion Fortress._

* * *

"Ooh, a story about _us_?" asked Flamberge. "This should be good."

"Yeah, I don't know," said Magolor, shakily. "Considering the last DarkRedPsycho92 story I reviewed, I don't think it'll be as good as you think it is."

"Nonsense," she retorted, nearly shouting. "We're the best characters in the series. Everything we do is awesome."

"Sure, maybe _you'd_ say that, but this story may convince you otherwise."

"Listen, you're not gonna convince her anything. Trust me," said Zan Partizanne. "Just start the review, please."

"Alrighty, then. Here we go!"

* * *

_It was a quiet Friday morning, and I was barely waking up, I got up from my bed, and looked out the window, the sun was shining bright, not a single cloud in the sky, I then said to myself "Should I go outside? Nah."_

* * *

**Distorted Tommy Wiseau: **wHAt arE YOu DoINg On cOmpUTer? gO OUtsIdE, sO bEAutIfUL! *throws computer on the ground and screams in distorted Tommy Wiseau* [TinyURL: yxvuwsxc]

* * *

_I went back into my room, got my Nintendo Switch, booted up Kirby Star Allies, and selected my profile. As soon as I was in the main menu, it said that it got an update, a new side game called "Heroes in Another Dimension" was available, I was going to do another Guest Star run with Adeleine and Ribbon, but I guess that'll wait another time._

* * *

"Wait, what's going on?" asked Francisca. "Who is _this_?"

"Oh, that's Alejandro," Magolor replied. "He's basically the author's self-insert."

"Okay… so, does he have any special powers or anything?"

"Nope. He's just your average friendly neighborhood man-child."

"So what makes this guy interesting and worth rooting for?"

"I don't know!" Magolor suddenly shouted. "I don't know. For some reason, DarkRedPsycho thinks this lad is a chad when, in reality, he's just a loser. I guess _someone_ out there likes him, but I certainly don't."

* * *

_I was eager to try out the new side game, see what challenges awaited me there. It then said I needed to collect Friend Hearts to progress further, and you know me, I tend to collect all of them. Most were in plain sight, some hard to reach, and others by puzzles, I made sure I didn't miss not one so I wouldn't backtrack._

* * *

"Oh, yeah, right. I forgot," Magolor said in a monotone. "The author likes to add as much detail as possible and make his stories incredibly boring."

"I think you might be a little too harsh," replied Jan Parmesan. "Surely, it can't be as bad as you say."

"Oh, really? Take a good look:"

* * *

_At the end of each areas, I fought Parallel versions of similar bosses, Whispy Woods, King Dedede, Meta Knight, and Kracko._

_Each were tougher than their regular counterparts, but I still beat them without any problems. After defeating the parallel bosses, I said to myself "Alright, I collected all 120 Friend Hearts, so the S Rank is in the bag, now for the final battle."_

_The portal to the showdown appeared, and I was more than ready for the fight, I had the Hammer Ability on Kirby, my teammates were Adeleine and Ribbon, Marx, and Dark Meta Knight. Upon entering the portal, it sent me to a dark arena, the Jamba Heart appeared in the middle, and it started to crack open, when it shattered, it revealed Hyness, but he was looking different, his white robe was now black, and his name was Corrupted Hyness._

* * *

As the story continued to go on and on, the Mage-Sisters began to get more and more antsy.

* * *

_The battle started, his attacks were the same as the first time I fought him, only this time they were faster than usual, I quickly avoided his attacks while landing some of mine and the teammates also landed some good hits on Hyness, the A.I. on the allies were surprisingly good, guess they were ready for the fight as well._

_When Hyness' life bar reached half, his hood flew off, I already knew the second phase of the fight was about to begin, he summoned up three logs of wood, rather than the Mage Sisters, I said to myself "Ha! He's using logs instead? He's such a loner!" Hyness begins by forming his version of the Friend Circle, the movement was faster than last time, but I still avoided it with ease, even my allies dodged with no worries, Adeleine and Ribbon were using the Canvas Cover to avoid damage, something I'd never thought I'd see from the A.I. doing that._

_When Hyness got dizzy from that attack, me and my teammates unloaded strong attacks on him, defeating Hyness a second time. I kind of thought that Hyness would at least put up a fight, but I predicted each of his movements from his first fight._

* * *

"_Jamblasted_!" Flamberge shouted, finally caving in and throwing a nearby table. "This story just keeps going and going! Whatever happened to keeping things short and simple?"

"Brevity is the soul of wit," Francisca concurred.

"So after beating Heroes in After Dimension," Magolor took over, "Alejandro goes outside, as the plot finally decides to drop by, and I do mean _literally_ drop by."

* * *

_But then, something mysterious was descending from the sky, something huge, and to make matters more shocking, it looked very familiar, it looked like a fortress that had horns, bat like wings, and a big red eyeball, I then yelled out "What in the name of Arceus is that?!"_

* * *

"Wrong franchise," remarked Dan Participle.

* * *

_As the fortress continues to slowly descend, I saw a symbol that was also familiar, it looked like a heart with bat wings, as soon as I remember that symbol, the fortress was right in front of me, and all I said was "The Jambastion Fortress…"_

* * *

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second!" Flamberge began. "How in the world could something _from a video game_ just suddenly show up in the real world? Also, how does no one else notice it? I mean, have you actually taken a good look at the Jambastion before? It's as big as a _planet_! I'm surprised that we made it past the radar of every first-world country."

"I agree," said Iran Paraguay. "This is highly dubious."

* * *

_Minutes later, the main gate of the fortress slowly opened up, I was really worried what was going to show up, I then said to myself "If Pon and Con are showing up, I can take them down with my own fists!"_

* * *

The four stared at each other with some intense awkward silence, before finally bursting into hysterical laughter.

"Yeah, right," Magolor scoffed. "Like you could be able to take on anything."

* * *

_When the gate fully opened, it wasn't Pon and Con, yet it was three instead of two, and they were wearing robe like uniforms, one had blue hair, one had red hair, and one had yellow hair, then the three floated from the gate to in front of me, I then remember who they were, I gasped in shock to seeing these familiar faces again._

_"Bonjam." All three of them said it at the same time, then they prayed and bowed in unison. "We have been watching you from your entertainment device, and we are blessed to see someone doing a perfect run on Heroes in Another Dimension, and for that, we thank you, human." Then it occurred to me, how were they watching me from the Switch? Was mine monitored somehow? I'm just hoping that I might get an answer._

_"E-excuse me, ladies…" I stuttered partially, "How did you see me from my Switch? And why do you seek me for?" Then the one with blue hair responded to me. "Our Lord Hyness used his magic to make your device a beacon while you were playing, that's how we pinpointed your location." I turned back to my house, then to the three again, I then said "Well, guess that explains it."_

* * *

"Okay, but why _his_ Switch?" asked Francisca. "If you really wanted to find someone who completed a perfect run, then why not just be like the U.S. government and monitor _everyone's_ Switch?"

"It's probably just a lame Chosen One deal," Magolor replied. "It's best not to think about it too much."

"So after a brief introduction, the Mage-Sisters take Alejandro onto the Jambastion. There's a brief tour, but I don't have to go over that..."

* * *

_"And this is the Inner Sanctum, Here we pray and bow to a new heart of this fortress, the Master Friend Heart." Said Zan Partizanne, up ahead was long hall, a white figure was praying to a big heart that was glowing the colors of the rainbow._

* * *

"Oh, you mean those hearts in Guest Star mode that boost all your stats?" Magolor asked.

"I highly doubt that's what the author is going for," Francisca answered. "If I were to guess, it may be a reformed Jamba Heart, but formed out of positive emotions instead of negative."

"Oh well, you never know."

* * *

_"Lord Hyness, the human with the perfect rank has arrived." The three of them said it in unison. Hyness then turned around to see the Mage Sisters as well as me, he wasn't wearing his hood, so his face and big nose was already shown, he floated down a set of stairs, then to in front of us._

_"Ah, the chosen one, as the Master Friend Heart foretold of this." Said Hyness._

* * *

Magolor snickered. "So… you're saying that Alejandro is the only person on Earth who got 100% in the game?"

"Yeah, and that there isn't some fat nerd in his basement who probably got that score _way_ before he did?" Flamberge added.

The two laughed for a moment, eventually containing themselves. "Yeah, right," Magolor muttered.

* * *

_"What joyous of days this brought us, it is an honor to have the one who was willing to collect all 120 Friend Hearts in Heroes in Another Dimension. As a reward, I present to you a Jambastion outfit to call your own." He added as he brought over a robe-like coat and a hat to me. "Gee, thanks, I wasn't expecting a cool looking outfit as a gift." I said to Hyness._

_"Go on, try it on, I have it specially designed." Said Hyness. I then started to wear the outfit, first the coat, then the gloves, and lastly the hat. "Well? How do I look?" I asked to Hyness and the Mage Sisters. "Truly marvelous! It was meant for you!" Hyness exclaimed while snorting in an excited way. "Holy Jamblasters, you look great!" Said Francisca as she was getting gitty with excitement. "Sweet, you look like one of us!" Said Flamberge while giving me a thumbs up. "Wow, I'm so speechless right now, you definitely wear it like a natural." Said Zan Partizanne as she was applauding to me._

_"Thanks a million guys, I appreciate it very much." I said as I scratched the back of my head from their compliments. Then Hyness added "Now, which weapon do you prefer, human?"_

* * *

Magolor and Flamberge broke into another laughing fit, louder this time. "Now he gets a _weapon_?" Magolor said incredulously. "Like this guy would ever hurt anything!"

"Oh my goodness, this is too much!" Flamberge commented.

* * *

_I then thought to myself "Hmmm, Francisca has an axe, Flamberge has a sword, and Zan Partizanne has a spear, what other weapon would suit best for me?" I then responded to Hyness "I always prefer my fists, you got something for that?"_

_Hyness then scratched his nose. "Ah, you like to go hand to hand, eh? Very interesting. I think I have something that'll work for you just right." He then opened up a nearby chest, and searched what he was looking for. "A-ha! Here we go!" He said as he brought out and presented me a pair of gauntlets. "These will surely be perfect for you." I gasped in surprise as I saw those gauntlets. "Whoa! Those look really cool!"_

* * *

Magolor paused, his face lighting up. "Gauntlets?" he murmured ecstatically.

"Oh no," muttered Francisca.

"In come the _Infinity War_ jokes," Flamberge remarked.

**Thanos:** I am... _inevitable_.

* * *

_"You should definitely put your skills to the test with those gauntlets, we'd love to see how well you can handle our Jammerjabs." Said Hyness. I quickly responded with "Wait, what?" Then Flamberge yelled out "To the Training Grounds!" all four of them carried me while making our way back down the fortress, something tells me I'm going to have to do some fighting._

* * *

"So Alejandro goes to the arena so he can _balance out the universe_ with his new gauntlets…"

* * *

_When we reached back to the Training Grounds, they set me in the middle of an arena like area, Francisca, Flamberge, Zan Partizanne and Hyness were at the sidelines eager to see how well I can spar. "This is going to be very interesting, let's see if the human can take on a hundred Jammerjabs!" Said Hyness as he prepares to call his minions. "I hope Alejandro doesn't get hurt." Said Francisca, who was looking a little concerned. "Nonsense, Francisca, he'll be alright, his instincts will kick in soon enough." Said Flamberge as she was patting Francisca's shoulder._

* * *

"And if they don't…" Flamberge continued, "...well, then just enjoy the show!"

"Flamberge!" Francisca retorted, hands on her hips.

"Aw, come on, I was just kidding…"

* * *

_I did felt a bit nervous, I wasn't expecting to be put into a trial to test my skills, but if I did wanted to impress them, I needed to give it my best. I took a deep breath, then told Hyness "Alright, I'm ready." Hyness replied with "Very good. Jammerjabs, have at him!" He then rings a gong, and a hundred Jammerjabs were called out and jumped very high, they were all ready to strike from above._

_When they did got close to me, everything felt like it was going in slow motion, I slowly curled up my hands into fists, and a huge burst of energy was flowing through my body, I felt my combative spirit awaken, I then yelled out "BRING IT ON!"_

* * *

**Thanos:** Reality is often disappointing. That is, it was. Now, reality can be whatever I want.

* * *

_I started throwing punches at the Jammerjabs that were close to attacking me, hitting first before they could even hit me, they all surrounded me, each were ready to strike with their staffs, as I focused on punching a Jammerjab, I quickly turned around to punch another one, even groups of them tried to attack me at the same time, but I quickly retaliated with haymakers and uppercuts. Another burst of energy was building inside me, my gauntlets were giving off a bright glow, I jumped high and returned back down, punching the ground hard, making a huge shockwave, all the Jammerjabs were blown away, flown in multiple directions._

_"Whoa! What power!" Exclaimed Hyness, looking very shocked to see me take out his minions. "Oh my gosh, I seriously wasn't expecting that much speed and strength from him!" Said Francisca, who was very surprised from my skills. "He has the heart of a warrior, he must be feeling a burning passion within!" Said Flamberge who was getting excited. "I think I've underestimated him, it's like he was trained by Kirby himself!" Said Zan Partizanne as her hands were slowly shaking from the thrill of my trial._

_I then slowly stood up, looked at the gauntlets, which was giving a smoke like aura, then said to myself "Wow… what an adrenaline rush…" Then Hyness yells out "Only one left! This is going to be very exciting!" I looked in front of me to see the remaining Jammerjab, I said to him "You must be the one that Kirby threw the Friend Heart to, right?" The Jammerjab replied with "Yup, that's me. Guess this fight will be worthwhile." He readies his staff, I put my dukes up, a one-on-one fight was about to begin._

* * *

**Thanos:** You have my respect, Stark. When I'm done, half of humanity will still be alive. I hope they remember you.

* * *

_With mere seconds feeling like long minutes… the Jammerjab struck first, right onto my right face cheek, the blow did felt hard, it almost blew me back, but I quickly retaliated, my eyes shined quick, I then used the motion from the staff to perform a Dempsey Roll and transferred my pain from my face to my fist and delivered a devastating uppercut counter to the Jammerjab,_

* * *

"I bet you don't even know what a Dempsey Roll even _is_," scoffed Flamberge.

"Actually," interrupted Instagram Pumpernickel, "_I_ don't even know what it is."

"Hang on, I got it," Magolor assured, typing into his computer. "Aha! "The Dempsey Roll is a technique used by Makunouchi Ippo where he lowers his stance and central balance and begins to aggressively weave his body in a pattern similar to the shape of a sideways figure eight. Ippo then fires a series of rapidly executed punches from both left and right angles whilst continuing his bobbing and weaving.' Apparently, it's from some sort of anime…"

"Figures," Flamberge remarked.

"You learn something new every day…" said Francisca.

* * *

_The Jammerjab was slowly getting back up, looking up to my eyes, I was ready to for round two, but all he said was "Heh… not bad… as a matter of fact… very impressive…" he fell back onto the ground, down for the count._

* * *

"Guess he should've gone for the head," Magolor quipped.

"Well, the fight's over… so… now what?"

* * *

_I also added "So, where do you three usually hang out here?" the Mage Sisters looked at each other, then back to me, Francisca then said "We can show you where we usually reside in this fortress, we can take turns showing you each places." I responded with a smile saying "Sure, that's sounds like a great idea." Francisca nodded and said "Follow me, Alejandro." I nodded as I followed Francisca._

_We went to a cave like area of the fortress, there were even candles that had blue fire on them. "This is where I'm usually residing, the Longview Corridor." Said Francisca, I looked around to see the pillars and surroundings. "Really neat place you have here." I said to her while whistling, a faint echo was heard within the corridor. Francisca also added "Neat indeed. Um… Alejandro… there's something… I… want to tell you…" I looked at her, she sounded kind of nervous. "What is it Francisca? You can tell me." I said as I got closer to her._

* * *

"Aw geez," Francisca muttered, turning away. "They're not gonna _have a moment_, are they?"

"Probably," Flamberge replied.

"Wouldn't surprise me," answered the yellow one.

"This story could've easily done away with all this romance nonsense," the blue-haired mage continued. I mean, it's all so cliche and bare-boned, and it's just so obviously shoehorned in because the author just wants to live out their fantasy of being in love with the three of us."

"What a degenerate…"Flamberge said dismissively, shaking her head.

"I mean, it would've been fine if it just stopped with Francisca and be done with it," Magolor said, "but did you really have to do all three? Heck, half of this chapter is dedicated to Alejandro 'making moves' on the girls. Honestly, I think it's best that we just skip it."

"Agreed," the Three Mage-Sisters spoke in unison.

* * *

_As Zan Partizanne and I walked to her outpost, it felt like I was climbing way higher than usual, until we eventually reached a room that has a throne and a heart like core above it. "This is the Heavenly Hall, it's the Throne Room and the Main Control Room of this fortess." Said Zan Partizanne. "This is were I reside, and where I keep an eye on everything here." She added as she pointed to the monitors._

_"Wow, quite the security system you have here." I said to Zan Partizanne while I checked each monitors near the throne. "Indeed, Alejandro. I check on each of our Jammerjabs, Francisca, Flamberge, and Hyness' whereabouts from up here." Replied Zan Partizanne. I then see a big monitor that shows the Inner Sanctum where Hyness is praying to the Master Friend Heart. "Hey, there's Hyness right there." I said while pointing at Hyness on the monitor._

_Zan Partizanne let out a deep sigh, I looked back to her and said "Is something wrong, Zan?" I said as I walked up to her, she looked away for a bit to let out another deep sigh, then looked back to me and responded with "…It's Hyness…" I looked back to the monitor, then to Zan Partizanne and said to her "…Let me guess, he still doesn't know how to pronounce your name… Is it?" Zan Partizanne nodded slowly and said "Yes… he still can't say my name right. I'd do anything for Hyness to say my name correctly for once."_

* * *

"I mean, is your name _really_ that hard to remember?" Magolor asked. "In fact, I find it pretty catchy. _Zan Partizanne… _yeah, I can't stop thinking about it now."

* * *

_I gently hold her hands and replied to her "I'll help you with your problem. Whatever your plan, I'll be more than happy to oblige." Zan Partizanne smiled kindly to me and said "Thank you so much, it means a lot to me." She then gave me a hug, I happily hugged her back and said to her "You're welcome, Zan. So what is your plan?"_

_Zan Partizanne looked straight into my eyes and said "This may sound risky, but I want you to knock some sense onto Hyness." I stared at her for a few seconds when she said that, then responded with "…Knock some sense onto Hyness? As in punch him right on his head?" For a moment, I thought Zan Partizanne was joking about what she said, but then she replied with "Yes, Alejandro. That's exactly what I want you to do."_

_I did got really nervous, I didn't wanted to become a usurper or a traitor to the Jambastion, but if it meant Hyness remembering Zan Partizanne's name, then it's a risk I'm willing to take. I said to her with a confident look "Alright, I'll do it."_

* * *

"Really?" Magolor asked incredulously. "You're completely okay with just waltzing up and punching Hyness? Dude, _I_ wouldn't even do something that crazy. That's a suicide mission right there!"

**Thanos:** A small price to pay for salvation.

* * *

_Zan Partizanne smiled to me and said "Thanks, it means a lot to me. Now hold up your gauntlets." I raised my arms up, lifting the gauntlets above me, Zan Partizanne brought out her spear, and shot a bolt of electricity to my gauntlets, they were now electrified._

_"Ooh, Zap Gauntlets!" I said as I examined my gauntlets now coated in electricity, Zan Partizanne got next to me and said "Your gauntlets are now imbued with a special kind of electricity, the shock will course through his mind and there's a chance that the electric current will trigger a nerve to make Hyness remember my name._

* * *

"And what exactly makes you a qualified neurosurgeon?" Magolor asked rhetorically.

**JonTron:** Now, where'd I put that M.D.?

* * *

_Zan Partizanne and I went down to the Inner Sanctum, Hyness was still praying to the Master Friend Heart, we were hiding behind a pillar, She whispered to me "Just wait here until I give you the signal, that's when I snap my fingers and a spark of electricity comes out." I nodded and said to her "Sure thing, I'll keep an eye out for the signal." Zan Partizanne nodded back to me and said "Alright then. Let's hope this works."_

_She then walked out to the altar, standing a few feet away from the Master Friend Heart, and said "Lord Hyness, I have something to tell you." Hyness then stops praying and and turns around to see Zan Partizanne and said "What could it be… um… whatever your called?" Zan Partizanne replied with "Do you remember what is my name?" Hyness then scratched his nose then said "Ummm… yes, I do. It's uh… what was it again? …Sam Parmesan? No… Flam Marzipan? That ain't it either. It's at the tip of my tongue, it's really hard to remember." Zan Partizanne then said to Hyness "Keep going, you're getting close, you almost have it, and as soon as you say it, knowing my name will be a snap."_

_Zan Partizanne snapped her fingers, which did spark some electricity, I then said "That's the signal. It's now or never." I then leaped high, and landed behind Hyness, I winded up my arm and threw a punch, yelling out "REMEMBER HER NAME!" Hyness quickly looks back and said "Who?" A long clang was heard all over the Inner Sanctum, Hyness was launched a few feet ahead of me, then landed on the ground with a loud thump._

* * *

Once Alejandro finally came to, he found himself in a vast, orange-hued expanse. Once his vision fully returned to him, he noticed that the altar from the Divine Terminus was in front of him, as if it was picked up and thrown there. At the altar, he noticed, was Zan he got close to her, she turned around to face Alejandro.

"Did you do it?" She asked.

Alejandro hesitated, and then answered, "Yes."

"What did it cost?" she responded.

Alejandro's demeanor turned slightly more crestfallen, replying with a sullen "Everything."

* * *

_Zan Partizanne and I were looking at Hyness, as more electric currents were shocking his brain, Francisca and Flamberge came to the Inner Sanctum to see what was that loud sound. Francisca saw Hyness unconscious, then yelled out "Lord Hyness!" Zan Partizanne told to Francisca and Flamberge "I can explain, you two." Flamberge looks at Hyness, which the electricity was still coursing through his head, then to Zan Partizanne and said "Let me guess… he still doesn't know your name?" Zan Partizanne nodded and said "Yes… just once I want to hear Hyness say my name right. Don't blame Alejandro, this was all my idea."_

_As the Mage Sisters and I were looking at Hyness, who was still looking unconscious, more jolts of electricity were coursing on his head. Minutes later, Hyness quickly sprang up, looked around for a bit, and looked at us, first to me, then to Francisca, then to Flamberge, and then to Zan Partizanne, we couldn't tell if he was upset, but all he said was "…Z …Z …Z" Zan Partizanne got closer to Hyness and said "Lord Hyness…?" Hyness looked straight at Zan Partizanne's eyes for a few seconds, then said "Z… Zan…? Zan… Partizanne…? Is that your name?"_

* * *

"Wha- and it _worked_?" Magolor asked incredulously. "And Hyness isn't at all peeved by the fact that Alejandro assaulted him? How is _any _of that possible?!"

"Well, you wouldn't know it, but Hyness is genuinely a nice person," Francisca responded. "His tantrums come from some sort of mental condition. HAL said so through some subtle hints and pause screen descriptions."

"Eh, I guess," Magolor said dismissively. "Well, that's over. Now what?"

* * *

_Zan Partizanne prayed and bowed to me with grace, Francisca, Flamberge, and Hyness prayed and bowed along as well, I replied to her with "You're welcome, Zan Partizanne, I'm glad to be of assistance." I prayed and bowed to them, showing my utmost respect to them. But then a large, round shadow was covering me, Francisca, Flamberge, Zan Partizanne, and Hyness were all shocked to see what that familiar figure was, I then said to them "…There's something behind me… is there?" All four of them nodded slowly, I took a deep breath and slowly turned back to see what was behind me, I looked up to see a big, round sphere, three black spots appeared on that sphere, forming two eyes and a mouth, making a face similar to Kirby, I then realized what I was looking at, I took a deep breath and yelled out "AW CRUD, VOID TERMINA!" _

* * *

Right then and there, everyone in the room burst into raucous laughter.

"Are you kidding me?!" Magolor shouted, trying to contain himself. "Well, this sure came out of nowhere."

* * *

_I couldn't believe I was looking at that thing in person, a big orb that was the personification of destruction was staring at me, I didn't want to move an inch to make it react to anything. Hyness got next to me and said to Void Termina "M… My Lord?... You're back?... But how?" I then said to Hyness "First Void Termina, then Void Soul, then Astral Birth Void. Let's hope this form isn't Void Wrath." Hyness responds with "Let's hope not, we don't want a giant God of Destruction going through an extreme temper tantrum."_

* * *

Magolor rolled his eyes before reaching a state of realization. "How does Alejandro know what Astral Birth is?"

"Magolor, what are you talking about?" asked the yellow one.

"Astral Birth is the form that is only available in Soul Melter EX, which is only accessible once you beat Heroes in Another Dimension. Since Alejandro just beat Heroes in Another Dimension, he should have no idea that Astral Birth even _exists_."

"It's probably just an oversight from the author," Francisca replied.

"Eh, I guess."

* * *

_Void Termina then looked to see the Master Friend Heart, which made it curious to what new thing it was looking at, Hyness then said "Uh… My Lord… I can explain that… I know it's not the Jamba Heart, but this is better than the previous. Please don't break it, My Lord." As Void Termina got closer to the Master Friend Heart, a rainbow beam shot out of it and landed on Void Termina, it then started making random expressions, almost looking as if it was being electrocuted, and unsure if it was on the verge of blowing up. Hyness started quivering and hid behind me again and said "Uh-oh… this is really bad…" The Mage Sisters and Hyness were taking cover behind me, afraid that Void Termina would either blow up or go on a destructive rage. I then yelled out to them "TAKE COVER!" Hyness and the Mage Sisters covered their eyes with their hands, each were shaking as the Inner Sanctum was quaking from the reaction that Void Termina was causing, bouncing around while making random faces./ppWhat seemed like the longest 20 seconds, a huge burst of light shined throughout the Inner Sanctum, I almost thought that Void Termina's corrupted form was too much for the Master Friend Heart. After the light faded, I checked to see the aftermath… Void Termina was still there, and the Master Friend Heart, it had an expression that looked like it was laughing, maybe the Master Friend Heart didn't attack Void Termina, but rather purify it._

* * *

"Well, I'm okay with this, but I'm definitely not okay with what happens next…"

* * *

_I slowly got closer to Void Termina to see if it was now harmless, still a bit concerned about what it might do next. I then said to Void Termina "…Feeling better?" Void Termina looked at me and happily nuzzled my shoulder, it slowly shrank in size, and taking the form that was similar to Kirby, it was safe to say that Void Termina did came back as a friend. I turned back to the Mage Sisters and Hyness and said to them "No worries, Void Termina is purified."_

_Hyness and the Mage Sisters slowly uncovered themselves, seeing Void Termina in the shape of Kirby, it was on my arms waving at them. Hyness was speechless when he saw Void Termina in it's new form, and he muttered out. "…M …My Lord?" Void Termina jumped out of my arms and onto Hyness' arms, Hyness quickly catches Void Termina, it happily hugged him and nuzzles his shoulder. Hyness was surprised how positive it was responding, he then said to Void Termina "…Welcome back… My Lord."_

* * *

"I mean, yes, I get it," Magolor started. "It's a fanfiction. There's going to be headcanon at some point. However, things still need to at least make _some_ sense. I really don't see how anyone would think this is okay."

"Or maybe you're just being nitpicky," Flamberge commented. "I mean, I've seen fanart that depicted something similar to this. Heck, there's come fan theories that speculate that Void Termina gets reborn into the unlockable Classic Kirby you get after Soul Melter EX."

"And speaking of Kirby," Francisca interrupted, "guess who shows up to wrap up this train wreck of a story?"

* * *

_When I got out of the Inner Sanctum, I looked out the vast, open area of outer space, I did took deep breaths from the event that occurred, I then said to myself "Wow… I seriously wasn't expecting Void Termina coming back, but at least it's a friend now." I saw a shooting star fly by from afar, I then said "I really wish Kirby was here to see this."_

_What I wasn't expecting is that the shooting star was coming straight toward me, it got closer and it had something pink on it, my wish was about to come true. "Wait a minute…" I said as I realized that it wasn't a shooting star, it was the Warp Star. As the Warp Star flew down quick, it was a few feet from colliding with me, and everything went in slow motion. I did see a familiar face riding the Warp Star, and all I said was "…Kirby?"_

* * *

"Wait a minute. Why does he keep saying that everything moves in slow motion?" asked the yellow one. "This is _Kirby_, not _Superhot_."

"Does it really matter?" Magolor commented.

Suddenly, a loud beeping sound assaulted the ears of the four critics. Magolor pulled out a pager from his pocket and turned it off.

"Well, guys," he began, "I hate to cut this review short, but I have an important meeting to get to in a few minutes, so let's give our final thoughts on this story."

"I thought it was really cute," commented Francisca.

"Sure, it's not perfect, not by a long shot," Flamberge said, "but it isn't really awful or offensive."

"It's an interesting take on the three of us and the _Kirby_ universe, to be sure," added the yellow Mage-Sister, "and it really gets you thinking on certain things."

"Is it bad?" Magolor asked. "Not really. Is it good? I guess so. Go read it and see for yourself. I'm Magolor, and this was _Magolor's Coffeehouse_!"

Magolor got up from his seat and made a prompt exit. The Mage-Sisters, left in awkward silence, decided to leave as well.

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Avengers: Infinity War

HAL Laboratory


	58. Keldeo and the Swords of Justice

_(Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 15: Keldeo and the Swords of Justice - Season One by Matthais Unidostres**

**TinyURL: rgfu4ga**

As Magolor and Marx made their way back to the reviewing table, they immediately stopped when they saw Gryll already there, waving at them.

Marx sighed, walking over to the onion girl, "Did Magolor force you to join him, too?"

"Nope," she replied. "All he did was tell me that he was reviewing a Pokémon story and said I could tag along if I wanted."

"Hmm" was all that came out of Marx's lips as he jumped onto a chair and took his seat.

"Alright, guys!" Magolor started. "Let's get this review started!"

* * *

_**Keldeo and the Swords of Justice- Season 1 **_

_By: Matthais Unidostres_

_This is season 1 of a Pokemon spin-off show. Join Keldeo and the Swords of Justice as they fight against the evil forces of Darkrai as well as tackle some other problems they run into. They'll fight many other villains and make many new allies. But in the end, they must be ready to face Darkrai and his ultimate weapon he plans to use to rule the entire world._

* * *

"So this story is supposed to give off a Saturday morning cartoon vibe," the robed egg explained. "Each chapter is a different episode, and we have a clichéd, corny villain who does bad things because he's bad."

"Sounds like a fun time," Marx replied, borderline sarcastically.

"Sure, you say that now, but we'll see how you feel once it's all over."

"On that note, let's get started!" Gryll exclaimed.

* * *

_When Kyurem left Giant Chasm to make his home in Full Court, he had now way of knowing that a Darkrai from another world would make it his home._

* * *

"Hold on," said Marx. "That wasn't mentioned in the anime."

"It's called 'headcanon,' Marx," replied Magolor. "Have some leniency, will you?"

* * *

_This Darkrai fell from a mysterious portal in time and space about 2 years ago, his memories wiped clean. However, this did not destroy his superior intelligence or inner ambition. An ambition to rule the world._

* * *

"Wait a second," Magolor interrupted. "Darkrai isn't evil. If anything, he just has a bad reputation because he gives nightmares. Oh, well, I guess this Darkrai came from some fanfiction where he _was_ evil or something."

"Or maybe it's the Darkrai from _Pokémon Mystery Dungeon_." Gryll suggested.

"Yeah, that's a possibility…"

* * *

_Darkrai floated in meditation in the deepest part of Giant Chasm. He then clapped twice and said, "Shuppet! Mismagius! Report!"_

_The two Pokemon, once servants of the sadistic Grings Kodai, appeared before their master._

* * *

"So, apparently, they have set up an army of Fire-type Pokémon in order to take down Kyurem," Gryll explained. "An undertaking that will surely be thwarted by our titular heroes."

"So after some stock evil laughter," said Marx, "we cut to… a theme song?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you," answered Magolor. "Matthais made his own theme song for this story. It's based on the theme song for the 4Kids Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show."

Marx tilted his head, "Why such an obscure source?"

"I dunno. Maybe just because it was a part of his childhood that he really enjoyed and thought it would make for a nice touch?"

"Ok boomer," Marx replied, laughing at his very mature and funny joke. His two friends made no reply, merely staring icy daggers at the smol jester lad.

* * *

Keldeo looked at the army before him. Houndour, Houndoom, Litwick, Lampent, and Chandelure as far as the eye could see. He turned around as and saw an army of Cryogonal behind him. Keldeo turned back to the legions of evil and shouted, "ATTACK!"

Keldeo found himself swinging his Secret Sword this way and that, dispatching the evil Pokemon around him. Soon he had broken through, and before him stood a Pokemon he had never seen before. It was a black, shadow-like creature. It had a small head with a white fog-like ghostly substance billowing from its head covering one of its bright blue eyes, with the portion on its face resembling hair. It also had a red spiky growth around its neck. It had skinny arms and long black tatters hanging from its shoulders. It also had black, claw-like hands. It had the slight appearance of an hourglass figure and appeared to be wearing an old, ripped cloak.

* * *

"Well, I gotta give credit where credit is due," Marx said. "This Matthais guy knows how to give detail to spice up some scenes."

"Yeah," Magolor smugly replied. "Tell me something I don't know."

* * *

_The Pokemon used Quick Attack at Keldeo. Keldeo charged at him head on with Secret Sword. Keldeo gasped aloud when he went right through the mysterious Pokemon. Keldeo turned to see that the Pokemon was turning into dark mist, and was reforming._

_Keldeo stepped back in fear as he realized that the mist was forming into a dark doppelganger of himself. The doppelganger raised a black Secret Sword up high-_

* * *

"This is all revealed to be a dream, however," Gryll explained, "as Keldeo wakes up and begins to go about his day. Of course, no Saturday morning cartoon is complete without a little slapstick thrown in…"

* * *

"Keldeo, I thought you were friends with the grass? You're making so much noi- KELDEO WATCH OUT FOR THE-!"

"It doesn't matter if I'm noisy if I go fast eno- AHHHHHHHH!"

"- cliff. . .oh dear. . ."

* * *

Marx gave off a slight chuckle at that last excerpt, but immediately went silent a moment later after realizing that Magolor was now giving him an "I told you so" look.

"So it turns out that Keldeo's nightmare has been causing him to lack his usual 'oomph' throughout the day," Magolor began, before being taken over by Marx:

"and the Swords of Justice, being the keen observers they are, take note of this."

* * *

_"-And then I tripped, rolled, and slammed my back right into the tree, I know," Keldeo said grumpily._

_Coballion stomped and said, "There must be a reason for this. This is not your usual level of skill. You have proven yourself better than this Keldeo. I demand an explanation for this!_

_Keldeo looked up at Coballion. His eyes were hard and cold. Keldeo gulped. He couldn't lie now. But he couldn't tell them that he was so shaken up over a bad dream! He wasn't a baby! So why did that dream have such an effect on him?_

_Then, the answer hit him like a Thunder Bolt._

_"It meant something. . ." Keldeo whispered._

* * *

"So he tells his partners about the nightmare he had, and then we get the clichéd speech about how dreams have meaning."

* * *

_Coballion appeared to mull over this for a moment, then he said, "Not all dreams are meaningless fantasies. Some dreams hold desires, wisdom, inner thoughts, wills of conscience, and even. . .warnings. . ."_

_"You don't mean-?" Terrakion began._

_"Yes. Something is going to happen," Coballion said gravely._

* * *

"Well, of course something is going to happen," Marx remarked. "That's how the passage of time works. Stuff happens, and then it's over."

"Well, if you're done Comedically Missing the Point," Gryll replied, "then let's continue. Keldeo deduces that the dream means that Kyurem, a fellow Legendary, is in trouble, so the gang heads over to his hideaway…"

* * *

_The Sword of Justice entered the area and were shocked to see the war that was going on. Luckily their training grounds were close to Full Court, for the power was already going badly._

_Kyurem's Cryogonal army was being smacked down by Houndours, Litwicks, and Lampents, while Kyurem was being assaulted by Houndooms, more Lampents, and Chandelures._

_"I don't believe it!" Terrakion gasped._

_"Very clever," Coballion said, "While Kyurem himself isn't weak to Fire, the Cryogonal are. Also, the Fire-type attackers are able to stand against Kyurem's Ice-type attacks without sustaining much damage. And they have him pinned down."_

* * *

"Even so," said Gryll, "he has Dragon-type moves at his disposal. Surely, he can inflict some major damage with those."

**Phil Swift:** That's a lotta damage!

"So the Swords of Justice come up with a plan and arrive on the scene to help out the cause."

* * *

_A group of Houndour were just about to blast some Cryogonals with Flamethrowers, but then suddenly a stream of pressurized water knocked them back. Keldeo zoomed in and smiled at the Cryogonals._

_"Missed me?" he said with a smile._

_A group of Litwick suddenly jumped in and surrounded Keldeo. They fired Shadow Balls at him. Keldeo propelled himself into the air to dodge them. Then he landed on one hoof and spun around, spraying Hydro Pumps out of his rear hooves, drenching the Litwicks and forcing them to retreat._

* * *

"And here we see one of the best things about Matthais' writing:" began the robed egg wizard with the name of Magolor, "his level of detail is exquisite."

"Whenever he writes a battle scene like this, it always feels like I'm watching a _Marvel_ movie or something just like it," Gryll added.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Marx interrupted. "He's a writing genius. Let's just get this over with."

"So it looks like the good guys are winning, until…"

* * *

_Keldeo felt a chill run up his spine as he slowly turned to see the Pokemon from his dream descend from the top of the building._

_"You. . ." Keldeo gasped._

_The Pokemon bowed briefly and said, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Darkrai, the Pitch-Black Pokemon. And you are Keldeo, newest of the Swords of Justice."_

_Keldeo stood his ground and nodded, "Yeah, that's right. But I wanna know why you're having your army attack Kyurem."_

* * *

"Yeah, I don't really understand that either," said Gryll, tapping her chin. "Why Kyurem, of all Pokémon?"

* * *

_Darkrai chuckled, "Fool. Don't you see? Kyurem has the potential to create and endless winter. Such a world would always be dark. It would be a world of constant fear. I world where I, the Pokemon who creates Nightmares, would reign supreme. Nightmares and fear give me power, you see."_

* * *

"Okay, that makes sense," she commented, before becoming ponderous again. "Wait, can he actually do that?"

"Yeah," Magolor answered. "It's part of the plot of _Black & White 2_. Didn't you play it?"

"Yeah, I did…" she nervously replied, rubbing the back of her neck, "but I lost my copy before I could beat the third Gym…"

* * *

_"You're going to use Kyurem to take over the world? That's insane! It's never work! He'd never obey you no matter what you do to him!"_

_"You're the one who's insane if you think you can stop me!" Darkrai shouted, "The Swords of Justice cannot overcome my forces."_

_"Yes they can!" Keldeo argued._

_"Really?" Darkrai said, then he stepped aside to reveal the other Swords of Justice being carried in by Shuppet and Mismagius's Psychic. They looked beaten and downtrodden from the battle._

_Keldeo couldn't believe his eyes, "No. . .this can't be."_

* * *

"Yep, it looks like the bad guys won!" Marx joked. "All hope is lost and there shall be no end to Darkrai's reign of terror!"

* * *

_Suddenly, three Chandelures floated in and unleashed Flamethrower at the three defeated Swords of Justice. All of them cried out in pain, twisting and convulsing from the searing heat._

_"So. . ." Darkrai said, "Will you yield to me?"_

* * *

"Hold up," Gryll interrupted. "Terrakion isn't weak to Fire-type moves."

"Ah, good eye, Gryll," Magolor complemented. "You saw exactly what Keldeo did."

* * *

_Keldeo looked Darkrai in the eye and said, "Terrakion isn't weak to Fire-type attacks…"_

_Keldeo's eyes snapped open and the jumped to his hooves. Darkrai floated in front of him, his eyes filled with rage._

_"Impossible!" he shouted, "I used Hypnosis to cast you into a deep slumber, and then Nightmare to destroy you with fear! How did you escape?"_

_Keldeo smirked, "Simple!_

* * *

"Because he and Matthais are competent enough to look up a type matchup chart," Marx remarked.

* * *

_Kyurem landed on the ground as he stared at his handiwork. Thanks to the Swords of Justice, he was no longer pinned down by enemies. This allowed him to quickly rise and strike Mismagius with an Ice Beam._

_"Thank you Kyurem," Coballion said._

_"No. . .thank you. . .these worms fight without honor. . .as a group they tried to bring me down. . .you help was most appreciated," Kyurem said._

* * *

"And so the five work together to defeat Darkrai's army," Magolor said. "However, like in every Saturday morning cartoon, the villain always gets away…"

* * *

_There was then the sound of deep groaning. To everyone's shock, Darkrai stood up straight and shook off the daze he received from the attack. Darkrai looked at Keldeo._

_"Unbelievable. . ." he said, "But still. . .I won."_

_Darkrai then flew off into the night._

* * *

**Patrick Star:** Well, that was a rip-off.

* * *

_Keldeo then stood up tall and shouted, "Forces of Darkrai! You have made a grave enemy in the Swords of Justice! We will put an end to any evil deeds you do! And Darkrai! I have a score to settle with you!"_

* * *

Marx leaned in and whispered, "He can't hear you."

"So after that," Magolor said, "we get a little scene with Darkrai being evil and stuff, which basically ends that episode."

"The next few episodes are just little adventures," Gryll added. "They also have little nods to the anime and movies, which is a nice touch."

"And it all leads up to a big, epic final battle. If you're curious, go check it out." Magolor turned to his friends and asked, "So, what did you guys think?"

"I hate to admit it, but you were right," Marx sighed. "Matthais is a great writer, and this story really captures his talent. The scenes were exciting and effectively written, and I really enjoyed myself reading it."

"The author really knows his stuff when it comes to Pokémon," Gryll continued. "There are a few writing errors here and there, but overall, this story is easily one of my favorites."

"I think I speak for everyone when I say you should go check out this story, as well as Matthais' other work," said Magolor. "Well, that about does it. I'm Magolor, and this was Magolor's Coffeehouse!"

* * *

**The End**

**Special Thanks**

Channel Awesome

Keldeo the Critic by Matthais Unidostres

Kirby H by DokiDokiTsuna

Phil Swift of Flex Tape

SpongeBob SquarePants

HAL Laboratory

Bulbapedia

TV Tropes


	59. Gryll Reviews: Pokemon SwordShield

**Disclaimer:** **I have not played Pokémon Sword or Pokémon Shield yet, but I have seen playthroughs of the games, so I at least have a decent idea of what I'm talking about.**

* * *

**Magical Friends Media Presents…**

**Gryll's Reviews and Rants**

**Episode 04: Pokémon Sword & Shield**

* * *

Gryll waved to the nonexistent audience and said, "Hello, everyone! I'm Gryll, and this my review of _Sword & Shield_, the newest installments in the _Pokémon_ franchise!" Then she let out a long sigh and muttered, "Boy, I have my work cut out for me."

"Back in September, I talked about the backlash that these new games have gotten. This time around, what I've said before means absolutely nothing. I'm simply going to take what I've seen from these new games and give my thoughts. Plus, as a bit of incentive, I'm going to try and find three _good_ things about these games."

"Now, the first thing I like about this game— ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this—" she said, shaking her head with a look that said she was going to regret her next action for the rest of her life, "the graphics are pretty good."

Suddenly, the crowd began jeering and booing at Gryll, with one of them even throwing a tomato at her. Luckily, she ducked just in time for it to fly right over her. Once the crowd began to settle down slightly, she took the opportunity to stand her ground. "Well, they are." she said. "Don't be mad at me for telling the truth."

"Now, I am very aware of Game Freak's laziness when it comes to improving Pokemon's graphics to fit the standard of HD console quality. We've all seen the T-posing Wingull, the Nintendo 64-esque trees, and those 'high-quality' Pokémon animations. However, there are moments where the graphics really shine, like the towns and cities. Yes, they could've been better, but at least it wasn't disappointing."

"You know what else was neat?" Gryll asked. "The new Pokémon."

The crowd returned to their booing. Gryll simply rolled her eyes and said, "Your boos mean nothing. I've seen what makes you cheer."

"I mean, I get it. Some of these new Mons are pretty silly, like Gex 64 and whatever Scorbunny evolves into. That being said, we also got Wooloo and that cute yellow dog… what was its name, Yamper. Yeah, that one. And of course, we can't forget about Mr. Rime! Truly, he is the best Pokémon we'll see in a while."

"But perhaps the craziest thing about the new games is the Wild Area. On the surface, it's pretty innovative, by Pokémon standards. It's a wide, open space where you can find a whole slew of Pokémon. The only problem? When you unlock it, the wild Pokémon are crazy over-levelled, it's not even funny. I mean, people have been complaining for years about Pokémon games getting too easy, I guess this was just their way of shutting those people up."

"Okay, so the new games aren't that good. That's fine with me, though. There's much better Pokémon games floating around the Internet that you can play. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play Pokémon Crystal Clear and silently hope that Game Freak cleans up their act. Have a nice day!" Gryll tipped her hat and walked off to the left.


	60. Magolor X Taranza Stories

_Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

[The following is an independently run review show. The views expressed are solely those of the reviewer(s) and are not that of spucubed Productions or its affiliates.]

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 16: Magolor X Taranza Stories**

**TinyURL: wwoydgo**

**TinyURL: sx4ufu3**

* * *

"Hello, everyone!" Magolor said, all too cheerful. "My name is Magolor, and welcome back to Magolor's Coffeehouse! It's February, and you know what that means. Love is in the air, or at least that's what the greeting card companies want you to believe. It's time to celebrate love, romance, and all things erotic, which is why I am hereby dubbing February 'Magolor X Month!'"

With that, Magolor pulled out a boombox and turned it on. From the boombox burst forth the beautiful tune of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On." The song played for a few moments before turning itself off.

"To start off this month, I've got a very special guest to help me with today's reviews—"

As if on cue, the front door bell of the Kirby Café rang, indicating the entrance of a patron. The entrant, in this case, was a figure, similar in shape to Magolor, but with more of a spider motif. They had a bowl cut with two horns on their head, and six floating arms at their sides.

"And there he is now!" Magolor exclaimed. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our guest for the day, Taranza!"

As some canned applause rang out, Magolor motioned over to Taranza, and he went over to Magolor's table."

"So, Taranza," the Halcandran said to his spider buddy, "you know why you're here today?"

"No, because you refused to tell me anything about what we're doing here," Taranza replied.

"Well, today, we're gonna be reviewing some special fanfiction,"

"Special how?" Taranza asked, tilting his head.

"Special because they're romance fics featuring you and me."

All Taranza could do was stare at the egg wizard in sheer confusion, wondering what sick thoughts must have been going through his head right now.

"Now, I normally try to avoid romance fics," Magolor, "especially ones involving same-sex relationships, but in the spirit of Saint Valentine's Day, I'm willing to make an exception. And yes, I will be returning to Wattpad this episode, not because I want to, but because it has what I'm looking for today. So with that being said, let's get into the first story."

* * *

_**Taranza X Magolor - It's Okay.**_

_By opalsgalaxy_

_magolor finds taranza depressed about something, and he goes to find out what it is | this is my first fanfic on here sorry if it's bad. lmfao_

* * *

"Well, based on the story description, I don't expect this story to be that great," Taranza said.

"Don't judge a book by its cover, buddy— bad joke unintended," Magolor replied. "If there's anything my time as a fanfiction critic has taught me, it's that even the most elementary looking stories can be fairly decent. You just need to take a leap of faith, which is exactly what we're going to do. Let's begin!"

* * *

"_it's been almost three years since i was freed from queen sectonia... so why am i still sad about it...?"_

* * *

"Oh yes, I love it when people portray me as constantly depressed," Taranza commented sarcastically.

* * *

_taranza was at the beanstalk, having flashbacks to when he kidnapped king dedede, who was saved by the star warrior, kirby. he remembered when he made dedede into a puppet, but failed to use him to defeat kirby. taranza called for queen sectonia, and the next thing he knew was that sectonia blasted him from her castle._

"_i would give anything just to see her again…_

* * *

"Oh, how I long for the good old days with my fair queen Sectonia! Oh woe is me!" Taranza proclaimed mockingly, making exaggerated poses, before getting serious again. "Seriously? Yeah, I get that grief is a part of my character, but it just can't be the _only_ thing about me. Sure, I miss Sectonia. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. So why am I not so grief-stricken right now? A little thing called 'getting over it. I got over it, just like normal people, and I think that fanfiction authors should take this into consideration when they write me into a story."

Magolor stared incredulously at Taranza the spider boy. "What was _that_ all about?" he asked.

"Don't worry about it. Let's just continue."

* * *

"_taranza?"_

_taranza jumped a little. he looked over and saw magolor coming towards him._

"_oh. hey, magolor. didn't see you there."_

_magolor sat beside him. "are you feeling okay? you don't look happy."_

* * *

"Wow, _real_ observant today, aren't you, Magolor?" Taranza joked.

* * *

_taranza was about to say he was just sleepy, but then he stopped. he decided to just tell magolor the truth. maybe he would feel better._

"_well, it's just that once been thinking about my queen…"_

_magolor looked surprised. "wow, you have a queen? you never told me that."_

* * *

"Geez," Magolor groaned. "I don't even know Taranza's backstory? I must be really off my game…"

"So I go ahead and tell Magolor the story of me and Queen Sectonia," Taranza explained. "It's something just about everyone in the _Kirby_ community knows already, so I'm not gonna go into detail about it here."

* * *

_taranza began tearing up. "she was awful to me, b-but some reason, i still miss her. i don't know what it is."_

* * *

"Oh, it's probably just the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in," Taranza said dismissively. "You'll be fine."

* * *

"_it's okay."_

_taranza noticed magolor hugging him. "it's okay." magolor said._

_taranza wiped the tears from his eyes, hugging back. "th-thanks…"_

_taranza felt himself being pulled closer. "what are you-"_

_he felt himself being kissed on the lips._

* * *

Magolor and Taranza immediately jumped back and turned their backs on each other, both making noises of disapproval and disgust. Taranza even started gagging at one point.

* * *

_magolor immediately realized what he was doing, and pulled back quickly. taranza was blushing like crazy._

_magolor stammered, "oh crap, uh, s-sorry! i wasn't focusing on what i was doing and i-!"_

_taranza pulled him back, kissing him harder. magolor kissed back. they both felt complete, holding each other and connecting lips with each other._

* * *

"I don't feel complete," Magolor stated bluntly. "I feel violated."

"I feel _completely_ violated," Taranza remarked.

"Me too."

* * *

_pulling away, magolor said, "i-i love you, taranza."_

_taranza smiled. "i love you too…"_

_then they just sat together by the beanstalk, gazing at the starry night sky._

* * *

Taranza and Magolor leaned back in their chairs and breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's over," Taranza muttered. "It's finally over."

"Yeah..." Magolor agreed. "To be honest, I thought the story would be a lot worse."

Taranza turned to Magolor, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when I first found this story, I thought it would just have romance and not contain any substance. Now that I've read the whole thing, I kinda like it. It's a nice, comforting story that I wouldn't mind reading a second time, if I felt like it. In fact, I have a _second_ story right here. Let's give that a read as well."

* * *

_**Like Stars (Taranza X Magolor)**_

_By SoupTimee_

_Taranza finds himself staring at the sky one night, before Magolor comes along and joins him. _

_Cover art by me._

* * *

"So the story starts with me staring at the night sky," Taranza began. "I'm not suffering from any grief or depression in this story, it seems, so it instantly gets a pass from me."

* * *

_The green grass lightly swayed, brushing Taranza's hands as he sat down on the large hill- _

_Gazing up at the beautiful night sky, he counted the many stars that patterned it, knowing it was impossible to count every single one out there- but it was a good way to pass time, and he didn't have anything better to do. _

_Not before long, an incoming figure caught the Floralian's eye. _

_It was one of Taranza's friends- Magolor, a friendly eared Halcandran- running in his general direction._

* * *

"'Friendly-eared...'" Magolor repeated, confused by the choice of words. "That's gotta be the first time I've ever heard that."

* * *

_Magolor was a nice person. He made Taranza laugh, he was generally fairly welcoming- he could be a bit sarcastic, but it was usually all in good fun._

* * *

"That's actually quite an accurate description of me," Magolor said. "Good job, dear author."

* * *

_The problem, though? Taranza had a huge crush on him- not that he would ever admit this- or so he thought. _

* * *

An awkward silence filled the room, but Magolor eventually broke the silence by quickly saying: "Okay, back to being scared."

* * *

_"Whew. Nice night out tonight, yea?" Magolor inquired with a breathy laugh, the shortage of such being the result of running the distance up the hill._

_Taranza nodded in agreement, cool air brushing his face._

_"Lots of stars. I bet I can name a few constellations up there, actually." Magolor added. _

_"Really? Like what?" Asked Taranza, tilting his head to the side. _

_Taranza never really had too much of an interest in stars-but to Taranza, when Magolor talked about something, it was so much more interesting. _

* * *

"Again, a pretty accurate description of me," Magolor commented. "I approve."

* * *

_"Well! That one right there is called... I think it's known as Galactus!" Magolor proudly pointed to a constellation resembling a lance. _

_"Interesting." Taranza nodded along, not really looking at the stars- but at Magolor._

_" And that one... " He pointed to a different constellation, this one resembling that of a butterfly. "Is known as the Paradise Butterfly." Magolor grinned._

_Taranza faced the sky, recognizing the name of said constellation._

_"Oh, I know that one! There are lots of myths and legends of that butterfly in Floralia." Taranza stated, grin on his face and eager to add to the conversation. _

_"Hmm," Magolor faced Taranza and nodded, somewhat impressed. "I actually didn't know it had any link to Floralia. You're teaching me things about them, when I'm supposedly the one meaning to teach you!" Magolor said with a laugh, the delighted noise making Taranza's heart pound a little. _

* * *

"Wow, I like how this author's using something as simple as stars in the sky to add some nice headcanon to this story," Taranza said. "Despite the fact that this story is poorly formatted, that is certainly something to enjoy."

* * *

_"Hm, you know," Magolor hummed curiously, staring at Taranza's face and the sight of Magolor's yellow eyes staring at him only made his heart run faster- and his face bluer._

_"You freckles... They look like stars, actually." He remarked, moving closer to the Floralian._

_Taranza blushed a little. "Ah- um, thank you?" He stammered, rubbing the back of his head._

* * *

Taranza's mood immediately turned sour, and he moved back in his chair. "Okay, I don't like it anymore. Please stop."

* * *

_"It's... Actually really pretty." Yellow eyes continued to stare into Taranza- he felt like he could just drop dead right on the spot. _Why must I be so damn awkward around this boy? _He internally complained. He was usually always calm, formal and composed, but around Magolor... Well, that was a different story. And he knew it. _

_"You know, freckles are also known as angel kisses." Magolor remarked, sounding a little nervous himself._

* * *

"Are they really called that?" Magolor asked, as he pulled out a laptop and looked up "Are freckles called angels kisses" into the search bar.

"Oh, so they are…" he concluded. "Huh. You learn something new every day, I guess."

* * *

_Taranzas thoughts were cut off, as suddenly, there was a warm feeling on his cheek- eyes closed due to suprise of the sudden impact, he opened them, to see Magolor had just pulled away, the Halcandrans face now a dark red, eyes widened and trying to avoid the Floralians gaze._

_Taranza realized what had just happened. Magolor had just... kissed him?_

* * *

**JonTron:** Bad touch! Bad touch! Stranger danger!

* * *

_A deep blue blush covered the face of the Floralian, as Magolor stammered an apology. "Oh I- I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking about what I was doing and, and-" _

_Magolor was cut off with another kiss- this time from Taranza. _

_"I feel the same." Taranza whispered to him, pulling away. _

_Magolor smiled back, encapsulating Taranza in a large hug, causing them both to fall over. _

_As they fell, they opened their eyes and both were on the ground- and laughed._

_The two had never felt happier._

* * *

The two sat silently for a moment, then slowly began applauding.

"Another great story!" Magolor exclaimed. "Two for two! Incredible!"

"I really like this one," Taranza said. "It's cute and fun. 9 out of 10: would read again."

"Well, that concludes another episode of Magolor's Coffeehouse! See you next time!" Magolor said, he and Taranza waving to the audience.

* * *

**Hey, everyone. spucubed here. Sorry it took me so long to get another episode finished. I'll try to get my act together for this month. See you next week!**


	61. A Halcandran's Love

_Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)_

[The following is an independently run review show. The views expressed are solely those of the reviewer(s) and are not that of spucubed Productions or its affiliates.]

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 17: A Halcandran's Love by RupturedStar5**

**TinyURL: wc6k2gm**

* * *

Magolor sat at his usual seat in the Kirby Cafe. It was late at night, so all the lights in the building were off, with the only illumination coming from Magolor's laptop as he searched for a decent fan fiction to review. As he scrolled through the search results, a story caught his eye:

* * *

_**The One Who Cared**_

_By: Sleepy Kokallie_

_Marx has been hiding his secret that he actually cared for Magolor. He thinks that Magolor would only reject his feelings and think he's wasting his time. Would Magolor do that? Find out... ( Magolor x Marx warning! )_

* * *

"Interesting," Magolor thought out loud. "I'll keep it in mind…"

He scrolled down a little further, finding another fanfic:

* * *

_**Dreaming **_

_By: AnotherDimensional _

_Marx x Magolor fic, basically a dream world and an alternate universe of sorts. Magolor's hunt for power and the Master Crown lands him in a world of bright lights and crystals. A world full of dreams and desires left unaccomplished anywhere but within the boundaries of the dimension. Or where Magolor crash lands... Elsewhere. Rated T for a bit of swearing._

* * *

"Okay… okay…" Magolor muttered, paying little attention to the story and just continuing to scroll down, eventually finding another story in the queue:"

* * *

_**In the Basement **_

_By Sleepy Kokallie_

_What could happend in the basement? Well, after Magolor and Marx are literally thrown there... What could go wrong? (Contains: slight yaoi, fluff?) I wrote this on my 3ds. EXPECT MISTAKES_

* * *

"Seriously?" Magolor asked, starting to get frustrated. "What's with all the stories where I'm shipped with Marx? I mean, yeah, I get it. We're basically the same character, but that doesn't mean we should instantly be brought together. Honestly, if we really _were_ a couple, we'd probably be at each other's throats the whole time. It's great that you guys like the two of us, I'm not gonna lie, but keep the shipping to a minimum, okay?"

"Alright, let's just keep looking…" he muttered to himself, continuing to scroll down in search of a half-decent story that piqued his interest. He scrolled down for a while, not finding anything. Eventually, he found a story that didn't actually intrigue him very much. Instead, he bluntly said, "Yeah, whatever, I don't care anymore. Let's just get this over with."

* * *

_**A Halcandran's Love**_

_By: RupturedStar5 _

_What happens when a certain Halcandran developes feelings for a certain Popstarian? (Contains major Kirby x Magolor)(Oneshot)_

* * *

_Love is powerful. It has a strong meaning. For a simple wizard, Love seemed meaningless._

* * *

Magolor stared at his computer for a brief moment before replying, "Well, it is. It's all just a chemical reaction that tells us who to mate with. Now, you may just call it a silly _Rick & Morty_ reference, but science has proven it to be true. Love is fake, no one exists for a reason, Han Solo dies in _The Force Awakens_. Life is just a big pile of disappointment, like it or not."

Suddenly, Magolor caught himself before he could spout any more nonsense. He stuttered for a brief moment before responding, "Let's just keep going, shall we?"

* * *

_Magolor didn't understand the concept of love. It was more of a 'oh yeah, it's love, so what?' meaning to him. The wizard thought love was just something simple and that was all there is to it._

* * *

Magolor snickered and leaned back in his chair. "It's like the fans know how my brain works," he scoffed.

* * *

_What he was about to experience was a whole different perspective._

_A couple months back, Magolor had earned quite the reputation. He almost took over Dreamland— no, the world. Kirby managed to stop his evil plan and defeat him with one swift swing of his ultra sword, breaking the crown in pieces._

_After his defeat, Magolor found himself in a puddle of his own guilt. He decided to owe Kirby an apology by building a huge theme park for the little puff._

* * *

"Well, that's an oversimplified version of what happened, but yeah, that's pretty accurate."

* * *

_"Poyo?" Kirby asked impatiently._

_"Don't worry, it won't be long." Magolor chirped, his hands covering Kirby's eyes._

_Both inched to a hidden part of Popstar, behind Whispy Woods Forest and over a few bushes. The place Magolor spent all this time to make up for Kirby._

_"Three, two, one..."_

_Unfolding his hands, Magolor let Kirby take in what was before his very eyes._

_"P-poyo!?"_

_"Surprise! I built you your very own theme park!" Magolor said ecstatically._

* * *

"Probably not such a hidden spot anymore, considering that there's an _amusement park there now_!"

* * *

_"I felt bad for what I've done. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused." Magolor lamented, his ears pinned down in shame._

_"Do you accept my-"_

_Kirby rushed over to embrace the Halcandran wizard in a tight bear hug. Tears spilled out and soaked Magolor's clothes._

_"Poyoyo! Poyo poy!" The pink puff cried happily._

_A blush crept onto Magolor's cheeks as Kirby nuzzled his face into his chest. His heart fluttered and he was grateful Kirby hadn't noticed it beating literally a thousand miles._

* * *

"Now, I have to admit, these romance stories really do know how to write emotions. Sure, we make fun of them, but they're still pretty good in the writing department. I really don't see how this story could be ruined to me at all-"

* * *

_"Tank you, Maggie..." Kirby sighed._

* * *

Suddenly, all footage of Magolor was quickly replaced with footage of Dawko's reaction to completing _FNAF: Ultimate Custom Night_. He immediately goes insane, screaming and crying and carrying on. After nearly a full minute of Dawko crying like a three-year-old, the footage returns to Magolor, who is now leaning over the table with his hands over his face.

"Why?" he muttered, removing his face from his hands. "Why did you have to make Kirby talk? You were doing so well, but then you just had to make him talk. Now, it's not that I have a problem with him talking. It's just that you have him do it out of nowhere with no explanation for it. You could at least say something along the lines of 'during the course of Magolor's time in Dreamland, he was able to teach Kirby some basic English.' That's all you have to do."

* * *

_The utter nickname had Magolor's fur stand on end. He was too busy hugging Kirby back to realize he was purring _really loudly.

* * *

Magolor thought deeply for a brief moment, then immediately stopped. "Oh yeah, that's right," Magolor said dismissively. "HAL says I'm a cat now."

* * *

_Magolor was restless that night. He couldn't stop thinking about Kirby and how he hugged him. He tossed and turned in his bed capsule, groaning at how he couldn't sleep. He remembered all the times he and Kirby had bonded and got along. Not to mention he helped him repair the Lor Starcutter._

_"Why? Why can't I stop this... this _feeling _in my chest?" He asked himself._

* * *

"Oh, your chest pains can be a number of things," Magolor said in a doctorly tone. "It could be heartburn, bronchitis, some unknown virus consuming your lungs- anything, really."

* * *

_"Maybe you can help me, Lor."_

_The lights slowly turned on, lighting up a pathway to the main control room of the ship. Magolor hovered over to the ship's large screen and stared._

_"Lor, can you tell me what I am feeling? Eh, it's complicated, but I can't stop thinking about him."_

_The screen searched through bits of data and information of what Magolor described, before pulling up an answer on the screen._

_"Your heart desires something more than taking over the universe." Lor's screen read._

_"Excuse me, what?" Magolor choked._

_"Your heart wants Kirby's. You are in love with Kirby of the Stars."_

* * *

"So?" Magolor asked, shrugging. "Who _isn't_ in love with Kirby at this point? Even those who tried to murder him in the past (myself included) have come to enjoy him. Loving Kirby is normal, guys. Don't let anyone tell you different."

* * *

_"Lor, take me to where Kirby is."_

_Kirby was on a hill, star gazing and enjoying the peaceful moonlight. It was a common activity for him to do given the chance. He spotted a star shaped portal and saw the Lor Starcutter exit from it. _

* * *

**Chamillionaire:** _They see me rollin'/ They hatin'_

* * *

_The ship landed gently at the bottom of the hill. Magolor exited the ship slowly, searching for Kirby._

_"Poyo!" Kirby shouted, running down the hill to greet the Halcandran._

_Magolor smiled under his scarf at Kirby._

_"Hey dude." Magolor grinned._

_Kirby took Magolor's hand and pulled him to the top of the hill. He gestured Magolor to sit down, patting the grass with his paw. As told, Magolor sat down beside Kirby. A bright blush covered his face, but thankfully was hidden in the dark night._

_"I have been meaning to tell you something, Kirby." Magolor said, taking in a nervous breath._

_"For the longest time, I thought love was meaningless. It had no point in my perspective and I didn't like the concept at first. When I met you, you changed my whole view. I knew how to love and the feeling is incredible."_

* * *

"Honestly, I don't think you really love him," Magolor shook his head. "I think you just have a really great friendship with him."

* * *

_Kirby cocked his head, making Magolor chuckle._

_"What I mean is... I love you Kirby. Getting to know you was the best decision I have ever made. You are my world to me. I don't expect anything back, but I care a lot about you."_

_Kirby was blushing _madly. _Was Magolor in love with him? Was this just a dream?. Just when he thought it was a dream, Magolor gave him a small kiss on his cheek. Finally, Kirby mustered up the courage and gave Magolor a full on kiss on his lips._

* * *

**JonTron:** I quit!

* * *

_Magolor's ears shot up at the unexpected kiss. His face heated up and he felt as if he were going to faint right then. Kirby pulled back and smiled widely._

_"Wuv you, Maggie." Kirby managed to squeak._

_Magolor didn't care what was going on around him. All he cared about was his new lover in front of him._

_"Love you too, dude... love you too."_

* * *

"And that's the story," Magolor said. "To be honest, it isn't that bad. I liked it, even. It's just a nice little story about me and Kirby. My only problem is that it had to be a romance. I think this would've worked much better as a simple friendship one-shot. But other than that, really nice story."

"Well, that's all for today!" he exclaimed, closing his laptop. "I'm Magolor, and this was Magolor's Coffeehouse!"


	62. Kirby's Dream Dance

Disclaimer: Negative aspects of a story will be exaggerated for comedic purposes. Just because a story is constantly ridiculed does not mean that it is bad. Any Fanfiction that is good will be praised by the end.)

[The following is an independently run review show. The views expressed are solely those of the reviewer(s) and are not that of spucubed Productions or its affiliates.]

**Magolor's Coffeehouse**

**Episode 18: Kirby's Dream Dance by Sir Scrumpus**

**TinyURL: yy5anegc**

Back at the Kirby Café, Magolor was sitting in his usual seat, acting much more chipper than usual.

"What's this?" he asked rhetorically. "I actually uploaded a chapter on time? Strange…"

"But seriously, guys, I've done some thinking and I realized that I shouldn't just have this month be about me. If that were the case, which it was, I'd have a _much_ harder time finding stories to review, which I did. That's why I'm reviewing the fanfic I have today:"

* * *

_**Kirby's Dream Dance**_

_By: Sir Scrumpus _

_Kirby gets invited to a ball on Ripple Star, but he has to bring a date. Not particularly experienced in the department of romance, Kirby attempts to get one of his female friends to join him. Things go... less than successfully._

* * *

"So yeah, I'm not in it, but I'm still gonna review it, in the spirit of Valentine's Day. So let's begin! This is _Kirby's Dream Dance_!"

* * *

_The day was like any other; sun shining, birds singing, flowers blooming, and a little pink puffball napping peacefully._

* * *

**Sans:** on days like these, kids like you…

"Nope!" Magolor shouted, swatting away the meme. "Not having any of these today!"

"So Kirby is just taking a nap near his house, when suddenly…"

* * *

_As Kirby snoozed the day away, resting on the side of his dome-shaped home, an odd puttering noise sounded. He opened one eye a bit, but unable to immediately find the source of the unfamiliar noise, opted to open both fully. Kirby looked left, then right, still not noticing anything. Eventually, he looked up._

_There was some kind of unidentified object slowly descending towards the earth. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes and standing up, Kirby got a closer look at the object as it touched down. It was a small, orange sphere, the top half of which was glass. Orbiting the sphere were what looked like floating hearts, but they stopped moving as the ship gently landed._

_"Hmmm?" Kirby hummed in intrigue at the sphere. It didn't seem dangerous, so he poked it._

* * *

"Smart," Magolor sarcastically mused.

* * *

_The glass half of it split and retracted into the rest of the sphere. Sitting inside was a small envelope with an inviting heart stamp on it. Kirby plucked it out and, concluding that it was his, ripped it open haphazardly._

* * *

"Again, smart move."

"Luckily for Kirby, though," Magolor continued, "the letter seems to indeed be for him."

* * *

Dear Kirby,

You are hereby officially invited to the annual Ripple Star Ball. We hope that you will grace us with your presence and thoroughly enjoy the gathering!

Sincerely, the Ripple Queen

* * *

"So, Kirby got invited to a ball on Ripple Star. Cool! Now it's time to go and rub it in Bandana Dee's stupid Face!"

* * *

_"Oh, hey Kirby!" the Waddle Dee in the blue bandana shouted a greeting to Kirby when he noticed him dashing to the castle. Bandana Dee had outside guard duty that day, which he had deemed a tad unnecessary, since Dream Land was generally a peaceful place._

And if something wants to attack the castle, it will apparently do it with giant laser beams… _he thought grumpily, recalling the recent invasion of Pop Star by the Haltmann Works Company and the painstaking reconstruction of Castle Dedede._

* * *

"Well, it's nice to know that this author cares about the lore of the games," Magolor said. "I just hope that the author finds no way to fudge it all up-"

* * *

_"Woah, where's the fire?" the Waddle Dee joked, wondering what Kirby wanted to tell him so urgently._

_"Check this out!" Kirby thrust a piece of paper toward his friend's face, so close that Bandana Dee couldn't read it at first._

* * *

Magolor screamed at the top of his lungs, his face and voice distorting due to the application of the content-aware filter.

"He talked!" he screamed normally. "You made Kirby talk! I'd explain why this is awful, but I think I did a decent job of that in the previous review, so forget this! Let's just continue!"

* * *

_"Hey, it says something down here…" he pointed out. Kirby tilted his head quizzically. Clearly he hadn't seen the fine print. Bandana Dee read it aloud._

_"P_._S._ It is requested that you escort a partner with you to the gathering if at all possible._"_

"_Partner?" He had to bring someone with him?_

* * *

"So Bandana Dee explains that Kirby needs to bring a date with him," said the egg wizard Magolor, "and so begins Kirby's incredible journey to find a girl. He begins with the obvious first choice: Adeleine."

* * *

_Kirby's first stop was Adeleine's home in the forest. Despite having not visited the girl in a while — and thinking about that fact made Kirby a bit guilty — he remembered the way perfectly._

* * *

"Is that a reference to the fact that she hasn't appeared in a _Kirby_ game for almost 20 years, prior to _Star Allies_? It probably is, and I like it."

* * *

_Kirby knocked on the door a couple of times and waited. Five minutes passed, and he knocked again. After another five minutes passed, Kirby turned to leave. As he walked away, he spied something on Adeleine's easel, which was set up on a tree stump outside her shack./ppIt was a note written in black paint saying that Adeleine had left to go soul searching. Under the words was a small painting of Adeleine herself, appearing to be waving goodbye. It was rather well-done._

_Kirby took one look at the note and scoffed. "'Soul searching?' Pfft. Artists," he grumbled, leaving the house._

—

Somewhere up in the mountains…

_A painter suddenly turned her head towards the sky with an odd expression on her face._

_"I don't know why, but I feel like smacking Kirby when I get back," she said to nobody in particular._

* * *

"Hey, I thought _I_ was the only one allowed to make stupid references!" Magolor shouted.

* * *

_Kirby's next destination was also in the woods. It took him a bit longer to find this place, but soon enough he came across it; a huge tree with a doorway-like hole carved into the stump. There was no actual door, so Kirby knocked on the bark of the stump._

_This time, someone answered. A small, green bird greeted Kirby._

_"Hey, Kirb, long time no see, huh?" Pitch chirped._

* * *

"Ayyy, it's Pitch!" Magolor said in delight. "Good to see that someone remembered him."

"But wait," he thought out loud, rubbing his chin, "why would Kirby need to see Pitch?" After a moment of thinking, he put on a wide smirk. "It's because he wants to bring along Pitch's mother, isn't it?"

* * *

_"So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?"_

_"Is your mother nearby?" Kirby asked, peering into the tree slightly. Pitch looked confused._

_"Why do you want to know?"_

_"Well, I was invited to a dance, and I was supposed to bring a female friend," Kirby explained completely innocently._

_Pitch's eyes bugged out. "And your first choice was my mom?! Dude, that's really weird!"_

_"She was my second choice, actually," he said mumbled, then said out loud, "but she's a girl, right?"_

_"Yeah, I guess, but… she's my MOM, dude. Go find somebody _your _age, Kirby." And with that, Pitch reentered his home, feathers ruffled._

_Kirby left, puzzled at this whole exchange._

* * *

"Called it!" Magolor exclaimed excitedly, slamming his hands down on the table.

* * *

_The puffball had just made it to the edge of the forest when he first heard it:_

_"Kirby!"_

_Before he could react, something landed on his head, smothering him slightly. When Kirby opened his eyes — which he had shut during the assault — he seemed to be looking at the world through pink bars._

_"Hello, Chuchu," he sighed, brushing the octopus's tentacles away from his eyes._

* * *

"Ayyy!" Magolor shouted, even more ecstatic than before. "It's Chuchu! Will this madman ever stop impressing me?"

* * *

_"I heard you were going to a ball! Why didn't you ask me first?" Chuchu demanded to know._

_"Because you're a psychopath stalker. How did you even know that I was going to a ball?" was what Kirby really wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to. Despite his short patience with Chuchu, he felt that would be a bit harsh, even for her, who managed to bounce back from Kirby's constant rejection like a Bubbles high on caffeine._

_"I, uh… f-forgot?" Kirby finally stuttered. He soon regretted this claim._

_"WHAT?! You _forgot_?" the girl shrieked indignantly, detaching from Kirby's cranium and glaring at him. "Kirby… whatever-your-last-name-is, I am offended!"_

_"Sorry," Kirby said simply, then turned to leave. He didn't feel like dealing with this one right now._

_"Kirby, you get back here and invite me to the dance! Or I'll… I'll…"_

_But he was already gone._

* * *

"Well, that went about as well as I expected," Magolor commented.

* * *

_Having run out of immediate options, Kirby found himself resorting to his cellular device to call somebody. He hadn't used it since that escapade in the Mirror World, but it didn't take much brain power to figure out. It only made calls, for crying out loud._

* * *

"Bet you forgot Kirby had a cell phone, huh?" Magolor asked slyly. "If only every fan fiction author was this invested in a franchise's lore…"

"So Kirby decides to call every other female he knows, starting with…"

* * *

_The phone rang once. Then twice. Three times. Finally, the person Kirby had called picked up._

_"Hello?"_

_"Hi Grill!"_

* * *

Magolor screeched at the top of his lungs, reaching notes that no male should ever reach.

"The absolute madman!" Magolor shouted. "He put Gryll in his story! And she's not in as a joke, either! I'm loving this story the more I read it."

* * *

_"Do you wanna… go to a ball with me? Like, as a friend?"_

_"Eh… that's not really my thing, but I'll go for you, Squirt. When is it?"_

_"Tomorrow night."_

_"Ooh… no can do, little buddy. I've got a big match coming up then. Sorry!"_

_"No, it's fine! I'll ask somebody else."_

_"Gee, I'm sorry for bursting your bubble, Squirt. Maybe next time, yeah?"_

_"Yeah. Sure."_

_Kirby hung up._

* * *

"Well, that's a bummer. Who's next?"

* * *

_"Hello?"_

_"Hey Elline."_

_"Oh, hello Kirby! How are you?"_

* * *

"So yeah, Elline is in this story," Magolor said. "Yeah, _Rainbow Curse_ is kinda that one game we don't talk about, and her character is pretty worthless here as well."

* * *

Remember: lay on the charm… charm… charm… _The Waddle Dee's voice reverberated before disappearing. Kirby thought the echo effect was a bit unnecessary, but he appreciated the advice. By then, whoever he was calling had picked up._

_"Who is this? How did you get this number?"_

_"Hi—" Kirby said, then stopped. That wasn't a very charming greeting, was it? He would have to shift into irresistible heartthrob mode, just like in the movies!_

_"I mean… what's going on, baby?" Kirby lowered his voice an octave in an effort to sound suave. It didn't work._

* * *

Suddenly, Magolor laughed hysterically. "I- oh- oh my goodness- " he sputtered, eventually containing himself after a few moments. "I'm sorry, guys. I just imagined this exchange in my head. It's just so hilarious."

* * *

_"…Kirby? Why are you calling me? …_how _are you calling me? And why did you just call me 'baby'?"_

_"Because… you're pretty, and nice! Do you wanna go to a dance with me? Baby?"_

Click.

_Kirby stared at his cell incredulously._

* * *

"Okay, that went terribly," Magolor commented, "but who exactly did Kirby call? Considering that most of the other options have all been exhausted, I'm gonna guess it was Susie."

* * *

Somewhere on Shiver Star…

_Susie had hung up her communicator, still wondering how Kirby could have possibly gotten her number._

* * *

"_Two for two_!" Magolor screamed. "I'm a psychic!"

"Well, looks like that's everyone, so Kirby's gonna have to go to the ball alone. That's a shame."

* * *

_At the Warp Star's fastest speed, it took Kirby half an hour to reach the heart-shaped planet. Entering the atmoshere, Kirby quickly located Ripple Castle and began descending. He parked his star among the other spacecraft important beings from all over the galaxy used to get there, and made his way to the entrance._

_There was a plethora of different species among the crowd, some Kirby didn't even recognize. The ones that had the proper body shape for clothing (and there weren't a lot of them like that) were dressed smartly in suits, ties, dresses, and brooches. Those that couldn't wear clothes just settled for bow ties or tiaras. Kirby felt embarrased that he hadn't worn a bow tie or a top hat or something._

* * *

"But he's Kirby. He doesn't need clothes to look good. That's what Daddy Sakurai wanted."

* * *

_The ball took place inside the grand hall of the castle. There were people dancing in the center of the room, and people mingled around the walls where there were tables for refreshments. Kirby didn't particularly feel like dancing — he didn't even have anyone to dance with — so he made his way over to a corner of the hall for a refreshment._

_Strangely, there seemed to be a small bar set up in the far corner of the room. There were a few others sitting on stools, being served shots by the fairy bartender. Kirby took a seat with them, earning a few puzzled looks from the significantly older patrons._

_"I'll take the strongest thing you've got," Kirby said to the barkeep. The fairy looked at him strangely._

_"We don't serve minors." He floated over to a dispenser of some sort of frothy, brown liquid, filled a tall mug with that, and slid it over to the forlorn youngster. "Have this."_

_Kirby downed the entire mug of root beer in two seconds and slammed it on the counter. "Keep it coming."_

* * *

Magolor, looking very weirded out, took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking. "Hey, uh, Kirby? Buddy? Do you wanna talk about something? You're scaring me here."

"Anyway, after a few glasses, Kirby just decides to leave, until…"

* * *

_On the way out, he bumped into someone and fell over._

_"Excuse me," he mumbled. The person he had collided with turned and offered him a hand up. Kirby then realized who he had run into._

_"Ribbon!" he said cheerily. It was nice to see a familiar face here, especially when he was so down._

_"Hello, Kirby, fancy meeting you here!" Ribbon said, smiling._

* * *

"Yep, it's Ribbon," Magolor said, "and honestly, I'm pretty sure we all saw this coming. Kirby X Ribbon is a very popular ship in the _Kirby_ fandom. In fact, the ship is practically _canon_, it's just that HAL hasn't flat-out stated it yet."

"So yeah, now Kirby and Ribbon decide to dance together…"

* * *

_There was an awkward silence as Kirby just looked at her, uncomprehending._

_"Do you want to dance with me?" Ribbon finally broke the silence._

_"Oh! Sure!" Kirby began scurrying to the dance floor, but stopped in his tracks after remembering something._

_"I… don't know how to slow dance, Ribbon."_

_Ribbon giggled. "It's easy, Kirby. Here." She flew in close (Maybe a bit _too _close, Kirby thought) and took Kirby's hands in hers. After a few minutes, Kirby finally got the hang of the slow dance._

* * *

"So things continue about the same way throughout the rest of the ball, and the two have a great time…"

* * *

_Ribbon had followed Kirby outside to his Warp Star. Kirby boarded it and prepared to leave when the fairy suddenly grasped his hand._

_"I had a really fun time tonight, Kirby," she said, gazing into his eyes. Had Ribbon started an unannounced staring contest or something?_

_"Yeah, me too," Kirby said. Then, Ribbon closed her eyes and slowly began leaning in close to Kirby. _

* * *

"Oh, boy," Magolor said, rubbing his hands together, "they're gonna kiss. Things are about to get good!"

* * *

_The puffball simply looked at her oddly._

_"Well, bye!" Kirby's Warp Star abruptly rose and sped away. Ribbon looked up at where Kirby had been and shook her head, but she still had a smile on her face._

_"That was weird," Kirby said to himself while flying back to Pop Star._

* * *

"What? No!" Magolor yelled. "Come on, Kirby! How could you do that? This is ridiculous!"

* * *

_"…and then she started leaning into me with her eyes closed. I had no idea why, so I just left," Kirby said, finishing his play-by-play of his time on Ripple Star._

_Bandana Dee facepalmed. "Kirby… I think she was trying to kiss you. And you just blew her off like that?"_

_"Yeah. Wait, _kiss me_? Why would she want to do something like that?"_

_"She probably likes you."_

_"Well, yeah, I know she likes me, Dee. That's why we hung out together!"_

_"No, Kirby, I mean… you know what? Never mind. Maybe you'll get it when you're older." The Waddle Dee said, walking back into Castle Dedede. Kirby remained confused._

* * *

"And that was _Kirby's Dream Dance_. I really enjoyed it, that's for sure. It was a cute little story, and I'm shocked that the author was able to stuff so much lore into such a short fic. All in all, it was a great way to end February."

"Well, there you go. I'm Magolor, and here comes another Chinese earthquake."

* * *

_**ebrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr**_

* * *

**The End**


End file.
